Everybody Knows

by Kyra Lennon

  “Why don’t I get a say in this?” I asked, wiping away my tears. “I’m nineteen years old and you’re still making decisions for me. This isn’t how things used to be.” I turned to Mum. “You and Dad have always allowed Ellie and me a lot of freedom, and you’ve let us make our own decisions. Why are you stopping me now?”

  “We don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “I’m already hurting!” I snapped. “I’ve been hurting since the second the world found out that Jason kissed me! You’d think the world had ended with the way everyone reacted! And not a single one of you has bothered to ask me how I am because, even though I have done nothing but calmly explain, you still think I’m stupid! Throughout this whole thing I have tried so hard to make just one of you understand, but you’ve all reached your own conclusions. I even came home when I wanted to stay because I knew it was the right thing to do. In return all I’ve got is accusations and assumptions. Right now, all I want to do is get on that plane with you and see the people I care about. It’s not just about Jason, it’s about Drew, and Joey, and Ellie, and Michael. Why don’t I get to be a part of something I’ve been a part of my whole life just because I have feelings for Jason? Why can’t I be there for everyone the way I hope you’d be there for me if I was the one who needed it?”

  Silence filled the room. My parents looked at each other, having a conversation with their eyes I couldn’t understand. Maybe I’d said too much. Maybe I’d had the childish tantrum they’d expected me to have when I got home, and proved to them I was too immature to handle this. But dammit, it was killing me to think of my friends suffering, knowing I couldn’t be with them.

  “Okay,” Dad said quietly. “Okay.”

  I shifted my eyes towards him, not daring to breathe in case he changed his mind. He caught my eye and nodded before heading back into the living room and picking up the phone.

  **

  What followed was the most chaotic twenty-four hours of my life. Packing, panicking, rushing into town to get some US dollars, a train journey, and countless hours in the air before we finally touched down in Houston at just after six a.m. By the time we got out of the airport it was nearing seven thirty, and after checking on Drew’s condition (no change), we headed straight for the hospital, jet-lagged and carrying our luggage because we hadn’t yet sorted out accommodation. We knew Dad was working on it back home, but all we cared about was getting to the people we loved.

  Because of our unusual situation, the hospital staff were extremely accommodating, and they even stowed our luggage for us because they understood our need to just get to Drew.

  We weren’t all allowed to see him, of course. Visitors were very limited, so while Ellie and Michael were taken to Drew’s room, Mum and I sat in the bleak waiting room, exhausted and terrified.

  The whole time we’d travelled, we’d hardly spoken. Not just Mum and me, but any of us. We were pre-occupied with our own thoughts, and occasionally we slept but never for long. I didn’t think I’d slept for more than three hours the whole journey. My whole body ached and my eyes were sore from the tears I’d cried. I felt sick for Ellie, but I knew Michael would take care of her. I couldn’t begin to imagine how hard it would be for her to see the man she loved lying unconscious, not knowing if he’d wake up. Not knowing if she’d hear his voice or see his smile again.

  I blew out a breath, running my hands through my already messed up hair. I didn’t want to cry anymore. Couldn’t cry anymore. My head throbbed – probably from dehydration and lack of sleep.

  “Mum, do you want some coffee?”

  She merely nodded, too wrung out with worry to speak. I picked up my bag and shuffled over to the coffee machine, fumbling around with coins until I found what I needed to get two strong coffees. As I turned to rejoin my mum, I stumbled slightly, my breath catching in my throat. Jason stood in the doorway that led to the ICU, his tired eyes focused on me. He’d obviously been at Drew’s bedside all night, and everything about him looked defeated. Small cuts marred his face and neck, and there was a huge, ugly yellow bruise on his left arm. His right arm was also peppered with cuts, and I had no doubt there were more marks under his clothes. I wanted to go to him, but my feet had somehow planted themselves to the spot.

  “Luce,” he whispered.

