“Well I want to take you to this opening. There’s a little clearing so we can sit in the sun and enjoy the gorgeous day. I know how you love just observing the world around you, so I figure what a better place than right in the middle of nature to enjoy the sun and a day getting to know one another?”
Now I feel like he’s definitely covering something up. He’s having difficulty looking me in the eyes, and I can feel the shake in his hand. “Well, are we almost there, because I would like to be able to sit back and start relaxing?” I say it teasingly, but I really am getting tired.
“Here we are. See, there’s just a little bit of clearing, enough for just a handful of people to be comfortable and just enough room for a blanket for the two of us.”
There’s a blanket laid out in the grass already and there’s just enough gap in the trees that the sun is lighting up the area. It’s small but perfect. There are flowers blooming almost in a perfect circle around the blanket, as if someone planted them. He walks me over to the blanket, and unlike Derrick he holds my hand and helps me sit down and then gently sits down beside me and not on top of me. It is nice not having him instantly trying to get into my pants or smothering me sexually.
“I have to tell you something about myself, Lindsay, before this goes any further. I’m not who you think I am, and I have done a lot of bad things in my past that I can’t change. I’m still doing things today that I can’t help. Evil is inside me, and it has control over me in a way that I’m unable to explain.” His expression saddens and is filled with concern.
“What do you mean, Ethan? You’re an amazing person. I know I don’t know anything about your past, but from what I can see in you, you are the nicest and sweetest person I know. Nothing about you is evil.” How can he even think something like this?
“I know that’s how you see me, but you don’t know the truth. You don’t know where I come from. I don’t even know where to start or how to tell you. All I know is that if I show you, you have to promise you won’t run away that you’ll stay and hear me out. Do you promise?”
Now he’s making me nervous. Why would I run away, how bad can it be? “Of course. Why would I run away? I love you and I’m sure there’s nothing you could tell or show me that would make me hate you. I want to help you with whatever it is that you’re dealing with. I think that’s why we found each other, I’m meant to help you.” I’m doing my best to reassure him but he continues on.
“I don’t think this is something you can help me with, Lindsay. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve changed some of my ways since I met you, but I can’t change who I am. Nothing you or I do can change that. I want you to be prepared for what I’m about to show you.” What could he possibly have to show me? “You need to know that it’s going to be something you’ve never seen before and probably didn’t think existed. You know how you can’t explain why you feel the way you do with me?” His question leaves me puzzled.
“Yeah, but we’re meant for each other, it’s just fate. That’s what love is. It’s unexplainable, you just feel it inside.”
He slowly shakes his head, “No, it’s more than that. There’s something about me. It’s who I am. No girl has control when they’re near me. I do love you and I know your feelings are real, that’s why I’m telling you this. I’m different from you and everyone else. I’m fast and have the abilities to do things that no human can.”
“Are you kidding? I mean I guess there have been times that you have disappeared, and it seems like you move fast, but what do you mean by your different than the rest of us?”
“This is where I have to show you. If I tell you, I know you won’t believe me, and you will probably even think I’m crazy.”
He’s really starting to worry me. “I would never think that, Ethan.” He stands to his feet smoothly, almost gliding. He turns to face me and his expression shows so much worry and concern in it that I can’t help but feel sorry for him even though I don’t know what’s happening.
“Prepare yourself for what I’m about to show you.” He’s standing here looking into my eyes when he removes his shirt revealing the body that makes me swoon. Then before I can even say anything, beautiful silky black wings unfold from behind him. They’re enormous, expanding at least eight feet on each side. The black feathers extend to the ground almost touching the grass. I’ve seen them before, in my dream, they’re exactly as I dreamt. His beautiful body standing in front of me with his wings held out behind him. I’m caught with such shock I don’t know what to say. My head is getting fuzzy, and my stomach is feeling sick. Then nothing. Just darkness.
ELEVEN
Ethan
I’m beyond nervous to reveal myself to her. The chances are too great that she won’t accept me for who I am, for what I am. As I turn to face her and slowly unfold myself in front of her. I reveal my angel wings, her face goes ashen and then she’s no longer conscious, she’s passed out in shock on the ground in front of me. I reach to feel her and make sure she’s alright. She’s passed out. I try to wake her, but it’s helpless. I knew it would be too much for her to handle. I grab her helpless body in my arms and take flight into the sky. This is definitely not how I’d hoped it would go. When we reach the edge of the forest behind her house, I descend. Without attracting attention to myself, I carry her to her house and up to her room. Thankfully her parents aren’t home to see us. They must have left when we took off. I lay her gently on her bed and she hasn’t roused at all. Her face looks so fragile. My love for her is stronger than she could ever imagine, I just have to continue to tell her the truth and hope that her love for me is just as strong so that she can accept me as I am. I’m nothing without her. The moment I saw her, I knew I had to change and that the life that I was living would be changed forever.
