Distant Heart

by Tracey Bateman

  “Oh, for the love o…” Ginger snorted and twisted her face into a scowl. “He’s a nice man, for sure, but he’s not exactly the Almighty.”

  “No, he’s not.” Toni smiled. “But he’s the closest thing I’ve ever seen in a human being.”

  “Mercy, you really do love him, don’t you?”

  Toni kept her gaze fixed on Sam. Her shoulders rose and fell in a heavy breath. “What is love?” she whispered. “If I did love him, how would I know?”

  Thirteen

  “I say we stay on the trail headin’ back. We’ll ask for help once we get to Fort Laramie.” The leader of the second wagon train had been trying to force his opinion, and for a time it seemed as though his tactic would work. For the last few minutes he’d repeated his argument over and over, generally trying to wear down the grieving members of his train. “We need soldiers to help us find the woman and girls. There’s no choice. We go back.” He spat a stream of tobacco juice as though that settled things.

  “And leave my little girl at the mercy of those savages for two more weeks?” Timothy Franks, a middle-aged man from Kansas, spoke with the passion of a father desperate to retrieve his child. “Those murdering redskins killed my wife. Janey is all I have left.”

  Sam listened to the argument between the members of the new wagon train with growing impatience. The former wagon master had been among the first to take an arrow through the heart. In his absence an overbearing former mountain man by the name of Joseph Thompson had declared himself the leader of the group. Of the remaining men, he seemed the strongest. The loudest at the very least. Sam knew from experience that too often anyone who made the most noise ended up at the front of the line.

  “Now, listen.” Blake raised his hands for silence. “I can’t tell you all what to do. Anyone with a wagon of your own and enough supplies to make it to Oregon is free to join us. The rest of you will have to take a vote to decide if you go after the captives or stay on the trail back east.”

  “Can’t you spare some men to help with a search?” Brian Stamm, a young farmer from Minnesota spoke up. “Angela is my sister. I promised my ma I’d take care of her. That’s the only reason my pa and ma let her come with my wife and me.” His voice cracked with emotion. “I failed them.”

  Sam’s heart went out to the man when Blake shook his head. “I’m sorry about your sister and I’d like to help, but we lost 150 members ourselves a few months back. I can’t risk the strength of my wagon train by organizing a search party. We have to protect the wagons, supplies, and women and children in our own train.” Sam knew Blake was right. But he also knew that if Toni had been captured, he would have left regardless, and no one would have been able to force him to remain with the wagon train. He also understood Blake’s position and couldn’t blame him.

  Blake’s tone remained calm as he tried to explain further. “Swooping Eagle could be planning an attack on us next. We can’t spare any men. At least not enough to make a difference should you engage the Indians in battle.”

  The man’s countenance fell at the disappointing news. Then his jaw tightened with determination. “I’m going on my own.”

  The new wagon master from the other train stepped forward, towering over the distraught brother. “No one’s leaving this train. Just like Mr. Tanner, here, we need every man in case of another attack.”

  Sam’s defenses rose at this man’s audacity.

  “Excuse me, sir,” he said. “Mr. Tanner has already agreed to take on anyone who wants to join our train. So you can’t exactly keep people prisoner in your wagon train.”

  Anger flashed in the man’s eyes. “I can do whatever I want. I took over after our leader got an arrow through his heart. They wanted me to be their leader and I’ll be hanged if I’m going to take a chance on losing any more lives just because a couple of people want to go on a fool’s errand.”

  “Fool’s errand?” Timothy Franks stepped forward, anger flashing in his eyes. “I don’t consider looking for my daughter to be a fool’s errand. I’m going with Brian. And if anyone’s a fool here, it’s you. ’Specially if you think you’re going to keep me from going after my little girl.”

  “You challenging me?” Joseph’s eyes took on a dangerous glare as he stared down at the determined father.

  Sam planted his feet, poised to jump in if he needed to do so.

