Love's Own Reward

by Dana Ransom

  “Hey, Charley. Still in bed?”

  Jess gave her a look that would split atoms. She managed an apologetic smile. “My brother has a key.”

  “Your timing sucks, Robert,” Jess bellowed out before she could stop him. There was a long silence from the living room. Charley cringed, picturing her younger sibling’s shock. She couldn’t quite see it as funny.

  “Hi, Jess,” Robert called back, then more quietly, “I’ll be damned.”

  “I’ll see to it personally if you come around that corner,” was Jess’s dire warning.

  The absurdity of it finally struck home. Charley started to giggle, placing their position with each other in jeopardy. Jess clamped his palms down over her thighs to secure her in place.

  “Don’t you dare get up,” he ordered softly with nothing akin to calm.

  “Robert,” she yelled gleefully. “There’s coffee in the kitchen. Entertain yourself for a minute, and I’ll be eternally grateful.”

  “Take your time.”

  “That was the plan,” Jess growled in irritation. “Until some son of a bitch with a key decided to drop by.”

  “Geez, Charley. He sure is a crab in the morning. How do you put up with it?”

  “Get your coffee, Robert, and keep your opinions to yourself.” There was a blissful silence from the other room, and Charley turned back to matters at hand. “Where were we?”

  “You were about to say uncle,” Jess reminded her with a not-so-subtle shift of his hips.

  “No, I wasn’t,” she argued with a smile.

  “You liar!”

  “I’ll let you put your money where your mouth is later, McMasters. You haven’t proven your point yet.”

  “Let me prove it now.”

  His husky growl incited all sorts of delicious sensations, but none of them could quite overcome the fact that her brother was out rummaging around in her kitchen. “Later.”

  “All right, all right. I give up.” With a groan he sagged back against the pillows, gasping, grasping for a way to find some dignity in defeat. With a sudden grin he bowled her over and rolled off the bed. “Now that I consider it, I think I’m going to like losing better than winning. Give me my shirt.”

  When the two of them emerged from the bedroom, Robert smiled without offering comment. Jess headed straight for the coffeepot.

  “ ’Morning, Robert,” he said with an endearing degree of warmth. “Had breakfast yet?”

  Fifteen

  “AND HE COOKS, TOO.” Robert cast an impressed glance toward the man in his sister’s kitchen. “A match made in heaven if I recall your love for the culinary arts.”

  Charley nibbled on her toast, letting her eyes linger on Jess McMasters with a devouring pleasure. “But he doesn’t do laundry or windows or bathrooms,” she confided in a low undertone.

  “Still think you ought to keep him.”

  The heat in her gaze intensified. “Me, too. I’m doing my darnedest.”

  Jess ambled to the table with a fresh pot of coffee. As he poured for the three of them, he grew aware of brother and sister’s grinning study of him.

  “What?” He gave a quick downward sweep. “Is my fly open or something? What’s so funny?”

  “Life, Jess,” Robert replied. As Jess settled in his chair, he dropped a casual bombshell. “So when are you going to make an honest woman out of my sister?”

  Jess choked on his coffee. Charley was apoplectic.

  “Robert!” she gasped, going six shades of red.

  Jess was more nonchalant. “Your sister is the most honest woman I know. And anything beyond that really isn’t any of your business now, is it?”

  Robert gave a full-bodied laugh. “I like you, McMasters. You don’t pull a punch.”

  Charley had recovered enough by then to be indignant. “Really, Robert. You have some nerve poking around in my private life. You don’t hear me pumping you full of questions about your little camp cheerleader.”

  “Ask anything you like.” He was grinning in a very self-satisfied way. “In fact, that’s one of the reasons I came down to talk to you. I’ve asked Shelly to marry me, and for some reason I’ll never understand, she said yes.”

  “Oh! Oh, Rob, that’s wonderful!” Charley instantly had her arms wrapped around his neck in a strangling hug. “I’m so happy for you!”

  Over his sister’s shoulder Robert gave Jess a long, steady look. Finally, when he needed his breath back, he gave Charley a push away. “So, now you don’t have to fuss over me anymore.”

