Searching for a New Home

by Karen Ward

A cold chill slides down my spine. Frank Gibbons killed Cybil. I'm not sure how I know that, I just know. That could easily have been me in that car. I slept with that man on numerous occasions. He lived in my home for six months. Once again I feel blessed relief that I escaped from that relationship unscathed with only the financial loss.

  Jacob watches the emotions play across Jana's face. He notes shock, fear, revulsion, and then relief. Without thinking he reaches out and tenderly strokes a finger down her cheek. The zing of sexual attraction roars through his veins the minute he touches her face. Steeling himself against it he asks, "Are you all right?"

  I am shocked by the electrical charge that streaks through my body at Jacob's touch. It has been months since the day we first met and I felt that zing for the first time. I nod and gaze into his chocolate brown eyes. I see warmth and understanding and something else I can't identify.

  "I'm just thankful it wasn't me in that car. It could have been you know. Oh God, Jacob, I lived in the same house with that man!"

  "I know," he says. Jacob feels as if he is drowning in the stormy blue pools that are her eyes. She is so beautiful, so vulnerable, he wants to wrap her in his arms and keep her safe forever. He wants to kiss those luscious lips until they are both breathless ... but he won't, he can't. He jerks his gaze away. "Come on, I'll walk you back to your room."

  Long after Jacob leaves me at my room, I am pacing back and forth across the floor. I can't erase the images of a faceless Cybil, her lifeless naked body being pulled from that car. Visions of what might have transpired between her and Frank Gibbons flash across my mind causing shivers to race down my spine. I think back to the time Frank Gibbons lived in my home. I never personally experienced violence from him, but I know he was capable of it. His threats to me are all the proof I need. Once again I thank God that I got out of that relationship unscathed.

  ******

  Damn! What was he thinking? That is the problem, he wasn't thinking at all. He came so close to kissing her. It took every bit of his self control to stop himself.

  She is counting on him to save her life, to keep her out of prison and he is finding it harder and harder to keep his hands off her!! She probably thinks he is some kind of pervert. Damn, damn, damn!! She is so easy to talk to, to be with. They have spent hours just talking, about everything, their pasts, their childhoods, their families, their dreams. He'll be glad when this trial is over and Jana Bowen is free to continue on her journey. Once she leaves maybe he'll be able to get past this unrelenting desire for her! The icy cold showers are not working anymore and she invades his dreams every night.

  ******

  I love riding in the pickup with Jacob. I can watch him until my heart's content. I love studying his profile. He is an absolutely gorgeous man, my perfect man. Not movie star perfect, cowboy perfect. Rugged, strong, confident, smart, sensitive, everything a girl could possibly want in a man. All I have to do is close my eyes to imagine those sensuous lips touching mine. I can almost taste him on my lips and feel his tongue plundering my mouth. Just thinking about kissing Jacob makes my stomach do somersaults and desire unfurl in my abdomen. I look at his hands as they grasp the steering wheel, his long fingers curled so easily around its rim and can almost feel those work roughened hands stroking my body. I know he wanted to kiss me at the pool last night, I could see it in his eyes. What I don't know, is why he didn't? That confuses me.

  Whoa!! What am I doing? I am not ready for that!! He is still a man and I just am not ready to go down that road again ... at least not yet. I have to remember what could have happened with Frank, what did happen to Cybil. But Jacob's not like Frank ... he's not after my money ... he obviously has more than enough of his own. And in all the weeks I have been at the ranch, I haven't seen him have more than a glass of wine or two with his dinner, so that wouldn't be a problem. But I just can't go down that road again, it's just too soon.

  Face it Jana, the man doesn't even know you're alive. You imagined what you thought you saw in his eyes. You are a client and that is all. He is repaying his debt to you, nothing more. He is way out of your league and that is why he didn't kiss you. And if you're smart, you'll stay as far away from Jacob Murray as you can because the man can destroy you emotionally. If you let yourself fall in love with him and it doesn't work out, you will never recover. You have to leave as soon as the trial is over, it is the only way. But leaving Dani is going to be devastating.

