I Need You Forever: Romantic Suspense, Military, Holiday, Contemporary, Erotica, Psychological Thriller (Need Series Book 5)

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  I took in a deep breath and shook.

  Jackson’s hand squeezed mine. “What’s wrong?”

  “I just recalled the last time we’d tried the sensory deprivation. It was supposed to be just us – he’d even locked the door – but I remember hearing some grunts come through the music and sensing some kind of movement going on in the room, along with another wisp of air travel over me as if the door opened. His smell alerted me that he was close by, but his hands seemed more aggressive. I was scared and panicked, but he’d gagged me again so that I wasn’t in a position to yell out or say anything. I guess he knew I was questioning things, so he removed the blindfold, and I relaxed when I saw it was still him.”

  I looked up at Tony. “What’s weird is Declan’s temperament was off from that moment on. He was quick to anger, very aggressive in bed, and just no longer caring. That’s when all the false accusations and acts of humiliation began. It was only a few months later when he pushed me down the stairs. I’m guessing Derrick filled you in on those details?”

  Tony nodded. “I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with an abusive little fucker, pardon my language, but someone who’d lay a hand on a female with the intent to do harm is not worth the dirt beneath my feet. You’re one brave young woman. I applaud you on that.”

  He looked over his notes and back up at me. “I think we may have a new angle to approach all this with. I can’t guarantee instant results, but we’ll do our best to get everything resolved as quickly as possible. In the meantime, I want you to stick close to Jackson. He’ll take you to work and home. If, for whatever reason, you can’t go with him, then get one of our team to go with you. Someone should always be with you. The only exception to this is the bathroom; although, I want one of our men standing outside the door to make sure you come out safely.”

  I shook my head. “I can’t do that. Don’t you think this is a bit overkill?”

  Derrick piped up from his half-snooze. “Do you want to be alive or dead, Robin?”

  That was enough to make me face forward. “I’ll do my best to comply with orders.”

  “That’s all we ask, dear. Your safety and happiness are all we’re worried about.” Mr. Prescott said.

  At that moment, Marissa and Dane walked in with several bags of delicious smelling food. My stomach growled with the desire to eat, causing everyone to laugh.

  Tony got up and tugged on Derrick’s arm. “I’m going to get this one home while he can still walk. Are you staying here, Rick?”

  We all watched as Rick nodded. “I’ll stay behind to make sure everything runs smoothly here. Sleep well, sleeping beauty.” He laughed as Derrick shot him the bird as he exited the room.

  Those guys were cutups, but they knew how to do their jobs well. I trusted that no matter how long it took, I’d be safe and everything would be back to normal, eventually. I just had to be patient.

  I’D WANTED TO THROTTLE Tony for all the questions he’d asked Robin. He didn’t need to force her to relive her past by making her go into such descriptive detail; however, it was enlightening for me to know all the damage Declan had done in regards to the BDSM scene. If I wanted a relationship with her, I’d have a lot to overcome.

  Where the hell did that come from? You went from being interested and seeing where things went, to wanting to kiss her and share your bed, to now wanting to be her Dom? Are you not paying attention to how nervous she is, to how her body shook when she was recanting her story to Tony? What happened to taking things slow and not pushing her?

  Why was I so torn on what to do around her? I hadn’t expected it to feel so right with her wrapped up in my arms and pressed up against my front last night in bed. Nor had I anticipated how well she’d get along with my mother and daughter. She seemed to be a natural fit everywhere in my life. And why could I not go a couple hours without the need to feel her lips on mine?

  I had wolfed down the sandwich Marissa had brought me before anyone else was finished. I got up to pace around the table and ran my fingers through my hair trying to make sense of everything. My biggest question was whether I was being unfaithful to Gabi by having a desire for Robin.

  Dane and Alexander seemed to share some kind of silent communication, nodding to one another and then getting up and heading my direction. Alexander put his hand on my back to guide me to the door. “Rick and Marissa, can you keep an eye on Robin for us? This will only take a moment.”

