by Kyra Lennon
Except I had thought it through. So many sleepless nights, and not just from overexcitement. I truly had considered every angle, and every reason I’d told my parents about why I could handle this had been carefully mulled over and re-hashed in my brain. I knew I’d have little time alone, and I knew I’d have to live in a tiny space filled with boys. It hadn’t bothered me because I knew the positives would outweigh the negatives.
That’s what you need to do right now. Think of the positives.
Right. First and foremost, almost free world travel. Seeing places I’d have had to save for a long time to get to alone.
An experience very few people in the world would ever have. Aside from Ellie and the band members’ girlfriends, not many would have the chance to tour with Razes Hell in their bus.
A chance to document a tour. Surely that would be useful at some point and in some way through my journalism career?
A chance to get to know all of the band better. To see how they worked together and apart. To see rehearsals, and sound checks, and maybe a little of their writing process.
A chance to get closer to Jason…
Shaking my head, I shot that thought down before it had a chance to take hold. On the train journey, Jason and I had spoken about numerous things. I felt like he’d listened and considered my thoughts and opinions on whatever topic we were discussing, and it had felt really good. But the tour was only just starting. Way too soon to get carried away.
I pushed away from the door and straightened up. After many hours of travelling, I needed to shower, change and get ready to head out again. I knew I’d need a lot of the ninety minutes I’d been given to extract what I needed from my suitcases and then put it all back in so I could zip them up again. With a sigh, I set to it. It was time to get ready for my first taste of Paris!
**
I truly hadn’t expected the guys to be so punctual. Thankfully, I was ready. Freshly showered and dressed in jeans and a white vest top with silver studs on the straps, I greeted them with a smile and we headed out of the hotel and into the city. The guys were dressed as inconspicuously as they could manage – that was one thing that had gotten easier since Jason ditched the brightly coloured hair – in the hopes that we’d be left alone on our first night away. It had gotten more and more difficult for them to go out in public, and once the tour started properly, we’d have security with us to keep any crazy fans at bay. For the time being though, we were on our own.
Our hotel was centrally located, and right away, my breath was taken as I stepped onto the street. When we’d arrived, I was too focused on getting to my room to truly take in the sights, but once I was refreshed, I was knocked out by everything that greeted me. My greedy eyes tried to take in everything at once, and I walked right into Mack as I stared at some people and their dog across the street who were randomly dancing to a song that blared from a shop doorway. And yes, the dog was dancing too, up on his hind legs like something out of Britain’s Got Talent.
“Sorry.” I shook my head, stepping back and shifting my focus back to Mack.
He laughed, his blond hair swinging around his face. “There’s a lot to look at, don’t worry about it.”
We kept walking, my eyes still soaking up as much detail as possible of cafes, bars, and hotels.
“We’re going to see the Eiffel Tower, right?” I asked, because it was pretty much the only thing I knew about Paris, aside from Disneyland, and I knew we wouldn’t have time to go there. Obviously, it was impossible not to see it from a distance, but distance wasn’t what I had in mind.
“Tomorrow,” Drew promised.
“Can’t we go tonight?” Jason asked. “It looks incredible at night.”
I grabbed his arm and he turned to me. My eyes widened at his words. “You’ve been here before? What’s the tower like?”
He shook his head. “No. But I’ve seen photos.” Laughing, I rolled my eyes, and he slung his arm around my shoulders. “Don’t be disappointed, Luce. It means we can see it for the first time together.”
My heart fluttered inside my chest at his cheesy, tongue-in-cheek line and his closeness, but it soon stopped when Drew threw him a look of… warning, maybe? His eyes darkened, and Jason gave him the slightest nod but didn’t remove his arm from around me.
What’s that all about? It wasn’t as if Jason had never touched me before. We hugged at every family occasion and we’d had more than one cushion fight after an intense battle on the PS3 that had resulted in us collapsing in laughter, our arms brushing as we fought to regain control of ourselves. This was hardly any different. And why was Drew bothered if Jason had his arm around me, anyway? He knew as well as I did that nothing would ever happen because Jason only saw me as Ellie’s little sister.
