First Love

by Melissa Johns

  “I realize that, Mrs. Mason. I’m so sorry again,” I said as I looked back into the living room and saw Eric and his father having a screaming match. I was starting to feel very uncomfortable, “I think I will walk home, I will just go out the back door.”

  “Emily, I think I have to tell your mother, she’s a good friend of mine and she deserves to know what is going on in her daughter’s life.”

  I stopped in my tracks, my mind started racing. I turned back to look at her, “Is there anyway you would let me do that. She’s still celebrating her engagement and I really don’t want to upset her right now.”

  She stared at me, “Well, ok, I will talk to her tomorrow though Emily, so make sure you tell her tonight. I will call her to congratulate her.”

  I nodded and walked out the back door hearing the last of the screaming. The whole way home I kept trying to think of a way to tell my mom that I was just caught about to have sex with Eric. I walked into the house and saw them sitting on the couch watching TV.

  “Hey honey, back so soon? What’s going on?” She said leaving Paul and joining me in the kitchen. “Mom, I need to talk to you about something.”

  She sat down and looked at me, “What’s wrong? Did you guys break up again?”

  “No, nothing like that yet,” I said sitting down next to her, “I don’t know how to say this.”

  “Honey, just tell me, I’m your mother, you can tell me anything,” She said grabbing my hand looking very concerned.

  “Mom, Eric and I have had sex.”

  She just looked at me, no words came out of her mouth she just stared at me, “Well, you are nineteen now. I’m not totally surprised but please tell me that you are being safe about this because I’m not ready to be a grandmother yet.”

  I looked at her thinking about the one time we weren’t safe, “Well, for the most part we have been, but there was one time that we both got lost in the moment and we both forgot.”

  She sighed, “Please tell me that you aren’t pregnant, Emily. You just started college, you aren’t ready for that yet, believe me.”

  “I know Mom and as far as I’m aware I’m not, so don’t worry about that.”

  “You need to worry about it, Emily. This is very serious.”

  “Mom, there is something else,” I said looking at her, seeing her stern face.

  “What Emily?”

  “I was just over at Eric’s and his parents came home early,” I said as my voice trailed off.

  “Oh God Emily, are you serious? She is my friend, I need to call her and apologize for your actions. I’m so embarrassed.”

  “I’m so sorry, Mom, I really didn’t mean to hurt you. Please don’t be upset with me.”

  “Emily, I need you to go into your room for awhile. I’m so disappointed with you right now.”

  I nodded as I left the room and ran up the stairs and shut my bedroom door. I reached for my cell phone to text Eric to see if he was surviving his screaming match with his father. I quickly got a response saying he was locked in his room because he couldn’t listen to his father anymore.

  I sighed as I wrote back saying I was in the same place. I laid back on my bed and just wanted to go back to school. I shouldn’t feel ashamed, I’m nineteen, I’m already in college, I’m an adult, why is she making me feel like I shamed her. I heard my phone beep again as Eric responded saying he was sneaking out and he would be waiting for me at the corner store if I could get away. I didn’t know how to respond, my mother would kill me if she caught me but I needed to see him.

  I quickly responded saying I would see him there. I headed out of my bedroom and quietly walked down the stairs. I heard yelling from my mom directed at Paul. She was screaming that she taught me better than this, she wasn’t upset that I had sex but she was upset that I was so careless about it. Paul was defending me, I was shocked. He was trying to explain to my mom that kids will be kids that they just have to stand by me. I was starting to feel guilty about sneaking out, but I needed to see Eric.

  I opened up the front door quietly and ran down the front sidewalk and quickly turned the corner and was out of sight from the house. As I walked down the street, I could see Eric waiting for me at the corner I ran over to him and threw my arms around him.

  “I’m so sorry, Emily. I really messed things up,” He said as he kissed the top of my head.

  “Don’t be sorry, Eric. It’s our parents not us. I don’t feel like we did anything wrong. I love you and I want to spend my life with you and what we did comes along with it. Yeah, it sucks that our parents found out this way but we can’t change that now.”

  He nodded, “Come on, let’s go somewhere quieter.” He opened the door for me and we drove off.

  We ended up at my dorm room. I smiled seeing Sam’s clothes all over her bed, apparently she forgot to take her laundry home with her.

  “So, this is your room, huh?” He said walking over to my desk, looking through my literature books. He grabbed a picture frame that I had on my desk. It was from homecoming, taken in my mother’s living room. He smiled as he thought back to that evening, “Amazing how in a year things have changed, huh?”

  I smirked at him as I walked over and wrapped my arms around him, “I love you, Honey.”

  He put the frame down and wrapped his arms around me, “I love you too, Gorgeous.”

  I don’t remember when the tears started but they were flowing very easily now.

  “Baby, are you crying?” He asked as he pulled away and looked into my eyes, “Emily, please, you are breaking my heart,” He said wiping my cheeks.

  “I’m just so worried about my Mom; she is so upset with me. I had to tell her that we had sex without protection and she lost it.”

  He nodded, “Yeah, my Father said I’m thinking with my male appendage, to phrase it nicely and not my brain.”

  I chuckled a little, “I guess we should talk about the chance that I could be pregnant.”

