Bittersweet

by Loth, Kimberly

  Paris, oblivious to the tension, piped off with an answer. “Twelve.”

  I turned to him. “Gee, thanks for that Paris, but I was asking Becca.”

  “No not me, I’ve had way more than that.” Of course he had. He winked at me and continued. “That’s how many Becca’s had. She told me one night when we all went out and she got drunk. I would’ve made it thirteen but she passed out before I even got so much as a kiss.”

  Angelica and Deanna showed up and Becca turned to her table.

  The rest of the day didn’t go much better. Angelica decided to train me on the other ride the Demon Drop crew operated. Cyclops Revenge was a horrible, horrible ride. There were three restraint systems on the ride and they were all designed to crush the living daylights out of you. First you put on a seatbelt, then you pulled down an overhead bar that smushed your chest, and finally a massive lap bar came down and, as one six year old boy stated, “crushed your balls.”

  As a ride operator, it was easy to forget a step when checking the restraints. Forget I did. A lot. But nobody died that morning so I wasn’t fired again. However, my coworkers constantly seemed annoyed with me. I didn’t think any of them liked me. Except Paris. But I only got to work with him for fifteen minutes before being sent to lunch.

  On my break I ran into Julia.

  “Hey girl, how do you like your new position?” she asked.

  “It’s good. Better than HOLE for sure. Where’s your survey partner?”

  Yeah. I wanted to know where he was. No shame there.

  “He has the day off. Should I tell him you were asking about him?”

  I blushed. “No, I was just curious.” And disappointed that he wasn’t here today. I’d been a fool to think that he actually meant he wanted to go out with me every night. If he meant it, he would’ve told me he wouldn’t be here today.

  She rolled her eyes. “Sure. Hey you wanna go shopping tomorrow? I saw that you get off at four and I’m having a shoe crisis. My aunt stole my son for the week, so I’m totally free.”

  Since Dallas and I didn’t have a standing date, I was totally free too. I needed new sneakers that didn’t have blue spit and nacho cheese stains.

  “Sure. I’ll meet you here tomorrow after my shift.”

  She left with a smile and a wave. At least she liked me.

  That evening I worked entrance and loader at the Demon Drop. I looked covetously at the control booth. Angelica had trained me on Cyclops controls, which was cool, but that was nothing compared to a big coaster.

  I did get moved to Fast Lane for closing. Which rocked. Fast Lane was for people who paid a boatload of money to jump the line and all I had to do was make sure they wore the purple Fast Lane wristbands. Yesterday I watched Paris stand there for two hours and only have eight people come through his line. It was the slacker position. Perfect for closing.

  “Angelica, how come I haven’t been trained on controls yet?”

  She didn’t even glance up from her paperwork. “Because, sweetheart, we’ve been running two trains most of the day. You can’t learn controls until we only have one train running. You can go do locks with Deanna tonight. You might as well learn that part.”

  Deanna was one of the girls that always sat with Angelica and Becca in the morning. She hadn’t said much to me in two days, but then she hadn’t said anything mean either.

  We closed right on time and I waited for Deanna outside the control booth. Angelica and Becca were at the bottom of the stairs teasing Deanna about something, but I didn’t pay attention until I heard my name.

  “Hurry up and finish locks with Savannah. We’ll meet you at Perkin’s. Want us to order you a drink?” Angelica asked.

  Deanna looked up from the control paperwork. “Yeah, get me an iced tea. We’ll hurry.” She handed me a flashlight. “Let’s go.”

  She wore a ridiculous orange vest and swung a set of keys from a lanyard.

  “Locks aren’t hard. You just gotta remember to do them all. If you forget one you’ll be in deep doo-doo. It’s hard at closing because it’s dark.”

  Like I didn’t have a problem remembering things. I could already tell that locks and I were not going to get along.

  “They are an extra safety measure for the maintenance crew. They work on the rides during the off hours. We unlock gates around the ride so they can get in underneath it. In the morning we lock them all up again. There are eleven gates. If we do it right, no one gets hurt.”

