Face Value (Next Generation 7)

by Cheryl Douglas

  He closed his eyes on a sigh. “Can we just go home and talk about it, baby? I’m wiped out.”

  Lauren looked up at the house. “Are you sure you don’t want to go inside?”

  “I don’t need to face my memories head on to bury them.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want to say good-bye to your mother?”

  “I did, a long time ago.”

  ***

  Lauren fought her nervousness as she followed Tucker’s truck up his long, winding driveway. He’d told her he loved her, but she’d been too stunned to respond. She knew she was in love with him too, but was it the right time to tell him or should she wait until he’d dealt with his mother’s death?

  In spite of his claims, Lauren saw the funeral was hard on him. As distant and cold as his mother had been, Lauren suspected they shared a few good memories as well. Those were undoubtedly the ones drifting through his mind as he accepted the fact he would never see her again.

  Lauren pulled up beside his truck and watched him get out before opening her door. “If you need to be alone, I understand.”

  He reached for her hand, and he led her up to the front door. “I need you tonight. You’re all I need,” he said quietly as he fit his key into the lock.

  She was glad she could provide comfort when he obviously needed it, but aside from holding him and encouraging him to talk about his feelings, she didn’t know how she could help. His emotional scars obviously ran deep, and with his mother’s death still fresh in his mind, a lot of those old wounds were bound to be hemorrhaging.

  “Can I get you something to eat or drink?” she asked, running her damp hands down the side of her jeans when he released his grip to close and lock the door. She was nervous, and she didn’t know why. Tucker would never hurt her, but she feared how he might react when the impact of his mother’s death finally set in. Could he really be as indifferent as he seemed? Maybe. Perhaps she would have felt the same way about a mother who allowed her children to be terrorized by the devil in her own home.

  Tucker took her hand and brought it to his lips as he fixated on her eyes. Moments passed before he smiled and said, “That’s supposed to be my line. You’re a guest in my home, remember?”

  Lauren blushed and dipped her head. “I didn’t mean to over-step. I just wanted to do something to make you feel better.”

  He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulled her closer, and buried his face in her hair. “Just having you here makes me feel better. Stay with me tonight?”

  “Of course, I’ll stay as long as you need me to.” She would do anything to help him get through his grief.

  “Forever?”

  Stunned by the question, Lauren tipped her head back, expecting to see that lethal smile. Instead, he looked deadly serious. “Now’s not the time to talk about the future,” she whispered, cradling his face. “You just have to think about how you’re going to get through the next few days, whether you want to attend your mother’s funeral, how you want to break the news to the kids.”

  “They didn’t have a relationship with her, so I doubt it’ll affect them at all.”

  Tucker may be assuming they didn’t want to have a relationship, which may not have been the case. “Did they ever ask about her?”

  He shrugged. “Sure. But I told them we didn’t get along. They asked questions when they were younger, but I didn’t have any answers. Eventually they just stopped asking.”

  Lauren knew Amanda’s parents lived out of state, so Tucker’s kids had missed out on having grandparents to spoil and coddle them. “Now that they’re getting older, maybe you could help them to understand why you had a strained relationship with your mother.”

  His head snapped back and his eyes hardened. “What do you suggest I tell them, Lauren? That my mother slept with the man who killed my sister?”

  Lauren winced at the fury lacing his words. Rage practically emitted from his pores. Words couldn’t heal his pain, but maybe her love could. She slowly unbuttoned his shirt, pressing tender kisses to his skin. He tipped his head back and closed his eyes, and she knew that was exactly what he needed to start healing.

  To her knowledge, Tucker had never experienced unadulterated love. Amanda had often called their relationship dysfunctional. She said they were young and broken, looking to the other to help them heal, but instead of healing each other, they only hurt one another more.

  “Baby, you don’t have to do this…” His voice was harsh, but his intent was clear.

  “I want to.” She reached for his belt buckle, and his eyes followed her path. “I want to love you.” She dropped kisses on his chest as she peeled the shirt off and let it fall to the floor. “I want to love you the way no one ever has, Tucker. With everything I have.”

  He closed his eyes. “Sweetheart, you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into with me. You deserve so much better.”

  “I want you… all of you. The good, the bad, and the scary.” She brushed her hand over his forehead, sweeping a stray strand of hair away. “I want the part who’s fiercely protective of the people he loves. I want the guy who demands the best from his crew. I want the man whose greatest weakness is his kids.”

  “You’re my greatest weakness,” he whispered, his eyes boring into hers. “I know my kids will always be a part of my life, but you could walk away any second, and I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop you. That makes me weak.”

  Lauren was humbled. She knew how difficult it was for him to trust someone with his heart. “I can’t imagine anything making me want to walk away from you.”

  “You say that now.” He grazed her cheek with his fingertip. “But there’s more you don’t know about me.”

  “Then I’ll learn, just like you’ll learn about my strengths and weaknesses. As long as we promise to be honest with each other, we’ll make it, Tucker. I know we will.”

