Wild and Fevered

by Long, Heather

  “I’m not shutting you out,” she sighed. “I’m trying to tell you what is wrong. But I can’t make you hear me.”

  Satisfied with that, he released her face and took a step back, hands held out to his sides. It flew in the face of everything he was, but he withdrew from her space as she’d requested. “Tell me again. I will listen.”

  After finger combing her hair, she reached for her torn shirt and sighed.

  “I have another, it’s in the tree. I will get it for you.” He kept clothing cached all over the ranch. He never knew when he’d need it. “Mariska talk to me.”

  Dropping the shirt, she picked up the undergarment and held it up. A smile quirked the corner of her mouth. “You certainly are hard on my clothes.”

  “And you’re a skilled seamstress.” As much as he wanted to shrug off the accusation, he crouched to check the damage he’d actually inflicted on her clothes. “Maybe I can be more careful in the future.”

  “No,” she brushed her fingers to his cheek and he glanced up. Allowing her to approach him unnoticed was normal. Alert to all possible intruders, not even the children could sneak up on him, but Mariska? Was that not trust? “I don’t want you to be more careful with my clothes. I love that you love me and want me.”

  “All the time.” He turned his head to kiss her fingers.

  Slowly, she knelt next to him and to his immense joy continued to touch him. “So why can you not bear to let me out of your sight?”

  “You’re mine,” he said. “Mine to keep safe. Mine to protect. Mine. Why would I put distance between us? When you are away from me…” He trailed off and gritted his teeth. “After what Miller did.” All his life, he’d been warned of Fevered who could not be trusted, Fevered who abused their gifts, but they had rarely encountered them. Miller and his men had been a rude awakening. The proof of the provocative warnings issued by Quanto and Wyatt through the years.

  “That was a special circumstance.” Her hostility, however, softened. “I know he affected me. I know he filled me with hate to lash out at you and I attacked you. You stopped me.”

  He’d responded to the violence in her challenge and he’d put her down, hard. The act sliced through him. Hurting her flew in the face of everything he was. But allowing Miller to continue to control her would have been worse. “I’m sorry.”

  “Cody, no,” Mariska said with a sigh. “I’m not sorry you stopped me. If I’d hurt you, I’d never forgiven myself. I don’t mind that my wolf submits to yours or that you want me to submit to you, but you cannot be with me every hour of every day. I need to know that I can be me still. That I can be your partner and not your burden.”

  His burden? “You’re not.”

  “I am.” Tears glimmered in her eyes, but she blinked furiously and they disappeared. “If I wasn’t, you would be with Jimmy. Perhaps we both would be, but you for certain. If I wasn’t, when Olivia disappeared from the ranch, you would have allowed me to hunt for her. But you didn’t. When it came to heading into the fort, you wouldn’t allow me to go because you didn’t trust my wolf. You don’t trust her.” When he would have said something she stopped him with her fingers to his lips. “No, I don’t trust her either. She doesn’t listen to me.”

  He understood how divisive the animal was from the person. He’d lived with his wolf’s control for so many years. “I know and, in time, you will master her.” As he had his, blending together to be one rather than two.

  Moistening her lips, she drew in a deep breath. “You were child when you became as you are. You told me this. You told me you needed your wolf to be in charge, but I am not a child. I am not used to being one. I was in charge of my life before I met you. I made mistakes. I paid consequences and I was who I was. But that my wolf listens to you, obeys you, and not me? Cody how can we ever trust anything?”

  “Because I love you.” Simple.

  “When I came to you after you defeated the wicked wolf…you were mad with pain and blood lust. Fierce and dangerous. I knew your wolf didn’t like me, had been rejecting me all that time. As much as you wanted me, he did not. He still believed Scarlett was the one…”

  Not this. Not again. “Mariska, no.”

  “Stop.” She tapped his lips. “Let me finish. For months now, I wrestled with this, itched inside my own skin trying to find the answer. I have it now. I know what has plagued me, but you have to let me finish.”