  ******

  Dani is downright disappointed. She really hoped that getting away from the ranch with just the three of them would help her Daddy see how special Jana is. She hoped that her Daddy and Jana would start acting more like they like each other. If anything, her Daddy is acting more like he hates Jana now than he did before. He never looks at her or touches her. Oh, he is polite, but he is polite to everybody. She needs to think of something to make them like each other. She loves Jana and wants her to stay at the ranch forever. She wants Jana to be her Mommie.

  ******

  From that day forward Jacob spends more and more time working with the horses, mending fences, anything and everything he can think of to keep his mind off of and himself away from Jana. Most days he stays away from the house until well after dark and goes straight to bed when he does come in. It is bad enough that she invades his dreams every night. He knows he can't trust himself to spend time with her. He is afraid that next time he won't be able to stop himself. He will be glad when the trial is over and she finally leaves the ranch and continues on her journey.

  On the rare evening he does come in early he watches Dani interacting with Jana. He knows his daughter loves her. He also knows it is going to hurt her terribly when Jana leaves. Dani is tough though, she'll get over it but maybe he needs to start preparing her for the inevitable. Yeah, he better have a talk with Dani.

  ******

  A few nights later as Jacob is putting Dani to bed, he decides to broach the subject. He asks, "Dani, are you going to be all right when Jana leaves the ranch?"

  Tears immediately fill Dani's big brown eyes and she says, "No! Please, Daddy, don't let Jana leave! I love her. I want her to stay here forever!"

  A sense of dread flows over Jacob. He replies, "Dani, you know, Jana is only here until her trial is over. Then she may leave. She doesn't have any reason to stay here with us."

  Crying openly now, Dani pleads, "No Daddy. Please don't let Jana leave. Can't you give her a job or something? Please Daddy?"

  "Well, I'll tell you what. Daddy will think about it, all right? Now be a good girl and go to sleep." Damn! What am I going to do now? I knew Dani was going to be upset, but Jana leaving may really scar her as much as losing her mother did. Jana staying is going to be sheer torture for me though. What can I do to resolve the situation?

  ******

  After her Daddy leaves the room, Dani climbs out of bed and kneels beside it and prays, "Please God, please don't let Jana leave. I want her to stay here, to be my Mommie. Please. Thank you. Amen."

  CHAPTER 5

  In early September, Neal Anthony Murray, eight pound son of Jason and Jenny arrives with a full head of dark brown hair, chocolate brown eyes, and an impressive set of lungs. The entire family is present for the big event. Dani is so excited she can't sit still. She has a cousin! How cool is that? She can't wait until she gets to help Aunt Jenny take care of the baby!

  Jason is beaming like any proud papa and Jenny glows with happiness and love when she holds her son. I am so pleased for them, and more than a little envious. I have always wanted a baby of my own, well, maybe someday. I can't think of anyone who deserves the happiness of the day more than Jason and Jenny. They are perfect for each other and obviously deeply in love.

  Jenny told me about losing her baby girl, Melissa, in a car accident that had also taken the life of her first husband. It had broken my heart but helped me to understand how special baby Neal is to both Jason and Jenny.

  Jacob watches Jana interacting with Jenny and her new baby. He sees
Jana looking at the baby with a look of desolation on her face. He can see the longing she is feeling and understands she is wishing for a baby of her own. The reason he understands is that he is envious too. He wishes with all his heart that he had a son. He loves Dani more than anything, don't misunderstand, but he longs to have a son. Maybe after the trial is over, he'll see where this sexual attraction he feels for Jana might lead. That would solve his problem with Dani and maybe lead to him having a son. Yes, he'll have to think about it.

  ******

  Late one afternoon in early October Jacob and Jason are working in the tack room mending bridles. Jason asks, "Hey Jacob, what's bugging you these days? You're grouchier than a momma bear that has lost her cubs."

  "Nothing!" Jacob snaps.

  Jason responds, "You don't have to bite my head off, I just thought it might help if we talked about her. It's obvious she has you twisted in knots." Jason recognizes the signs. He is just not sure his twin realizes what is happening to him.

