Into Thin Air: Omnibus Edition Parts 1 - 3

by Mark R Silgram

“Don’t just stand there … get a tree branch or something!” Donald yelled in between spitting out strings of the black goo.

  “Why should I?”

  “I thought you loved me, Troy.”

  “Why did you fake having cancer?” Troy said, trying to remain impassive. “You never did have a lump, did you?”

  “No … it was a bit of silicone inserted into my testicles by a friend to make you think I did.”

  “Why?”

  “Why do you think? I’m a conman and I needed an idiot to steal those gems for me. I saw the way you looked at me in my history classes. Why do you think I got you that job in the first place?”

  “Did you ever love me?”

  “No.”

  “You bastard. I was prepared to go to prison for you, but they forced me join the Royal Navy instead as part of a special programme.”

  “So,” Richard said, now struggling to keep his head out of the tar, “do you think I’m going to kiss your ass now just because I need your help? I’d rather drown.”

  “I’ll save you, but only because I have another score to settle and you’re more use to me alive,” Troy said, handing him a tree branch. “Grab on.”

  Taylor, Charlotte, Milton and the two red shirts were making excellent progress as they followed a smoke trail in the sky. They were heading along a plain in a forest rife with animal life and vegetation built up of sediment washed down from the mountains that arose along the edge of the ocean. In the distance he could see a smoking monster of a volcano that had recently erupted. The tranquility was soon spoilt, however; not by the roar of a dinosaur but by Milton.

  “What’s that you’re whistling?” Charles Taylor asked, raising his eyebrows.

  “It’s from the film The Bridge on the River Kwai. It’s a classic, man.”

  “I’ll take your word for it.”

  “If a dinosaur comes near me, I’ll blow its fucking little brains out.” Red Shirt 1 said, zapping anything that moved.

  “That’s why we need to find this flying saucer, man. It might have the technology to get us back.”

  “Or it might have aliens that will fry our brains,” Red Shirt 2 said, equally terrified, jumping at every sound in the undergrowth.

  “That is if it exists at all?” Charlotte added, slapping Milton on the back.

  Before anyone else could add their two pence worth they came to a vast lake that they were going to have to cross.

  “I can’t swim,” Red Shirt 1 said, looking out at the lake. “I’m staying here.”

  He then slumped down next to a tree. Before anyone could persuade him otherwise, a crocodile darted out of the water and dragged him, kicking and screaming, into the lake, leaving pools of blood that quickly fanned out in the water.

  “We can use the Lucky Launcher Two rope gun to get across,” Milton said, taking out something that looked like a toy gun from his backpack as everyone else was still reeling in shock.

  Milton fired a line of rope into the trees, and they all took it in turns to cross the lake, dangling from the rope with snapping, hungry crocodiles not far below them.

  Having made it across the lake safely, they were soon in danger again when a Tyrannosaurus spotted them and gave chase with a roar. Red Shirt 2 starting firing at it with his pistol, which was a bad idea because the Tyrannosaurus had an ear structure like that of a crocodile, giving it a good sense of hearing. So Red Shirt 2 didn’t stand a chance and was history in a single bite. Taylor actually heard the man’s bones crack as the Tyrannosaurus came after him.

  It had begun to rain and rivers of mud soon started to form as they ran to find a place to hide from the king of the dinosaurs. Charles Taylor saw a cave up ahead and the three of them dived into a tiny crack. The Tyrannosaurus’s jaws snapped at their heels and it roared with frustration when it realised it couldn’t get at them.

  Over the next few hours they watched helplessly as the Tyrannosaurus clawed at them through the crack and chipped away at the rock. It wouldn’t be long until it had them, so they had to find another way out.

  “So what do we do now?” Charles Taylor asked no one in particular as he lit a makeshift torch, illuminating the cave that would become their coffin if they didn’t get out soon.

  “There must be another way out man,” Milton said, doodling in the sand.

