by Ros Baxter
And he took his time to start now. He looked around the room, doing a full sweep before coming to settle back on Lou.
‘Well,’ he said, like he was speaking directly to her. ‘Shit sure has been going down, hasn’t it?’ He gave the crowd a wry smile, so slow and ironic that Lou was sure even the old cow cockeys in the audience wanted to lie down and beg him to take them now. Instead, they just laughed warmly and leaned forwards in their chairs.
‘In fact,’ he went on, reaching up to scratch his head, ‘I feel like I’ve been in the Twilight Zone, sitting back there listening to all this horseshit up here.’ He held up his hands placatingly as the townsfolk cheered. ‘I mean, no offence to my old mate Matt.’ He gestured good-naturedly behind him. ‘He’s excused. After all, he’s been spinning shit since high school.’
The town loved this. Matt Finlay and Gage Westin – two of the most exciting, beloved sons of the town, going head to head in open combat in front of them, and all the while maintaining the semblance of good ol’ boy mateship.
‘I’m just surprised y’bought it. I mean …’ He scratched his head again like he was genuinely puzzled. ‘I know the women are partial to his lies, and I know he’s a sexy dude and all, but I wouldn’t have thought any of you blokes want him to park his footy tags under your beds.’ He paused, and the effect was so theatrical, Lou couldn’t stop the smile spreading across her face. ‘Do ya?’
There were cries of ‘No way’ from the crowd.
‘Well then,’ Gage said, nodding as though he was relieved that small matter had been cleared up. The crowd was under his spell. If Matt had been all pretty-boy football hero, Gage was the real man of the hour, about to tell it how it was. Lou was sure if she shut her eyes she would hear a low, collective pant. She should be worried. She should be hating this. She knew how hard it would make things for her father. But damn if it was not something special to watch Gage stand up there and talk to his town.
She knew that in reality there wasn’t really that much he could do. Sure, he could make things uncomfortable for her father and for the company, but he couldn’t stop the deal going ahead. Council was required to consult, under the relevant statute, but it wasn’t required to do anything about it once it did.
As her eyes sought out her father’s, she could see that even he was sitting back to enjoy the show. Only Matt looked like he wasn’t so pleased about it, but he had to bite back his irritation and act like it was all some great game between the two of them. He couldn’t show his hand, how much this deal meant to him. Lou knew better than anyone that the sniff of desperation was like a cold shower to a hot deal. And she knew that Matt would know it too. For him, the whole thing depended on toughing this out.
‘So, anyway,’ Gage continued, shrugging a little. ‘Here’s how I see it. We don’t want the gas. We belong here, this is our home. We don’t know enough about this stuff yet; what the extraction process does.’ He was ticking things off on those long, fine fingers as he went. ‘We know all those trucks rumbling through the valley and onto the mountain are gonna mess with the herds, and cause God knows what disruption to the crops. But you know what?’
They were so bought in, Lou was sure she could hear the crowd murmur ‘No, what?’ under their breaths as they leaned in to the good-looking local boy who was talking the sense they’d been assembling in their own heads, but hadn’t had the courage or the confidence to say.
‘None of that shit matters. None of it is the reason why I don’t want these fuckers on my land.’ He turned and eyeballed the company guy, who smiled wanly and tried to project goodness. ‘Because I don’t need to give any reasons. It’s my land.’ He spat the words like hard pellets of hate. ‘Mine, and my family’s. Always has been; always will be. They can have it, but only if they drag me off it. And let me tell you –’ Gage’s face was so serious now, everyone in the room could see the tic jumping under his right eye and the hard coil of muscle where his jaw clenched under his cheek. ‘They wouldn’t be dragging me off it conscious.’
Piper let out a loud shout of support, and he grinned at her.
As the full force of how Gage felt about this issue hit home, Lou’s stomach turned a circle and hung upside down the way it had the first time Sharni had dragged her on the rollercoaster at Luna Park. Her hands started to sweat and her breathing picked up. She felt like she was suddenly very exposed, as the real mood of the room made itself known very clearly. They all agreed with him. None of them wanted this deal.
Shit. He was gonna hate her forever for her part in this. And he wasn’t going to be the only one.