  As eager as she to dispense with their unseen enemy, he nodded once.

  “I knew I was taking my life in my hands, but I trusted you. You. I believed you would never allow your wolf to hurt me. I surrendered to both of you and you both accepted me.”

  The moment counted among the sweetest he’d ever experienced. “Yes.”

  “You cannot say the same of me.”

  Her wolf would never hurt him and if she tried…he paused. Mariska stared at him expectantly and Cody frowned. He didn’t have to put his faith in her wolf, because he’d already conquered—conquered, not coaxed. Dominated, not trusted.

  Disliking the notion she was right made the news even harder to swallow. “What do you want me to do?”

  “Give me time…give me and my wolf time to work this out between us.”

  Time? “How much?”

  “I don’t know. I know I need distance. If I’m with you, she’s quiet, relaxed…I barely even feel her. Unless I’m arguing with you and then she fights back against me. She wants me to be quiet and in your arms.” Accommodating the unspoken request, he wrapped his arms around her and she rested her head against his chest. “I want to be with you always, I love you. But I need to be whole, to be one—wolf and woman. If my wolf submits to you, it has to be because she and I chose to do so together and you have to know you can trust me. That I will guard your back and you can rest because I am there.”

  “You cannot leave the ranch.” On this, he wouldn’t bend. At least behind the barrier she was safe from MacPherson’s people. The army folk had also refrained from crossing Jed Kane’s land after the debacle with the colonel. How Jason and Jed wrangled that one, Cody didn’t know and he didn’t care.

  “Agreed.” Her acquiescence didn’t make the idea sit any easier. “A few hours here or there. I don’t know that I can go days without seeing you.”

  Releasing a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding, he tightened his arms around her. “I can accept that. I will let the others know we’re going to roam.” Focusing on training the younglings would have to wait.

  “We?” The arch reply amused him, but he smothered his smile before drawing back to look at her.

  “Yes. We.” Perhaps this was the way to make it work. “You must dominate your wolf and your wolf wants me.”

  “Yes…” Drawing the word out through layers of skepticism, she canted her head to the side. Between one blink and the next her eyes went the deep blue of her wolf.

  “So, you and she will have to hunt me.” Oh, he liked this idea.

  “I don’t understand.”

  She didn’t have to. Not yet. Enormously satisfied with the plan forming in his mind, he kissed the tip of her nose. “I will find you something to wear. Then I’ll speak to the others. Gather whatever you’re going to need.”

  Leaving her to stare after him, he strode through the thicket to where his clothes were cached. All he needed were the pants. She could have the rest. First, he’d let Micah and Sam know they would be gone, then he’d deal with his sister. Glancing back at Mariska, he clenched his jaw, teeth grinding together. Hopefully this would satisfy whatever question Mariska held about his trust.

  He could risk anything for her—as long as he didn’t lose her.

  Anything.

  Chapter 3

  Mariska

  After bringing her a clean, undamaged shirt to wear, Cody had waited for her to dress before he walked with her back to their house. Like so many others, they’d migrated into the area around the school and their small ancillary town of Haven. Across the river, the ne
wly built Dorado flourished. Neither she nor Cody cared to be this close to town, but they wanted to be where the children were and to keep an eye on those who came and went. So many had been changed by Miller’s attacks—the spread of Spirit Fever had annihilated nearly every soul in old Dorado and over half of the ranch population. The children that survived needed guidance as they learned to master their gifts.

  Only after Mariska was inside, did he leave her. The man surely didn’t see it, despite his provocative offer to roam together—and to let her hunt him. She was more than capable of taking care of herself, but he hovered over her as though she were Olivia or Delilah. Though that isn’t fair… Neither of their husbands hovered. Jason gave Olivia tremendous freedom and Delilah never wanted to leave. She liked the security of the ranch and the others around her.

  I’m not like them, though. She’d been raised to lead, not to cower or hide. Being protected from everything didn’t sit well with her. She put together the clothing she would need for a few days, including two pairs of trousers. Like several of the women on the ranch, she preferred to ride astride and skirts could get in the way.