  “Okay, you and Lieutenant Taylor go and look for a way out while I keep an eye on my friend over here,” Charlotte ordered, readying her pistol and aiming it at the Tyrannosaurus.

  Bond Street, London 2007

  The police sirens grew louder and louder with every passing second as the balaclava-wearing jewellery thief bulldozed his way through members of the public as he fought to get away, clutching a child’s black sports bag with a picture of a green dinosaur on the side full of expensive necklaces and watches. Flying over the bonnet of one police car, he cracked his head on the windscreen of another before tumbling in the air and landing right in front of a very frightened but pissed-off black-cab driver. The thief yanked the door open, threw the bag of jewellery into the taxi and climbed inside, shouting at the taxi driver while waving a gun in his face:

  “Shut the fuck up and drive, or I’ll blow your fucking head off, man.”

  Hearing a police helicopter thundering overhead with the black taxi hit the motorway.

  “What’s your name?” the taxi driver asked the thief, trying his luck.

  “Yeah, right, as if I’m going to tell you that,” the thief said, pressing his gun against the taxi driver’s head. “Just drive, man.”

  “Listen, pal,” the taxi driver said, unfazed, “I’ve got no problem driving to an address in the middle of fucking nowhere, or with the fact you’re a criminal on the run from the police. But the least you can do is tell me your first name.”

  “It’s Milton,” Milton said, handing the taxi driver a Rolex watch. “Here, this is for the taxi fare. Now fuck off.”

  Milton then booted the taxi driver out of his taxi and put his foot down hard on the accelerator, heading towards Kent.

  Charles Taylor handed Milton a torch as they began to explore the cave. The air felt damp and smelt musty as it clung to them, and the only sounds that could be heard were the dripping of water off the limestone walls and their footsteps, as the roar of the Tyrannosaurus became fainter and fainter the deeper they went. It was almost becoming peaceful until Milton shouted with excitement and pointed to a man-sized hole in the cave wall.

  “What is it …” Charles Taylor said, almost lost for words.

  For it wasn’t a hole at all; more like a window through which he could see a busy high street with futuristic cars and buses honking their horns and blaring out the same kind of music he’d heard the first day he arrived at Camp Lucy.

  “It’s a tear in reality, man,” Milton gushed.

  “In English.”

  “It’s home, man. Look,” Milton said, stepping through.

  Charles Taylor went through after him and found himself still on Earth, but in the future. Peering through the tear, which was now hovering in midair, he could see the cave that they had just come from.

  As they ate burgers in a restaurant called McDonald’s, Milton explained the concept of worm holes and time travel, which went way over Charles Taylor’s head.

  “We might be home, Milton, but Charlotte is still back in that cave about to be eaten by a dinosaur. Remember, we’ll have to go back.”

  “And we will, man, just after I’ve eaten a McFlurry.”

  “No, we have to go now,” Charles Taylor said, grabbing Milton by the arm. He felt dirty being amongst normal people with an unkempt beard and mud-soaked clothes.

  They were about to leave when a mad woman came up to him and called him “Granddad”.

  “What the fuck was that all about?” Milton said when they were both on the pavement.

  “I don’t know, but I think you’d better stay here for now and follow her,” Charles Taylor said, pointing to the woman just as she was gett
ing into her car with a couple of kids.

  “Why?”

  “I didn’t get half of what she was on about, but she did mention tears in time and space.”

  Chapter 5

  Flames licked greedily at the logs in the camp fire, making them crack and hiss, and every now and then as Taylor and Charlotte sat and drank mugs of tea. Neither of them said a word as they were both deep in thought, but they both thought the same thing: two of their people had been eaten and they had lost Milton and the tear had closed the moment Taylor jumped back through it into the cave. Now the trail for the flying saucer had gone cold so now they had no idea where it was, if indeed there had ever been one in the first place. Getting out of the cave alive had cost them the best part of the day, Taylor wanted to continue searching for the flying saucer but Charlotte wanted to head back to camp. It was beginning to get dark now and they were still at loggerheads.