Gage sat down to thunderous applause as her father drew the meeting to a close. As Gage walked past Lou’s chair, he searched out her eyes. She was looking down at her feet but she felt him approaching and couldn’t resist. It was always like this, like picking a damned scab you knew was just not ready to heal. As he looked at her – right into her, in fact – his eyes were sad and cold. A clear question burned in them: How could you?
Chapter
15
Thunderstruck
Lou was sitting in a corner of the function room, not yet ready to head back to the Welcome Inn. The signing of the paperwork after the meeting had been almost an anti-climax after the wild build-up. Mitch had helped them clear away all the chairs, the trestles and the lectern, so she was sitting in a slightly damp patch of carpet. You could never be completely sure as the origin of such a patch in the Queen’s Arms, but Lou hoped like hell it was just beer. Either way, she was too tired, and too heartsick, to care. Or move.
She just sat, staring at a patch of carpet, and wondering how a seemingly innocent idea – go back for the school reunion; support Sharni the way Sharni had always supported her – could go so wrong. It had been such a disastrous mudslide of events that Lou wondered if maybe there had been more at play when she decided to go than she was willing to acknowledge. After all, why, after twenty years of avoidance, had she said yes? Was it the whole anniversary thing? Was she maybe looking for more than simply offering some support to Sharni? She racked her brain, trying to figure it out.
Whatever the reason, it had been a bad decision.
She thought about Piper’s words about Skye: Gage would say she had a track record of bad decisions. Maybe Lou was more like her mother than she wanted to believe. Then her mind strayed to the good Dr O’Brien, stoically keeping her company during her father’s public savaging. She thought about the things Martha had said before the meeting started. Sometimes we just gotta let go. Accept that it is what it is. And we’re here. We’re alive. We survived. And we’re gonna be okay.
Is that what she was here for? To learn to let it go? Is that why the universe had made her make this mad decision to return, just as her mother was diagnosed with cancer, her father was in deep shit, and Gage was – well, what he always was. Sexy. Delicious. Unattainable.
And if she was supposed to learn to let it go, how come she was cast in the role of chief fixer? How come she’d had to sort the police, the insurance company, the council and the rest of it? How the hell was that letting go?
A pair of feet appeared on the patch of carpet Lou had been studying. They were shod in women’s cowboy boots. Sharni. Thank God.
But Sharni was wearing her red boots tonight, which these weren’t. As Lou’s eyes moved upwards, she saw it was Piper. Lou wiped her nose in a most unladylike fashion and scrambled to her feet. Had she somehow conjured up this girl by thinking about her a moment ago? Lou’s heart raced. She wasn’t sure she had the stomach for another confrontation tonight.
But Piper didn’t look mad. Her hair was still scraped high in the grown-up bun, but a few tendrils had made a break for freedom and curled lightly around her face. She wore a small, sad smile and was fiddling with her handbag. As usual, she didn’t bother with the business of formality.
‘Why didn’t you say goodbye?’
In return, Lou couldn’t spin her some line. ‘I just had to go,’ she said, wanting to r
each out for Piper’s hand and squeeze it the way Martha had squeezed hers earlier in the evening. For comfort, or understanding, or something.
Piper nodded, looking so grown-up and accepting that Lou’s heart hurt to watch her. She knew. She knew how it felt to want to rely on someone and have them not make the grade. Lou hated that she was being that person for Piper. ‘Because of my dad?’
‘No – I mean, I –’ Lou stopped, realising this wasn’t helping, and tried to formulate words in the right order so she could make sense of this for Piper, not make things worse. Finally, she shrugged. ‘We have some history,’ she admitted. ‘It’s –’
‘Complicated,’ Piper finished for her. ‘I know, he told me.’
‘He told you?’ Lou’s brain scrambled to keep up.
‘Relax,’ Piper said, laughing gently. ‘I meant he told me it was complicated.’
Lou nodded. ‘Oh,’ she said. ‘That’s good.’ Then she paused, realising that didn’t sound very nice. ‘I mean, it’s good that …’ What the hell did she mean? It was her turn to laugh. ‘I’m just glad you guys are talking again.’
‘Me too,’ Piper said. Then she smiled, and this time it was completely genuine. ‘He was pretty amazing in there tonight, wasn’t he?’