  The sound of his voice, the husky, almost desperate tone made my body start to shake with how much I’d missed him, and how much I needed to hold him in my arms. My trembling hands set the coffees back down on the coffee machine as Jason slowly walked towards me. For a moment, he just stared at me, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears. Slowly, I reached out my hand, and he took it, then stepped in close to me and threw his arms around me, his fingers digging into my back as he clung to me. I latched onto him just as hard, breathing him in, feeling his heartbeat against my chest and thanking God it was still beating when the crash could have taken him from me. For the longest time we did nothing but cling to each other, holding tight, no need for words. Everything we needed to say was in the way we held each other. After a while, Jason’s grip loosened on me, and he kissed the top of my head before stepping back a little. He didn’t let go of me, though. His hands rested on my hips, and mine on his waist.

  “I can’t believe you’re here,” he said. “I thought… I thought you weren’t coming.”

  “When you get a second, thank your dad. If it wasn’t for him, I’d still be at home.”

  I should have cared that my mum was well within earshot, and I didn’t want to make her feel bad for her and Dad’s initial decision, but my main concern in that moment was making sure Jason was okay.

  “Have you been here the whole time?” I asked.

  He nodded. “Pretty much. I have a hotel room, and Joey does too. I’ve only been there once to check in and throw my stuff down. Most of the time I’ve been here.”

  “Where is Joey?”

  “He’s at the hotel. He would have stayed but I told him to go get some sleep. He’ll be here later to see Drew, but he’s waiting for his parents to arrive.”

  “And Drew? How…” I couldn’t finish the sentence without crying again, and Jason put his hands up to my cheeks and brushed my tears away with his thumbs.

  “He’s still the same. No better, but no worse. The doctors haven’t said too much. It’s just a waiting game for now.”

  I shook my head then leaned into him again and gently rested my head against his chest. “I’m so sorry about Mack. I can’t… I just can’t believe any of this has happened.”

  Jason’s body turned rigid and I knew he was fighting back tears at the thought of his friend. “Me neither. I haven’t taken any of it in properly yet. I don’t think I will for a long time.”

  “Jason.” Mum’s voice made us break apart, as if we were teenagers caught having a grope in my bedroom. She’d risen from her chair, and she took his hand and squeezed it gently. “How are you doing?”

  “I don’t know. Just getting through an hour at a time right now. I don’t know what else to do.”

  She gave him a sad smile. “I understand. Will you do something for me?”

  He nodded. “Of course.”

  “Take Lucy back to your hotel, and both of you get some sleep.”

  “Mum-”

  She held up her free hand. “There’s nothing either of you can do right now. We’re all here, and if anything happens, we’ll call you right away. Jason looks like he hasn’t slept in twenty-four hours, and you’ll be no use to anyone until you get some rest. By the time you’ve had a few hours’ sleep, hopefully we’ll have a hotel sorted out, and then you can come back here and I’ll go and take a break.”

  I glanced up at Jason, waiting for his response. Honestly, I was astonished she’d suggested him taking me anywhere since she’d been so against me being with him. I was certain she hadn’t changed her mind about that, but ultimately, she was still my mother and she knew that what I needed more than anything was some sleep.

  “I can do that,” Jason said. “Th
ank you.”

  Mum gave him a small nod before hugging me tightly. “See you later, sweetheart.”

  Leaving my steaming cup of coffee at the machine, I took Jason’s hand and we left the hospital, both of us somewhat reeling from the speed at which we’d been ushered out.

  Jason’s hotel was definitely an improvement on the one we’d stayed in in Paris. Derek had booked it knowing that the last thing Jason and Joey needed was a crummy place to stay with crappy services and rude staff. Derek himself was on his way to the US to be with the guys, but he was in Scotland when the crash happened and he’d had a harder time getting on a flight.

  When we reached Jason’s room, the only thing we wanted to do was lie down together, and we immediately kicked off our shoes and collapsed onto the bed. Jason pulled me in as close as possible, and I draped my arm over him, letting my fingers glide slowly up and down his back.

  “What happened, Jase?” I whispered.

