by M. E. Nesser
Before I knew it, over two hours had passed, and our dinner had ended. I didn’t want the evening to be over, but I didn’t want to pressure her into anything; I knew it was too soon. My attraction to her was growing by the minute. She was intoxicating, and I wanted to suck up every ounce of her presence.
“Would you like to leave?” I asked her reluctantly.
“Not really,” she said honestly.
“Neither would I. Why don’t we walk toward your place, and if you get tired, we could always call my driver and ask him to pick us up?”
“That sounds like a great idea. I’ve eaten more in the past two days than I’ve eaten in the last year,” she said with a laugh.
“Then a walk will do us both some good,” I said. Jacques rushed over to kiss us good-bye. We thanked him for the wine and the magnificent food. He thanked Katharine for forcing my stubborn American heart to open up to possibilities again. It probably sounded like a strange comment to her, but I knew exactly what he meant. And he was right. She had forced me to believe I might have a chance to find love again. I think she understood as well and blushed at the compliment. I stood up and took her hand, and we left the bistro. It was a beautiful night, and I was thrilled that she’d agreed to the walk home. I needed to savor every minute with her. She was as exquisite as the bottle of wine we’d had with dinner. “It’s always disappointing when the bottle is empty,” I thought, “but the good news is that, if you play your cards right, there is usually another bottle that can be consumed on another day—and it will be just as enjoyable.”
11
I’d never thought I would feel this comfortable with another man again. Ian was incredible. He was smart, funny, and extremely charismatic. Moreover, he was incredibly sexy. That was something new to me, feeling turned on by another man. Every part of my body felt alive near him. I was mesmerized every time I looked into his bright blue eyes. He was taller than Bryce, with a more muscular physique, which I found quite appealing. But it was his deep, masculine voice, like sex and poetry intertwined, that really did me in. He probably could have brought me pleasure with his voice alone. Actually, he already did.
Ian stirred feelings in me that I thought had died. My head was conflicted by my attraction to Ian, but my body and heart were enamored with him. It was all happening so quickly. I was excited. I was scared. I wanted to touch him. More importantly, I wanted him to touch me back. It looked like I might be finding passion again.
Dinner was delicious, and Jacques was a riot. He was definitely a consummate romantic, and it was obvious that he was excited about our being there together. I didn’t want the evening to end, but I was exhausted from a long day at work, my first visit to the gym in months, and the rich food we had just eaten. Walking home was a great idea. It would keep me awake and give me more time with him.
Conversation with him was so easy. We had so much to talk about. I’d spoken more over the past two evenings than I had in the year since my husband died. It was nice, but it was also tiring. Was I really that run down? I suppose I was. As we approached my apartment building, I started to get nervous. Did he expect to come in? I wasn’t sure I was ready to sleep with him yet; in fact, I knew I wasn’t. Everything was happening way too fast. I didn’t want the night to end, but I was really tired. Oh crap, what was I going to do? I didn’t want to reject him or hurt his feelings. I hadn’t dated in so long that I wasn’t sure what was expected.
Jimmy was standing outside the building. He smiled at me genuinely and said good evening to the both of us. He opened the door, and we walked into the foyer. Ian must have sensed my unease, because he handed me my briefcase.
“Once again, thank you so much for such a lovely evening, Katharine,” he said to me.
“Thank you, Ian,” I gushed, relieved. “Thank you for everything. You could not have come at a more important time in my life. I felt like I was dying. Who am I kidding? I was dying. You reminded me that I have something to live for. To be honest, being with you made me realize that I don’t have to die yet, and I can’t thank you enough for that…” I trailed off, looking down at the ground.
He gently lifted my chin, so I was forced to gaze into his eyes. “You are young and beautiful, and you have a long life in front of you. I’m so glad I walked into that bar last night,” He continued to hold my chin and gently rubbed his thumb over my mouth. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensuous gesture. When I opened my eyes, he was staring at me.
“So am I,” I said as tears started to pool in my eyes.
Ian leaned in close and kissed me, gentle and sweet. I kissed him back. It felt wonderful, but it didn’t last long enough. I was confused. I wanted more, but I knew I wasn’t ready. So did he. After the kiss ended, he looked me in the eyes. I could tell he was trying to figure out how I’d felt about the kiss. I smiled up at him, giving him my answer. He smiled back, and I could feel myself blushing. Experiencing a first kiss as an adult was really strange.
“Thank you for a wonderful evening, Katharine. I hope you sleep well,” he said. With that said, he turned away from me for a second night in a row and walked out of my building. I stood there frozen until I saw his car pull in front of my building to collect him and he drove away.
I went upstairs, fed the cat, and collapsed on my bed. There was a part of me that had really wanted to invite him up to my place, but there was a bigger part of me that was too scared. I was grateful that he was a gentleman, but his departure had left me with an empty feeling; it was disconcerting. A lot had happened in the past twenty-four hours, and I was conflicted. Ian was amazing. I wanted him to make love to me more than I’d wanted anything for a very long time. Oh my God, I wanted him to make love to me. I couldn’t believe it. Was I finally ready to move on?
