The Sunburnt Country

by Palmer, Fiona

  She was silent for a few seconds before she turned to him, shaking her head. ‘Everything scares me,’ she squeaked. The last of her composure fell away as her eyes glistened with tears. ‘I’m scared of change. I’m scared of Ryan leaving. I’m scared of losing my business and I’m scared that one day, I’ll be like Ken. That one day it will be my family. The fear . . .’ Her face was filled with terror, like a frightened child. She glanced at her bloodstained clothes. ‘Stop the ute.’ She said it so suddenly.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Stop the ute, now.’

  Quickly he pulled over. She had the door open before he’d stopped and he heard her retching as he pulled the handbrake on.

  ‘Jonny, are you okay?’ He ran around the ute, the interior light shining on her face as she stumbled back, wiping her mouth on her shirt. She got two steps from him before she began to collapse. Dan reached for her falling body and pulled her close, taking her down gently. ‘Jonny?’

  She looked up into his eyes, a faint smile at the corner of her mouth. ‘Do you know that’s the first time you’ve called me Jonny?’ And then her face crumpled as the tears surged. Her sobs shook her body as she lay trembling in his arms. He held her tighter, afraid to let her go.

  ‘Why?’ she cried as he kissed the top of her head, rocking her slightly. She reeked of blood and vomit but he held her close. Her agony caused him pain, right in the pit of his stomach. He was scared too. He was scared of how he felt about her. He was scared of not making his father proud. He was scared of being alone. Tears leaked from his own eyes. They stayed like that until his back ached and his legs went numb from the gravel edge of the road.

  ‘Come on. I’ll get you home.’ He stood up gingerly, helping her to stand, and almost carried her to the seat.

  ‘Do you want to stay with me tonight? Have some company?’ he asked when he was back in the driver’s side. ‘I’ll make you a cup of tea.’ As he started the ute, she shook her head. Her expression was frozen; the tears were gone but her eyes were red and glassy.

  ‘Thanks, but can you take me to Renae’s, please? I’d rather she hear the news from me that her cousin . . .’ She couldn’t finish. Fresh tears began running down her face.

  Cousin? Dan hadn’t realised. Was this whole community related? ‘Okay. No worries.’ He reached across and held her hand. She clung to his fingers tightly, all the way into town.

  He helped Jonelle to Renae’s door and banged on it. ‘You know where I am if you need anything,’ he said.

  Jonelle turned and gave him a hug. Dan’s heart broke for her. She clung to him like he’d dreamed, but for all the wrong reasons.

  The door opened. Renae stood drowsy from sleep in a pair of boxers and a singlet, her hair tousled.

  ‘Hey, what’s going on?’ she said, rubbing her eyes. Jonelle stepped away from Dan and went into the house before Renae could take in Jonelle’s face and her stained clothes. ‘Jonny? What happened?’ Her voice turned panicked as her hand went to her mouth.

  Dan stepped back, headed out through the garden to the ute. He couldn’t witness any more heartache right now. As he pulled out of the driveway he could see the girls holding each other through the door. Dan wished there was more he could do.

  Back at his place, he sat on the outside chair, staring up at the night sky as if the universe held all the answers. His body exhausted, his mind tired, the cold air biting into his skin, making him feel something. He’d barely known Rick but it was hard to believe that he was gone. That his loving family had lost their son. That Gemma had lost her boyfriend. Gemma. Poor Gemma.

  Dan folded himself up on the seat as silent tears fell for them all and for all that he’d seen.

  Chapter 27

  JONNY woke with a start. Sweat soaked her sheets and skin. Sitting up, she reached for the glass of water by her bed and drained it. Pushing back her damp hair she checked her watch. It was only four in the morning. With a groan, she fell back on the pillow, rubbing her puffy eyes. Nightmares were something that came with the job and she only had them after the really horrific crashes. Since she’d been volunteering there had only been four. Rick’s made five. She shuddered. But his was by far the worst. The nightmares had lasted more than just a few days. It had been a full week now and they were always the same, night after night. She’d arrive at the crash, look inside the window of the ute, and sometimes she would see Rick covered in blood. Other times it would be Zac or her dad. Once it was even Dan. And every time she’d react the same. Screaming, scraping at the window until her fingers bled. She was useless and they’d always die. She’d see their life slipping away and she couldn’t save them. It felt so real. Even now, her heart raced as she tried to slow her breathing. It was bad enough experiencing it the first time with Rick, but every night since? Hell, she was exhausted.