  "Damn! I'm sorry Jas. You're right. The woman is driving me crazy. I am worried sick about how Dani is going to react when she leaves. She is going to be devastated. I tried to talk to her about it a few days ago, and Dani got hysterical at just the mention of Jana leaving."

  "What makes you so sure Jana will leave?" asks Jason curious about Jacob's response.

  "Why would she stay? Her plan all along has been to find someplace to settle down, I doubt that has changed," states Jacob.

  "She obviously loves Dani, maybe you should ask her to stay on as Dani's nanny," suggests Jason.

  "No! I can't do that!" Jacob says adamantly and a little too quickly.

  "And why not?" asks Jason. "It sounds like there may be more to this than Dani's feelings for Jana." Now we're getting to the core of the matter.

  "I can't ethically pursue any feelings I may or may not have and still represent her at the trial. And I don't trust anyone else to represent her because she could end up on death row or in prison," states Jacob, his voice showing no emotion.

  "While technically that may be true, it sounds like a load of crap to me. Can't you come up with a better excuse than that one?"Jason questions pushing Jacob to admit the real reason for his grouchiness.

  "Besides, she's not Beverly. I loved Beverly." Jacob says, avoiding the question.

  "I know you did, but Beverly's gone man. She's not coming back," responds Jason empathetically. "Do you honestly think Beverly would want you to spend the rest of your life alone? What about Dani? Dani needs a mother. Besides, Jana is much more down to earth than Beverly ever was. Jana is more of a country girl. Jenny and I like her a lot. She has been a Godsend for Jenny, helping her around the house and with the baby. She's smart and not afraid of hard work. You could do a lot worse."

  Jacob nods his head and replies, "I know you're right Jas. It's just that Jana scares me. She scares me a lot. She is so easy to talk to. I already know more about her than I ever did about Beverly. It's like we've been friends forever. Then there is the sexual chemistry. I feel absolutely charged when I am around her. Everything, colors, smells, everything is brighter, sweeter, it terrifies me. Look at the mistake I almost made with Cybil. What if Jana is hiding her true self just like Cybil did? I would never forgive myself if something happened to Dani because of my sexual cravings."

  Smiling Jason says, "You know I've been where you are Jacob. It won't do you any good to try to fight an attraction that strong if it's the real thing. Trust me when I tell you that Jana is nothing at all like Cybil. You know Jenny and I never cared for Cybil. We always felt like she was playing you for a fool. That brings us back to my original suggestion. You really need to think about hiring Jana to be Dani's nanny. It could work long enough for you to see where your feelings can lead."

  "You may be right, I'll think about it," responds Jacob. "I really can't do anything until this trial is over. I'm starting to get concerned about the outcome. Tom hasn't been able to uncover anything helpful yet. What if I can't secure her freedom? What if she ends up in prison, or worse, on death row? Dani is not ever going to forgive me."

  Jason responds confidently, "If anybody can create reasonable doubt in a jury's mind, you can. I'm sure Jana will be acquitted."

  ******

  I can't help but notice that ever since that night in Casper when Jacob had almost kissed me, he seems to be avoiding me. I barely even see him these days. He is always up before dawn and never comes back to the house until well after dark. It hurts to think that he was so repulsed by our almost kiss that he can't stand to look at me or be around me. I thought we were friends. Now I can't help but believe he was only being nice because he is responsible for making sure I show up for the trial. He put up his money for my bond after all.

  I'm not sure how I will manage it, but I will pay him back every penny. I realize his services don't come cheap. Jenny told me about his representing that famous movie star, Barry Farrady, when he was charged with the murder of his wife. Jacob managed to secure an acquittal in that case. Part of me will be glad when the trial is over so I can leave, even if that means going to prison. The hardest part, though, will be leaving Dani. I couldn't love Dani more if she were my very own child.

  ******

  The trial date has been set for the first week in December. I am a nervous wreck. The closer the trial date comes, the worse it gets. It is already November. In reality, in less than a month I could be in prison for who knows how long. How will I stand being behind bars for years? I have always heard such horror stories about what goes on in prison, especially women's prisons. A shiver of dread slides down my spine. Please God, help me!