“So what do we want to eat?” Mack asked, putting a much needed dent in the awkward atmosphere. We turned the corner at the end of the street, and were met with yet more bars and restaurants with tables outside, and people sitting around them, relaxing with a glass of wine or a beer. The women, even dressed casually, were sophisticated and elegant – a far cry from the hairy stereotypes we’re led to believe in. And the men? Handsome and suave, or at least they were compared to the guys back home.
“Anything but pizza,” I said. I’d eaten more than enough of that the night before. “Can we try something French?”
“Like snails?” Joey screwed up his face in disgust.
“Maybe.” I was up for anything on this trip, and that included as many local dishes as possible during our short stay overs.
“You know what’s good?” Mack asked. “Hachis Parmentier. Rosie and I tried it last time we were here.”
“What is it?”
“It’s like a French version of a Shepherd’s Pie, but it tastes different somehow. I don’t know what they do to it, but it’s bloody delicious.”
“Sounds good. So where do we find a traditional French restaurant around here?” It may have sounded like a dumb question, but there were restaurants offering food from all over the world; it was best not to assume we would find a French eatery easily. After some investigation on Drew’s phone, we found a cute French bistro ten minutes’ walk away.
The food was incredible. I wondered why British people have “classics” like pie and mash, and fish and chips, when France has delicacies like Sole Meuniere, and Hachis Parmentier. Not that I don’t love the English stuff, but French dining is certainly more elegant. And we had two days to eat more.
Once dinner was over, Mack and Drew wanted to go back to the hotel, and Jason and I wanted to go to the Eiffel Tower. Joey had no opinion either way.
“We don’t have to do everything together,” Mack pointed out. “If Lucy and Jason want to explore, they should.”
Drew eyed Jason again and I narrowed my eyes. What the hell was his problem? He was acting like he was my overprotective big brother and I wondered if Ellie had told him to look out for me while we were away.
What was I thinking? Of course she would have, but as far as I could tell, there was nothing for him to watch out for.
“I think we should go.” I turned to Jason, ignoring Drew’s stare. “We don’t have to stay for long.”
Jason tore his gaze from his brother and looked at me. “Agreed. Let’s do this.”
Once the rest of the guys had headed back to the hotel, Jason and I began the walk towards the tower.
The evening air was warm, even though it was almost ten. People still milled around, walking leisurely by the river. Some stopped to stare at the view, but I was more interested in watching the other people we shared this moment with. I’d gone all poetic since I’d got on the train, suddenly seeing the magic and beauty in every moment. It was much easier to do in Paris than in Cornwall or Sheffield. Not that Cornwall and Sheffield didn’t have their own kind of magic, but it was the same magic. Over and over. Paris was new. It seemed as though every person around us felt it too.
“I think you might be my sanity on this trip, Lucy.�
� I turned my head to look up at Jason, unsure I’d heard him correctly. Sanity? Me? Jason smiled. “I get bored easily. If we’d gone back to the hotel, I wouldn’t have slept. I’d have probably gone back out to a bar or something until some of the adrenaline wore off.”
Couldn’t say I didn’t understand. It was too early to go back to my room. I was buzzing on the fact that I was away. There would be a lot of places we wouldn’t get a chance to fully explore, but we had time in Paris, and I didn’t want to waste a second. Watching French TV alone would definitely have felt like a waste.
“Well, any time you want some company, just let me know.” I grinned.
“I’m glad you’re here. It’s been hard since everything happened last year. Drew still finds it difficult to relax and trust me since the relapse. Mack and Joey are worried too, but they handle it better. I think you’re going to be the only person on the tour who isn’t staring at me, waiting for me to crack again.”
“That’s not true, Jason.”