  Not wanting to sleep again, just in case she dreamed, she threw the covers off and got up. Besides, she had a Fairmont that needed new front bearings and had a bung muffler that needed to be replaced, and the funeral was this afternoon. There was also a Nissan Patrol with gearbox issues if she was quick enough. An early start was exactly what she needed. Unfortunately, this was all the work she’d had all week, but with everything that had happened she hadn’t done any of it.

  At ten, she’d just finished one of the cars and was about to start on the bearings when Renae turned up. She walked into the workshop, her hair limp, her face free of make-up. She attempted a smile when she saw Jonny.

  ‘Hey, Nae. What’s up?’

  Renae pulled a milk crate over to the car and sat down. ‘Nothing,’ she sighed. ‘Do you mind if I hang out here with you for a while? I just need a break. All the family is driving me insane.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yeah. Aunty Sue is running around organising the wake while Mum tries to keep up. Meanwhile Nath, Uncle Ken and Dad are hiding in the shed, afraid to do something wrong to make Aunty Sue snap. She’s like a rubber band at the moment.’ Renae wrung her hands together. ‘And no one’s even seen Gemma. I’ve tried a few times but she’s locked away in her room. And I’m tired of seeing the hollow never-ending sadness in everyone’s eyes.’ Renae choked on her words, tears threatening. She sniffed. ‘But other than that, I’m fine. Just want today over with, you know?’

  Jonny sat back on the cement floor, resting a greasy hand on Renae’s. ‘Well, I’d love to have your company. You can help me oil the new bearings.’

  Renae attempted to smile. ‘I’d like that.’

  Jonny began working, giving Renae little jobs to do like holding her tools. And seeing as she had a helper, she also replaced the holey muffler. She would have loved an apprentice, to give someone what Coot had given her, but financially it was impossible.

  ‘Is that Eric’s car? Do you need to do that one next?’ said Renae, pointing to the Nissan Patrol.

  ‘Yeah, but not today. It’s got a gearbox whine and it’ll need a bit of work. No rush – he can’t pay me till next month anyway.’ She wiped her hands on the rag hanging out of her work overalls. ‘You wanna grab a bite to eat?’ Jonny threw Renae the rag.

  ‘I can’t. The family’s having a big lunch together and Uncle Des will be here by now. I haven’t seen his family in three years.’

  ‘Okay. Well, how about I walk you back? I need to go to Gabby’s for some lunch. Couldn’t be fagged making anything today.’

  Renae nodded and they set off down the road.

  The first Friday of December was a warm thirty degrees and windy, with storms forecast for the weekend. Storms that never eventuated – just empty threats.

  Walking past the bank Jonny glanced through the door. Renae must have read her mind as she asked, ‘Have you talked to Dan lately?’

  ‘No.’ Besides picking up her ute from his place, she hadn’t seen him all week. She wondered how he was doing. She felt a little guilty for not seeing him, but she was trying to keep her distance like Ryan suggested. And she’d spent a lot of her time this week with Renae, trying
to be of use to her family. It hadn’t helped that Dan had held her so tightly after the accident. That his arms and spicy scent had brought her back from a very dark place. What was worse was he’d been perfect and so tender. Every night since she’d yearned for his embrace to save her from her nightmares. It was a yearning she couldn’t afford to give in to.

  ‘The whole town is so quiet,’ Renae whispered.

  ‘I know. I can’t remember the last time the butcher was closed during the week. It’s eerie.’

  ‘Yeah. Aunty Sue wanted to open to sell the meat they had but Uncle Ken told her it didn’t matter. He gave it to Carlos to sell in his shop. I don’t think anything really matters at the moment.’

  Jonny put her arm around her friend’s shoulders. At the shop they stopped. ‘I guess I’ll see you . . .’ At the funeral. It went unsaid.

  ‘Yep.’ Renae turned and walked away. Her shoulders sagging, her trademark charisma absent.

  Jonny went into the shop and bought a pie, a Coke and a Mars bar to help feed her emotions. She felt like shit so she might as well eat what she wanted.

  ‘Hi, Gabby. How’s Carlos?’ she asked at the checkout.

  Gabby brushed her curls back and winced. ‘Tossing and turning. Neither of us is getting much sleep and Ethan’s asthma has been playing up.’