  He put his arms around me, “If you are, we deal with it. I’m not going anywhere, Emily. You are my life now, I lost you once and I won’t let that happen again.”

  “What about our parents?”

  “My mother will always be there for us, now my Father may be a different story. He has already threatened to pull me off the football team if I continue to see you.”

  “WHAT!” I yelled at him and walked across the room, “Eric, you are going to lose the most important thing in your life because of me.”

  He walked over and spun me around to face him as he placed his hands on both sides of my face and looked at me, “You are the most important thing in my life, now and forever. If I blow out my knee tomorrow in practice, I will still have you there to take care of me, Emily. When will you realize that we will be together forever?”

  I looked into his eyes, they were intense, he wasn’t even blinking, I leaned in and kissed his lips with every ounce of passion that I had. He quickly responded wrapping his arms around me. I felt his tongue open my lips and find mine. My fingers ran through his hair, pulling his face tighter against mine.

  He pulled away suddenly, “I don’t think it’s a good time to start this,” He said smiling at me.

  I nodded, “We should probably head home, I’m sure my mother is going to kill me.”

  He looked at me, “If it gets really bad, just text me and I will be there before you know it.”

  I nodded, “I’m sure you will have your own problems.” We headed out the door and towards home to face our growing problems.

  THE TRUTH

  As we pulled into the driveway I could see the lights in my living room still on. I knew she was waiting up for me. I sighed softly.

  “Just remember if it gets really bad, I will come back, Emily, just call me,” He said kissing me lightly. I nodded as I get out of his car and walked into the house.

  My mom was waiting in the living room, staring at the door waiting for me to walk into the room. She didn’t say anything, she just looked at me.
>
  I opened my mouth to tell her that I was sorry but she spoke first, “Emily, you have never been a problem child. You have always been there when I needed you and I know that it’s been a transition for both of us when you moved back here but I always trusted you and knew you were always going make the right choices because that’s how I raised you. But, when I walked into your bedroom and saw that you left. I can’t put into words how mad I felt,” She said stood up and walked over to me, “Emily, I know you are nineteen and feel like you know what is right for you, but you are still very young and starting to stray off the right path.”

  I watched her as she talked to me I could see she was really upset, I wasn’t used to feeling this way. I could feel the tears form in my eyes, “I’m so sorry, Mom. I hate being a disappointment to you but I need you to realize that Eric is the biggest thing in my life right now. I can’t be without him, we both experienced what that is like and I don’t want to feel that again.”

  “I can’t even begin to run through the list of things in my head that we need to discuss. I was a teenager once, Emily, I know what first love feels like, I know the power of it, the emotions of it but you also need to realize the responsibility of entering into a sexual relationship. I’m not stupid, Emily, I had sex as a teenager also, I was also stupid about it,” She looked at me as she put her hands on my shoulders, she started to cry, “I had to make a very tough choice when I became pregnant at eighteen. You can’t even imagine how it feels to make a decision like that, your grandparents did not understand and I missed my high school graduation. I was so ashamed of the mess that I had made, after giving up that baby I had to leave town, I couldn’t stand seeing the disappointment in my father’s eyes. So, I ended up in Texas, getting my GED and going to school. I never wanted to tell you but I guess I should have, maybe it would have changed your mind about sex.”

  Paul walked over to my mom and took her into his arms. I couldn’t believe what I just heard my mom had to give up a baby. She was even younger than me when she had to make that choice. She cried into Paul’s chest, “Em, I’m going to take your mom into the bedroom for awhile, she needs to relax. Stay here, ok? I will be right back.”

  I nodded as he walked from the room, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket as I looked to see Eric’s message. He typed; my father is sending me back to Syracuse early. I have to leave the house tonight. He doesn’t want me to see you anymore. We need to talk. I quickly typed back before Paul returned; you can’t leave without seeing me first. But I can’t leave right now. My mother is having a break down. Please just wait for me to text you back before you leave town.

  Paul walked back into the room, “I know that I have no right as your future step-father to discuss any of this with you, but I just wanted you to know that your mother just wants the best for you. She is so scared that you will go down the same path that she did and she wants better for you.”

  “I know that, Paul. I feel so horrible about hurting her the way I have. I didn’t realize my relationship would do this to her.”

  “I think the shock of actually knowing that you are having sex is hard for her. She is so worried about you taking risks but I know how is happens. I was a teenager a long time ago but it was the same way. The moment happens, you don’t think about it but there are consequences.”

  I cringed, I know he means well but I don’t feel comfortable talking to him about this, “Thanks Paul, I will talk to her once she calms down.”

  He nodded, “Why don’t you head up to bed, you guys can talk in the morning.”

  I nodded as I left the room, I grabbed my phone and called Eric, he answered quickly, “Where are you, Em?”

  “In my room, there is no way I can leave right now, my mom is having a nervous breakdown.”

  “I’m going to stay at Todd’s house tonight so don’t worry about it, we can see each other tomorrow.”

  “I’m so scared, Eric. Your father doesn’t want us together and my mom is going crazy because she thinks her daughter is knocked up. I can’t lose you again. I just can’t,” I said trying to keep my voice low but the tears were coming fast.