  We walked the perimeter of the coaster and unlocked all the gates. It wasn’t so bad if you were with someone, but I wouldn’t want to do it on my own.

  Deanna jabbered on about her favorite maintenance guy. I pretended to listen but all I could think about was that I had been deliberately left out of the gang going out after work. A lot of the crews went out after closing. I’d never been invited out at HOLE either, but there I didn’t care. Here, I wanted to belong.

  Before my dad died I had a lot of friends. Candie was my best friend, but we’d had a large group we hung out with. Our weekends were packed and I never really felt lonely. But after he died, I made no effort to fit in. Life didn’t seem worth it. Candie stuck by me though. And for that, I will be forever grateful. I just wish I could forgive her. If I’d never gone to that party with her, I’d have never met Zane, and Candie would still be my friend.

  We walked back to the office and I traced figure eights on the ground with the flashlight. The park was so quiet after dark—it was a little unnerving. No rides whizzed by, no passengers screaming, nothing except Deanna’s voice. It took me a second to realize she’d actually addressed me.

  “Earth to Savannah.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’ll take the stuff to the office, you can just go to the locker room. Thanks for coming with me. You’re not so bad. I don’t know what Becca is talking about.”

  I gave her a weak smile, handed her the flashlight and twisted my hands. She disappeared into the office and I went around back to the locker rooms. I hoped I wouldn’t see anyone in there. As much as I wanted to go out with my crew, I didn’t want someone asking me out of obligation.

  This was one issue my dad would’ve never faced. He was always the first one invited to a party; hell, he was usually the one throwing it.

  As I grabbed the door handle to the locker room a hand brushed my elbow. I jumped and spun around. Dallas stood there, grinning.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, my heart racing.

  He looked down and shrugged. “I thought we had plans.”

  “But you had the day off.” I stood about a foot away from him and wondered if he’d touch me like he had the day before.

  “I thought we agreed that we’d go out every night after work. If you don’t want to…” The butterflies started up again. His eyes were on the ground. He seemed a little unsure of himself.

  “No, I do. Let me go change.”

  I changed quickly, trying to make sense of his actions. He came to see me even on his day off. Could this really be happening? Did the most gorgeous man in Haunted Valley actually want me? Back outside he waited alone by the rock.

  “Where are we going?” I asked as we made our way to the parking lot.

  “McDonalds.”

  “Ooh, hot date.” I smiled to show him I was joking. He laughed.

  “Yeah, well, they have ice cream and it’s ten-thirty at night. Nothing else is open. Except Perkin’s, but if we go there it will be midnight before we get any food.”

  I got out my keys. “I’ll meet you there.”

  “Nonsense. It’s not that far. Ride with me and I’ll bring you back here after we are done.”

  More butterflies. He even opened the door for me. Yeah, I was so done with high school boys.

  On the way, he kept his physical distance. Which bothered me way more than it should have. It wasn’t often that I saw him wear anything but his uniform. Tonight he wore a black t-shirt with a funky purple design. It was a little tight across his che
st and I could tell he had a nice build. Oh, to see that boy without a shirt. I blushed and was grateful it was dark in the car.

  As we drove into the semi-full parking lot he sighed.

  “Do you mind if we just go through the drive though and eat in the car?”

  “Um, I guess so. Why?”

  He pointed at the window where a large group sat.

  “The Spook Alley crew is here.”

  I laughed.

  “I take it you don’t want to run into the future Mrs. Dallas…” I paused. “I don’t know your last name.”

  “It’s Jensen, and no, I don’t want to run into her. Plus, believe it or not, I’d like to spend time with you. Alone.”

  Oh those beautiful butterflies.

  We ordered ice cream sundaes with extra hot fudge and sat in the parking lot.

  “Tell me about your family,” I said.

  “Not much to tell. Mom, Dad, a younger brother. Quite boring, actually. What about you?”