  “Baby, in my experience, that’s not the way it works. If merely wanting it was enough to make it so, then yeah, we would last…” He paused as though he was considering his next words. “Forever… but there may be some things about me you decide you can’t live with.”

  He was scaring her. She loved him. She didn’t want to believe any obstacle could be big enough to keep them apart. “I don’t want to talk anymore.” She reached for his zipper. “I just want to go upstairs and-”

  “Maybe we should talk first. I don’t want you to feel I took advantage of you, angel.”

  The warning in his voice made the pebble of uneasiness in her stomach morph into a boulder. “Stop it!” She heard the panic in her voice and knew he must have picked up on it too. “I don’t want to hear this. You’re trying to push me away because you think I’m going to leave you. You’re wrong. I’m not. I promise.”

  He sighed. “Baby, don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

  Feeling frustrated and on the verge of tears, she took control the only way she knew how. Stepping just out of his reach, she pulled her shirt over her head and let it fall before reaching for the button on her jeans. The hunger in his eyes told her he wasn’t focusing on his fears anymore. The only thing that mattered was satisfying his desire for her.

  “Do you still want to talk?” she asked, sliding her snug jeans over her hips to reveal a nude lace thong. She stepped out of the jeans and reached behind her back to unfasten her bra. “Or would you rather take me upstairs?”

  He growled, low and deep in his throat, before swooping her up and practically sprinting up the stairs as though she weighed next to nothing.

  “Tucker, your hand.”

  “My hand is fine.”

  Lauren knew that was a lie, but she suspected Tucker was used to dealing with pain. One day she would ask him what his time in jail had been like and how it had shaped the man he’d become. He wouldn’t be comfortable enough to share that part of his past with her for some time though. She was content to wait as long as she needed to learn everything about the dark and mysterious man who’d stolen her heart.


  He kicked the door closed as soon as they crossed into his bedroom. He set her down on the bed carefully before standing back to admire her. “Perfect. This is where you belong.”

  She thrived on the appreciation in his eyes. He looked at her as if she was the only person on earth who could make him feel whole again. She wanted, more than anything, to be the woman who helped him bury the past and build a new life he’d never dreamed possible. She wanted to prove to him what he’d never allowed himself to believe: He deserved happiness and forgiveness for his perceived sins.

  “Are you just going to stand there staring at me all night?” she asked, pouting.

  He chuckled as he shed his clothes and climbed into bed. Setting his injured hand on the pillow above her head, he used it to stroke her hair while the other hand caressed her body.

  Lauren closed her eyes and savored his touch. She would never tire of the sensation of his lightly calloused hands caressing her bare skin or his strong arms wrapped around her, making her feel safe. She’d never expected to find her other half in a man like Tucker, but he fulfilled her in a way only her soul mate could. They hadn’t known each other long, but it was long enough for her to know she didn’t have to look any further. She’d found the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

  “You’re so damn beautiful.” He kissed her shoulder as he swirled his finger around the tight bundle of nerves at her core. “I could lie here and watch you like this all night.”

  She couldn’t speak when he did that. Her attention was solely focused on his hand and the fact that she never, ever wanted that feeling to end.

  “I love that you’re so responsive…” He slid his tongue around the shell of her ear. “For me. Only for me.”

  “Yes…”

  “I want to keep you forever, Lauren.” His words were soft, barely a whisper in her ear as his ministrations became more focused.

  “Please…” She squeezed her eyes shut as she seized his wrist, trying to guide his hand. He seemed determined to the set the pace, but she needed just a little bit more to hurtle over the edge into oblivion.

  “I never thought I’d meet someone like you.”

  He wanted to talk? Seriously? Didn’t he know her brain had been rendered useless thanks to him? “I know…” She gasped when he applied pressure where she needed it most. “I feel… the same… way.” He finally gave her what she’d been seeking, and she let go on a cry of gratitude as she sank her teeth into his shoulder.

  “Better?” he asked, grinning down at her.

  “Getting there.” Now it was her turn for a little retribution. She pushed his shoulders into the mattress and climbed on top of him, straddling his waist.

  “What’re you doing?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “Since you’re injured, I thought I’d help you out a little.” She licked her lips as she slid down enough to take his pulsating shaft in her hand. She felt him jerk as he threw his head back on a groan.

  “Baby, don’t.” He dug his hand into her hip. “Please… I’m not gonna last if you keep that up.”

  Having power over a man like Tucker was the most potent stimulant, and Lauren couldn’t imagine ever getting enough. “What’s wrong? You don’t like being at my mercy, Tucker?” The warning in his eyes made her tremble as she continued stroking him.

  “Lauren, baby, please grab a condom. I need you… now.”

  If she hadn’t been as desperate for him, she may have prolonged the sweet torture a little, but the strained look on his face had her on the verge of erupting all over again. Lauren sheathed him quickly with unsteady hands before sinking down, taking him to the hilt. She took a moment to adjust as their eyes collided.

  “How’d you get under my skin so fast?”

