by Ros Baxter
‘I don’t care what you do,’ Lou continued, conscious that her fat tears were staining the front of Sharni’s lovely soft top. ‘I honestly don’t. You must think me such a judgemental bitch.’
Sharni shushed her and stroked her hair. ‘Oh, hon,’ she said, and Lou heard the tears in her voice. ‘Don’t be daft. Of course I don’t think that. You turning up the other night was the best thing that could have happened. It had just … happened, somehow. I don’t really know how. A drink, a chat, one thing led to another. Sometimes your body knows the way even when your heart and brain are dead sure it’s a really bad idea. But just you turning up was enough. Even if it happened because the lousy shit had staged it.’ Sharni was flushed as she pulled away from Lou. ‘And it wasn’t because I thought you’d judge me, but because it just let me see myself how I’ve been able to see myself since I left him: through your eyes. You think I’m so strong and capable.’
‘You are,’ Lou protested. ‘The most of anyone I know.’
Sharni shook her head. ‘When I’m with you, I feel it,’ she said, worrying at the end of one curl. ‘But when I’m with him, all the doubts come back.’
Lou pressed her lips together. ‘The doubts he plants there,’ she said, putting her hands on her hips. ‘Because they suit him.’
‘Yep,’ Sharni agreed, matching Lou’s hands-on-hips stance. ‘And when I heard him tonight, and heard everyone talking about him, I realised what a washed-up two-bit tart he really is. I felt so damned ashamed.’
‘Don’t,’ Lou insisted, unable to bear the idea of Sharni’s pain. Then something clicked. ‘You heard him? You stayed? I didn’t see you.’
‘I was just outside,’ Sharni said, shrugging. ‘I wanted to be in there with you all, but honestly, I couldn’t bear the thought of being in the room with him. And having everyone know what we’ve been to each other. They must think I’m such a fool.’ Then she paused like she was trying to decide whether to go on.
‘What?’
‘I think I’m going to stay, Lou.’ She spread her hands, palms up. ‘I don’t care what the town thinks of me. I never should have left here. I love it. The light, the space. I’ve been doing the most amazing painting. I’m not ready to go back.’
Lou shut her eyes and breathed against the pain. ‘Of course,’ she said, her heart cracking in the centre. ‘It suits you; it’s your place.’
‘Imagine what Matt will think of it,’ Sharni said, screwing her face up. ‘He’ll think I’ve gone mad.’
Lou saw the pain in Sharni’s face and felt it like her own. ‘Screw him,’ she said. ‘I can’t stand what he’s done to you.’
They both turned as another body pressed through the swing doors into the bathroom. At first, Lou didn’t recognise her; she looked so pale and wan, and there was a frailty to her that was at odds with the woman Lou knew. She was wearing a pink tube dress and hoop earrings, and she’d cut her hair pixie short. The effect was startling: it outlined the fragile bone structure she’d always had, the deep blue of her eyes, and how thin she had become somehow without Lou really noticing until now.
‘Don’t listen to her, Sharni,’ Skye chided, joining them at the mirror. Lou watched in horrified fascination as her mother applied raspberry-coloured lipstick to her face, something about the brightness against the pallor of her skin making Lou’s tummy heave. ‘She just can’t bear to see you happy with Matt.’ Skye shot Lou a look of pure contempt. ‘Not everyone’s as perfect as my Louella.’
Sharni and Lou stood rooted to the spot, trying to make sense of Skye’s words. Lou’s habitual response would have been to tell Skye she didn’t know what she was talking about, and that there was nothing about Matt Finlay that was anywhere near perfect, but it seemed wrong, somehow, to go at her mother, even when she was being such a bitch, given how she looked – suddenly, visibly, terribly ill.
Sharni spoke first. ‘I’m not happy with Matt, Skye,’ she said quietly, stepping towards Skye but looking uncertain about what to do next. Lou understood how she felt. ‘I never was.’
Skye shrugged. ‘Men aren’t always easy.’