  “My mom lives in Albert Lea with her husband and my baby half brother. My dad’s dead, obviously. Been that way for two years.” I took another bite of my ice cream. My cup was already half empty and Dallas’s looked like he hadn’t touched it.

  He cocked his head. “His death is still haunting you.”

  “What makes you say that?”

  “One, because you won’t get on a coaster. Also, because Grant told me.”

  Grant needed to keep his nose in his own damn business. A part of me still wondered if Dallas was only here with me because Grant put him up to it.

  “What else did Grant tell you?” I asked casually.

  He shrugged. “Not much. He loves you, isn’t crazy about your mom, and misses your Dad almost as much as you do.”

  I didn’t think that was possible, but whatever. I’d already noticed that Grant was nothing like my father, and my father was the one who didn’t recover from things. Like me. Plus, Grant didn’t have the guilt associated with his death like I did.

  Dallas was quiet for a few minutes. He took a bite of his sundae and seemed to be thinking about something.

  “Do you have a boyfriend back home?”

  I snorted. “No, I broke up with him before I left.”

  “Why?”

  “Not sure I really want to talk to about that.”

  He nodded. “Okay, then tell me how you met him.”

  “You really want to hear how I met another guy?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “I’ll tell you after you tell me the story.”

  “After my dad died, I didn’t go out much. My friend Candie would come over and hang out with me, but I really cramped her style. She never complained, but she was constantly asking me to go to parties and hang out with our group of friends again. One day she made the mistake of asking me to go a party in front of my mother, who was also sick of seeing me in the house. So I went and I met Zane.”

  I looked at him, searching for signs of boredom, but found none. He seemed like he really wanted to hear this one.

  “There were other reasons I didn’t want to go to the party. Candie had a tendency to get drunk fast and end up in bed with whatever boy she could get her hands on. I knew I’d be abandoned as soon as we walked into the party. And I was. The minute we walked in, she put a beer in my hand and disappeared into the crowd.

  “I wandered for a while, then got bored. I went outside to wait for her. Zane found me sitting on the steps.”

  I twisted my hands. I had thought meeting Zane would change the way I’d felt, but it hadn’t. I was still as empty inside as I had been before.

  “Zane took the title Class Clown to a whole new level. Everyone knew him and everyone loved him. He sat next to me and said, ‘You need a laugh.’ I told him, ‘Good luck.’ He made a deal with me. If he could make me laugh, he got a kiss. If he couldn’t, he’d take me home. I liked my odds. It’d been a year and a half since my dad died and I hadn’t laughed once. But Zane surprised me. Within five minutes he had me giggling.”

  Dallas cocked his head. “And did he get his kiss?”

  I grinned. “Yes, he did. And he earned every single one of them after that. Every time he made me laugh, he got a kiss.”

  “Lucky guy.”

  I shrugged. Maybe, maybe not. I didn’t tell Dallas that I was never attracted to Zane. He never made me feel butterflies.

  An hour later Dallas took me back to my car. I started to get out, but he put his hand on my arm and stopped me. It was the first time he touched me all night. I looked up at him and noticed the light behind him gave his hair a purplish glow. I almost laughed.

  “What do you want to do tomorrow? I think you get off at four, but I’m scheduled until eight.”

  “Oh, shoot. I’m going shopping with Julia, but I can probably be back by eight.”

  He waved his hand. “No, I’ll come to you. I don’t mind if Julia hangs with us too, but I’m not much of a shopper. Maybe we can just go eat or something when you guys are done.”

  “Okay,” I said and got out of the car. He waited for me to get into my own car before he left. That whole night he’d barely touched me. It was like he wanted to be with me, but not be with me. My butterflies wilted. Being friends would be fine, but I couldn’t deny the fact that I wanted more.

  KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE TRAIN as it comes into the station and if you need to stop the train early, release the buttons. Otherwise it will stop when it reaches the end of the platform.”