  Robin’s eyes looked panicked as I was led out of the conference room and into Alexander’s office next door, with Dane following on our heels. “What the hell’s going on?” I wondered as soon as the office door closed.

  Dane was the first to speak. “I know you loved Gabi. I could see it in your eyes every time you two were around one another. I see that same look when you’re in the room with Robin. You’ve had it for a while now, so I’m only going to ask this once. When are you going to let go of the past and move on?”

  I opened my mouth to answer, but no words came out. I tried again, when Alexander sat down on the front edge of his desk and pointed at me. “It’s time you let go of Gabi. I imagine you have mixed feelings, wondering if you’re being unfaithful to her if you move on. Am I right?”

  “Yes, but how did you…” I didn’t even finish the sentence.

  “You’ve always been loyal to my daughter. At this point, even without her here and regardless of you sharing a child with her, I consider you a son.” Alexander leaned forward and grabbed my shoulder to show he meant business.

  “And I still consider you a brother,” Dane added. “Gabi wouldn’t want you to waste your life - avoiding love all because she was gone. You think we don’t notice how it’s affecting you and Nicola? It’s time you start living again. Niki needs to see that her dad can be a part of life and embrace it.”

  I yelled out to both of them. “I can’t. I’m the reason Gabi died.”

  They both looked at me as though I’d grown a second head. Dane was the first to talk. “Dude, you’re not telling me you feel you’re responsible?” I nodded as he shook his head. “I felt the same way, thinking I’d caused everything by asking her to have coffee with me to talk about my girlfriend issues. You quickly pointed out that I had no part of that; it was Tom’s fault.”

  I kept shaking my head and my fists. “I just need you to hear me out and, hopefully, forgive me.” I recanted the same story I’d told Robin last night.

  By the time I was done, Alexander came up and hugged me. “Nothing you said or did would’ve caused Gabi’s death. The only people at fault were that lousy bastard Tom for causing the accident in the first place and the doctors who didn’t diagnose her symptoms as a pre-cursor to a possible aneurysm. However, without Gabi’s willingness to be examined further, even they can’t be held responsible.”

  Alexander released me as Dane came up to give me a half brotherly hug while offering a final piece of advice. “Robin’s an amazing girl. She’s been through a lot, but to be with a Dominant you have to be strong. She’s not new to our world of BDSM. She knows what she’s getting into, and she’s definitely into you. If you don’t take the opportunity to get to know her, I know several other guys around here who are ready to line up for the chance to take her out. The only reason they’ve held back is because they thought you were interested.”

  I looked at both of them and questioned. “You’d be all right with me moving on?”

  “Damn it Jackson, get your head out of your ass and make a move on her already. You’re not forgetting Gabi. The love you hold for her will always be in your heart, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have room enough in there for a new love.” Dane put his hand over my heart to emphasize the point that Gabi would always be there with me. “I guess the biggest question is do you want happiness and a chance to move forward, or do you want to live in the past forever?”

  Alexander looked me straight in the face and asked, “Do you think Gabi would be happy with the way you’re living now? Would you want her holding on to t
he past if the shoe were on the other foot?”

  Why did everyone keep asking me the same fucking question? Am I being that stubborn? I thought about it for a moment and shook my head. “I would want her to move on.” The words were easier said than done.

  They both smiled as Alexander added, “We love you Jackson, you’ll always be family to us, and we give you our blessing and good wishes that you’ll find happiness and continue to be a part of our lives. I have two more amazing daughters now, thanks to Dane and Rafe. I’d like to have Robin as one too.”

  I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say.

  Dane spoke up. “Get rid of the guilt, bro. It’ll eat you alive if you don’t. It almost destroyed me until all of you made me realize I was misguided. Now go get your girl,” he paused in all seriousness, “but take it slow. Given everything, she might spook easily, so just lay out the offer and see if she takes it. I have a feeling she is just as crazy for you as you are for her.”