Skye would know the truth of that, Lou thought, given all the drunks, no-hopers and violent arseholes she’d collected over the years.
It was Sharni’s turn to shrug. ‘Maybe,’ she said, watching Skye finish her routine with the lippy. ‘But I’d like to find one who’s a little bit closer to it. One day.’
‘Don’t hold your breath,’ Skye snapped, swaying slightly on the spot.
‘Skye,’ Lou started, reaching out a hand to her mother and placing it on her shoulder. ‘Mum. Are you okay?’
Skye seemed very unsteady on her feet as she shrugged Lou’s hand off. ‘Fine,’ she said, then she made a so-so gesture with her hand. ‘Bit sick today, but the bourbon’s helping.’
‘Is Bo here with you?’ Lou felt like she was in a bad dream, trying to imagine a time she might ever have thought she would look to Bo Westin to straighten out her wayward mother. How the world had turned.
‘Yep,’ she said, her tone oozing confidence and pleasure. Skye was never happier than when some man was smitten with her. It gave her life meaning. ‘He’s at the bar.’
Lou’s heart skipped a beat and her concern must have shown, because Skye rolled her eyes. ‘He’s not drinking; he’s my designated driver.’ She ran her hands through her new haircut, looking at herself in the mirror. ‘You know, Lou, you don’t need to look at me with those pursed lips and that killjoy look on your face, like y’been doing since you were ten years old. Bo’s a big boy, he can take care of himself. One little topple off the wagon doesn’t mean he’s going to fall off for good. And I needed to get out tonight. When your days are numbered, you gotta take your bourbons where you can get them. And your lovin’.’
‘Great,’ Lou said, the bitterness in Skye’s words cutting into her just like her mother intended. ‘I’m so glad it’s all peachy for you, Ma, good luck to you.’
Lou grabbed Sharni’s arm and made for the door, hot tears stinging her eyes.
‘You know, you could have some lovin’, too, Lou,’ Skye said, and Lou turned back to her. ‘You don’t have to keep running away from it.’ Skye was very still, and Lou could tell this time she wasn’t trying to hurt her.
Lou just stood there, unwilling to talk about Gage with her mother.
‘You should go and get him,’ Skye said, holding tightly to the bench beside her. ‘Explain things to him. You two …’ Skye’s voice tailed off as she stared at herself in the mirror, then she found her place again. ‘You always had a thing. You should give it a go.’
‘I’m not you,’ Lou said, knowing her mother would never know how tempting it was to run after Gage and try to make him hers. ‘I can’t “give it a go”. I can’t mess with him, not when I know that I can’t make him happy for real; I can’t give him what he wants. And I won’t ruin his life.’
‘Don’t you think that’s his call?’
‘Don’t you think it’s a little late for maternal advice?’ Lou almost spat the words at her mother, and immediately regretted them as she saw Skye’s thin face crumple a little.
‘I always liked Gage,’ she countered, moving closer to Lou.
‘I know,’ Lou said, remembering it was one of the reasons she had so deeply mistrusted her feelings for him for all those years. ‘You thought he was pretty. And you like beautiful men. Wild men.’
Skye stepped close to Lou. ‘Let me tell you this for free, Louise Samuels.’ Her breath was hot and sweet in Lou’s face. ‘I never, ever had a man like Gage Westin.’
As Lou and Sharni left the bar and stood on the footpath out the front of the Queen’s Arms, Lou stopped. ‘Y’know I’m going to have to go back in there, right, sweetie pie? Make sure she’s okay.’
Sharni nodded. ‘Just get some air first.’
They were standing, as they had so many times, out the front of the pub, where smokers and amorous couples sometimes gathered in the shadows. To their right wa
s the big old jacaranda tree. A few strays were gathered there, hugging its edges, talking, arguing or making out in its shadows. Lou stood, trying not to let all the ghosts of her life crush her while she collected herself.
Sharni wrapped an arm around her and hugged her tight. ‘Breathe,’ she said quietly.
