Everybody Knows

by Kyra Lennon

  I should have panicked, but the thing that coursed through my veins more than anything was fear. The Razes Hell fans would – mostly – be supportive, but it was the rest of the world I was concerned about. The judgements. And they wouldn’t be on me, they’d be on Jason. Angry as I was with Ellie, she was right. We needed to limit the damage, but how? There was only one way. To pass the kiss off as a mistake, and never let it happen again.

  As always, I felt Jason’s presence before he spoke, and I said, “Please don’t say it.”

  “Say what?”

  I looked up at him and my heart leapt . His shirt was off, displaying the array of tattoos across his chest, and his hair was messy.

  God, please don’t let this be over before it’s begun. Please. I really don’t ask for much.

  “That we have to tell everyone we were drunk and that we can’t see each other anymore.”

  Jason paced over and sat beside me. When he put his arm around me and pulled me into him, a little of the stress dropped away. I felt his warmth through my thin cami top, and I snuggled into him, dropping my head onto his shoulder.

  “That’s not what I want to do,” he said. “We do need to figure something out though. Ellie is about ready to rip my head off, Luce. She made Drew go out for a walk before he hit me. I’m surprised you didn’t hear the shouting.”

  “I heard nothing until Ellie shoved her iPad in my face.” I looked up at him. “What did they say to you?”

  “Nothing I haven’t heard before. I’m selfish, inconsiderate, reckless. An all-round asshole.”

  I wanted to tell him he was none of those things. That they didn’t know anything, and they didn’t understand. But I didn’t want to sound like a cheesy song written by a teeny bopper. Instead I placed my hand on his, hoping he knew how I felt. When he squeezed my hand, I knew he did.

  “What did you tell them about us?” I asked.

  “I tried to tell them that we’d like some privacy to find our way through this. And that that’s what Derek should tell the press. That right now, we’re only just starting something and we’d appreciate less intrusion. Drew and Ellie think we need to end this now.”

  “Maybe we should wait and see what the reaction is. I can handle Ellie and Drew, and even Mum and Dad. They know us and love us and they will come around. Hopefully. But the rest of the world? That is a lot of people saying bad things. And I’m sure my priorities should be the other way around but there’s a lot of hate out there, just waiting to be thrown at someone. That’s hard to get over, and it could kill the band if it gets out of control.”

  His face paled and that scared me more than anything. I knew he hadn’t thought that far ahead, even though he probably should have. I might have meant something to him, but compared to his career? Nope. I couldn’t compete with that, and I wouldn’t. I didn’t want to lose him when I’d barely even got him, but I wouldn’t let him sacrifice his career for me either.

  “You’re right,” he said. “I’ll talk to Derek and I’ll tell him the truth, but let’s leave any announcements until we’ve got a better grip on what people are saying.”

  “I should call my parents too. Now. Ellie and Drew can wait since you’ve already given them an explanation.”

  Jason nodded. “We’ll sort this, Luce. We will.”

  “I know.”

  What I didn’t know was whether it would have a good outcome.

  Jason’s lips began to curve upwards as he looked at me, and for a few moments, the drama disappeared. I raised my head and my lips were so ready for his. His mouth brushed against mine in a kiss that stirred all my senses again.

  I will not let this go. I will fight with everything I have to make the bad stuff go away.

  “Lucy.” Ellie’s voice broke the moment, and I tried hard not to glare at her as I turned around. “We really need to talk.”

  Without a word, I rose to my feet, but placed another kiss on Jason’s cheek before I followed Ellie down towards the front of the bus. She still buzzed with anger, but somewhere in the depths of her eyes I saw the tiniest hint of understanding.

  “I hate this, Lucy,” she said with a sigh. “I hate it. I know Jason is what you want, and I want you to be happy but…” she trailed off, shaking her head. “I’m not okay with this. I want to throttle him right now.”

  “This isn’t his fault, Ellie. It’s not about fault. It’s about two people who like each other. That’s it. That’s all. It’s not for the world to go nuts about. It’s not their business. It’s not even your business, or Drew’s or Mum and Dad’s. This is about me. It’s about Jason. And everyone else needs to back off.”

  Ellie ran her hands through her hair and she shook her head. “Mum and Dad are going to flip.”

  “Why? Oh God, please tell me you didn’t discuss this with them too.”

  “Of course I didn’t, but you know what Mum’s like. You can’t hide anything from her. She knows how you feel about Jason, and yeah, I’m sure that was one of her concerns before you left.”

  “Why are you all so down on him? For people who are supposed to be his friends, you act like he’s the worst person in the world.”

  “It’s not that, Lucy. Come on, you know how much I love Jason but I love you more. And this scares me. You and him. I just… I’m scared for you.”

  “Why? What about it scares you so much? You think I haven’t seen him at his worst?”

  “You haven’t seen him at his worst. When he was at his worst, he wasn’t allowed in our house because you were too young to-”

  I held my hands up. “Just stop! I’m sorry for what you went through back then, but that was a long time ago. Things aren’t the same as they were then, and if you can’t see that, I don’t have anything else to say to you.”

