He smiles at my words, “That sounds good – but another day. Right now, let’s just lay here on the grass until I have to get you back.”
“Okay. But just so you know we’re going to have to talk about it soon enough.” I lay down on my back looking back up at Ethan and his wings have vanished. I sigh and let my mind digest all that is new to me.
THIRTEEN
Three days go by without any explanations and without any discussions on demons and his past. I don’t really know how much longer I can wait for him to bring it up. I don’t want to be pushy, so the only thing I can do is wait for him. There’s going to be a big party tonight at Kim’s house, maybe we can get some alone time and just maybe he’ll be willing to talk to me. I have to know his past and not only that, I need to know what it is that he thinks is so special about me. Tonight is the night I’m going to bring it up. I haven’t even gotten to talk to Kim. The only time we’ve talked lately is when she called me to invite me to the party. I want so much to tell her, but Ethan says this is something no one would understand and that I have to keep it to myself. It’s just so darn hard when he won’t even talk to me about it, and I can’t even go to a friend to discuss what I’m going through and feeling. I know that Ethan is not human. I’ve seen his wings, but that day being the last time I’ve seen them or even talked to him about it makes it hard to believe it’s real. I’m not sure what’s stopping him. He knows I love him no matter what. Is he just waiting for the right time or for more to fall into place? I mean, if he wants to talk to me about it that’s fine with me, but why is it taking him so long to tell me? Either way, I’m determined to talk to him tonight and get some information. Plus the last I saw him was yesterday morning and it’s been twenty four hours without him in my arms. I’m craving his touch and his kiss. I can only go so long without it. I wish that I can see him now, but unfortunately my mom had decided that she wants to take me to lunch. She says she feels like she doesn’t even know what’s going on in my life since she’s always busy at the office and then when she is home I’m caught up in my own things. The last thing I want to do is be put on the spot, but I’m not left with much of a choice.
I’ve never been a very good liar, it’s always been easy for people to know when I’m being dishonest so I’m going to have to avoid discussing Ethan and I. The last thing I need is for her to think that I’m keeping something from her. She would never let it go. For now, all I want to do till lunch is just rest on my bed wrapped up in my white fluffy comforter and dream of Ethan – dream of his beautiful features and perfect complexion with those large black eyes that see right into my soul and lure me to him. I want to dream of his hands; they hold me so tight, like I’m the only thing in the world that he cares about. Those enormous black wings that move with grace and power are undeniably angelic. He’s magnificent. Every minute of the day, all I want is him, and when I don’t have him all I want is to dream of him. His image never leaves my mind. He is my everything.
“Lindsay! Someone’s at the door for you.” My mom is standing at the bottom of the stairs yelling up at me. Who the heck could be here? I know that Ethan said he wouldn’t see me until tonight; that he had some things he had to take care of which seems to be quite often. I know Kim is busy running around getting things put together for the party, and I know there’s no way she would stop to come by here.
“Coming!” For some reason, I can sense him as I get closer to the door. Right as I’m going to look out the front door, I know it’s him.
“Derrick!”
“Hey. Sorry to bother you. It has been awhile since I’ve been by, and well I was in the neighborhood and was thinking about you so I thought I would stop by and see what you’re up to. I hope that’s okay.”
What could he possibly want to talk about? The last time I saw him was days ago, and that was when we kissed. “Um, yeah. Sorry, I guess I just wasn’t expecting you. I mean I’m glad you’re here. It has been awhile since we’ve talked. Do you wanna come in?” I wanted so much to forget the feelings he had given me that day but it looks like that’s not gonna happen.
“Yeah,” he replies.
I take him up to my room so that we have our privacy. “Are you going to Kim’s party tonight?” I don’t know what else to say but I had to break the silence between us. I’m on the end of my bed, and Derrick at the chair to my armoire. I’m avoiding getting too close to him afraid of what might happen. I’m not too sure what it is that he wants, but the last thing I want to talk about is us or Ethan and me.
“Yeah. I’ll definitely be there. Wouldn’t miss a friend’s party for anything. So how are you doing, Lindsay? I mean, I guess I’ve missed you. I thought if I stayed away that would help, but it seems that I can’t help but think about you all the time.”
His face is flushed and his eyes are shining as he looks into my eyes with love and affection. His skin darker than Ethan’s but it’s just as pure and perfect. He’s undeniably gorgeous and obviously into me. I can’t help but feel something for him. I just wish I knew where these feelings were coming from. How could I have spent that last bit of the school year not feeling the slightest pull toward him and the moment Ethan comes along, everything changed. All of the sudden I’ve fallen in love with Ethan and I think I’m falling for Derrick too. This is just my luck. I really don’t want to hurt anyone.
“I have so much going on right now and I know I’ve said this before. I’m not going to lie, I care about you. There’s definitely something between us, but Ethan and I are together and I love him. I don’t want to make things more complicated.”
His eyebrows crease, “Lindsay, all I ask is that you give me a chance before you make a final decision. I don’t know how I’d feel knowing that I didn’t give it my best. I want you, you’re all I think about. You are the most beautiful person inside and out, and I’ve realized that I can’t stop the feelings I have for you.”