The person I was before no longer exists now that I have her. I don’t know if I could handle losing her which is why I had to keep my secret from her. I’m ashamed of who I am and the horrible things I’ve done. There’s nothing I can do to change my past, and I hope that she will see me for who I’m trying to be, for her. I don’t want to hurt people, but it’s the only way I can keep my strength. I didn’t ask for this; at the time I truly felt like I was choosing the right path. I don’t believe that taking the “good” path is always the right way. If only I can make her see that, then maybe she will understand me.
I know that there’s a reason why I’ve been brought to her. Our destiny was to meet and help one another. I know now who she really is. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before but it’s obvious. She doesn’t know what she was created for and I can show her the path that was laid out for her so that she can make her choice. From the moment I met her, I knew there was something special about her and I know that I can help her as much as she can help me. We all need to be given the opportunity to choose. All I can hope for is that she won’t be disgusted by me and the things I’ve done to people. I’ll promise her that I’m no longer that creature.
My soul has changed and with her help the rest of me can change. I’ll be able to have my full strength without harming anyone. If she is who I think she is, her gifts are more powerful than any on earth. The destiny of my kind lies in her hands. I love her, and I know that she’ll see that and out of all the souls she was able to see mine and the good that I was made for. All I can hope for is that she was brought to me for the purpose of helping us both, and I will not allow anyone or anything to come between us or stand in our way of the righteous path. I know who can help her if she is the one.
TWELVE
I haven’t seen Ethan in what feels like forever. The last I remember was two days ago walking through the forest with him to the clearing, after that I can’t really remember much of anything else. Well, it’s not that I can’t remember - I think I was dreaming or something because the last thing I can clearly remember was sitting out on a blanket in that small secluded clearing deep in the forest and then Ethan revealed that he has wings. Black wings, like an angel’s but differe
nt. My immediate impression of an angel would be to have white wings. I’m not sure what he is or what makes him different. He said he had to show me something that he couldn’t explain with words. Then that was it. I woke up here in my room yesterday morning. I have to see Ethan, and it’s killing me that he hasn’t called or came by. I just can’t figure him out. One moment he’s saying he won’t leave me unless I ask him to, and the next moment without me even knowing what is going on, he vanishes. He doesn’t call or even leave a note. Just gone. All of yesterday I sat around my house waiting for him and trying to figure out what happened. It felt so real being out there with him in the woods, and yet it has to be a dream. It isn’t possible for someone to just have these enormous wings attached to them. I have to talk to Kim and see what she thinks these dreams mean. Maybe she can give me a better view on all of this. As soon as I grab for my cell phone, I can feel someone in my room behind me. I don’t know why but after the other day I’m a little frightened.
“Lindsay.”
As soon as I turn to see him, I run up and throw my arms around him. “Ethan.” Our lips meet for a short sweet kiss, and then he gently pulls away. He’s shirtless, and my eyes linger longer than they should. I press my palm against his stomach, feeling the definition in his body.
“I’m sorry about the other day. You passed out and I carried you back home. I felt guilty for revealing myself to you. Please, I need you to understand, I love you and I need you to know who I am. I need to know that you can love me and that I will never hurt you. There are a lot of things that you don’t understand and I want to help you so that you can see clearly.”
I frown not fully understand. “What the hell are you talking about, Ethan? The last thing I remember from yesterday was us hanging out in the woods, and then I woke up here in my room. Of course I accept you for you, and I love you. I just don’t understand what happened yesterday.” He brushes the small piece of hair that has fallen in my face to the side.
“You don’t remember? I’m a Fallen Angel. I have a demon inside of me that has controlled me for centuries.”
“You’re kidding, right?” He has got to be joking. It’s impossible. Demons and angels? I know that he’s different than anyone else I have seen and he has this attraction that is undeniable but a demon? “I mean, if you’re a demon then why do you look so normal?”
“You see my cover. You can’t see the real me right now. I told you, Lindsay. From the moment I saw you, I wanted to change. I still want to change. I told you I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life, but I see something in you that can help me. You are pure good, Lindsay, and you can sense the souls of others. You sensed that I have goodness in me. No one else could see that.”
“What do you mean I can sense?” Before I even let him answer me I already have more to ask so with one breath I continue. “This is too much; I don’t understand how did you become a demon? I mean, do you just change into one when you die or have always been one? I mean, how long have you been around? I could sense something different about you, and yes I can see that you have a good soul, but I think you might have lost your mind thinking you’re a ‘Fallen Angel.” He’s just standing here in front of me piercing me with those black eyes without answering any of my questions.
