Not Letting Go

by R B Hilliard

  I blinked back tears and contemplated telling him everything but…I just couldn’t. Instead, I squeezed his hand. “You are the best man, Max McLellan, and I am so thankful that Ellie has you. The kind of love that you and Ellie share is what I thought I had with Gage.” Sadness appeared in his eyes and I shrugged. “It was not meant to be. That’s all. Gage is a great guy who deserves to live his dream. I’m happy for him.” I couldn’t stop my lip from quivering and, of course, he zeroed in on it.

  “You deserve your dream, too, sweetheart. If Gage being here makes you sad then I can set him up somewhere else. I would do that for you. All you have to do is ask.” A stray tear trickled down my cheek and he caught it with his finger.

  “I will be fine. I promise. Just give it a little time. You of all people know what it’s like to lose someone you love. It just takes time. Let Gage stay and have his dream. He deserves it.”

  His eyebrows furrowed in concern. “You’re sure there’s nothing else you need to tell me?”

  I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and smiled. “Nope, not a thing.”

  He smiled back. “I’ll let that stand, for now. How bout we go see what everybody’s doing?”

  We walked around the side of the house to the pool. Joss, Kurt, Ellie and Susannah were deep in conversation. Kurt spotted us first and cleared his throat. Susannah shot from her seat and folded me into her arms. I had to fight back the tears all over again. Thank goodness she’s finally here.

  We all had dinner that night and, thankfully, no one mentioned Lester or what had happened the night before. Max and Ellie left around nine and shortly after, Joss declared it baby making time and dragged Kurt into the house…literally. Susannah and I cleaned up the last of the mess and headed to my place.

  As soon as we had our pajamas on and were settled I asked, “Why aren’t you with Zip tonight?”

  “I wanted to be with you…especially after hearing what all went down last night.”

  “Did you tell Zippo what happened?” I couldn’t help but ask. A tiny part of me still held out hope that Gage was still the guy I wanted him to be.”

  “I made it very clear to Zip that if I relocated to Charlotte there would be no cross talk about you and Gage. My relationship with you stays separate. That’s the only way this will work. He thinks you are both idiots, so he was happy to comply.” Gee, thanks Zippo.

  Before heading to bed I relayed what happened with Lester at Benny’s in detail. Susannah agreed that Lester was only Dooley’s first strike. I didn’t want to think about what he had up his sleeve for round two. We were worried about Reyn and, as neither of us had heard a peep from her since I bolted from Austin, we didn’t know what to think. Right before my Dooley incident, Reyn was acting strange. My gut told me Zeke had something to do with it. After everything blew up in my face, I tried to call her. She didn’t pick up and I didn’t leave a message because I wasn’t entirely sure that I could trust her anymore. What a mess.

  Luckily, I didn’t have to worry about my parents for the next few months. They were in California with my brothers. Surely Dooley wasn’t stupid enough to go after my family. No. He just wants me.

  Chapter Eight

  A week later…

  Kurt and Dillon agreed to let Polly and Lena work the bar tonight because Max and his crew were throwing one of their parties at the garage. Dillon and I missed the last few because we had to work. Ellie was having none of that tonight. According to Joss, the second they decided to have another party, Ellie told Kurt to figure something out because we would not be missing this one. We worked the first half of the shift and, as soon as D felt like things were under control, took off for the garage. I made sure that Dillon had his guitar with him. There was nothing sexier than that man and his guitar. I told him this daily.

  MG’s was not your typical garage. Benny’s grandfather had built the original building brick by brick with his own two hands. Using a complimentary red brick theme, Max added on two more bays, offices, a kitchen and upstairs sleeping quarters. When Ellie began working at the garage she talked him into adding a large patio and fire pit behind the building. With acres of land to spare, space was not an issue. The latest addition of two motorcycle bays belonged to Gage and Zippo.