  Her wolf grew antsier with each passing moment and the roiling feeling in her gut spread out to her limbs. Agitated, she had to fight the urge to slam things. Scarlett insisted her brothers had done the same to her—all of them, but Cody in particular. The red-haired firestarter was hardly helpless. No, she’d walked into a firestorm to halt the range from burning. She’d taken on another firestarter and won. She’d been separated from her family and had to survive, on her own amidst strangers.

  Granted, if I were to be stranded with strangers, the Kanes are the kindest, most honorable type. But Scarlett couldn’t have known that. As for the rest of that story, what Mariska knew of it, included her brothers hustling her back to the mountain and generally forbidding her to leave.

  Had they been successful in their intent…

  She paused. Had they been successful, they would still be there. It had been Quanto who sent them out again. The old Indian shaman fascinated her. All she knew of him were stories and, though the others talked of his dreamwalking visits, Mariska had never met him.

  Did he not approve of her? Did he not trust her either? That possibility hadn’t occurred to her. Why would anyone trust her? Cody didn’t allow them the chance to know her and, honestly, she didn’t press it. Her wolf clawed at her and she growled. Stop it. I need to think and you’re not helping. The animal didn’t quiet. If anything, her agitation increased.

  An image flashed through her mind. A hot, sunny rock. Kid staring into the distance and Cody next to him. They were talking. Looking at the boy made her hurt and he was too close to her mate, she’d snarled and… The memory faded as quickly as it surfaced. Not my memory.

  No. Not hers. The wolf’s. The wolf had threatened Kid. Cody had been there to prevent it. So, she stuffed the last few items into a leather satchel. You are the problem.

  She could feel her wolf’s crouch and the blazing attention focused on her. At no point had Mariska craved to be like Cody… Liar. The snarl wasn’t her either, but the truth was there.

  Yes, she had. When she’d begun to fall in love with him, she’d wanted to be stronger, faster, and be who he needed. Becoming a wolf may not have been in her plan, but she hadn’t rejected it either. Months had passed before her first full shift and the moment it struck, she’d been terrified.

  And in agony.

  Cody had been with her through every bone-breaking moment. He’d held her together as her body tore itself apart. And after?

  Nothing… A blank. Three days passed and she had no memory of them at all. All she remembered was the pain. Sweat trickled down her spine. She’d opened no windows when she’d come into the house and the stuffy, overheated air baked her. Days she’d spent in wolf form, days and days. Still, most remained a blank. When she was herself again, Cody would hold her and tell her—indulgent and kind—she had hurt no one. Praise for her strength and affection.

  Jason bleeding. The stranger bleeding. Olivia in pain and sobbing. The sharp, sour odor of fear. The urge to hunt, to kill, and to protect—then… Cody ordered her to become human. The memory slipped away. Her vision flattened and her nostrils flared. Hands clenched, she struggled with the burn in her muscles. Her knees gave out and she slammed onto the floor. Muscles along her back and arms began to spasm.

  Pain blistered inside her skin. She barely heard the door open or Cody’s curse. He took two steps toward her and she couldn’t breathe. Her wolf wanted out and she was…

  “Stop.” Cody held her arms. He’d lifted her from the floor and jerked her head up until her gaze collided with his. “Stop.” The crack of command silenced the wolf and the torture ceased as abruptly as it began. Shuddering, she dropped her forehead to his chest and clung to him.

  Making soothing noises, he stroked her back and simply held her. Trembling violently, Mariska wanted to weep. As much as she wanted Cody to leave her alone in this battle, she couldn’t deny her gratitude for his assistance.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I was trying to fight it.”

  Clearing his throat, he chucked her under the chin and said, “Sometimes the only way to win the fight is to surrender. She overwhelms you because you don’t want to change.”

  “But when I wanted to change…it’s the same.”

  “Because you don’t like her.”

  What?