  I ran a hand through my hair and stretched my neck to relieve some tension. “Okay. I’ll try and see where it goes, but I can’t promise anything.”

  “We know. Why don’t you bring Robin and Nicola over to our house tonight for dinner? We know it was rough yesterday, and Celia’s cooking up her famous lasagna tonight. All the other kids and grandkids are coming over, so Nicola will have lots of little ones around.”

  I just laughed and shook my head at their attempt of an intervention. “There’s no refusing you is there?”

  Dane joined in the laugher. “You should know by now how my father works. There’s no turning down one of his invitations.”

  “Fine,” I relented. “What time would you like us there?”

  “Celia mentioned dinner would be ready by seven, but she’d like everyone there by six, especially if Robin’s coming.” Alexander stated with a laugh of his own. Leave it to Celia to play matchmaker, as well.

  The afternoon seemed to pass quickly. I’d been deep in thought over an advertising campaign we were considering, to gain more exposure to smaller specialty stores, when I heard a knock on my opened office door. I looked up to see Robin framed by the lighting causing her to look ethereal. My heart began to beat stronger and the pull toward her intensified. I knew, in that moment, I could no longer fight the attraction, but could we each move past our hang-ups to pour a foundation solid enough to survive the threats that still hung over our heads? And would my daughter take to a woman living in our house? Granted, she didn’t know anything about her mom, other than the pictures we’ve all shown her and the stories we’ve told her.

  You know she already adores Robin. The words brought me out of my stupor. “What did you say?”

  I looked up to see Robin smiling and pointing to her watch. “I asked if you’re ready to go. Mr. Prescott, I mean, Alexander said he wanted us at his house by six. If we’re going to pick up Nicola, we need to go soon.”

  I don’t know where my concerns were because everyone in the family, including my parents, was at Alexander and Celia’s house, and they all took to Robin as though she already belonged. Nicola kept asking her to help feed her and to sit next to her.

  I was in awe over the high regard everyone had for this wonderful woman. My heart finally made its decision when I watched my daughter fall asleep in Robin’s lap. I watched as she held Nicola close, whispering words of adoration.

  My mind, on the other hand, kept fighting a battle with itself. I wanted to keep my vow to Gabi to be with her forever, but she was no longer in the present and couldn’t be a part of my future, whereas Robin was right here. But what if something bad happened? If something dreadful did happen, could I survive my heart getting destroyed a second time? Could I take that risk right now? “Love is always a risk.” Why the hell was I hearing her voice?

  I must have compiled about four or five lists of pros versus cons before Celia came up and tapped me on the shoulder. “Son, you might want to get your girls home and tucked into bed.”

  I was disoriented for a moment. My girls? What the hell was she talking about? I looked up at her with a questionable look on my face, so she pointed over to where Robin still had Nicola sleeping in her arms and she, too, had fallen asleep.

  “Thanks, Mom. I think I’ll do that.” I don’t know why I still called her mom, except that she’d always been like a second mother to me. I gave her a quick hug. “The dinner was wonderful, as always.”

  I stood up and reached for Nicola, when Rafe stopped me. “Here, let me take Nicola and you get Robin.” I nodded in agreement.

  “Thanks, bro.”

  It had surprised both of us that neither Robin nor Nicola woke as we put them into the car and buckled them in. I hugged Rafe, slapping him on the back. “Thanks, man.”

  He nodded his head in acknowledgement. “No problem.” His voice got serious as he leaned in and whispered, “Give her a chance, Jax. We all like Robin, so be sure not to mess this up. Our wives and moms really want her to be a part of our lives.”

  Wow. This caught me off guard. I knew that Dane, Alexander, and my mom had been pushing for us to come together, but, apparently, this whole bunch didn’t waste any time jumping on the bandwagon. I mean think about it, we only “technically” got together yesterday.

  I was too tired to have a deep discussion with anyone, so I said what anyone would, “Okay,” and left it at that.