  ‘Oh, poor little guy.’

  Gabby finished putting Jonny’s goods in a bag but didn’t hand it over just yet. ‘Um, Jonny, I was thinking . . . is there any chance you guys could get together one night, because I really think you could all use some time to chat. I know it would help Carlos. I wasn’t there that night,’ she explained, ‘so he finds it hard to talk to me about it. He doesn’t want to burden me with what he saw. You know what I mean?’

  Jonny sighed. She understood all too well. She could never talk about what she’d seen, not even to Zac or anyone else in her family, but the rescue guys had lived it too and they would understand. ‘I think that’s a great idea, Gabby. I think we could all use a bit of help. Leave it with me.’

  As Jonny walked from the shop, she thought about Dan again. He would have had no one to talk to about it either, and she wasn’t sure if the town was still alienating him after the bank decided to take Ray’s farm. Without deliberating, she headed inside the bank. It was quiet, no Gemma to greet her. Jean must have been out the back somewhere, so she went straight to Dan’s office and knocked on the door.

  ‘Come in.’

  She stepped in and sat down opposite him, placing her bag on his desk.

  He was dressed up for work, clean-shaven and smelling great, but the black lines under his eyes told another story.

  ‘Jonelle.’ He put his pen down and leaned forward on his arms.

  For a moment she allowed his scent to calm her soul, easing some tension from her shoulders.

  She liked that he still used her full name. It always sounded better coming from his lips. ‘You not sleeping much either?’ she said.

  Dan rubbed a hand over his face. ‘Is it that obvious?’

  ‘Don’t worry. You’re not alone.’ Jonny stared at her hands, picking the dirt from under her nails.

  Dan looked like he was about to say something meaningful, then he shuffled some papers and spat out, ‘What can I help you with? Are you here about your loan?’

  She smiled weakly. Even Dan was avoiding the big fat elephant in the room. ‘Nah. I don’t wanna even think about that now. I actually came to see if you’d come to the funeral with me.’

  Dan’s eyebrows shot up. ‘I . . . I don’t think I should. I barely knew . . . Rick.’

  ‘You knew him enough, Dan. And you were there. You saw it.’ She swallowed hard, her throat tight and painful. ‘The whole town will be there. All the shops will be shut and Jean will want to close the bank, so you may as well come and pay your respects. It might even help you with the Ray Stevens business. Besides, I would like you to come.’

  ‘Well, if you think so. I don’t want to make it uncomfortable for anyone.’

  ‘Yes, I do think so and no, you won’t. So I’ll meet you here at quarter to two? We can walk to the hall.’

  Dan sighed. She’d won him over, again.

  At twenty to two Dan was waiting under the shade of the lilac tree. He had gone home and changed into a grey pinstriped shirt. His hands rested in the pockets of his black pants, and with his black sunnies on he looked very slick.

  ‘Hi. You look nice,’ he told Jonelle and then screwed up his face. ‘Sorry. Maybe you shouldn’t say that to someone who’s going to a funeral.’

  Jonny flattened her hands against her simple knee-length black dress. It had wide shoulder straps and fitted her shape beautifully. ‘I don’t know. This is the only smart black outfit I’ve got. But thanks.’

  Jonny headed around the corner of the bank, Dan at her side. The local hall was at the end of the block. People were walking from their nearby homes, like black ants moving towards their nest. They reached the lawn area outside where people milled around under the shade of some trees.

  ‘Why hasn’t anyone gone in yet?’ asked Dan.

  ‘Oh, they can’t.’

  Dan shot her a funny look.

  She pointed to the hall. ‘It’s already full.’

  His mouth dropped. ‘Wow. There’s gotta be . . .’ Dan began to do a quick head count. ‘Nearly three hundred outside, maybe even more.’

  ‘It wouldn’t surprise me. Rick was a considerate guy, played footy for the local team, and everyone knew him from the butcher’s shop. The Merrits have been here for generations.’

  ‘I wouldn’t even know this many people.’ Dan shook his head. ‘Dad probably wouldn’t make my funeral if it coincided with a meeting and my mum probably wouldn’t even know about it.’

  ‘I doubt that. You don’t have much faith in your parents.’

  ‘You don’t know my dad. Work is his life.’

  ‘What about your mum? I’m sure she still loves you, even though you’ve grown apart. Why don’t you try to contact her?’