  “When have I ever minded fussing?” she argued happily, missing the point completely.

  But Jess didn’t. He understood Robert’s meaning immediately. He was cutting his sister loose from her obligations. He was telling her it was time to get on with her own life. And he was assuming Jess McMasters would play a major part in that life. Jess’s belly began to hurt.

  “Enough about me,” Robert claimed, smiling fondly at his sister. “What about you? Have you decided how to spend your fortune?” He touched a curled and colored twist of her hair. “I see you’ve been busy already. Nice.”

  Charley took a breath. She was surprised that she felt ready for this. In fact, she was remarkably calm. “I’ve done all the math, so I’ll cut right to the bottom line. I’m putting half of it into the camp.”

  “Charley—”

  “Shut up, Robert. You don’t have a say in this.”

  His jaw snapped shut.

  Okay, so far, so good. She approached the next bit of news a little more cautiously. “And I’m setting up a trust for you. Just in case.”

  “No.”

  “No arguments.”

  “No, Charley. I won’t take it.”

  “Yes, you will. Consider it a wedding present.”

  “More like a going-away present.”

  She flinched and her eyes welled up with tears. “You have Shelly to think of now.”

  “And I’ll take care of her. It’s my life, Charley. You can’t live it for me, and you can’t make it last forever. I can take care of myself. I always have. I’m not going to let you do this. You’ve done enough. Tell her, Jess.”

  Jess froze as both pairs of angry dark eyes fixed on him. He looked at Robert, seeing his frustration. He looked at Charley, feeling her despair. He spoke softly, firmly, as if he had the power to settle everything. “Robert, you’ll take the money and you’ll be grateful, or I’ll break both your legs.” He heard Charley’s breath expel in a rush, but he didn’t glance at her. He was staring down her younger brother.

  Robert seethed. He fumed. He looked ready to do some leg breaking of his own. Finally he ground out, “Thanks a helluva lot, Jess.”

  He smiled thinly. “No problem.”

  Charley’s relief was short-lived. Now came the sticky part. “I’m putting fifty thousand toward Alan’s research.”

  “What?” It was outrage in stereo.

  “I believe in the work he’s doing. And he’s going to need the money to replace me.”

  That silenced both of them.

  “I’m going to establish a family-education center. I want to teach classes through the hospital and the camp. I want to work with people again. I want to help them get through those first rocky months after they’re diagnosed so they won’t be as scared and hopeless as we were. I’m going to sign the cable deal and the one for television, and Robert, I want you to go on the talk-show circuit with me. We’ve got the ball, and we’re going to run with it all the way. Okay?”

  Robert nodded somewhat numbly.

  “But first, as soon as possible, I’m going to buy myself an obscenely expensive set of luggage and fill it with nothing but sunblock and silk. I’m going to grab up the good-looking, consenting male of my choice, and I’m going to fly us down
to the Caribbean where I’m going to spend a week or two working on an all-over strapless tan.” Gathering her courage, Charley slid a look at Jess. He was staring at her, all stiff and stoic. There wasn’t the slightest clue to his thoughts in his expression. Her optimism took a devastating plunge but she struggled not to show it.

  “Well,” Robert drawled. “You sound like a lady with a plan. It’s about time.”

  Brother and sister talked until the coffeepot was empty, charting the course those plans would take. Charley was acutely aware of Jess’s silence. He was watching her, his gaze shuttered, his mood remote. She didn’t understand. Wasn’t this what he wanted for her, what he’d been pushing her toward? She was taking her own steps forward. She was heeding her own needs, her own wants. So why did she feel with every step she took ahead that he was easing back, taking one away from her? She didn’t know how to catch him, how to stop his retreat short of an all-out body tackle. The unexplained edginess increased, climbing up every nerve. She was so taut when Jess finally spoke that she nearly snapped.

  “I gotta get going.” He pushed back from the table and extended a hand to her brother. “Good to see you again.”