“Look,” he says, “let’s just say I’ve been around for a long time, and I chose this path for myself but didn’t know the consequences at the time. I’m what you would call a Fallen Angel but I’ve chosen the other side. I want to explain more to you Lindsay and I will but it is a long story that happened so many ages ago and right now all that is important is you and me. I can see that you’re special, Lindsay.” I would think he had lost his mind but I see that he’s telling the truth. I know it in my heart. I can see that he wants my acceptance and help. It’s hard for me to believe something like demons and angels. “I didn’t know it for sure until we were in the forest. You see inside me. My kind have been waiting for you for so long. You have something that can help me. I came to you originally not for help but to feed on your soul, and once I saw you I fell in love and there was no way I could harm you. I will never hurt you, Lindsay, and if you want me to go just let me know and I’ll leave now and never come back. But if you’ll have me stay, I want to show you who I am and I want you to be able to understand me and where I came from. My love for you is stronger than any evil I have inside.”
My mind can’t even think. I know that I don’t want him to leave even if he is a demon. I trust that he won’t hurt me and I want to help him in any way possible, but I don’t see what it is that I can do for him. I think this is way beyond my understanding. “I don’t want you to leave Ethan. I love you and want to help; I just don’t see how I can. I want you to show me who you are and where you come from. I want to know everything about you. I trust you. The only way that you could ever hurt me is if you left.” As he wraps his arms around my waist, he lifts me softly off the ground and brings his lips to mine. The blood starts flowing to my face and my heart beat begins to increase. I feel my whole body heating up wanting more of him and desiring him more than ever. His tall broad body and deep eyes that reveal the true him are undeniable. I can feel that this is what is meant to be.
“I know that you don’t understand yet, Lindsay, but you will figure it out soon enough, and you will see how you can help me. I know that you’re the one. You’re the only one that can free me. Your love is all I need and all I want. Please come with me and let me show you.” He grabs my hand ever so gently and guides me to my window. He turns and looks into my eyes and doesn’t even have to say a word, and I know what he wants: my trust. I smile as he pulls me into him, we duck out the window, and he jumps instead of taking the normal way down of climbing down the wooden ladder attached to the house that my parents had installed as a fire escape. He leaps two stories down but instead of falling and hitting the hard ground we’re moving up. Moving up into the clear blue sky. He has his arms wrapped firmly around my waist, and my whole body is pressed against his. I close my eyes and take in a deep breath and prepare myself for what I’m about to see. I open my eyes and look up toward his face and see these two enormous beautiful black as night wings gently and gracefully moving behind him, carrying us up higher and higher into the sky. The wing span is enormous and they move so gracefully. Each feather is shimmery black like silk. They glisten in the sunlight. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. There’s no way that he can be a demon. He’s an angel. My angel! As I’m admiring his amazing wings, he looks down at me and gives me a big smile as if he knows what I’m thinking.
“I hope that I’m not scaring you.” He pulls me in tighter and kisses me softly.
“No. This is amazing Ethan. You are amazing. Why you think you’re a demon is beyond me. No demon could be as beautiful as you are right now.” We’re now hovering in the sky, and all I can hear is the slow heavy beat of his wings pounding against the wind, and I can feel the breeze they are creating. This kiss is like nothing I’ve ever felt. It is unbelievably magical. His dark hair flows in the breeze being created by his beating wings. “You are incredible, Ethan.” I pull my head back slightly to look into his eyes.
“There’s so much I have to explain to you. Demons are very deceiving. Our appearance is meant to be breathtaking. It lures our victims. All Fallen Angels are attractive to the human eye. We were created in God’s perfection.”
“Victims?” What does he mean by that? I can’t imagine him hurting anyone.
“Let’s just enjoy the sky right now. I don’t know if you’re ready to hear everything yet. I know you have a lot of questions but I would prefer to have today to spend with you and not going through a history lesson. Relax and enjoy yourself.”
I close my eyes and then open them to take in the world from this whole new point of view. Everything is peaceful from up here, especially when the only thing I can really focus on is the sound of Ethan’s wings. It’s mesmerizing. Before I know it, we’re on the ground. Trees are all around
us and there’s a circle of flowers at their peak. It’s the same spot he brought me to before, the meadow in the forest behind my house. I look into his eyes and can’t help but feel extremely blessed that he’s come into my life. I can’t imagine how I’m supposed to help him. He can’t be evil or even a demon, he’s perfect.
“You’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.” My eyes are on his as I speak to him, taking in his bare chested beauty. “I don’t understand how I’m going to help you, but if that’s what you need, then I’m here for you. I want to know everything. How did you come to be like this and why do you keep saying you’re evil and a demon? I love you Ethan, but I need to know everything about you and us and why you chose to find me.” As he stands in front of me his black wings glisten in the sunlight and I admire the appealing softness that they give.
“Lindsay, I love you, and I want you to know everything about me, but right now I just want to spend some time with you and really hold you. You have no idea how relieved I am to know that you accept me for who I am. I will tell you everything but not now, soon though. I need you to be patient. There’s so much for you to learn and so many things I know you haven’t discovered about yourself.”
“Well, I hope I don’t have to wait long, Ethan. I need to know everything about you. I love you so much and you were brought to me by a higher power of some kind that knew that we needed each other. Maybe we can just start with what it is that you think I need to learn about myself.”
Fallen Desire Page 11