  ‘After she ruined our family?’ He said it with years of bitterness.

  ‘How do you know that she did? Maybe you don’t know the whole story.’

  Dan wouldn’t look at her. He wasn’t ready to hear it. ‘She had the affair,’ he said, as if that explained it all.

  ‘Maybe there was a reason for it? Maybe she was unhappy?’

  ‘Does it matter?’ Now he looked at her with a hint of anger.

  But Jonny wasn’t afraid of him. She’d dealt with cranky men her whole life, living with her brothers and working in a male-dominated industry. ‘Just remember, there are always two sides to a story, Dan. We are all human and people make mistakes.’

  He stubbed his shiny leather shoe into the lawn, clearly uncomfortable. She reached out and squeezed his arm, an apology of sorts for digging into his personal life. She saw Carlos and took a few steps towards him.

  ‘Hey, Jonny.’ Carlos’s olive skin was beaded with sweat.

  ‘Carlos, you’re just the man I wanted.’

  ‘I’ve been waiting years for you to say that,’ he said with a sad smirk, as if a bit of banter would help the mood.

  Jonny rolled her eyes and continued. ‘On a serious note, do you think we could organise a barbecue at the rescue shed or my shed one night? I think some kind of get-together with those involved would really help us all out, you know?’ Jonny didn’t need to say more. She could tell Carlos knew what she really meant.

  ‘Hmm, did Gabby tell you I wasn’t sleeping?’

  ‘You and me both, Carlos, and probably all of the others. So you see my point?’

  ‘Yep. That sounds like a plan. It’s been the worst week. I’ve never spent so much time with my boys and I can only imagine the grief Ken and Sue must be going through.’

  They stood silently in the dark crowd, thinking over his words. She knew every face, and each one spoke of disbelief and sadness. How fragile life could be.

  ‘Did you hear the footy
boys have already planned a game in Rick’s honour? They’re calling it the Merrit Match. Go see Prince if you wanna help out.’ Carlos glanced at Gabby, who was struggling to keep their boys from climbing the trees. ‘Ah, crap. I’d better go and help,’ he said.

  Jonny stepped back to Dan’s side and told him about the footy match for Rick. ‘Who’s Prince?’ Dan asked.

  ‘He’s the club captain, works at the ag department. His real name is Simon but he has ears like Prince Charles. If you hang out in Bundara for long enough, you’ll have a new name too,’ she teased.

  ‘Nah, he’s already got one,’ said Zac as he pushed between them. ‘I was thinking of Grout. You know, Dan Tyler – a tiler uses grout.’ He waited for them to get it and when he didn’t get the response he wanted he groaned. ‘Come on. I thought it was good.’

  ‘You think anything you do is good.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Where are Mum and Dad?’

  Zac pointed to the hall. ‘They managed to squeeze in the side door. Ted’s just behind us.’

  Jonny turned and saw Ted and Monique and gave them a wave. Their eldest child was there too, wearing a pink and black dress. She spotted Jonny and pushed through the crowd to reach her.

  ‘Hey, Aunt Jonny.’

  ‘Hey, Summer. How’s my favourite niece?’ Jonny bent down and gave her a hug. ‘I like your dress, very beautiful.’

  Summer’s toothy smile was huge. ‘Thanks,’ she said, before ducking back to her mum.

  ‘It’s nice to see her dress in something age appropriate. She’s eight going on fourteen. Giving Monique some fun, that’s for sure.’

  ‘Not like you, sis. Mum would have loved you to spend time doing girlie stuff. Mum bawled her eyes out at Jonny’s first ball. Dressed up and with make-up.’

  Jonny whacked Zac on the arm.

  They fell silent as the outside speakers crackled into life. In the sea of black, white tissues could be spotted easily, and by the end of the service the big white squares were all screwed up. Ken, Nathan and other family members carried out Rick’s coffin while the speakers blared his favourite Lee Kernaghan song. The lady who had come to collect Rick’s body from the crash scene was also the funeral director, and she walked with Rick’s parents. Jonny shuddered. Just knowing Rick’s body lay in the coffin – with all his life gone, no longer able to hug his family, no longer growing older, no more wisecracks and banter – caused a powerful stream of tears she couldn’t control. She pressed her wet tissue to her face just as she felt Dan’s hand caress her back. Somehow that tender touch filled her with strength. She sniffed back her tears and regained her composure.