  I pushed past her and headed back to my bunk – literally the only place I could be on my own since I didn’t trust that the paparazzi weren’t already outside waiting.

  My heart thudded furiously, and I felt a little lightheaded from all that had happened in the short space of time since I’d woken up. This was a gigantic screw up. Perhaps Ellie and I were cursed when it came to relationships – particularly relationships with the Brooks brothers. Just over a year ago, when she got with Drew, there was another media storm, not because they were dating, but because of the way it came about. My hopefully-soon-to-be relationship with Jason was equally as dramatically revealed, if not more so because of the fact he was ten years older than me.

  With a sigh, I picked up my phone and called my mum’s mobile before I could freak out and hide away from it all. I hoped to God that she hadn’t turned the TV on yet.

  Thankfully, she hadn’t, which gave me a chance to calmly explain what had happened. I couldn’t stop my tears as I tried to justify what had happened, even though I didn’t feel like I should have needed to. I sobbed my heart out when I told her how Ellie had reacted.

  “Lucy.” Mum’s voice was as wobbly as mine. Partly, I knew, it was because she couldn’t stand to hear me upset, but it wasn’t just that. She was as concerned as Ellie and Drew. “Listen to me, darling. I know you think Jason is what you want, but you have to ask yourself if being with him is worth all of the fuss it’s going to cause. And has already caused by the sound of it.”

  “Why do people keep talking to me like I’m stupid? Mum, please. Why can’t you understand how much thought I’ve put into this? And I don’t just mean daydreaming, and imagining my wedding day. I mean real thought. I get that this is complicated and it could all end in a massive disaster but isn’t that true of all relationships? Aren’t they all a bit risky?”

  “Yes. But not this risky.”

  Our conversation was interrupted as I heard my dad bellowing my mum’s name in the background.

  “Hold on, Lucy,” she said, and I waited while she went to see what had made him shout. “Oh my God.”

  “What?”

  “You’re on TV. You and Jason have sparked a discussion on breakfast television abou
t age gaps in relationships.”

  Oh, for goodness sake. Had this not been about me, I would have laughed. The power of social media, and the media in general, was crazy. Were they really so desperate for news and hot topics of discussion that age gap relationships were their big concern? What about the immigration crisis? What about homelessness, and murder, and all the other issues plaguing the world?

  For the first time in my life, I questioned my desire to be a journalist. My parents had paid ridiculous amounts of money for me to study at university, and for what? So I could turn into one of those gossip-hungry animals who interfered in other people’s lives? Realistically, I knew I didn’t have to be that kind of reporter, but in that moment, I hated everything about my chosen career.

  “Lovely.” The sarcasm in my tone was clear. “And how’s that going down?”

  “That’s not important. Lucy, I can’t handle this and I’m not sure you can either. I don’t want to see my daughter on the television with people debating whether or not you are dating a pervert.”

  “What?” I screeched. “You have got to be kidding me?”

  “I’m not kidding. He’s almost thirty and you’re a teenager. How do you think that looks?”

  I pressed the end call button on my phone and turned it off, ignoring the string of tweets and texts that had come through overnight.

  A pervert? Really? I could guarantee that if I’d been just two, or maybe even one year older, people would have been a whole lot less judgmental but the “teen” part of my age made everything messier.

  **

  The rest of the day was nothing short of ridiculous. The whole band, including Ellie and I, were on lockdown in the bus. Anything we needed was gathered for us by roadies. Derek had got the first plane to Prague, and insisted the show was cancelled but Jason was adamant it would go ahead. It wasn’t fair to cancel because of the craziness in his personal life.

  Throughout the afternoon, the news got worse and worse, and when Drew came to me with yet another story, my insides curled with anger and humiliation. The frenzied press had apparently reached out to anyone who might know me back home, and some guy from one of my classes had been quoted as saying he was one of my friends, and that I was a “sweet girl but has no experience with guys”. True as it was, that wasn’t the part that infuriated me. That simple quote had added more drama to the “Is Jason a pervert” debate, questioning whether he’d preyed on me because of my inexperience.

  “This is sick,” I muttered. “Sick.”

  Drew nodded. “I agree. Just to be clear, no matter how unhappy we are about you and Jason, this is not what we were worried about. We know him better than that, and I just hope the rest of the world can see that too. The band’s Twitter account has blown up today and you’ve had a lot of support from the fans. But for every one supportive tweet there are five from ill-informed idiots. And we’re not supposed to answer.”

  Lockdown meant not just staying in, but keeping away from anything that might make us lash out at some troll who was trying to get a reaction.

  I looked up at Drew. “I don’t know what to do. And… I don’t feel supported by any of you. The people who should be supporting me. Me and Jason.” A tear splashed onto my cheek.

  Drew nodded stiffly. “I know, Lucy. Don’t think this is easy for us, either. We’re trying to support you but it’s difficult when we don’t think you’re making the right decision.”

  “That’s not how support works, Drew. You support the people you care about because you care about them. And then, if they make the wrong decision, you pick them up and help them move on. You don’t shout them down before you’ve even listened.”

  “We listened.”