  Whole hours had gone by in silence before Charlotte eventually said, “Did Milton think I slept with you last night?”

  “Women are unbelievable. We’ve time-travelled sixty-five million years into the past and all you’re bothered about is your honour,” Charles Taylor said. They both started laughing. “No, I didn’t tell him. But seriously, now that we’re both talking again, what’s the plan?”

  “We head back to camp. Unless you want to be eaten?”

  “Fine, you go back to camp if you want, but I’m going to carry on looking.”

  “Wait a minute,” Charlotte said, throwing her arms up in the air and standing up. “This has never been about finding the flying saucer, has it? How could I have been so stupid?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You’re still looking for your missing airmen, aren’t you? You bastard…” Charlotte cut herself off in mid-rant when she saw something in the trees and she put a finger to her lips.

  “What is it?” Charles Taylor whispered, looking in the direction she was pointing.

  “It’s a woman hanging up washing on a washing line.”

  At first Charles Taylor thought she really had gone nuts, either through lack of sleep or the shock of losing Milton and the others, until he also saw the woman. She was completely unaware of them and quietly humming to herself as she finished pegging out her washing.

  But then all hell broke loose as she dropped the washing basket and screamed for her husband when she saw him lurking in the bushes. Charles Taylor wasn’t surprised she was scared of him, as he had a gun in his hand and dried blood on his face and was caked in mud. The last thing he remembered was being smacked in the head with a baseball bat, and then he blacked out.

  Taylor woke up to find the woman dabbing at a cut on his head.

  “I’m sorry my husband hit you. Your friend told me everything. I’m Laura and that’s my husband, David.” She nodded to the guy standing by the kitchen counter reading the paper whilst taking a slurp of coffee. David was dressed like he worked in an office in a suit jacket, tie, freshly ironed white shirt and black trousers.

  At first Taylor thought they had time-travelled again, until Laura, reading his mind, said, “You must have a lot of questions but you’re still in the Cretaceous Period. We crashed in a plane some years back on the way to our honeymoon and built this log cabin. Don’t worry, your friend is safe and asleep in the next room. You must both be exhausted, but you’re welcome to stay here for as long as you like.” She laughed. “We’d be glad of the company.”

  “Thanks, but I just need a shower and a map, if you’ve got one. We’re looking for my missing airmen.”

  “And a flying saucer,” Charlotte said with a yawn, walking out of a bedroom.

  “Do you guys want toast or coffee or both?” David said, rubbing his hands together with glee, clearly relishing playing host to the first friendly faces he must’ve seen in years.

  “Both, please, if you don’t mind,” Charlotte said, sitting down at the breakfast table.

  Taylor walked into the bathroom, shaking his head in bewilderment. When he came out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel, the three of them were talking about a TV show called Big Brother.

  “I’ve found your flying saucer, Charlie-boy,” David said to Taylor, snapping his fingers. “Showed up on our radar yesterday. It crashed just over the hill. After you’ve eaten breakfast, I’ll take you both there.”

  “We don’t want to cause you any trouble …” Charlotte said, taking a bite of toast with jam.

  “It’s okay. David loves aliens and UFOs and stuff,” Laura said, clearing away the dishes. “Plus you’ll be safe with him around as he’s become a little expert at slaying dinosaurs since we’ve been here.”

  Being a threesome again clearly cheered up Charlotte as they traipsed through the jungle, but Taylor was still wary of David and his wife. There was something odd about them and it wasn’t just the fact they were playing house in the middle of a dinosaur-infested jungle.

  “You’re a woman,” Taylor whispered to Charlotte.

  “Last time I checked,” Charlotte whispered back. “Why?”

  “It’s been puzzling me for a while now, but haven’t you wondered why Laura was pegging out her washing in the evening? I mean, wouldn’t it make sense to peg your washing out in the morning?”

  “You can be an absolute pig sometimes, Lieutenant Taylor!” Charlotte said, marching off in a huff.