12
Leaving Katharine was one of the hardest things I’d done in a long time. Part of me wanted to touch her everywhere and never let her go, but another part of me understood that I couldn’t rush her. She’d been so sad when I met her. Even though it was obvious that meeting me had lifted her spirits, I didn’t think she was ready for more quite yet. I planned to take this as cautiously as need be—I didn’t want to screw this up. I couldn’t believe how much I wanted this relationship to work. God, the kiss had felt so good to me. It was crazy how fast I was falling for this woman.
I called her the next morning and thanked her again for dinner. She sounded excited to hear from me, and we talked for about twenty minutes. I wanted to see her again badly, but I didn’t want to overwhelm her. All night I had been brainstorming about something we could possibly do together over the weekend. I was excited when I came up with an idea. I asked her if she’d be interested in going hiking on Saturday.
“Hiking?” she asked in a surprised voice. “Where could you possibly hike in New York?”
“Yeah, hiking. You know, that crazy activity where you walk around outside and enjoy nature. I love the outdoors. I love the city, but I need to get out of it from time to time. There’s a great place to hike about an hour away, Anthony’s Nose Hike. It overlooks Bear Mountain. I love going there in the morning. It takes about two hours to do the hike, and I was hoping you’d want to go with me.”
“That sounds amazing. I haven’t done anything outdoorsy for the longest time. In fact, unless the streets of New York count, I can’t remember doing anything outside. That’s a great idea—the fresh air would probably do me some good.”
“Oh, I’m so glad. Then it’s a date. Would it be OK to pick you up around nine in the morning?”
“That’s sounds perfect. I’ll be ready.”
“Did you have anything planned on Saturday, or can you spend the whole day with me?”
“I don’t have any plans. Thank you again so much for asking.”
“That’s great! See you Saturday!”
13
I was excited about Saturday. I hadn’t done anything fun on the weekend in over a year. I had been invited to dinners and such, but I’d politely declined
every invitation; getting dressed up and making idle conversation sounded like a nightmare to me. It was so good to be looking forward to an activity that didn’t include being alone and being sad. The prospect of doing something different—actually, doing something at all—gave me a renewed sense of energy and life.
I did have a big problem, though. I didn’t have hiking boots. I asked my secretary to find me a place to buy some shoes after work, and she found one two blocks from our office. You have to love the city—it has everything available at your disposal. As soon as I finished my day, I hustled to the shoe store and bought some black hiking boots. They weren’t as scary as I’d expected. In fact, they were kind of cute, and I knew they’d look even better with jeans instead of my pencil skirt. There was something empowering about bulky, black boots: I felt like a badass in them. I was used to wearing expensive heels, and these boots made me feel different—exactly what the doctor ordered.
I picked up some sushi and went home to start packing. Since Ian wanted me to spend the day with him on Saturday, I figured that I should have a change of clothes for lunch and possibly dinner. I should have asked him more questions. Where would we have lunch, and were we going to be together through the dinner hour as well? I assumed that we would, so I put together a few outfits so I would be prepared for anything.
I poured a glass of wine and sat in front of the fire eating my sushi, Tabby curled up next to me. I listened to Anita Baker and stared at the flames, feeling happy for the first time in ages. It was a foreign feeling for me, and it felt good for a change. I was so excited about Saturday. I hadn’t looked forward to doing anything in the longest time. I wanted to spend the day with Ian. I wanted to get to know him better. What I really wanted to do was kiss him again. He had been teasing me with that gentle kiss, and I was craving so much more.
Since I felt better, I thought I would give Jack a call. I hadn’t heard from him all week. No matter how busy he was, he always picked up the phone when I called him. It was just the two of us now, and he was very protective of me. It was so sweet. He answered on the second ring. I was asking him about his classes when he interrupted me and said that I sounded different. I told him that I had gone out with a friend for dinner the night before and was starting to feel better. He seemed genuinely pleased with that information and congratulated me for going out into the big, bad world. I even told him that I planned to go hiking on Saturday and had even purchased a pair of hiking boots. That made him laugh; he found it hard to believe I was going to do any kind of physical activity, especially outdoors. The news surprised him so much that he never asked who I was going with. I was glad for that. I didn’t know what was happening with Ian, and I wasn’t ready to try to put it into words yet. Over the past year, Jackson had had to be the adult in our relationship. We chatted for about twenty minutes, and then he said he was off to meet some friends. I was glad I’d called him. I wanted Jack to know I was feeling better, he worried so much. I hoped that my call had brought him some peace.
I brought Tabby to bed with me and tried to read. I couldn’t concentrate. All I could think of was Ian. It had only been one day since I’d seen him, and I found myself missing him. I did not want to wait until Saturday to talk to him again. I wondered if he was thinking of me. Oh, what the hell. I decided to give him a call.
He answered on the first ring.
“Katharine, what a nice surprise. Have a good day?” he said in the sexiest voice I had ever heard.
“I did. I was having a hard time falling asleep. I hope you don’t mind that I called this late. I wanted to tell you that I’m looking forward to Saturday,” I admitted to him sheepishly.