  Dillon waited for me to park and then walked me in. As we made our way to the back I could hear loud music blaring through the speakers. We rounded the corner and I was surprised to see so many people milling about. I immediately spotted Max talking to Harry in one of the open bays. A couple of girls lingered on the outskirts trying to get their attention. They were invisible to Max, as he only had eyes for Ellie. He saw us making our way over to them and smiled. On our approach he gave Dillon’s hand a shake and leaned in to give me a hug. “Sorry, Babe, I didn’t know.” he whispered in my ear. Figuring that he was halfway to drunk, I gave him a questioning look before I laughed and blew him off. The guys started discussing a truck Dillon was considering buying. Not interested in the least, I went on the hunt for familiar faces and alcoholic beverages and found both in the kitchen.

  “Uh-oh, here comes trouble,” Tut observed from across the kitchen. He was standing with Twon, Benny, Zippo and a keg. Over the past six months I had only seen Zippo from afar. I wasn’t sure what he knew about what had happened in Texas and wasn’t sure whether he was in on it or not. This left me wondering how to act around him. I was sensitive to the fact that my cousin was falling in love with him and would never do anything to hurt her. Screw it. I’ll just go with it.

  Plastering a smile on my face, I smiled at Twon and asked, “Got an extra beer for a thirsty girl?”

  “For you? Anything. I hope you know that by now,” he replied and pulled me in for a hug. “Piper, this here is Zippo. Zippo, this is our girl, Piper.”

  Zippo stared at me for a second. Then he muttered something that sounded remarkably like bitch under his breath and walked out. Well that settles that.

  “What was that about?” Benny asked.

  “I don’t think he likes me.” I replied. Awkward did not begin to describe what I was feeling.

  “Do I need to have a chat with him?” Twon asked.

  “No but thanks for offering. Have you seen Ellie or Joss lately?”

  “Out by the fire,” Tut said.

  I thanked them for the beer and headed toward the fire. Susannah failed to mention that Zippo hated me. The realization of this was unsettling, to say the least.

  Unlike Dooley’s so-called bonfire, Max had built a decent sized circular stone fire pit deep in the ground. Tonight it was actually tame. Instead of the eight foot scorch-your-hair-off-if-you-venture-too-close-to-it fire, it was more of a marshmallow and hot dog roasting kind of fire. Chairs surrounded all sides of the pit. Ellie was perched in one with her hands resting on her pregnant belly. Kurt was sitting next to her with Joss in his lap. Susannah sat on the ground at their feet and everyone was laughing at something she was saying. Brandi Carlile’s beautifully edgy voice surrounded us. If there was ever a song that described how I felt about Gage, The Story was it.

  Kurt turned to say something to the guy next to him. Being that he was obscured by the woman sitting sideways on his lap, I couldn’t tell who it was. Then I got a good look at her profile.

  Missy. And underneath her? Gage.

  As if sensing my presence, Gage’s head shot up and our eyes connected. Flames danced between us as we took each other in. For a handful of moments I was transported back to a time when nothing stood between us but love. A familiar aching desire swept through my veins and chasing after it was… a trace of sadness. Gage’s eyes scanned down my body to my feet and back up again. Like always, I felt the pull and it took everything in me not to go to him. I took a small step in his direction. His eyes widened in surprise and something else that I couldn’t make out. Before I could act on it, though, Missy spotted me. With a smug smirk she placed her hand on Gage’s face and forced him to look at her. As soon as she had his attention she lowered her head and slammed he
r mouth down on his, tongue and all. When he did not immediately pull away, fingers of jealousy wrapped around my throat and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I felt like a voyeur in a C rated movie. If I didn’t get out of here I would do something stupid. Like snatch every last hair off of her head. Turning on my heel, I bolted for my car. I managed to keep the tears at bay until I got home. Before I completely lost it, I texted Susannah and let her know that I had left.

  I knew Gage was with Missy. I knew that he was probably sleeping with her and doing all of the things he once did with me. I knew this. Still nothing, nothing in this world could have prepared me for seeing it with my own two eyes. The picture of them kissing was seared into my brain and the loss of the only guy I would ever love was etched across my heart. When the tears finally came, I gladly welcomed them.