  Brian and Timothy made an impressive wall of strength as they stood shoulder to shoulder against a man who could more than likely kill them both with his bare hands. “I’m challenging your right to keep a man from taking care of his own.” Timothy stared him in the eye. “My little girl needs me. I never should have agreed to turn tail and run back to the fort in the first place.”

  “Now you callin’ me a coward?”

  “Nope. I’m saying it was a mistake not to go right after those Indians when their trail was fresh and they were still close enough to catch up to. I don’t know how we’ll ever find them now. But with God’s help, I aim to try.”

  “Same here,” Brian said. “Don’t even try to stop me.”

  “If you go, don’t come crawlin’ back. You won’t be welcome in our train.”

  “Don’t worry. I can get my little girl back to Minnesota on my own, just fine. I wouldn’t want to ride with the likes of you, anyhow.”

  Brian turned to Blake. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d appreciate a spot in your wagon train for my wife and son while I look for my sister.” His lip curled and he cast a glance at Joseph. “I wouldn’t trust this man to keep them safe.”

  Blake nodded. “Our general rule is not to take women traveling without a man, but we’ve broken it a couple of times. I guess this is good enough reason as any.”

  Brian clasped and shook Blake’s hand. “Thank you. You won’t regret it.”

  Sam stepped forward. He knew they couldn’t send these men out as sheep among wolves. Two farmers from the plains, they wouldn’t survive a week alone. “You’ll need a tracker.”

  Feeling Blake’s gaze boring into him, Sam kept his focus on the two men.

  “You offering to help?”

  “He can’t,” Blake said, anger edging his voice. “He has a contract with this wagon train company. If he leaves he won’t receive his pay for this trip.”

  A smile tipped Sam’s lips. Blake was speaking from fear, nothing more. “Sometimes doing the right thing costs. Just ask Jesus. His cost was much higher than losing a few months’ wages.”

  Scowling deeply, Blake turned silently on his heel and stomped away.

  Sam understood his friend’s concerns. He didn’t want to go off from the wagon train, either. For one thing, he hated the thought of leaving Toni without a protector, but this was the right decision for more than one reason. First of all, if Swooping Eagle was in camp, he was no immediate threat to Toni. Second, only meeting the war chief face-to-face would give Sam the answers he sought. A man as powerful as this Cheyenne wouldn’t pursue a strange woman for no reason. Sam was determined to discover the truth. One way or another he would end this man’s threat against Toni.

  Typically, when a wagon train met up with other travelers there was cause for a celebration. A full day of camp, a feast if they could find game, and stories around the fire, music, or Bible studies. But this was no time to celebrate. The eastbound train had suffered too much and there were very few smiles to be had.

  Neither did Toni feel like celebrating. As a matter of fact, she was downright angry at the thought of Sam riding off with two strangers, risking his life on what was surely a futile search.

  He stood before her now as she prepared supper for herself and Ginger. Her spoon clattered in the pot as she stirred the beans with more vigor than necessary. “Toni, why are you angry with me?” His voice rang with sorrow.

  “What makes you think I’m angry?” Toni gave a nonchalant wave and resumed her stirring.

  The soft warmth of Sam’s hand upon her shoulder stopped her pretense. “Fine,” she said, facing him. “I
am angry. You shouldn’t be risking your neck for a couple of strangers.”

  “But this is what I feel is the right thing for me to do.” A gentle smile curved his lips. “Would you have me deny what I feel inside?”

  Toni scowled at him, drums of defeat playing against her chest. “No. I just wish you’d feel something a little more intelligent.”

  Sam laughed, “Toni, I’ve tracked this land for over fifteen years. I know the ways of the Cheyenne as well as the other plains Indians. If God can use anyone to lead those two men to find their loved ones, it is I.”

  “Why can’t they just go back to Fort Laramie and ask for a search party?” Toni knew her manner was that of a spoiled child, but she didn’t care. She truly didn’t. All she knew was that Sam was leaving.

  Taking a long, slow breath, Sam clasped her other shoulder and looked down, his eyes filled with tenderness. “I am honored by your concern.”