Not completely true. Drew did find it hard to trust Jason. They had been through counselling to fix their relationship, and it had made a huge difference. But some scars don’t heal. Jason had done so many things to Drew and Ellie when he’d been high on drugs that, no matter what, there would always be some doubts. As for me, well, I worried too. But in a much less obvious way. The way I viewed it, Jason had to be allowed the freedom to keep living, otherwise, what was the point? He may as well have died in that hospital bed if he wasn’t allowed out of anyone’s sight, or given the trust to go his own way.
“This is only the beginning, Luce. As the tour rolls on, you’ll see it.”
I just shrugged. He knew better; it was his life. “Do you know why Drew kept glaring at you when you suggested us going off on our own?”
Jason laughed. “I told you. He doesn’t trust me.”
“Doesn’t trust you with me?”
“Doesn’t trust me not to do something inappropriate.”
“Such as?”
“Hit on you, Lucy. He doesn’t trust me not to hit on you.”
My jaw dropped. It was no secret that I’d be totally okay with him hitting on me – well, maybe it was a secret to Jason – but the idea he had thought about it in any way blew my mind.
“You’re not going to hit on me,” I said. “Why would you?”
Jason wrapped his arm around my shoulders again. “Of course I’m not. But like I said, he worries.”
If I hadn’t totally prepared myself for that comment, it would have hurt. The fact was, I was resigned to the way things were. I was the girl who silently liked the guy without saying a word, because being in his life as a friend was better than making things awkward with a confession that wouldn’t get me anywhere.
As we got closer to the Eiffel Tower, my breath grew shallower with every step. It was stunning. There were so many people outside it, hovering around the base, staring up at the lights the same way Jason and I were. Awestruck.
“Wow,” I breathed, craning my neck to look right to the top.
“It’s amazing.”
Jason pulled me closer to him as we stared, and I rested my head on his shoulder, both of us appreciating the perfection of the moment. The sounds of the city faded as we took in the whole of the tower.
“I need to go up there,” I said. “Can we please come back tomorrow?”
“Sure we can. I think the rest of the guys will want to come too. Although… it’s not going to be as magical in daylight.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that. I think this will always be pretty magical.”
He smiled down at me. “Eiffel Tower selfie?”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Laughing, we turned and Jason took his phone from his jeans pocket. We pressed our cheeks together as he raised his arm, making sure we were perfectly in the shot before snapping the photo.
“First tour selfie done,” he said. “Mind if I tweet this later?”
I shook my head. “Not at all. As long as I don’t get trolled by jealous fangirls.”
“You won’t. They know you now, like they know Ellie. You’re part of the Razes Hell family.”
That was true. Ellie and I had been in so many band photos, we were old news. I’d never been in a shot with just Jason though. Often the photos were of all of us at a gig, helping to set up, or just generally messing around.
“That’s a pretty cool place to be,” I said, as Jason tucked his phone away and we started the walk back to the hotel.
The walk seemed to take forever, because Jason and I kept stopping to look at the views, to marvel at the city, and… we may have stopped off for a beer in a bar close to the hotel. It was close to midnight when we reached my room, both of us still laughing over some of the things we’d seen on the way.
“Thanks for an excellent couple of hours, Lucy. I’m looking forward to more evenings like this.”
“Me too. That was a lot of fun. And we get to go back again tomorrow.”
“Looking forward to it.”
I slipped my arms around Jason’s waist and gave him a hug. As he wrapped his arms around me, he kissed the top of my head. “Goodnight, Luce.”
“Night, Jason.”
I was on top of the world – higher than the Eiffel Tower – as I threw myself down on my bed. That was a night to remember. I heard my phone beep in my pocket, and I pulled it out, laughing at all the notifications on the screen. There was a long list of tweets since Jason shared our selfie. Some of the comments were hilarious, but even more were just generally friendly and sweet.
@OfficialJasonBrooks @luluhayes Aww, have fun guys!