  . Jacob is getting more and more concerned, too much just doesn't add up and so far his private investigator hasn't turned up much.

  The autopsy results for Cybil were returned the last week of October. Cybil was murdered and brutally sexually assaulted. She had been dead before her car was pushed into the quarry. Frank Gibbon's fingerprints were all over the car and his DNA was also found. But even the fact that Frank Gibbons probably murdered Cybil doesn't help Jana's case.

  Jana owned the gun that killed Frank Gibbons and she had gun powder residue on her hands when she was picked up by the police. It is going to be a close call if they can't prove someone took the gun out of Jana's car.

  His only hope will be to claim self defense. He has the witnesses to the argument inside the restaurant and with the pictures of the bruises on her face and arms, he can probably get the jury to buy self defense. He just doesn't know how Jana will feel about claiming self defense. She says she had already left before Frank was shot and he believes her. Please God, we need a miracle.

  Early on Tuesday morning before Thanksgiving, Jacob's cell phone rings.

  "Jacob Murray"

  "Hey Jacob, this is Bill Hargess from Dillon Montana."

  "Hey Bill, what's up?" Jacob's heart begins pounding with hope.

  "We picked up a petty thief last night breaking into cars at The Blue Dolphin, that restaurant where Frank Gibbons was killed. His name is Billy Bragg. You need to talk to him. He has some information you need to hear."

  "I'll be in Dillon in a couple of hours and Bill thanks for calling me."

  Jacob left within the hour. He called the airport to ready the jet before going downstairs for breakfast. He has decided not to say anything to Jana until he knows what information Billy Bragg has for him. He just left word for her that he is going to be out of town for most of the day.

  When he walks into the jail, Bill Hargess greets him warmly, "Hello Jacob. I'll bring him to the interrogation room."

  "Bill, please video this interview for me" requests Jacob.

  "Sure, I'll be happy to. I'll be right back" says the Sheriff.

  When Billy Bragg walks in the interrogation room, Jacob stands and introduces himself. He is a slimy looking character. Skinny, short, and dirty, he smells to high heaven. After shaking his hand, Jacob has a strong urge to go straight to the restroom and wash
his hands.

  "Good morning, Billy, my name is Jacob Murray. I understand you have some information about the night Frank Gibbons was shot."

  Taking a seat at the table across from Jacob, Billy shrugs, "Yeah, I was in the parking lot that night. I saw a lot of what happened. I didn't say nothing before because I was taking stuff out of the cars and I didn't want to get caught."

  With that statement Jacob's senses go on full alert. He calmly replies, "Really, what exactly did you see that night Billy?"

  Billy replies, "I saw that pretty blonde lady run out of the restaurant. That guy, the one that got shot, was chasing her. When he caught up he grabbed her arm and threw her up against the side of a car. He was kissing her and pawing around on her and then she busted him in the balls. He grabbed her again before she could get in the car and hit her across the face, hard. She fell down. When he leaned down to grab her again somebody yelled his name. He looked up then bolted for his truck."

  Jacob cautiously asks, "I want to make sure I have this right. You saw him hit her?"

  "Yep, I saw him hit her across the face, hard," answers Billy.

  "And somebody yelled his name and then you saw him run toward his truck?" Jacob repeats.

  "Yep," says Billy.

  "What did the blonde lady do then?" asks Jacob.

  "She got in her car as fast as she could and left, burned rubber in the process," answers Billy.

  "And did you see what happened next?" asks Jacob.

  "I heard a gunshot and I split. I wasn't hanging around to see who was shootin' up the place." says Billy

  "Are you sure that the blonde lady had already left the parking lot when you heard the gunshot?" asks Jacob.

  "Yeah, I'm sure." replies Billy.

  "All right, when you were hanging around outside, did you see anything else suspicious?" inquires Jacob.

  "Naw ... well, maybe. I saw a car that kept drivin' by real slow. I never seen 'em stop though." Billy adds.

  "Can you describe the car?" asks Jacob.

  "Dark sedan, four doors, tinted windows, pretty common." responds Billy.