  Toni could barely breathe when he looked at her that way. The way a man did when he wanted more than an hour with a woman. She swallowed hard and stepped back, overwhelmed by the emotions welling inside of her. “When are you leaving?” she said, barely above a whisper.

  He dropped his hands from her shoulders, but continued to stare at her…searching, asking…. something. “First light.”

  Toni wanted to say so many things. Things like: Be careful, come back to me, love me. But she knew better. Now wasn’t the time to ask for anything or make any emotional statements. Or maybe it was. Maybe. “Sam…”

  “Tarnation, Toni! You sending up smoke signals or something?”

  Toni jumped at the sound of Ginger’s outraged voice. Once her words hit their mark, Toni gasped. “Mercy!” Springing into action she dashed for the pot. Black smoke billowed into the air and the acrid smell burned her throat. “I’ve never burned a pot of anything in my whole life.”

  “Why’d you have to go and start now?” Ginger grumbled. “I’m hungry as a bear.”

  Sam reached for the handle of the pot and removed it from the fire. “Come with me.”

  “Where to?” Toni asked.

  “The river.” He smiled. “I’ll catch some fish for your supper, while you use pebbles to scrub the pot.”

  Ginger’s scowl said it all. She wasn’t about to wait for food, nor was she going to help scrub a pot. “I’m goin’ to find out what Miss Sadie’s fixin’. She probably has enough to invite me to join her.”

  Toni sent her a look of apology. “I promise I won’t burn tomorrow’s supper.”

  The young woman waved aside the apology. “Don’t worry. I won’t go hungry.” She glanced at Sam. “Hopefully you won’t either.”

  Toni followed Sam to the river. She felt awkward and unsure of herself. How could she have come so close to saying words she would most certainly regret? Thank heavens Ginger had interrupted when she had.

  But what if Sam didn’t return? The thought of him lying on the ground with an arrow through his chest was a possible reality that was too much for her.

  “Sam.”

  The scout turned. “Everything okay?”

  “No.” She stepped closer to him. “No, Sam, everything is not okay.”

  He frowned and looked her over. “You hurt?”

  She took his hand and pressed a kiss to each of his callused fingers. “The only pain I feel is in my heart, at the thought of you leaving.”

  Sam dropped the pot on the ground by his feet. Gently, he pulled his hand from her grip. “Toni, this isn’t proper.”

  A short laugh erupted from Toni. “Proper? Do you think I don’t know what is and is not proper?”

  “I don’t mean to insult you. Forgive me.”

  His humble reply took the thunder from her. “Oh, Sam. Proper is a matter of interpretation. I behaved in the proper manner for my situation. Entertaining was the only way I knew to get my life back. A real life. I know I’ll always have the mark of a prostitute on me. And I know that these people are never going to accept me in proper society. But I don’t care about any of that. Not anymore. What I care about is you. I know you won’t love me. But I wanted you to know how I feel before you go.”

  Her lungs burned by the time she finished her speech and she realized she’d given it all in one breath. Her chest rose and fell as she tried to gather air back into her body. “Toni,” he said softly stepping closer.

  Joy shot through Toni as he pulled her to him.

  His eyes scanned her face, coming to rest on her lips. “You’re beautiful.”

  The look in his eyes said he was telling the truth. But his words reminded Toni that she wasn’t the woman she’d been before George’s attack. “I forget about my scars, both inside and out, when you look at me,” she murmured, more as a revelation to herself.

  “Nothing could take away your beauty.”

  “Don’t lie to me, Sam.” Toni lowered her gaze. “You have no reason to do so.”

  He placed his finger beneath her chin and forced her eyes upward once again. “You know I do not lie. I have always seen you as beautiful. Inside and out.” He drew a deep breath and moved his hand from her chin until his palm came to rest on her cheek. Toni closed her eyes, reveling in the gentle, soothing warmth.

  “If I could offer you a life, I would take you as my wife,” he said. Toni’s eyes popped open.