Lou smiled, remembering. ‘He sure was. Is he okay?’
‘About the gas?’
Lou nodded, holding her breath.
‘I dunno,’ Piper said, shrugging. ‘He took off after the meeting, with a head full of heat. He asked Grandpa to take me home.’
Oh no, that didn’t sound good. ‘Any idea where he’s gone?’
‘Nah,’ Piper said, not seeming too concerned. ‘Maybe just to work it all off.’ She studied Lou’s face. ‘You’re worried, aren’t you?’ She squeezed Lou’s arm. ‘He’ll be right,’ she assured her, making Lou feel even worse. ‘He’s mad as hell, but he’ll get over it. I think.’
The ‘I think’ made Lou feel sick, but she tried not to show it. Hearing Gage up there tonight, she had finally realised what all of this meant to him. It wasn’t about the gas; it was about staying in control. He had worked so hard for so long to make Sunset Downs a success. He needed to be on top of everything. He resented the idea that anyone might come in and take that from him, in whatever small degree, and whoever it might be. Poor Gage. She just hoped he might see in time that he could work with the gas company. He might never know how close he had come to losing all he had worked for, and he might hate her for her part in it, but at least he would be safe. She knew now, really knew, how much his home meant to him, and the only comfort she had was that she had helped protect what he had worked for. If she had to sell out, at least this thirty pieces of silver was worth it.
Her father, safe.
Gage and Piper and Bo, safe.
Sunset Downs, safe.
She and her father had discussed the final elements of the deal with Tom Byford, the company man, after the meeting. He had seemed a decent and straight-up guy, leaving aside his lack of judgement in working with Matt Finlay. Lou hoped he would prove to be that way in working with the landholders. She hoped the company would be sensitive to the way this had gone down.
‘There was something else I wanted to tell you, actually.’ Piper smiled shyly, dragging Lou into the moment.
She nodded encouragingly.
‘I saw Jack outside,’ Piper said, her eyes downcast. ‘I know you heard us, on the phone that day.’
Lou nodded again, feeling like she was on dangerous ground. She’d hated hearing what she’d heard, and she was glad Piper knew. It made things simpler.
‘Well, I told him I’m not going to see him any more.’ The stubborn set to Piper’s jaw looked very familiar.
Lou felt like fist-pumping. ‘Oh, Piper,’ she breathed. ‘I think that’s a really good decision.’ She thought about the way Jack had approached her in the bar the other night – his sliding stealth, the cruel edge to him, and she knew Piper was going to be safer without him. Something about him brought out goosebumps on Lou’s flesh. She remembered the stray thought she’d had as he’d walked away the other night, that there was something she was missing. She tried to shake off the chill the memory left her with.
‘Yeah, I feel better about it,’ Piper said, looking like she’d taken a load off. ‘You were right – he was exciting, but scary.’
‘Exciting good, scary bad.’
‘So,’ Piper said, drawing a circle in the beer-stained carpet with her foot. ‘Will you be going soon?’ She looked up and Lou saw a whole shedload of need in her eyes. Lou had to get out of here, as soon as possible. She couldn’t be that person for Piper, couldn’t mess her up like everything else she touched.
She nodded, her cheeks flushing warm as she clocked the disappointment on Piper’s face. ‘My job’s in the city,’ she said as matter-of-factly as she could manage. ‘But, y’know, if you wanted to, and if your dad thought it was okay, maybe you could come visit sometime.’ As she said the words, the idea suddenly seemed robust and plausible. ‘Yeah,’ she went on, gathering enthusiasm. ‘There are some great restaurants in Sydney. And food markets. And cooking schools. You could get some great ideas for what you want to do here.’
Piper’s eyes shone at the idea. ‘Wow,’ she said, almost hopping up and down on the spot. ‘That would be great.’ She frowned. ‘You don’t mean leave here though,’ she said, her face darkening. ‘Do you?’
‘No,’ Lou said quickly, horrified that Piper might think she was trying to tempt her away from Stone Mountain. ‘God no, of course not. You belong here, with your dad. I just meant … y’know, a holiday.’