  He didn’t need to ask what I meant. “I still don’t know exactly. I was asleep when it happened. Joey was too; that’s why we got off so lightly, I think. Drew and Mack were at the back of the bus, where the main damage was done. I haven’t had time to think about how it all happened yet. Asking questions was the last thing on my mind. All I can think about is that we’ve lost Mack, and Drew is…” he trailed off and sighed. “This is how he must have felt about me, Luce. When I was in hospital, almost dead. They must have felt this way every time I landed myself in danger. And not just him, but everyone. Ellie, Dad. You.” I raised my head, shuffling back a little so I could look at him. His face had paled and his eyes were almost vacant, like he wasn’t really with me. He’d disappeared into his own thoughts as he finally understood what we’d been through. In a way, it seemed like more of a wake-up call than when he’d almost lost his own life. This was different; it was happening to someone he loved, and for the first time he felt the same emotions we’d had for him. “The only difference is, Drew didn’t deserve this. He didn’t do this to himself. Seeing him lying there, completely lifeless… it made me think about everything. The things we’ve said and done to each other. The things I wish I’d said to him.”

  “You can still tell him. He’s still here.”

  “I need him to wake up. I just need him to wake up.” Snapping back to the present, Jason’s eyes met mine. “I’m so sorry, Lucy. I’m sorry to all of you for the things I did. I was so selfish, and so fucking stupid.”

  I pressed my hand against his face, softly stroking his cheek with my thumb, carefully avoiding the scars. “It’s okay. None of it matters now. It’s over, and you’re okay.”

  Jason’s hand covered mine and he turned his head slightly, planting a kiss on my palm. “I don’t know how to handle any of this. But having you here means everything.”

  I gave him a small smile. “I’ll always catch you, Jase. Just like I promised.”

  He wrapped his arms around me again, pulling me close to him. The last thing I remember is snuggling against his chest, listening to the gentle sound of his breathing before I fell asleep.

  Chapter 13 – More Than Enough

  In a few short hours, Jason and I woke up, showered, grabbed some food to go then headed right back to the hospital. Nobody had called us, so as far as we knew, nothing had changed with Drew’s condition.

  How wrong we were.

  On arriving back in the waiting room, we found everyone, even Ellie, sitting in the uncomfortable blue chairs. Ellie was crying into Michael’s shoulder, and Joey and Mum were staring straight ahead, pale-faced, eyes filled with despondency. As Jason and I strolled into the room hand in hand, only Michael flicked his eyes in our direction.

  “What’s happened?” I whispered. I’d started to tremble from the almost tangible sadness in the room and Jason’s hand gripped mine tighter as we waited for someone to fill us in.

  “Drew’s awake,” Michael said, giving us a tight-lipped smile. “But… there’s bad news. He’s got… there’s been some damage to his spinal cord. He’s lost the feeling in his legs. The doctors are with him now doing a few tests, but he’s going to need some scans to see exactly what the problem is, and probably surgery.”

  I glanced at Jason as his face drained of all colour.

  “What… what does that mean?” he asked. “Will he… I mean… He’ll be able to walk again, right?”

  Michael gave a small shake of his head. “We can’t tell at the moment.”

  “So… he could end up in a wheelchair?”

  “Yes. It’s a possibility.”

  I let go of Jason’s hand and wrapped my arms around him as he sagged against me and tears rained down my cheeks.

  This wasn’t fair. Not any of it. Drew was alive, and that was something to be grateful for, of course, but the idea of him being unable to walk? No. He had to walk down the aisle with my sister. He had to be able to run around with their children, and he had to get back on the road with the band and do what he did best.

  “Why didn’t you call?” Jason asked coldly. “You said you’d call if anything happened.”

  He directed the question at my mother – she was the one who promised to get in touch – and Drew waking up was a pretty huge deal.

  She turned her head towards us. “I’m sorry. I was taking care of my daughter.”

  “You have two daughters.”