  “Marriage?” Hope beat a rapid rhythm in her chest until she realized what he had actually said. “Of course not. You couldn’t marry me.”

  His face dropped with a sadness that reflected her own heart. “No. It isn’t possible.”

  On impulse, Toni reached up and grazed his cheek with her fingertips. “You’re a good man. I wish you all the happiness you deserve.”

  “As I do you.” In an instant, Toni knew he wouldn’t resist his desire to kiss her this time.

  Toni barely had the presence of mind to breathe as Sam lowered his head. His warm lips met hers in the first kiss she’d ever received that didn’t make her feel broken.

  Fourteen

  Dawn broke two full hours after Sam, Brian, and Timothy mounted their horses and headed toward the spot where the wagon train had been attacked four days earlier. From there, they’d try to pick up the Indians’ trail.

  Sam tried to put Toni’s kiss from his mind, but found it difficult, even during this time when he needed full utilization of his senses. In his heart, he knew he shouldn’t have succumbed to the heady feeling of having her in his arms, having her tell him how she cared for him. At the same time, she knew they couldn’t be together. She understood that his Indian blood prevented a match between them. He respected her acceptance of the situation. Most women would have argued and begged and tried to change his mind.

  He was, foolishly, a little disappointed that she hadn’t.

  The wagon train would be a few hours behind them but would grow farther and farther behind as the terrain grew more difficult, the journey more arduous. Men on horseback could make the journey twice as fast as a wagon train.

  “My Janey loved every minute of the travel. She loved bein’ outside more than anything. It was all her ma could do to keep her from tearin’ her little dresses and comin’ home from the river all muddied. But she always had a string of fish to show for the mess. Her ma always forgave her and fried the fish up just right. I never should have brought them out here. Never. We was doin’ fine on our farm. But I wanted to find gold and dress my girls in the finest silk. Watch them eat fancy meals off fine china. This is all my fault.” Timothy couldn’t seem to stop talking about his girl. The man was heartbroken over the loss of his wife. And desperate…more than desperate to find his child. The level of desperation concerned Sam. When the time came, would Timothy have the presence of mind to hold back while Sam negotiated?

  Brian was a hotheaded young man with the passions of youth still burning in his veins. But he’d do what it took to get his sister back without compromising the mission, if Sam was any judge of character. And he surely hoped he was. Given a choice between t
he two, he’d trust Brian to keep a clear head and steady hand in an emergency.

  The early morning air held a chill that sliced Sam’s gut. It looked like winter might come early this year. The wagon train had already lost so much time between mishaps and Toni and Fannie’s kidnapping, and days here and there for repair and the need to hunt. They were usually almost over the mountains by now, almost to the promised land. But this time they had no less than two or three months’ of travel ahead of them. And that was provided there were no more setbacks.

  “First thing I’m gonna do when I get my sister back is send her straight home to our ma where she belongs.”

  “She can go back with Janey and me.”

  “You’re really not going on to Oregon?” Brian stared at the man as though he’d taken leave of his senses. “You’re so close. I thought all that talk back there was just to show Joseph you didn’t need him.”

  Tim shook his head. “I’m taking my little girl and I’m goin’ back to Minnesota where we belong. Back to my wife’s people.” He pulled out a handkerchief and swiped it across his nose. “I promised my wife over her grave that I’d take her little girl back home. And that’s what I aim to do.”

  Sam hoped Timothy had the opportunity to keep that promise. And if God would remain merciful, both of these men would find what they were looking for.

  “Stop kicking up so much dust, Ginger.” Toni’s nerves were so taut she felt like screaming.

  “You’re as snarly as an ol’ bear!” Ginger barked back. “Don’t take it out on me just because you’re missing Sam. You’ve been moping around for three days. Is this how it’s gonna be until he gets back?”

  “This has nothing to do with Sam. I’m snarly as an old bear because you’re choking me half to death. Go ride ahead.”

  Ginger scowled and gave a huff. “That’s the thanks I get for trying to keep you from getting too lonesome for that half-breed.”