  “You didn’t! You and Ellie are so blinded by what you think that you haven’t heard a word I’ve said. And you know what’s worse? You both know how it feels to be on the crappy end of unfounded rumours, and you’re still not helping us.”

  “Because we’re not sure what we’re helping with.” Drew’s tone softened.

  “Well, first of all, this.” I pointed to Ellie’s iPad which everyone had been using as a news source that day. “This needs to be stopped right now. Jason is not a pervert, I am well over the age of consent, and the age gap is none of anyone’s bloody business. Whatever you think about me and Jason, you at least have to get this crap retracted.”

  “Derek will fix that. Or as best as he can, anyway. You know how it is, though. People will believe whatever they want to believe. What we don’t yet know is how this I going to affect the rest of the tour.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean the people who know us probably won’t go anywhere, but our chances of picking up new fans with this happening will be slimmer now. If you were someone else, anyone else, Jason having a girlfriend would not be such big news.”

  I knew he wasn’t saying this was my fault, but it still felt like I’d been sucker punched. It was true. I could have been any other nineteen-year-old in the world, and there would have been raised eyebrows and whispers. But a nineteen-year-old who’d known Jason her whole life? The news angle was so easy. It didn’t matter that there was not even the slightest bit of evidence Jason had been into me at any other time than now, or that much older rock stars dated much younger women. What mattered was selling newspapers and getting ratings by starting debates that weren’t important in the grand scheme of things.

  “Lucy.” Derek’s voice caught my attention, and I flicked my head round to look at him. “Can you come with me, honey? We need to talk.”

  I sighed and walked away from Drew without a word or another look in his direction. Each step felt like another step closer to the end of what I’d waited so long for, and my gut churned. I suspected my fate with Jason may have already been decided while I wasn’t part of the conversation. Also, I wasn’t crazy about looking him in the eye now he knew – through the powers of the damn press – that I was a virgin. I supposed he might have already figured that much out, but having it thrown out into the world in black and white was humiliating.

  Jason greeted me with a tense smile as I entered the living area, but his eyes were warm, letting me know he hadn’t changed his mind about me. My muscles relaxed a little, but I knew this was far from over. I took a seat beside him, and Derek sat down on Jason’s other side.

  “Lucy,” he began. “I’ve spoken with Jason about what’s happening between the two of you, and I want you to know that I’m on your side. But you have to understand that what’s happening could have a massive effect on the band, and that’s what we’re trying to limit.”

  “I do understand that. I know this isn’t just about Jason and me.”

  Geez, does everyone think I’m stupid?

  Jason reached for my hand as Derek continued. “I need the two of you to make a decision. Not about your relationship,” he added quickly. “That is on you to sort out, but right now, for the rest of this tour, you need to think about what’s best.”

  My heart sank. My trip of a lifetime had swerved dramatically off-course, and this was where I had to get off. I knew it.

  “You want me to leave.”

  Jason shook his head. “I don’t want you to leave. Actually, I can’t imagine the rest of this tour without you. But, Derek’s right. We do need to do something to calm things down.”

  “It’s not your relationship that’s the problem, it’s that everyone has gone insane about the age gap. It’s so damaging to Jason and the band as a whole.”

  “Oh God.” Jason growled. “This is so fucking stupid. People are talking as if she’s skipping around in her school uniform and I’m lurking at the school gates! She’s nineteen, for Christ’s sake! You know I never looked at her inappropriately. Never. She’s Lucy. Lucy from next door. That’s who she always was until we got out here and we really got to know each other. She’s been a fucking Godsend on this tour and if those asshole photographers hadn’t seen us, we’d have worked this out on our own, without other people
’s interference.”

  “Jason, you’re ten years older than her. You’ve got to see how it looks.”

  “I do. I see that. I get that the gap is big. But that doesn’t make me some evil predator who tricked her into kissing me.”

  “Okay, stop.” I stood up, pulling Jason up with me. “We’ve been over this. Or at least I have with virtually everyone on this bloody bus. Now we need to figure out what to do next.”

  “One step ahead of you.” Derek smiled. “You both need to talk away from everyone. I’ve managed to book a conference room for you in a hotel a couple of streets away. You’ll be alone, the hotel staff are under strict instructions to not let anyone near that room, and the hotel security are waiting. The hardest part will be smuggling you both out of here, but there’s a car arriving in about twenty minutes to take you where you need to go. You know the drill. Keep your heads down, and for God’s sake, not a word to anyone.”

  Chapter 10 – I’ll Take You To The Top

  Derek – although occasionally self-centred – was an absolute legend at times, and this was one of them. The car that took us to the hotel was swift and we had no problems getting into the hotel because the reporters weren’t expecting us to leave so quickly, and they didn’t know where we were going. Once we reached the safety of the large, supremely expensive looking building, Jason and I were finally alone. The hotel staff greeted us warmly and led us to a small conference room with a six seater table, comfortable-looking seats, and a coffee machine in the corner.

  Jason and I ignored the facilities and held each other tightly the second the door closed behind us. Jason buried his hand in my hair. “I’m so sorry this happened, Luce.”