An Ocean Apart

by Gillian Chan

  Today is also my day to help Mr. Chee. His room at the end of the corridor is tiny, just a little cubbyhole with room only for a bed and a chair. He laughs when I say that and asks me why would he need more room, as he has nothing to put in it. I take our bedding and his to the laundry and he walks with me. It is slow because he stops to talk to so many people, friends from the railway days. Mr. Lee’s father worked with Mr. Chee, laying track through the big mountains — that is why he lets Mr. Chee stay all day in the back room of the store, drinking tea.

  My chores went quickly today and my homework too, so the afternoon was mine. I went over to the Mahs’ to see Yook Jieh. Sometimes Mrs. Mah will let Yook Jieh come out with me for an hour, if she has finished her work, but not today. Yook Jieh was working in the kitchen with their cook. There is to be a big banquet tonight at the Mahs’ for their Clan association. It will be very grand. Mrs. Mah said I could visit quickly but not stay, as there was so much to do.

  As soon as her back was turned, the cook sneaked little dumplings to Yook Jieh and me — shrimp dumplings — they were so good. He is a kind man, very jolly, with red cheeks like apples. He asked me if I would like to help tonight, maybe wash dishes. He said he would ask Mrs. Mah and she would pay me. I wanted to so badly. I’ve heard about these banquets, but girls like me do not get invited to them. Baba and Uncle Wing-lok used to go to them, but that was when Uncle was alive and things were good. I didn’t know what to do — I couldn’t ask Baba for permission. I thought quickly and said I would ask Wong Bak.

  I ran all the way, and Wong Bak laughed at my red face and the way my words all tumbled out. He was cleaning Oong choy, washing the grit from the leaves. Tsung Sook was already there and he said he would stay and do my work. They are kind to me. Wong Bak said I was to watch the Mahs’ cook closely and steal some recipes, as he is said to be the best in all of Chinatown.

  I am so excited! A banquet — even if I am only in the kitchen.

  Sunday, November 19

  Oh, Diary, I am so tired this morning. I did not get home until way past midnight. Baba was asleep already so I tiptoed in. The Mahs’ cook walked me home. He said it was not safe or proper for a girl like me to walk alone at that time. He was shocked that my Baba did not fetch me. I told him my Baba had not known what I was doing. The cook made a humphing noise, and said I should not be thoughtless like this again. I felt very ashamed, because his words were true ones that lodged in my heart.

  But it had been exciting! The banquet last night was like seeing another world. I must write it down, because I want to remember it when I am an old, old lady — surely I will never see anything like it ever again.

  Cook kept Yook Jieh and me very busy for the first little while. We chopped vegetables, shredded the dried scallops he had soaking, and also shark’s fin, until our fingers ached. He was kind and did not yell at us — not like Mrs. Mah, who kept poking into the kitchen and telling us to work, not chitchat. Cook even stood up for us and told Mrs. Mah that we could do both, and that he liked to hear our voices and giggles, as it reminded him of his daughters in Hong Kong. Mrs. Mah sniffed and wrinkled her mouth like she was eating salted plums. Whenever she left the kitchen, Cook sneaked us a taste of each dish. It was rich man’s food, like no food I’ve ever had before. Yook Jieh is lucky to live in the Mahs’ household, even if she is only a muui-jaai. The shark’s fin soup was my favourite — I did not know that shark’s fin is pulled apart into shreds that look like shiny wires. They glisten in the soup, making your lips sticky with their richness.

  I lost count of all the courses, there were so many. When we weren’t helping with the food, we washed dishes. Mrs. Mah kept inspecting them, but she found none that were still dirty. It made me feel uncomfortable and I thought that maybe Yook Jieh was not so lucky after all, and told her so. She laughed. I like it when she laughs. Her eyes scrunch up and her face gets round. She told me that Mrs. Mah is just nervous, worried about the important people they are entertaining tonight. As mistresses go, Mrs. Mah is kind, she has only beaten Yook Jieh once, and that was because she ruined Mrs. Mah’s best dress. My life seems hard to me, but I would not like to be a muui-jaai. I understand why Yook Jieh’s family sold her to Mrs. Mah, but I am glad that such a thing did not happen to me!