@luluhayes Will you be climbing @OfficialJasonBrooks’ tower tonight? ;) LOL!
@OfficialJasonBrooks @luluhayes Get in there my son!
@OfficialJasonBrooks @luluhayes Enjoy Paris! See you in Vienna!
@luluhayes You’re so lucky to be in Paris with @OfficialJasonBrooks! Enjoy!
There were over seventy replies, and I favourited a few of them as I scrolled through.
Razes Hell were lucky. They didn’t really get jealous fans who tweeted shitty comments. They had their share of fangirls, but they weren’t as obsessive the Directioners or the Beliebers. Urgh. Did knowing those terms make me a loser? Were there still Beliebers?
When I was done reading, I placed my phone beside me and let out a happy sigh. The tour was off to an excellent start and there was so much more to come.
Chapter 4 – Swoony McFangirl
I was right. The Eiffel Tower was definitely still magical in daylight. Going back with the whole band was fun, and even though we had to get in a huge queue with what looked like a million other tourists, it was worth it. The views over Paris from the top were magnificent. My breath was stolen again as I turned around, taking in every angle of the beauty. More selfies were taken, and I truly didn’t think I could be any happier.
This is just day one. Day. One.
Unfortunately, we couldn’t spend the whole day exploring Paris because we had to head to our first gig venue in the afternoon to set up and sound check.
Clubs in Paris are very much like clubs in the UK. Or at least, the first venue the band played was. A darkish room with brick walls, giving it a cold, underground feel. The stage was a good size, and the dressing room was tiny with a tile floor, adding to the coldness, and few facilities. There was a toilet and an ancient shower, and a mini fridge full of cold water. The furniture looked like a bunch of people had just offered random bits of their old stuff from their houses. There was an ugly patterned sofa, and four armchairs, all in different colours.
And I thought my hotel room was drab.
I wasn’t sure of my role when we got to gigs. Was I supposed to help them carry things? Or just stay out of the way and… I don’t know… deliver drinks to the roadies? When I asked Drew, he laughed. “It’s up to you, Luce. If you want to help, you can, but you don’t have to. If you want to wait backstage and write, that’s fine.”
“Maybe I’ll just watch and write for today. When I know what the heck I’m doing, I might be more useful.”
He laughed. “Okay. Go grab a seat, and get used to seeing this happen almost every night for the next month.”
I smiled, wondering how soon I’d get bored of seeing beefy men lugging heavy equipment. As I clocked one of the Parisian men who had been roped in to help, his biceps straining against his t-shirt as he carried a heavy speaker, I figured it would be a while until I tired of this.
Instead of heading backstage, I moved to the back of the bar and sat down beside the sound desk. There was nobody around and I could easily move if I was in the way. I pulled my journal and pen out of my bag and rested them on my lap while I watched as my friends, plus a bunch of people I didn’t know, started setting up the stage. It was a lot more complex than I’d imagined. There were so many things to be set up, not to mention the tuning up of the instruments which would happen a little later.
That was what I wrote about in my journal. The realities of being a roadie. Fans only ever see the end product – a set stage and a great show. Beforehand, there are technical issues to be ironed out, and the occasional bit of drama when a roadie can’t follow a direction, or spends more time tweeting photos of the band members when he’s supposed to be working.
Yeah, Mr Biceps turned out to be all muscle and no brain.
Another new thing I learned about that I’d never seen before was the band’s pre-show rituals. In the dressing room ten minutes before the gig started, my friends turned into completely different people as they prepared to put on a show. Once again I found myself sitting in the corner observing while Drew paced the room with his head down. Joey was bouncing up and down and loosening his wrists, and Mack was holding his guitar, running his fingers over the strings in silent practice. Jason stood in the centre of the small room taking long, deep breaths and blowing them out slowly. I wanted to ask why they seemed so nervous when they’d done this so many times before but I didn’t want to interrupt. Two minutes before they were due on stage, they all snapped out of their own head spaces and went in for a group hug.