“I wish tomorrow was Saturday,” he said dreamily. Wow, I hadn’t expected him to say that. It was an incredible feeling knowing this man was looking forward to being with me.
“Me too. Do you have plans tomorrow night?” I asked him boldly.
“Actually, I have a charity dinner tomorrow night. It’s a fundraiser for breast cancer. My mom is a survivor. She had both breasts removed when she was fifty-three. It was stage three, and pretty aggressive—it’s a miracle she’s still with us. I’m part of the team that organizes the event. Hey, I have an idea. How would you like to come with me?”
“Oh, no. That isn’t necessary. I’d hate to intrude on your night. I was just asking. Have a great time with your mother tomorrow. I can wait until Saturday,” I said, trying to hide the disappointment in my voice.
“Are you kidding? My mom would be thrilled if I brought someone with me for once. I’ve been going to these things solo for years. We call it the B52 Ball, since she was fifty-two when she was diagnosed. It would be great to have you there with me.” The way he said it made me believe him.
“If you’re sure? I’m actually a little embarrassed for being so forward,” I said reluctantly. “Sometimes that forward, attorney-side of my personality rears it’s little head. Hopefully, it isn’t a trait you find unpleasant.”
“On the contrary. I love a self-assured and direct woman. As for tomorrow evening, nothing would please me more than to have you by my side. It’s a black tie event, so you’ll need to dress up. Do you have something to wear?”
“I’m sure I can figure something out. What time should I be ready?” I asked him excitedly.
“I’ll pick you up at seven. The event starts at eight, but I need to get there early and make sure everything is ready when the doors open. I know you work all day. Is that too early for you? I could always have my driver pick you up after he drops me off.”
“I’ll be ready. I’d be more comfortable arriving with you. Besides, I usually kick the staff out promptly at five on Fridays, no matter what. They tend to work late throughout the week, so I insist that everyone leave at a decent hour when the week is over. I’ll cab it home instead of walk—that will give me plenty of time to get ready.”
14
I had thought about asking Katharine to the event, but I didn’t want to overwhelm her or be too presumptuous. I didn’t know if asking her to a black tie event that was so personal to me would be too much this soon in our relationship. I hadn’t dated anyone seriously since my divorce, so the only female companions I’d brought to the B52 Ball in the last few years were my daughters. On one hand, it seemed early in our relationship to subject her to my mom. On the other hand, I didn’t want to go another day without seeing her. Not seeing her on Thursday had been hard enough. I’d thought about calling her all day, but I didn’t want her to think I was being pushy. I couldn’t believe how relieved I was when she called me last night. I felt like a love-sick teenager, and it was a pleasant feeling for a change.
The next day dragged by so slowly; I couldn’t even count the number of times I looked at the clock. I was excited to show Katharine off as my date. She was beautiful, smart, and sophisticated, and I knew I’d feel proud having her by my side. I left the office early, because I wasn’t getting much accomplished. I went to the gym and worked out hard for over an hour, hoping exercise would curb the sexual energy that was growing inside of me. It didn’t help. I knew I had to take it slow with Katharine, but I didn’t want to. I couldn’t believe how ready I was to move forward with this relationship. I didn’t think I had ever desired a woman this much. I would wait for her cues before I tried anything, but I couldn’t help kissing her the other night. The way she looked at me drew me in like a siren. I felt like an idiot running from her so quickly after the kiss, but I had to get away from her before I did something premature that we both might regret.
I arrived at her apartment building about fifteen minutes early. It was a habit of mine to arrive early for appointments; I never wanted anyone to have to wait for me. Being punctual was important in my business, so I made it a priority in my personal life to be early as well. I walked up to the front entrance, and the doorman called up to Katharine’s unit. He gave me a sincere smile and even addressed me by my surname. She messaged that she was on her way down, and I felt giddy with antici
pation.
When she stepped out of the elevator, I couldn’t believe how stunning she looked. She wore a form-fitting black dress that plunged low at the neckline, accentuating the most beautiful breasts I had ever seen. How had I not noticed those before? The dress gathered at her waist, making it look petite and delicate, and her hips flared out just enough that I could picture myself hanging on to them as I made love to her. Her hair had been curled and was up in a loose twist that made me want to suck on her neck. She was utter perfection. I was completely mesmerized. Katharine Collins was a vision to behold, and I could feel stirrings in my body just at the sight of her. This could potentially be a very long evening, because I was already getting hard.
Her physicality wasn’t the only thing attracting me to her, however. Her outward beauty only added to my growing fascination. What I was feeling went way beyond sexual attraction. I felt an overwhelming desire to protect this woman. I wanted to make her laugh. I needed to make her feel love again. I wanted to take her dancing. I wanted to sit by a fire sipping wine and share intimate thoughts with her. Was love at first sight really a thing? It must be, because it had to be love I was experiencing. I just stood there looking at her, saying nothing. I wanted to freeze-frame this moment.
“You’re staring, Ian. Is everything OK?” she asked me with the most adorable smirk.
“I can’t help it. You are probably the most beautiful woman I have ever seen,” I told her honestly. With that admission, her cheeks flushed. The added radiance in her face made her even more angelic. I was doomed. Where had this woman been all of my life?