  “Likewise.” Robert’s clasp was firm. “You going to be at the big to-do tomorrow to see Charley get her key to the city? I hear even the governor is planning an appearance.”

  Somber gray eyes cut to Charley. “If she wants me there.”

  “I do.”

  Jess nodded to her brusquely. “I’ll be there, then.”

  She watched him gather his things, anxiety knotting up around her heart. He was coming back. He was. But the thought of a minor separation was enough to lance her confidence with the poison of doubt. And his taciturn mood wasn’t helping any. If only he’d show her a little of the playful Jess, the silly Jess, the passionate Jess. Then she could survive the parting. He was so withdrawn she couldn’t help but tremble with the memory of his bleak expression.

  Then he was slipping on his jacket, and the reality hit her hard. As if the past two days had been delirious fantasy and he was going back to the real world where he had his own home, his own work, his own life. Separate from hers. Pretend, he’d called their weekend together. Was it? Was that all it was? She refused to believe it. And she wouldn’t let him believe it, either.

  She followed him to the door, wishing he’d show some hesitation, some reluctance to leave, but he didn’t. He looked eager for the escape, restless. He opened the door, and she stopped him with a hand on his cheek. When she would have stretched up to kiss him, he caught that hand in his and brushed her knuckles across his lips.

  “I’ll spare you my desperate need of a shave and a toothbrush.”

  “Don’t do me any favors, McMasters,” she told him huskily.

  He grinned wryly and touched his fingertips to his mouth, then to hers. “You’ll do just fine, Charlene Carter,” he said softly. He took a step back and then abruptly turned and walked toward the stairs.

  You’ll do just fine. What had he meant by that? She wondered in a panic. No, I won’t, Jess. I need you. I need you to take care of me. I can’t do it alone. But that wasn’t true anymore. She knew it. So did he. She didn’t need him.

  “The guy’s crazy about you, you know.”

  Charley leaned gratefully into her brother’s embrace, tears so close to the surface that she could taste them in her throat. “I’ve never, ever in my life asked for anything for myself. I’ve always thought about everyone else first.”

  “I know you have,” he agreed quietly, not without a pang of guilt.

  “But I want him. I want him so bad.”

  Robert stroked his sister’s hair and looked thoughtfully down the stairwell. “We’ll get him for you, Charley. God knows, you deserve to have whatever you want.”

  THE LIGHT WAS blinking on his machine. One impatient flash. He slipped out of his coat and pressed play. Matthew Bane. He felt his gut contract.

  “Jess, got your copy. What can I say? Great. It’s great.”

  Jess opened the refrigerator, ignoring that it was 10:30 a.m., ignoring the acid burning in his belly as he reached for a cold beer. He wrenched off the top and leaned against the counter as his editor gushed on.

  “No changes. I’m going to run it as is. And Jess . . . I was out of line the other day. What do you say? Give me a call and we’ll crack a few beers.”

  Jess cocked the mouth of his longneck in the direction of the recorder and smiled narrowly. “Cheers, Matt.” He drank deep and cramped up the minute the alcohol hit his stomach. “Oh God . . . geez.” He curled against the counter, teeth gritted, bottle clenched in both hands. God, it hurt! He sucked air for a few seconds, and the searing eased enough for him to walk into his living room only slightly doubled over. He poked at a week’s worth of mail without interest and wandered to the windows overlooking his backyard. It had started to rain, making everything look muddy and green. He loved this place—his house, his yard, his comfortable privacy. But today there was no sense of warmth or welcome, and that only deepened his brooding. He’d been alone in this big old place for a long time, and he liked it that way. Dammit, he liked it that way! He took another long drink and tensed like a fighter waiting for a blow. It ripped through his stomach mercilessly. A familiar pain. He could deal with that. It was clearer, more visceral than the lacerating rawness of losing Charley.

  How was he going to get through tomorrow? The governor’s presence demanded a full battery of press. Guys he’d worked with, colleagues who knew his byline. What was the chance of Charley not finding out who he was? Slim to none. And even if she overcame that little surprise, how was she going to accept her face on the cover of Metro? And his name under it?