He’s already off the chair and kneeling in front of me. His hand takes mine. His touch causes my body to heat up. I get a tingling sensation down my spine and all I can think about is him. His body is strong and he’s willing to give himself to me, if I’m willing to take it. I want to give myself to him. His touch is curiously soothing but he heats up my body with every stroke of his fingertips.
He moves up to my mouth and as his lips press against mine, the whole world stops. Nothing else matters in this moment, only the two of us. His body moves forward and his chest presses against mine and he lays me down on the bed. His body is gently lying on top of me with his lips still intertwined with mine. He’s amazing; the sensations running through my body are overwhelming. With a soul so pure it’s hard to resist him. The energy is intense between us. My body and mind are battling as my body is yearning for him and I do all I can to not give my entire self over to him, to surrender to this feeling of desire. The only thing holding me back is the thought of Ethan lingering in the back of my head as well as the reminder of what happened the last time he tried to seduce me.
“Derrick!” I push him off of me and with quite a lot more strength than I intended. He flies back off the bed and across the room with a stunned look on his face. I’m not sure where my extra strength came from but I’m not in the mood to figure it out. I’m tired of this sexual tension between us. It needs to end.
“Lindsay, are you okay? I’m sorry! I didn’t mean…I mean I don’t know what came over me. Once I had you in my embrace I wanted you. I want you, Lindsay, more than ever and I don’t know if I can keep this feeling back. I can’t control it.”
I sigh, “I want you too, Derrick. But I have Ethan, and I love him.”
“Please, Lindsay, just give me a chance. You don’t know him like I do, he isn’t good for you. He’ll hurt you; I would never do anything to hurt you.”
I’m so angry right now; he’s done it again, after he promised he wouldn’t. “I think I know him a lot better than you do, what do you mean he isn’t good for me? It isn’t up to you to decide.” Instead
of answering me right away, he gives me a long look and silence fills the room, like he feels sorry for me. What can he know about Ethan that I don’t? Actually, I’m pretty sure that me knowing that Ethan isn’t human means I know a lot more than Derrick.
“I’m just saying that he won’t be there for you like I can. He’ll always be running off to take care of ‘business.’ Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on, Lindsay. I know him better than you think.” His voice is calm, but there’s an edge to it when he talks about Ethan.
There must be something causing him to feel this way, I’m not sure if it’s just jealousy or if he really does know about Ethan. There’s no way he could possibly know the truth, though; it must be jealousy. Still I can’t be upset with him, not with those gorgeous eyes looking at me, providing me comfort and security. There’s no way I can be upset with him, even though he talks so badly about Ethan. He’s just looking out for me. His intentions are good; I can sense it, even if he is constantly trying to get in my pants. The feelings between us are intense, he probably has less control then I do. I can’t blame him.
“I can’t stay away from Ethan. He’s a part of my life and I’m not going to let him go. You need to accept this; I don’t know what it is that makes me want you. There’s something about you that’s so appealing, you’re beyond gorgeous. I can’t think with you around. I care about you, but I think it’s best we don’t see each other until I can figure things out. There’s a lot going on right now with Ethan and I want to be able to direct my attention toward him without distractions.”
“If you wish, Lindsay, I’ll leave you alone but I can’t guarantee that I’ll stay away for good. I would miss you way too much. But I’ll try my best to give you your space, I hope that you’ll come to your senses and see Ethan for who he really is. Always remember that I would never hurt you and my intentions are always good. He can’t hide from you forever and you will see the truth.” He leans down to me and kisses my cheek then gives me a loving smile and turns to walk out my bedroom door.
I don’t have the time or the courage to say anything back. Now with him out of the room all I feel is guilt. I can tell that he wants to help me and be there for me as more than a friend. But there’s absolutely no way I can deal with a demon boyfriend and a friend with benefits on the side. It makes my head all fuzzy and I can’t think clearly when he’s around. I don’t need the added stress, not now. What would Ethan think if he even knew that Derrick and I kissed again and not only for the second time but the third? What would he think if he knew how Derrick made me feel when he touched me? Now I’m feeling guilty for turning Derrick down and I feel guilty for wanting him. Why can’t love be easy? Who knew I was going to be confronted with all these issues this summer. All the emotions building up inside of me are too much to handle and I begin to cry, letting out everything that has happened. I can’t let these guys get to me like this.
For now, all I want to concern myself with is finding out more about Ethan’s past and to find out what it is about me that supposedly makes me special. But first I’ve got to stop crying and feeling sorry for myself and get up and get ready. I know my mom is going to want to leave early for lunch and she’ll expect me to be ready to go. I have to stop thinking about all of this and clear my mind so that I can focus on what I’m going to talk about with my mom at lunch.
I really don’t want Ethan to come up at all because I know she will be able to tell that I’m keeping something from her. My mom is usually pretty good at reading me and can always tell when something odd is going on.
“Lindsay, you ready to go?” As my mom looks into my room, her hair is flowing down perfectly around her face. Her eyes brighten her expression clearly showing how happy she is to be spending time with me. When I was younger it was always just the two of us. Dad worked all the time and she stayed home to raise me. She was my best friend growing up. She’s always been there for me and I’m struggling with not being able to share the secrets I have with her. Her being my mom, I don’t think she’d truly understand how I’m feeling about these two guys. I know her reaction would be that I’m too young and I shouldn’t get serious about anyone right now.