  The insinuation that she hadn’t been taking such good care of me lately practically echoed around the room, causing me to close my eyes against the awkwardness. What could I say? He wasn’t totally wrong. Since I’d got home, Mum hadn’t made much effort to understand what I’d been through, or how I felt about it and if she and Dad had had their way, I’d still be in England. However, she was still my mum, and recent events aside, a damn good one.

  Ellie raised her head from Michael’s shoulder and glared at Jason. “Everything’s always about you, isn’t it?”

  My eyes flew open. I got that she was upset, but I thought, since she and I had partially made up, she would be okay with Jason too. She had bigger things to worry about, after all. Yet her words and tone said otherwise. It was as if she’d flicked back to the past, dug deep down inside herself, and spat out something that had been lurking inside her. Something that shouldn’t have been there anymore because she’d always sworn she was over everything that happened before. I guess some wounds were more raw than others.

  “That’s not fair,” Jason said. “If it was Lucy in Drew’s position, how would you feel if nobody bothered to tell you she woke up after a near fatal accident?”

  “That’s not why you’re upset. You’re upset because right now the world isn’t revolving around you. It wasn’t enough that you and Lucy overshadowed our engagement, now this has to be about you too. ”

  Jason stiffened, his anger growing and filling the room so much it was almost suffocating. Fury seemed to emanate from him in thick waves, slowly pulling us all under. My own emotions were all over the place. Her mention of Jason and I overshadowing her engagement news was uncalled for and deeply unfair, as was her accusing Jason of being selfish. But I knew my sister. She wasn’t thinking straight, even though she looked as though she knew exactly what she was saying.

  “What happened to you?” he asked in a low voice, his eyes fixed on Ellie. “You used to be understanding. You used to be considerate. For the last few months, you’ve been judgemental, bordering on heartless when it comes to your own sister. Now you want to sit there and tell me that I want to make my brother’s condition about me? Well, fuck you. I was beside him in the wreckage. I watched, helpless, as he was dragged out of that bus, not knowing if he’d wake up. I was at his bedside the whole time, Ellie. I sat beside him praying he’d wake up. Praying he’d be okay. I didn’t do that because I had to, or because I expect some kind of thanks for it. He’s my brother. My big brother. And none of you could pick up the phone and let me know he woke up?”

  Michael stood up. “Jason, please.”

  “No, Dad! I know Dre
w is the main priority right now, but it would have taken a few seconds to call and say the words we’ve all been waiting to hear for the last twenty-four hours!”

  Ellie turned her gaze to me. “You haven’t said anything.”

  I looked into her eyes, searching for a sign that my sister and best friend was still in there somewhere but I couldn’t find her. She was too caught up in fear and anger to think or speak rationally, and nothing I said could change that. I tightened my hold on Jason. “And I’m not going to say anything. I’m not getting into a fight that shouldn’t be happening.”

  “You think he’s right. You think someone should have called instead of us trying to come to terms with what’s happening?”

  My eyes widened. “Of course someone should have called! The only reason we weren’t here was because Mum told Jason to go back to the hotel and get some rest. Since when did Jason stop being a part of Drew’s family? Since when was it not important for him to come to terms with what happened? And since when did we stop working through things together? Especially things that affect both of our families.”

  I bit my lower lip to stop myself saying anymore, because I hadn’t really meant to say anything. But she wasn’t being fair.

  “Lucy’s right,” Michael said. “This was my mistake, though.” He turned to Jason and me. “I’m so sorry, but it was a huge shock, and I just didn’t think. I would have called you, but I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner.”

  Jason shook his head. “It’s always the same, Dad. Always.” He took a step away from me, but reached for my hand. “I need a break, Luce. I’ll be back later.”

  There was a darkness in his eyes I didn’t recognise, and fear vibrated through my body. It was clear he was struggling with everything that had happened; not just Drew’s diagnosis but the loss of Mack, and being in the crash. The last thing he needed was to be on his own, yet if I didn’t let him go, I was going to be another person in his life who smothered him. Just like last time, I had to hold in my fears and let him go his own way. I had to trust him.