  The first time that Dooley Shane propositioned me was in front of the waterfalls at his house with my guy standing not even fifty feet away. It was also the first time that Gage and I had a fight.

  As it turned out, my intuition about Dooley was spot on. He was a creep of epic proportions. However, stupid, arrogant me thought I could handle any situation thrown my way. Wrong.

  “A visit to Canada inspired these falls.” I glanced over my shoulder and there stood Dooley and Selina. “Do you like them?” His low tone, slowly pronounced words and body language reminded me of a spider circling its prey.

  “I do,” I replied. I stared at the falls while mentally searching for an excuse to bolt back to the house and find Gage.

  I felt Dooley’s beady, black eyes on me and fought the urge to turn tail and run. He whispered something to Selina. She smiled and nodded her head at him. As soon as he took his eyes from her, she shot me a look of pure hatred. Without saying a word, she turned and walked back toward the house. A cold chill shot through me. I didn’t want to be left alone with this man. Screw this. As if sensing my intent to run, Dooley closed the distance between us.

  “You seem nervous, Piper. The last thing I ever want you to feel around me is nervous,” he murmured as he reached over and brushed back a lock of hair that had blown across my cheek. My stomach turned. “I hope Gage is taking good care of you. Does he tell you how beautiful you are?” His question sounded innocent, but he wasn’t fooling me. “If you were mine, I’d make sure to tell you all the time. In fact, I’d tell you every single day.”

  I didn’t know how to respond to this. It sounded as if he was coming on to me but I wasn’t completely sure. I knew what this man meant to Gage and the last thing I wanted to do was damage that. Deciding to go with my gut, I smiled up at him. “Gage more than satisfies me Dooley, but thanks for checking.”

  Throwing back his head, he belted out a laugh. “Is that so? Tell me, Piper, what would it take to make you mine?”

  My eyes widened in shock. “Please tell me you did not just ask me that.”

  “I did,” he responded with a feigned innocent smile.

  What a shit!

  This was wrong on so many levels. The most important of which was Gage and what something like this would do to him.

  “You do realize that I am with Gage?” I asked, not even remotely hiding my disgust.

  “For the moment,” he replied.

  “For a lot longer if I have anything to say about it,” I assured him.

  He leaned in and, when I jerked back, he placed his hand on the back of my head to stop me. I struggled to get out of his grasp, but he was stronger and a jolt of fear zipped through me. My stomach lurched again as I felt his breath on the side of my face. For a moment I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead, his lips moved to my ear and he whispered, “We’ll see.” Then he released me and walked away.

  I can’t believe that just happened.

  Not even a minute passed before Gage appeared and I wondered if Dooley had seen him coming.

  I told Gage that I wasn’t feeling well and ten minutes later we left.

  The drive back to his house was quiet. He kept glancing over at me with a concerned look on his face but I wasn’t ready to talk. I needed his complete attention for this. We barely made it through the door when he had me in his arms.

  “Is it your stomach? What can I get you?” he asked, hugging me closely.

  I decided in the car on the way home that the best way to go about this was to start from the beginning.

  “Gage, what is Selina to you?” I asked into his chest.

  He pulled back and frowned. “Why? Did she say something to upset you? Is that what this is all about?”

  “Uh, no. I just get the feeling that I am missing something and want to know what it is.”

  Using his fingertips, he gently lifted my chin and I was held captive in his blue eyes. “Selina is a friend, Piper. That is all she is and all she will ever be. Now, tell me what this is all about.”

  I wanted to tell him that Selina clearly wanted more, but I didn’t. Instead, I reached for his hand and pulled him into the living room. As much as I hated to be the one to tell him, I felt that he should know what his boss was all about. I made sure he was comfortable before relaying everything that had happened with Dooley. After what seemed like forever, he spoke.