“Yeah, Mom, I’ll meet you downstairs in a moment.” I am ready, but I just need a moment to gather myself and my thoughts. Standing in the mirror I can see the stress in my face. Even though my hair and makeup are nice, there’s no way of hiding the true feelings that are showing through my eyes. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. One moment I’m just a girl who moved to a new town and started at a new school my junior year with only a few friends and then all of the sudden I’m falling head over heels in love with a guy I barely know and at the same time can’t control myself around another guy. I have literally lost all sense of control. Now I find out that the guy I’m falling in love with is a Fallen angel or ‘Demon’. Demon? I mean what does that mean? I know he’s good and there’s no way I can see him hurting anyone but according to him he did until he met me. What is so special about me? I could just scream; I probably would if there was no one around to hear me. I don’t want to freak out my mom but I don’t know how much longer I can hold all of this in. After this lunch with my mom, I’m going to find Ethan and do whatever it takes to find out the truth about everything. About me! He better be ready to start sharing some information at this party tonight.
Walking down the stairs I can see my mom waiting patiently by the door in her usual attire. Her sleek black jacket with a black fitted skirt that starts just above her knees and her matching black pumps make me look so completely opposite from her. I have on my usual black Converse with just some plain jean shorts and a black T-shirt that has a picture of Lady Gaga on it. My mom always looks so beautiful and elegant. If only I could have gotten half of her pure beauty.
“I’m ready, Mom. Sorry if you had to wait.” As we walk to the car, I do all I can to clear Ethan out of my head – and Derrick as well. I don’t want her to see my emotions through my face. I have to clear my mind and just focus on right now.
This moment that I’m getting with my mom is what’s important right now. The drive to the restaurant wasn’t too long. We went to a small restaurant owned by a married couple and that had been passed down through the generations. My mom likes coming here because the food’s always amazing. As we walk into the building it has that home-like feeling with old wood dining tables and pictures of different events from the town over the years covering the walls. A lady with short brown hair wearing a black apron has a humble expression as she approaches. It’s a relief to be in the presence of normal right now.
“Just two?” She smiles and gestures to my mom and me.
“Yes.” My mom is always coming off as friendly, yet still professional. We follow the lady over to a small booth back in the corner next to a large window peering out to the street.
“Coffee?” the lady asks the both of us with a genuine smile. It’s amazing how so many people can seem content while inside I’m ready to explode.
“Yes, please.”
“No thank you,” I say. My mom will always get coffee when she’s got a chance but for me the only coffee I like are those delicious Frappuccino’s with whipped cream on top, but I guess that isn’t really coffee. It’s more like a desert.
“So Lindsay, I want to talk to you about this summer. Since you’re getting older, I don’t want you just running around this summer while your dad and I are at work. I was thinking maybe you could see about getting a part time job. What do you think?”
A job! Really! I never thought about having to work. With everything else that is going on right now it’s kind of the last thing I want to be concerned with. “Well, I don’t know, Mom. Do I have a say in this?” I can already tell by the look on her face I don’t.
“I would just like to see you make an effort over the next couple of weeks to find a job. If it seems that you’re having a hard time then I’m sure I can get someone I know to help out.” I can’t help that my words co
me out in an irritating tone.
“Okay. I’ll start looking tomorrow?” I really didn’t need another thing to be concerned with.
“So how is everything else going? How is that boy Ethan doing?” My mom diverts the conversation to a new subject quickly in an effort to avoid a public confrontation between mother and daughter.
“Really good, Mom! I mean, we’re doing well. I’m really enjoying the time that I do see him even though it isn’t that often. He’s usually busy with his own things.” My voice comes off a little too scratchy and excited to come across as completely true.
“I’m glad that you’re happy. So what’s going on with the other guy then? Derrick? I can tell he definitely has some feelings for you, Lindsay.” She smiles patiently at me, waiting for an answer.
“Yeah, he does, but I’ve made it clear that we’re just friends and I’m not interested.” I can’t help it but the moment the image of Derrick comes into my head my whole face turns red.
All I can picture is him in my room pressed against my body on my bed, his gorgeous eyes that always seem to seduce me taking control of me and filling me with a passion. Of course, it doesn’t take my mom long to notice my reaction.
“Look Lindsay, you’re young and the last thing you need to do is commit yourself to a guy and seclude yourself from the people around you. I know you probably feel like you don’t have everything figured out, and that’s okay. I still don’t have everything figured out. You’re beautiful and bright, I just don’t want to see you waste your youth on struggling with love. It doesn’t always turn out well and then you realize you’ve spent your time fighting something that isn’t meant to be. Do you understand? I just want to see you spending your time right now having fun and hanging out with your friends. Oh and finding a job.”
“I understand, Mom. Thank you. I am having fun and being around Ethan is always good. Things can get complicated with Derrick, but that’s why I’m trying to keep it to a minimum with him.”
Fallen Desire Page 12