  When Taylor caught up with Charlotte and David he found them standing by a crater that was far too deep to walk down and far too wide go around, so they’d have to traverse it using rope. Right at the bottom was a bunch of snarling Velociraptors.

  “Your flying saucer should be somewhere near here. We can shoot ropes across this crater easily enough, but I don’t need to tell you what will happen if any of us falls off mid-climb,” David said grimly.

  “Let’s just get on with it,” Taylor said, unslinging his backpack and taking out a pistol. “I’ll cover you both until you’re across at the other side.”

  Charlotte unslung her backpack, took out a Lucky Launcher Two rope-line launcher and fired a reel of rope from a tree on their side of the crater to a clump of trees on the other side.

  David was the first to cross, and the way he moved, with precision, speed and confidence, made Taylor think he came from a military background. While he was out of earshot Charles Taylor decided to air his suspicions about him to Charlotte.

  “Do you think we can trust him?”

  “No. But he seems to know what he’s doing, and we wouldn’t have got this far without him.”

  “That’s what I’m worried about. It’s too easy.”

  “So what do you suggest?”

  “He’s bound to slip up eventually, and when he does we’ll tie him up and get the truth out of him.”

  “That’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?”

  “No, and I don’t like this one bit. But it’s too late to back out now.”

  Before they could discuss David further, he shouted over for Charlotte to go next. Keeping one eye on Charlotte as she shimmied across the rope, Charles looked through the sights of the pistol at the Velociraptors, getting ready to drop them. The wind didn’t help, making the line sway, and at one point the Velociraptors twigged what they were up to and started leaping and snapping their jaws at Charlotte’s feet, which were no more than a few metres above their heads. When she was almost across Taylor thought she was going to make it, but she lost her grip and fell.

  David, as ever, was the first to react, cutting the line with a knife and swinging to her rescue like Tarzan. It was a while before Taylor reached them, and when he did he was left dumbstruck by what he saw. They weren’t ripped to pieces with blood splattered everywhere as he’d feared, but sitting on a tree trunk having a smoke while the Velocirators circled them menacingly but not daring to pounce.

  Far from relieved that they were still alive, Charles was more scared of David. If he could tame killing machines like Velociraptors what else was he capable of doing?r />
  “Do you want a cigarette?” Charlotte said, holding out a packet.

  “Charlotte’s been filling me in on your plan. I never took you as the kinky sort, Charlie-boy.”

  “I told him about your idea of tying him up.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he really is on our side. We had a little chat and we’re all friends again.” It was almost like she was hypnotised, just like the Velociraptors. “And we’ve found the flying saucer.”

  “Where?”

  “It’s here, Charlie-boy” David said, pointing to a rusting heap of metal with trees sprouting through it.

  At first Taylor couldn’t understand what he was looking at, but then he examined it more closely. It was indeed the flying saucer he and Milton had seen crashing into the jungle two days ago, only now it was being consumed by the jungle and it had been for a few centuries, by the looks of it, given the state of decay. It still looked impressive, though, and every bit what he’d seen in the comic books he’d read, only much bigger than he’d imagined. At first he couldn’t figure out how it had got this way from seeing it flying through the air a couple of days ago, but then he remembered what Charlotte told him the day he came to this world: that time ran at different speeds depending on where you went.

  “So what now?” Taylor said, walking around it, eager to get back to searching for his lost airmen.

  “We take a look inside for Milton and we head back to camp,” Charlotte said, already looking for a way in.

  “What if something has survived in there?”

  “Charlie-boy’s got a point,” David said, surprisingly backing him up. “You two wait here and I’ll go inside.”

  “No, we saw it first so we should be the ones to go in and explore it while you wait outside, just in case there’s any trouble,” Charles Taylor said, looking for a way in.

  “If we’re not back in ten minutes, come and get us,” Charlotte said. She handed David a pistol. “Take this, just in case.”

  David took it and checked for bullets before slamming the magazine back and drawing back the top slide to load a bullet.