Piper seemed happy again. ‘I’d have to talk to Dad about it.’ That careful frown was back. ‘Sometime.’ She paused, her frown deepening. ‘Once he’s settled down.’
Lou nodded. ‘Okay then,’ she said, standing up and reaching out to the girl. ‘That would be just great.’
Piper stepped into Lou’s arms and something almost miraculous happened. Lou Samuels, who was awkward and hopeless and bad at feelings, who never knew the right thing to say and worried that maybe she was somehow broken inside, had a perfect moment of connection. Lou wrapped her arms around this beautiful girl, this living, breathing piece of Gage, and wasn’t afraid of how she felt about her; wasn’t afraid of her own destructive power. She just felt glad: glad that she had met her; glad that she knew someone like her; glad that Piper liked her enough to care that she was leaving and to maybe want to see her again. Lou wanted to love her, wanted to connect with her, wanted to invest in her. She wanted to offer the girl something neither of them had ever had. And far from scaring her, the feeling took her breath away. When Piper finally pulled away, Lou’s eyes were filled with tears.
‘You’re so lovely, Piper,’ she said, trying hard not to let her voice break.
‘So are you, Lou,’ Piper said, her own eyes tearing up. ‘No wonder my dad loves you.’
Lou was splashing water on her face in the ladies’, thinking about Piper’s words. She had been too surprised by Piper’s statement to respond, and the girl had looked like she didn’t want to say much more as she’d loped away. Maybe she felt like she’d already broken some kind of trust. But Lou couldn’t stop thinking about those words as she looked at her plain, awkward reflection in the mirror.
Gage loves me. Gage loves me?
It didn’t seem possible. She had heard Sharni say it, and now Piper. But she was pretty sure that no matter what they thought they knew, it couldn’t be possible. For a start, there was no way a woman like her could claim a man like him. Sure, they had always had a wild connection. Sure, they had shared some incredible chemistry on that night twenty years ago. And she sure as hell knew that she had thought about Gage every minute she’d spent daydreaming ever since. But to think – to even dream – that a perfect, beautiful creature like him might love someone as flawed and weak as her – it wasn’t possible. Sure, twenty years ago they’d been more evenly pegged. Twenty years ago, they’d both b
een misfits, branded by hopeless parents, seeing some shadow of themselves in each other. But that was then.
Now Gage was an accomplished landowner, parent of a beautiful girl. He had earned the town’s respect, straightened his father out and carved a niche for himself. Whereas Lou, on the other hand, was still on the run – as emotionally crippled as she had been twenty years ago, maybe even more so, from all the years of running and hiding.
And then there was what she had done to him tonight. She’d sold him out, publicly, after letting him down privately two nights before. Even if what Sharni and Piper said was true, even if he had loved her, there was no way he would now. He would think she was a scheming bitch, in bed with Matt bloody Finlay and Clean Gas.
So that was that.
And what did it matter anyway? She had taken her own heart and comprehensively broken it twenty years ago. Whether or not he loved her didn’t matter. There was no question as to whether she loved him. Lou had thought, dreamed and fretted about Gage Westin for twenty years – longer, actually; since she had been aware of boys at all. Love didn’t even come close to the whole-soul affinity she had for Gage. He only had to come near her to undo her. He only had to touch her to remind her of all he was to her. She loved him. She stared at herself in the mirror, in that space where she had been kissing him a few nights before, and took in her hollow, worry-washed face. Then she said aloud the words she had avoided saying for twenty years.
‘I love Gage Westin.’
Then, to punish herself: ‘And what the hell does it matter?’
‘Of course it matters, you bloody fool.’ Suddenly Sharni was behind her in the mirror, all red curls and pouty lips and a lifetime of understanding written all over her face. Lou turned and fell into her arms.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Lou spluttered, great hiccupping sobs crashing over her and threatening to drown her under their tidal force. ‘I’m so sorry for making you think you couldn’t tell me about you and Matt.’ She held Sharni tight, trying to convey through every cell of her body that she loved her, cared for her, wouldn’t judge her for what she did or thought or said or anything. They were each other’s anchors, and that would never change; not even if Matt and Sharni got back together, had a house full of babies and made Lou watch them kissing at every family event from now until they were all a hundred years old.