  He wished he could find it somewhere inside himself to believe her. Oh, it wasn’t that he thought she was lying. No, Charley Carter was scrupulously honest. She just wouldn’t be able to find it in her scrupulously honest heart to forgive him once the truth was known. And that would bring a swift end to her vow to love him forever. Romance over. Life moves on. Only he had a singular lack of enthusiasm about continuing without her.

  She’d bewitched him, he decided philosophically as he downed the next swallow. Right from the first. All that marvelous courage packed in that tiny, lush body. Since he’d snatched her away from a martyr’s death, he’d been consumed with a sense of responsibility for her. He’d nursed her, he’d catered to her, he’d dried her tears, he’d taught her about loving and about standing up for herself. He’d taught her too damn well! She was charging full steam ahead into all her grand and glorious plans, and where did that leave him? Left carrying luggage and serving as hired escort on her vacation. He’d made it easy for her to walk off without looking back. Stupid, Jess. Always so cautious. So smart. So wary of all the angles and shy of commitment in any way, shape or form. And this innocent, big-eyed woman just steps in and scrambles your brain like an omelet. And know what? Now you’re in love with her and too scared to spit. Great. Great planning.

  He did love her. It was crazy and yet it made perfect sense. That one unselfish act to save the lives of strangers opened up a deep well of hope in him. That maybe, just maybe, this woman could care for him enough to overlook everything else. And maybe he could be just what she needed, too. He hadn’t been the big leaguer his father wanted. He hadn’t had the strong moral fiber his mother demanded. He hadn’t been the detached provider his ex could suck dry. And he hadn’t managed to live up to any of his own expectations. But when he’d met Charley Carter, she’d touched some special key in him. She made him feel that he had something to give again. She had the wonderful quiet spirit of a healer and the gentle confusion of a needy soul. He’d seen a complement between the two of them that was just too perfect to ignore. And he’d dared to reach out. He’d dared to listen when she pledged, I love you. I won’t hurt you. I won’t let you down. She was the one person he m
ight have believed.

  How he wanted to believe in Charley’s dreams.

  Could she love him enough? There was no question that she had an incredible depth of compassion. There was no doubt in his mind that she was beguiled by all his clever charm and sexual energy. But did she love him enough to stand by him? Did she love him enough to honor her vow? God, he hoped so. He’d done everything he could to be everything she could want. And crazily enough, she even loved him for his eccentricities. But was it enough? Had he gotten deep enough into her heart to hold tight against the truth? Would she love him for who he really was?

  He would know soon enough. Too soon.

  Wouldn’t it be better coming from him?

  Miserably he dropped into the recliner and packed his knees tightly against him to squeeze out the aches of body and soul.

  Charley, please love me enough.

  IT TOOK HER all afternoon to struggle through her speech. Charley knew research, everything black and white. Creativity was not her long suit, and she longed for Jess. But she couldn’t ask for his help again. For some reason he’d resisted the idea, and she wouldn’t pursue it. Not at the risk of bringing those shadows back to his eyes. She wouldn’t push. She wanted to wrap herself around him to cushion all the hurts he’d known, to spoil him into submission and love him back to life. Now there was a life’s ambition. She couldn’t wait to get started.

  Except that Jess wasn’t here and she wasn’t sure when she’d see him again. Tomorrow, he’d said. But that seemed so intangibly far away. After a weekend of being spoiled herself, with the luxury of having him within reach, the separation was an agony of restless waiting. She was poor company for Robert, but he merely smiled knowingly and encouraged her to recite her speech aloud again. He was a good audience, applauding vigorously, then quickly turning to the ball game on television.

  She was ready. Her clothes were laid out for tomorrow’s ceremony and reception. Navy with gold that Jess claimed made her look like a cool million. She’d practiced with the collection of cosmetics until she felt reasonably confident and had learned to control the rebellious curl of her hair. All set. She would look polished and poised before the cameras and the crowd. They’d never guess she was a quivering disaster inside.