  “Emily, look out your window.” I went to my window seat and saw his car parked just past the tree line. He was leaning against the side of it, staring up into the window, “I love you, Emily. We are not breaking up; we are just going to have to figure out a way around this.”

  “I love you, too, Eric but what if I am pregnant? I’m not worried about diseases, I know you and you know you were my one and only. So, my mom can calm down about that. But, she told me tonight that she had to get up a baby. She’s so stressed out that I am pregnant,” I said watching him stare at me.

  He sighed, as much I hated to have him do that I loved the sound of it, I was so madly in love with him, “Em, if you are, we will have to come to a decision but until then, we will just have to go on. I’m not leaving you no matter what, my father can rant and rave but at the end of the day, you will be mine.”

  I knew he couldn’t see me that well but I smiled hearing that, “I wish I could kiss you right now.”

  He laughed, “Me too, Gorgeous.”

  “I think I need to go talk to my mom, Eric. Call me or text me later, ok?”

  “Of course, I won’t leave until we see each other, so please don’t worry about that, ok?”

  “Yeah, talk later.” As we hung up I waved at him as he waved back. I headed downstairs to find my mom. She was in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee, her eyes still puffy.

  “Mom?” I asked testing the water.

  “Hey, sit down,” She said waving to the chair next to her.

  “Is it ok to talk with you?”

  “Of course, Em, You can always talk to me. I know my emotions get the best of me but I’m ok now. What do you want to talk about?”

  “Well, first, I know it was tough for you to tell me that story. I wanted to thank you for telling me though. It gives me a lot to think about, I’m not going to just blow it off.” She smiled at me, “Second, I’m not late yet, Mom. So, don’t stress out about me being pregnant. There is no need right now. I know when Eric and I decided to have sex, there is a huge responsibility with it, and I’m not stupid. Our emotions got the better of us one time.”

  She nodded and I knew she knew what I was talking about. She was trying to be understanding, “Emily, I know you are about to turn twenty and you have your whole life in front of you. I don’t want to tell you how to live your life, I just want to guide you in the right direction. I see how you look at Eric, I saw it that morning he came over here for breakfast,” She reached for my hand and gently grabbed it, “You are in love, I see that and I accept it. I’m not going to forbid you to see him because I know the effects of that too.”

  I laughed, “Well, you don’t have to worry about that. Eric’s dad kicked him out of the house tonight and I’m not allowed around him anymore.”

  My mom let go of my hand and stared at me, “Are you serious?”

  I nodded, “Yeah, he’s pretty ticked off about everything.”

  “He’s not driving back to Syracuse tonight, right?”

  I shook my head, “No, he’s staying at a friend’s house tonight.”

  She smiled, “Ok, good,” She said as she went back to her coffee.

  “Thank you for caring about him, Mom. That means a lot to me, especially after tonight.”

  She smiled, “I told you, Em, I have been there before I know exactly where you are right now. You want to be with him all the time. You are afraid of losing him you want to share everything with him.”

  She did know exactly how I was feeling, “Maybe when things have calmed down a little bit, you can tell me your whole story. I would be interested in knowing it.”

  She nodded, “Someday.”

  I got up and kissed her cheek, “Thank you for being the best mother ever.”

  She chuckled, “You are still in trouble, Emily. Don’t think you are avoiding it. You snuck out, you embarrassed m
e in front of Eric’s parents and you were very foolish about your sexual decisions.”

  I sighed, “I know, in two days, I head back to college and will be out of your hair for awhile.”

  She laughed, “We will talk tomorrow, why don’t you head to bed.”

  “Night, Mom.” I headed upstairs and went into my bedroom. I sat in my window seat and called Eric.

  “Hey Baby, how’s home life going?”

  I smiled, “It’s actually ok. She pissed off but she’s dealing with it.”

  “At least one parent is reasonable.”

  “She was worried about you, wanted to make sure you weren’t driving back to Syracuse just shows me that she still wants us to be happy. She’s just not happy that I decided to start a sexual relationship with you.”

  “Does it count that I’m happy you did?”

  I laughed, “Yeah, I’m happy too. So, what are we going to do, Eric? I mean, you are heading back tomorrow I’m going back in the next couple of days. How are we going to handle this?”

  “Well, I’m hoping that you can come out and see me whenever you can and I will come home whenever I can but you have to remember, my father can’t know anything. He’s threatened to pull me out of Syracuse and end my football career.”

  “Eric, we can’t let that happen!”

  “Emily, calm down. Nothing is going to happen to me if we keep our relationship quiet.”

  I sighed, “I want to see you.”

  “Can you leave the house?”

  “No, I better not chance it tonight seeing that we left on a positive note. I would like to keep it that way.”

  “Well then, I will see you in the morning before I leave ok?”

  “Yeah, call me and wake me up.”

  “Ok, sweet dreams, Emily. I love you.”

  “I love you too, Eric. Dream of me.”

  “I always do.”

  PROPOSAL

  The morning came quick. I woke up and stared out the window for a long time before I got up and walked into the bathroom. I looked into the mirror and went over the events from the night before.