  Blinking, she raised her head. Scarlett? What did she have to do with anything? “She’s your sister. Hell, she called me her sister today. I know I’m not fond o—”

  “Not Scarlett.” Cody placed his hands on her shoulders and held her at arm’s length. “Your wolf. You don’t like your wolf. She doesn’t like you. You don’t like her.”

  “You make us sound like two people.”

  “Not people. One woman. One wolf. Separate, yet forever bound.” Head canted to the side, he gazed at her, his blue eyes surrounded by a perfect ring of gold. No longer did his eyes go fully wolf. Once upon a time, she knew his wolf spoke to her rather than him because his eyes went pure gold.

  Did she hate her wolf? The animal was silent inside of her, quieted by Cody’s command and continued presence. Even when his wolf hungered for her blood, she’d not hated the majestic beast. So how could she hate hers? When only silence met her internal inquiry, she groaned. “I—”

  Cody released her and turned to the door seconds before a knock landed on the wood. Jerking it open, he glared at Buck, his dreamwalking brother. “Is anyone dying?”

  His brother blinked once, wary hesitation on his face. “No.”

  “Bleeding or in danger of dying?”

  With a slow shake of his head, Buck retreated a step and raised his hands. “No.”

  “We’re going roaming. Unless there’s imminent danger, don’t look for us.” He shut the door and swiveled to look at her once more.

  Had he truly dismissed his brother? Mariska gaped at him. “What if he needed something?”

  “He’s not dumb or deaf, if it were important he’d have asked. It wasn’t important.” Cody shrugged then crossed the quiet room to cup her face in his palms. “I told you we would go. You will have your time.”

  Fear flexed around her heart and she choked. “I can’t leave you.”

  “You won’t have to,” he said, his tone unyielding and his jaw tight. “I am leaving you. If you want to find me, you and your wolf will have to work together.”

  What?

  She opened her mouth, then closed it again. Was he serious? Bending, he claimed her mouth in a hard, fierce kiss. All male and hot, she tasted sun, wildness, and Cody. Clinging to him, she wasn’t prepared for him to break the kiss and set her away from him. “Stay here until I am gone.” The command resonated through her and she balked, but when he walked away, she stayed rooted to the spot.

  “What are you doing?”

  “What you asked me for.” To her shock, he left and the door banged close be
hind him. The echo of his steps on the wood porch faded almost immediately. She wanted to follow him, but her legs refused to move. Her inability to walk made no sense. What happened? Inside, her wolf roused slowly, but the animal didn’t respond or get her moving either.

  Obedience? Does he truly expect me to simply do as he says? Anger flushed through her, hot on the heels of shock. Cody left her. He never let her out of his sight and he left her? To go where?

  How the hell was she supposed to find him if she didn’t know where he was going? Panic bubbled in her belly and burned the back of her throat. Still, her legs wouldn’t move. Was her wolf holding her hostage to his command? Fury spiked and she managed to turn. Discomforted by the jerkiness in her own movements she nearly tripped over her feet. The wolf dug its claws into her soul and she clutched her stomach. Surprisingly, she wasn’t bleeding.

  Dammit, stop listening to him. Listen to me. But the wolf ignored her. She always ignored her.

  Rage boiling, she barely made it another step then fell. Her muscles twisted, bones snapped and her wolf swarmed up. She couldn’t stop the change this time. The sound of her shirt ripping rent the air and then her body tore itself apart.

  Cody

  The howl echoed through the town. Jo stood on the stoop for the schoolhouse with Micah at her side. Kid leaned on the railing of the boarding house across the street from the home Cody had claimed with Mariska. Having run into the empath on his way to speak to Micah and Sam, he’d warned Kid of his intentions.

  “Are you sure about this?” Though only recently returned from months on the mountain, Kid had never looked healthier—or happier. The boy had become a man, and returned calmer, more confident and settled. He wore his power well and no longer suffered under the yolk of it.

  “No,” Cody said with a shrug. “However, she is right about one thing. I cannot force her wolf to accept her or her to accept her wolf.”