  I nodded at Angelica as I watched her bring in another train. She’d been teaching me for forty-five minutes and hadn’t let me touch the buttons even once. It was a slow day and the train was only running half-full. It was an excellent day for learning.

  The next train loaded and she released it with a spiel, “Keep your hands and legs inside the train at all times…” I was having a hard time memorizing the words because I couldn’t look at her. For me, hearing was about the combination of sound and lip movements. At least I had a sheet to look at.

  We watched the train go up the hill via video. If we saw anyone take out a camera or do something stupid we stopped the train and hiked up the hill. So far, no one had done anything worth hiking, but it had been an interesting morning. I was ready to run controls myself. I tapped my fingers on the window and Angelica glared at me. I pretended like I didn’t notice and examined my fingernails. My watch had crept down a half-inch and my tattoo was visible. I quickly pushed it back.

  After the train plummeted down the hill, Angelica turned to me.

  “You can bring this one in. Remember that most of the time when we have mechanical errors, it isn’t because something is wrong with the coaster, it’s because the operator did something wrong.”

  Way to inspire confidence in someone who was about to do her first solo run. The first few trains went off without a hitch. It wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be.

  However, ten minutes later, someone took out a camera halfway up the hill. I hit the stop button.

  “Can I go get it?”

  She nodded.

  I opened the gate and climbed up the narrow set of stairs next to the track. Stairs would be an understatement. It was really a narrow space of wood with slats placed every six inches so that you didn’t slip and fall down. I held on to the rail. The people on the train kept looking back at me. As I got closer to the train, I looked down.

  Big mistake.

  I froze.

  Shit.

  I couldn’t move. Either up or down. For the first time in ages, I wished Candie were with me. She was always so good at talking me out of my “moments.” Right after my dad died, there were times at school when I shut down completely. Candie was the only one who knew how to get me to snap out of it.

  A few minutes later I could hear someone else climbing up behind me.

  Paris spoke directly into my ear. “I’m going to walk around you, then I’ll help you get back down.” I nodded and watched him reach the tra
in, take the offending camera, and walk back down to me.

  He held my hand all the way back down. Back in the control booth, I sat on the floor shaking. Angelica laughed at me.

  “Guess you won’t be climbing the lift again.”

  Most people in Minneapolis hate the Mall of America. It’s crowded, overpriced, and full of tourists. As I was from Albert Lea, I did not have those feelings. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Julia didn’t either.

  We started on the bottom floor and three hours later we were only half way around the second floor. Julia still hadn’t found the shoes she wanted. I, however, had spent a good chunk of my last paycheck. My Eurochocolate fund was crying.

  Julia tried on a pair of bright blue heels and examined them in the mirror. She shook her head and pulled out a sparkly pink pair.

  “What’s up with you and Dallas?” she asked, walking a couple of feet away. Oh, just when things were going so well. I didn’t really want to talk about Dallas. I wondered if he put her up to it.

  “Nothing. We’re just friends.”

  She turned back to me.

  “You can tell me, you know. I’m not a gossip.”

  I grinned.

  “Yeah, but you are friends with Dallas, and you’ve known him longer.”

  She took off the pink pumps. “I like you better.”

  I decided to play it a little cautiously. “I like him but I’m getting the ‘just friends’ vibe from him.” There. That shouldn’t cause too much of a stir.

  She shook the sparkly pink shoe in my face. “Where on earth did you get that idea? I’ve never seen him gush about a girl the way he does about you. If you want him, he’s yours for the taking.” She shoved the shoebox back on the shelf and pulled out another one.

  “No, I really don’t think he likes me like that.”

  She pulled out a purple shoe with a yellow spike heel. “Why?” She asked, strutting up and down the aisle.

  I told her all about Spook Alley and then last night.

  She sat next to me and stared at the purple heels. “I think I found a winner. But that is really weird. Let’s see how he behaves tonight. Maybe last night was just a fluke.”

  I looked at my watch. “Speaking of Dallas, we’re meeting him at Bubba Gump in fifteen minutes.”