  When the meal was done, Mrs. Mah said we could come and listen to the speech her husband was going to make, as long as we stayed out of sight in the corridor. Cook made a funny noise and said he’d heard enough speeches like that to last his whole life, and that nothing ever came of them. He sat down and started eating. I could tell by Mrs. Mah’s stiff back that Cook had dented her pride. My listening to the speech meant little to her; she had no need to impress me.

  I was happy to listen to a speech, however long it was, if it gave me a chance to see the whole house. I’ve only ever seen the kitchen and Yook Jieh’s room just off it. I had not realized how big the house was; it looks small from the street. Yook Jieh led me through corridor after corridor, all with rooms off them. The corridors ran the length of the house, and the room on the third floor, where the banquet was held, covered one whole side of the house. I just stared. You could probably fit seven of our rooms into it. The room was beautiful, with walls of wood that reflected the candlelight. At one end were two portraits, of a man and a woman. Yook Jieh whispered that they were the Mahs’ ancestors. The room was full of men in western suits. They were sitting with their chairs pushed back so they could see Mr. Mah at the end of the table. Baba used to have a suit like that; we had a picture he sent to Ma and me. Now all he wears is his blue houseboy tunic and pants. I wonder what happened to that suit?

  Cook was right not to come; the speech was very long. Mr. Mah’s voice is thin, but he spoke passionately about China, about how Sun Yat-sen is the only man who can bring order and defeat the warlords. I have the same birthday as the great Dr. Sun Yat-sen, and Baba teases me that maybe I am destined to do great things too. Mr. Mah’s speech worried me — all that talk of warlords and fighting. What must it be like for Ma? This is why it is so important for her to come here.

  When Mr. Mah finished everyone clapped and then a servant carried around a chest, a beautiful chest with a metal clasp. The men stuffed money into it: money for Sun Yat-sen’s army. Notes were sticking out of the chest by the time they had finished. I tried to imagine how much money that could be, but my mind wasn’t big enough.

  I was happy that at the end of the night Cook gave me a parcel of food to take away, enough for me, Baba and Mr. Chee. We will have a feast this afternoon.

  Mrs. Mah gave me fifty cents. I will give it to Baba when he comes home from his morning at the Baldwins’, to add to our savings.

  As I write, I am looking out of the window. The tall white lady is here again, going into a building alongside the church. I wonder who she is.

  Monday, November 20

  I got to the Lees’ bright and early, so as to make Mrs. Lee impressed. It is easy for me to do that because I always wake when Baba rises and make him tea before he leaves. I had thought it would be like playing to look after the children, but it was not. They are like little jumping frogs, always on the move. Only the baby is still, but he makes up for that with noise.

  The children were all up when I got there, but not dressed. That is to be my job while Mrs. Lee prepares breakfast. Her husband was already in the store and let me in, telling me just to go up the stairs behind the back room. He has a scowling face and seemed annoyed to be disturbed by me. All four children sleep in one room with their beds along the walls. In the centre of the room there is a table and this is where they take their meals. So I had to dress them quickly and then make the beds too. I did not know children wriggled so much. If it hadn’t been for Lily, I would not have been able to do it. She showed me where their clothes were — stowed in baskets under their beds — and where they should wash. The Lees have a bathroom all their own! They don’t have to collect water in a pitcher, like we do for the basin in our room.

  Li
ly is funny. She is little, like a doll, but she is fierce with her brothers and sister, especially Arthur. He is the next oldest one and very wild. Mrs. Lee said I must use the children’s English names as it is their father’s wish; he wants them to be only Canadian. So it is Lily, Arthur, Rose and Hubert. The new baby will be Charles if it is a boy, and Agnes if it is a girl.