  “You must have misunderstood. Dooley wouldn’t jeopardize our friendship like that. Also, I think he’s involved with Selina.” The last thing I expected was for him not to believe me. So to say I was shocked, was an understatement. He scooted closer and wrapped his arm around me. “I shouldn’t have left you to talk business tonight. I never want you to feel neglected, Princess. I promise it won’t happen again.”

  What?

  I reared back and stared at him in disbelief. “Please tell me you are joking.”

  He paused for a moment and then said, “He’s my boss, Piper, my friend.”

  He’s serious

  I took a deep breath and repeated myself. “Yes, well your boss and so-called friend asked me what it would take for me to be his. Does it sound like I misunderstood him?”

  “I just don’t see him doing something like this,” was his answer.

  A lump formed in my throat. “But you see me lying about it?”

  “No. But can’t you see it from my perspective? Is it so hard to admit that it is possible that you misunderstood him? After all, we both know that he isn’t exactly your favorite person.”

  Now I was angry. “I don’t recall ever saying that I disliked Dooley. In fact, the only thing I have ever questioned is why you have to leave at all hours of the day or night to do his bidding. It’s a logical question, don’t you think?”

  “What I think is that you misunderstood him. I have known him for a long time and just can’t see him doing something like that to me. And, as I said before, I think he and Selina have something going on.”

  His words pierced through me like little tiny daggers. He pulled no punches about whether or not he believed me and I now knew exactly where I stood. Hurt and anger enveloped me and I lashed out. “What I think is that you are a Grade-A shit who doesn’t know his ass from his head. Your precious Dooley has ulterior motives and I’m sorry that you are too blind to see it. Also, for your information, Selina doesn’t want Dooley, Gage. She wants you.” Before he could make any more excuses, I stood up and started across the room.

  “Where are you going?”

  I snagged my purse and keys from the side table and headed for the front door. “Thanks for believing in me, Cowboy,” I shot over my shoulder. Then I walked out the door.

  I slept alone in my apartment that night. Susannah and Reyn were nowhere to be found, which was probably for the best as I was in a horrible mood. I felt raw and exposed. It never crossed my mind that Gage wouldn’t believe me. After hours of crying, I finally fell into a fitful sleep.

  I didn’t hear from Gage the next day and I sure as hell didn’t reach out to him. My stomach was in knots and I couldn’t concentrate. Anger had been replaced by hurt and I didn’t know what to do with it. I secretly hoped that he would show up at The Oasis w
hile I was working that night but he didn’t. Where did this leave us? I was in love with him and I thought he felt the same. Hell, he had practically begged me to move in with him. Yet, last night he drew a line in the sand. On one side stood Dooley and on the other was me. I didn’t want Gage to be in the middle, but he was and right now he seemed to be batting for team Dooley. Where does that leave us?

  Roy let a bunch of the staff stay for drinks after work but I wasn’t up for it. I needed a shower and a warm bed. I tried not to think about Gage and the fact that he didn’t believe me. It was hard. Every few minutes my mind would wander back to the night before. Then my eyes would well up and I’d have to fight back a major case of the weepies. When did I become this person? As if that wasn’t enough, the second I started my car Christina Aguilera’s pathetically sad song about giving up on love blared through the speakers and I found myself crying anyway. I didn’t want to give up on Gage. He was my forever guy and the thought of losing him scared me in ways that I couldn’t even begin to express.

  Ten minutes later, I pulled onto my street. Oh no! Gage sat perched on his Harley directly in front of my apartment building. He can’t see me like this! I frantically wiped away tears while trying to park. Before I could check myself in my mirror, my car door opened and Gage was reaching in to get me.

  “Gage!” I shouted and tried to slap away his hands.

  He paused long enough to see my tear stained face and his eyes softened. “Oh Princess,” he sighed and held open his arms. I stepped into them and it felt like home. He held me while I cried for a bit and then suggested that we go inside. Reyn’s door was shut and I could hear her talking on the phone. Susannah wasn’t in her usual spot on the sofa which meant she was probably still out with Zippo. Gage took my hand and led me to my bedroom. As soon as he shut the door, he kicked off his boots and pulled me onto the bed with him.