  When I got close to my house, I saw Scott was at the end of the driveway keeping watch on things. I nodded as I pulled in, motioning for his assistance as I pressed the garage door. I knew I couldn’t handle getting both of my girls out of the car at the same time and wasn’t sure if I could wake Robin enough to walk on her own accord. Did I just say that? Wow. Everyone’s influence was really rubbing off. I looked over at her – so peaceful in her sleep. I didn’t want to wake her from a much-needed slumber. I heard her whisper my name on her lips, “Jax.” My heart began to increase speed at the thought of her dreaming about me. A smile spread across my face at the idea that I could love again.

  “She needs your love, and you need her. Stop being so hard-headed about this and let go of the past. It’s okay, my love.” I looked around the car and the garage searching for Gabi. It was her voice I heard – I know it was. She was the only one to ever refer to me as hard-headed. Running my hands over my face, I leaned back against the headrest. It had to be a delusion brought on by stress and a lack of sleep.

  I jumped when Scott knocked lightly on the window. I got out of the car and asked if he’d get Robin while I got my daughter. He nodded the affirmative and went around to get her out of the car. I suddenly felt possessive not wanting him, or anyone for that matter, to touch her. She’s MINE! Okay where the hell did this need to possess her come from? I needed to put my feelings aside and analyze them later when I was rested. For now I’d focus on getting both my girls to bed so we could all get a good night’s sleep.

  I HEARD THE WHINE of an engine cut off and the whirl of a motor going, and noted through the slit of one eye that we were back in Jackson’s garage. I felt so embarrassed having dozed off in front of everyone. Existing solely on a few hours of sleep and lots of caffeine, I’d kept my guard up for such a long period of time – I guess it’s no surprise my weariness had finally caught up to me.

  There was movement about the car with two male voices. My eyes didn’t want to open, as my body demanded sleep. I trained my ear to pick up the conversation realizing it was Jackson and Scott, one of Alexander’s security detail.

  I heard both of our doors open and Nicola being unbuckled from her car seat in the back while I felt someone undo my seatbelt before scooping me out of the car. “I’ve got her, sir,” he whispered, not wanting to wake either Nicola or me.

  My body swayed back and forth with every footstep. Jackson opened a few doors, and soon we were inside. “Put her down in my bedroom on the left side of the bed. I’ll help her get ready as soon as I put Niki down.”

  Putting me at ease, the softness and springtime
smell of the sheets enveloped my senses. I was surprised to hear Scott whisper, “Sleep well, ma’am,” before exiting the room.

  My mind drifted off into slumber. I dreamed about meadows filled with flowers. I found myself staring across a meadow at a vision of my father waiting for me with open arms. I started to run to him, but the harder I ran, the longer the field stretched out before me; then, it turned into something dark and foreboding with the image of Declan taking my father’s place. I stopped mid-stride to perceive the hallucination. I couldn’t accept that it was anything more than my mind playing tricks on me, as the image split into two apparitions of Declan. What the hell?

  I felt a hand cover my mouth as another circled my waist and pulled me against a warm, firm chest. I was about to freak out thinking the bastard had found me, when I recognized the citrusy ocean smell of Jackson and heard his words, “Shh. It’s only me, honey. You were having another nightmare. I’m going to take my hand away from your mouth, but I don’t need you waking up Niki. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  I turned in his arms and nodded, pulling him as close to me as possible. Why were these dreams happening to me? Why were they so bizarre? I was thankful that I had an appointment in a couple of days to speak with Carol. Maybe she could interpret the strange message my mind was sending me in my dreams and help me shed some light on why I couldn’t sleep.

  Jackson held me for what seemed like a long time. His heartbeat calmed the inner turmoil running through me as he ran his hands up and down my back in small circles to help soothe my troubled soul. I didn’t speak, not knowing what to say, so I just relaxed into his chest.

  He finally spoke, “Are you going to be okay?”

  I wasn’t sure that I was, but for now I knew I could get through the rest of the night. “I think so.”