  For breakfast Mrs. Lee made jook with dried shredded pork sprinkled on top. I fed Hubert his. It smelled very good and I was glad that I had eaten some cold rice with my tea before I came, because Mrs. Lee did not offer me any. It was not easy feeding Hubert. He kept grabbing the spoon and I was worried that the sticky rice porridge would go all over me. I had thought that babies were sweet and cuddly. What if my brother is like Hubert, crying all the time and difficult? No, he is older. He is three. By the time he comes, he will be four, Arthur’s age. Ai-yah! That is worse to think about. He could be wild and spoiled because he is the only boy in the family.

  I was glad when school time came because my ears hurt from all the noise the Lees made. I think Mrs. Lee was pleased because she said I had been a help.

  Lily was sweet walking to school. She held my hand and told me about her friends. The mention of friends made me worry. I don’t have many friends, only Bess, and what if some of the others teased me, like Ivor? I had Lily to protect now. I made her walk fast but no one bothered us.

  Bess was waiting for me once I dropped Lily off with her friends. She was very glum. The good thing was that Ivor was not at school today.

  Tuesday, November 21

  I did not feel so strange at the Lees’ today. I just have to be more careful when feeding Hubert. My bad dream came true and he batted a big spoonful of jook all over the front of my blouse. I gasped out loud. Mrs. Lee washed it off for me with a cloth, but it left my blouse very wet, and I could still see a whitey stain on the blue. Mrs. Lee said that I should set off for school early with Lily and then stop to change my clothes. I did not want to do this at all, but she insisted, so I had no choice. When we got into the street and I started walking to school, Lily was very puzzled. I told her that my blouse was almost dry and that it would be by the time we got to school. She whined that she wanted to see where I lived with my Baba. I felt ashamed and angry. I could not say to her that I had only one other blouse and that it was wet because I had washed it this morning, so it would be clean for school tomorrow. Lily would not understand; she has many clothes, some her mother sews for her, and even some that come from stores.

  Lily stamped her foot and for a moment she looked just like her brother. She would not move until I promised that she could come and see our restaurant one afternoon after school. I do not know if that was the right thing to do. Should I just take her or should I ask her mother first?

  While we were standing there I saw the tall white woman again. She is here very often, both early and late. She saw me too, because she smiled and waved.

  Something is wrong with Bess, but she will not say what. She is not her smiling self and she is very quiet. Even Mr. Hughes noticed and asked her if she was sick. He is always telling Bess off for chattering — not to me, because she knows I will not whisper in class — but to Ada and Maisie in front.

  Baba has written a letter to Ma. He writes beautifully, each character perfectly formed. Uncle Wing-lok was a scribe and taught him when Baba first came here as a boy. He will find someone going home to visit his family, and send the letter and some money with them.

  I hope that Ma buys good medicine and that it will help Grandmother. When I was a little girl, Grandmother used to tell me stories about the monkey king. She had clever fingers and would pinch little characters out of mud to act the stories for me. I can remember what they looked like, but sometimes it is hard to remember Grandmother’s face.

  Wednesday, November 22

  It rained this morning — just a little, but my shoes were very soggy. They take a long time to dry and my feet get very cold. They also smell bad — but I am lucky, no one seems to notice.

  It was a long day at school today: thoughts of Ma and Grandmother made it drag very much, and Bess was away so I had no one to talk to. I looked for Declan to ask where Bess was, but he ran off when I got near him and, later, he was always with Ivor.

  I tried so hard to concentrate. Bess’s empty seat made me feel lonely and I kept looking at it, remembering my first day at school. I was very frightened that day, because I had never ever been to a school before. Bess was the person who took my fear away. She was the only one in the room with an empty seat next to her, so the teacher sent me there. Bess started whispering to me at once, until the teacher scolded her. I was shocked and scared, thinking I was in trouble too, but Bess did not hang her head. I sneaked glances at this brave girl. She was strange looking to me then, Diary, with wild blond hair that looked like a nest of curly snakes. When she saw me looking, she winked and smiled.

  On that long ago day, when recess came Bess grabbed my arm and made me walk with her. She did not mind that my English was poor. She told the others that I was going to be her friend. I remember how some of them laughed — not kind laughter, but mean, to match their faces — and said things to Bess that I didn’t understand then. Now I can guess what they were saying, the same things they say now, the things that hurt Bess, but which she pretends mean nothing to her. They mock her clothes, laugh at her family and tell her she’s dirty. I don’t care! My clothes may be cleaner than Bess’s, but they are not good either. Bess has a strong and kind heart.