  Lauren moved slowly, setting the rhythm for what she had in mind. That night was all about taking Tucker’s mind off the past and forcing him to think about the future she hoped they would share. “It works both ways.” She planted her hands on his solid chest as she rolled her hips, smirking when she heard his muttered curse. “I can’t let you go now. I hope you know that.”

  Tucker looked stunned by her statement. He took a moment to recover before he said, “Sweetheart, I don’t ever want you to let me go.”

  Lauren got lost in her quest to merge their bodies, determined to make him realize what she already knew: He was the one. “I love you,” she whispered, clasping him tighter as she fixed her hands on either side of his head. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone, Tucker… ever.”

  Without regard for his injured hand, he grabbed her hips and plunged in and out more urgently with each stroke. “Lauren… baby…”

  “Let go, Tucker.” She wanted to watch his stunning face contort. “I’m right there…” A gentle roll of her hips was enough to set her off. She rode out their shared orgasm before collapsing in his arms.

  “I don’t ever want to forget this,” he whispered, fanning her cheek with his hot breath. “No matter what happens, this is the way I want to remember you.”

  Lauren eased back to look him in the eye, and she knew despite what they’d just shared, that was the beginning of the end for them.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “What are you talking about? Why are you saying that?”

  Tucker heard the panic in her voice, and he hated himself for what he was about to do. He should have been strong enough to tell her the truth before they’d made love again, but he couldn’t let her walk out of his life without one more unforgettable night. The memory would have to get him through the lonely nights he was certain lay ahead as he tried to piece his life back together and figure out how to stop loving her.

  “Come here,” he said, easing her down beside him. He coaxed her head down on his chest and stroked her hair. “I was just a kid when I met Amanda. We were both pretty messed up, and we thought if we got married and started our own family, we could call the shots. We wouldn’t be at the mercy of our screwed up families anymore.”

  Lauren held her hand over his heart. “When did you realize you didn’t love her anymore?”

  In all the years he’d been with Amanda, he’d never loved her like Lauren. The thought of Lauren walking out of his life made his chest feel as if it would split in two. “I don’t know.”

  Images flashed through his mind of his son and daughter’s birth and christenings, birthday parties, Christmas mornings gathered around the tree, sneaking into their rooms to slip money under their pillows. He’d loved his kids enough to pretend he loved their mother for a long time. There were good times, and as elusive as they became toward the end, his kids were the reason he stayed a lot longer than he should have.

  “Did you ever regret leaving her?”

  “I hated seeing what it did to my kids. I wanted them to have a better life than I had, but I realized I couldn’t be the father they needed if I was miserable. I knew I had to leave.”

  He was talking about the past to avoid talking about how one decision he’d made years ago would impact the rest of their lives. A little voice in his head told him to man up and get it over with, but he knew when he did, he’d have to lie in a bed that still smelled like her perfume and let her walk out… because it was best for her. She deserved the life she’d always dreamed of, and he could never give her that.

  “Your kids adore you, Tucker. I think they understand why you had to leave Amanda.”

  “I hope so.” He ran his hand down Lauren’s bare back, wishing he could commit the feel of her satiny skin to memory.

  “You still think you’re not cut out for marriage?”

  He could tell she was holding her breath, awaiting his response. “What if I said I hadn’t changed my mind about that, Lauren? What do you want? Where do you want to be in five years?”

  She took her time drawing figure eights on his chest with the tip of her fingernail before she said, “I hope to be married. I’d like to have a couple of kids.”

  His heart almost stopped bea
ting, though he couldn’t say why her words came as a shock. He told himself he’d prepared for the worst case scenario, but the reality was so much more heart-wrenching than he could have imagined. He would destroy her.

  “Say something,” she whispered.

  He swallowed repeatedly, emotion nearly choking him. “That can’t happen with me, angel.”

  “You said you loved me.”

  He cursed when he felt her tears fall on his chest. “Please don’t cry, honey.” He would give anything to take her pain away. She didn’t deserve it. The only mistake she’d made was falling in love with him.

  “So, where do we go from here?” She tried to clear her throat, but her voice still sounded broken when she said, “You claim to love me, but you don’t want a future with me.”

  “I never said that. I do want a future with you.” He’d never wanted anything more, but he wasn’t selfish enough to try to redefine her dreams. “I want to wake up with you every morning, fall asleep with you in my arms every night…” That was his dream, the only thing he needed to make his life complete.

  “So you want me to live with you?” She propped herself up on one elbow and looked down at him. “You don’t want to marry me or have a baby with me, but you don’t mind shacking up with me. Why is that? Would it make it easier to walk away if you don’t promise to stay with me forever?”

  He would gladly give her a promise of forever, a sparkly diamond ring, a lavish wedding in front of all of their family and friends, but he knew that wouldn’t be enough. Eventually the void in her heart would grow bigger, and he would have to live with the knowledge that she was settling because she’d fallen in love with him. He wouldn’t do that to her, no matter what she said.

  “Baby, I’d give anything to stay with you forever, but I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

  Lauren scraped her nails over her scalp. “Would you stop talking in riddles? Just tell me what the hell you’re talking about already!”

  “I had a vasectomy.”