  I hope that she is all right and that she will be back soon.

  Ah, Diary, so many people to worry about.

  Thursday, November 23

  It is still wet and miserable. My shoes never seem to be dry these days. I have taken them and my stockings off while I write. My feet are all blotchy and red and stinging.

  I have spent the day feeling sorry for myself, Diary, and that is not good. Bess is still absent. I caught Declan by himself, but he stuck his tongue out rudely and told me to mind my own business. Even though Lily is sweet-natured, being with her did not cheer me up much. It took something very surprising to do that.

  I was walking to our restaurant when I heard a shout behind me. I kept my eyes down like Baba tells me to do — the men who hang around the street always catcall at people passing by, especially a girl like me who is sometimes alone. Baba says the men are disrespectful. He gets angry because he is unable to be with me and shield me from their remarks. The men have nicknames for all the girls they see. Some of them are very rude, Diary, and I will not write them down in your pages. What they call me is not rude to me, but it is to Baba — they call me Big Loser’s Daughter. It makes me sad every time they yell it. Baba may have lost much, but he works so hard to make things right.

  This is hard, Diary. It is so easy to go astray, because writing in you is like talking to a friend. Should I cross out all about the men? No, I will go back to the shout, the unusual shout. It was a woman shouting. She was speaking English, and she knew my name. “Wait!” is what I heard. “Wait, May Chin!”

  It was the tall blond lady I have seen before and she was hurrying toward me. I didn’t know what to do. I felt very shy and puzzled because she knew who I was, when I did not know her.

  Even before she got to me she started talking and I found her hard to understand. Her voice is different from my teacher’s. She talks fast and the words sound like they are being stamped out. Her name is Miss MacDonald and she is working at the church. She is a friend of my teacher and it is he who told her about me. Why, I do not know, because I am just a very ordinary girl. Even more strange, she wants me to go to tea with her on Saturday.

  I have never been invited to tea. It is very exciting. I hope Baba says yes.

  Friday, November 24

  Today is a good day, even though Bess is still away.

  Mrs. Lee paid me my first wages. She seemed happy with the way I worked. Her husband looked grumpy, just like he always does. I was very proud to g
ive the money to Baba. He smiled and praised me for my hard work. This also made me very proud.

  I did not know what to do first, give Baba the money or ask him about having tea with Miss MacDonald. (What a funny name that is — it sounds like a cough!) I wanted to ask him yesterday, but he was very late. Mrs. Baldwin made him stay and do all the laundry all over again. One of the boys had left a pen in his pocket and the ink went everywhere. When he got to the restaurant, Baba’s face was pale, and I could see that he struggled to help Wong Bak, so I waited, even though it was hard. All day I kept worrying about what he would say.

  Today he was much more cheerful. He listened carefully to me, his head on one side the way it always is when he is thinking. At first he didn’t say anything, and I felt very glum, sure that he would refuse.

  Then the questions started, so many questions, but one over and over, “Why is this woman interested in you?” All I could tell him was that she was a friend of my teacher who had spoken of me to her.

  Baba sighed and stopped slicing beef. His face was sad as he told me how much he worried for me here, left alone so much, surrounded by so many rough men.

  I felt tears then, Diary, but did not want them to fall. I know, even though no one has said it directly to me, that when Baba returned to China it was not to bring me back with him, but to bring my Ma. It was my grandfather who changed his mind. He told Baba — and this makes me go red writing it — that I was a clever girl, clever like Baba was, and that I needed to be schooled, something that would not happen if I stayed in China. Grandfather joked and said that Baba should remember my lucky birthday. Baba argued, but Grandfather would not change his mind, not even when Baba said that I would work the land with them more now that I was older. Grandfather said that they would manage, and if they needed, with the money that Baba sends they could hire a man to labour on our fields. I often worry that Baba regrets that he listened to Grandfather, especially when he came back to find Uncle Wing-lok dead, and all his money gone.