Then several things happened at once, so fast Lou struggled to keep up.
First, Piper came streaking out of the shadows, her face blurry with tears and an angry red mark on one cheek. She was still some distance from Lou, and she seemed to be stumbling blindly, tearing away from someone or something. Before Lou’s brain could tell her body to act, a figure plunged out of the darkness after Piper, grabbing at her arm. And the slippery pieces of memory that had been flirting with recognition in Lou’s brain since the night she was attacked at Sunset Downs came together in a coherent chain. She knew that shadow; she remembered seeing it the night she’d been hit over the head, when she had looked out the window of Gage’s guesthouse and realised the cattle were escaping. There had been a distinctive swagger to the gait, but she hadn’t been able to quite pin it down. Now she knew: it was this person, coming towards her, grabbing at Piper, whoever it was. She felt like she should know.
‘Fuck,’ Sharni yelled, propelling Lou towards the pair. The big dark figure had swung Piper around and his fist was raised for another go.
But before Lou and Sharni could get to the girl, another figure peeled away from the wall and grabbed Piper’s assailant.
‘Get your fuckin’ hands off her,’ Bo’s voice yelled, dropping the figure with a right hook so deadly accurate Lou heard a crunch of bone and a grunt of pain that signalled there wasn’t going to be round two.
Lou pulled Piper into her arms as they all looked down at the man who had fallen.
‘Jack,’ Lou whispered, hugging Gage’s daughter even tighter.
‘He wouldn’t take no for an answer,’ Piper sniffled against Lou’s shoulder.
Primal anger welled high and hard in Lou’s chest. She had known – as Gage had that day – that there was something off about this guy.
‘You little shit,’ Bo said, kicking him hard. Bo’s handsome face was a picture of rage. Lou was terrified for a moment – wondering if Bo was drunk again – but he was as sober as Solomon, his face pure fury. ‘You got what you wanted; you got the damn gas. But I told you to leave my family alone.’
Piper stepped out of the circle of Lou’s arms, and all three women gaped at Bo.
‘Yeah,’ he grunted, holding out his arms to Piper. ‘It was him, that day. Got me drunk, spiked my damn drinks. And then, when I was hopeless with the piss, he told me. Told me what he was going to do to my family if Gage kept saying no to the gas. I told him to get fucked.’ He seemed to realise who he was speaking to. ‘Sorry, ladies,’ he said, colouring a little.
The bottom dropped out of Lou’s tummy. Of course. Mitch had told her that Jack was with Clean Gas. Jack and Matt. And these were their tactics. Not only had Jack targeted Piper, he’d threatened Bo, and he’d been the one to let the cattle out and attack her that night at Sunset Downs. They had been playing hard because at that point they obviously hadn’t known about the council’s extraordinary circumstances clause, before Matt’s sly digging had uncovered it. Once they did, they had been able to play nice.
‘What have I done?’ Lou whispered to Sharni. She thought about the deal she had just facilitated between her father and Clean Gas – the ink would still be wet on it, but it was a done deal. And she had sold her town, this family, and the man she loved to the devil. Thick, viscous shame welled inside her. Why hadn’t she listened? She had been so determined to solve this, to fix this mess, that she had rushed to make it happen.
Jack groaned again. ‘Too late, sweetheart,’ he said, and managed to grin cockily up at her. ‘We were always going to fuck you all, one way or another, even if I didn’t get to fuck the princess. You guys are amateurs.’
Bo kicked him again, harder this time, and bent down to whisper something to him.
When Bo stood up, Lou turned to him. ‘What did you say?’
‘I told him if he didn’t shut the hell up, I was going to go and find Gage.’
Gage. The thought of him hurt Lou even more. She hadn’t done them all a favour, not at all. She had locked them into bed with some bad, bad people. Her brain started to creak and grind, desperately searching its files for some get-out clause. Duress? It would be almost impossible to prove, given how eagerly she had brokered the deal.
‘Lou,’ Sharni hissed at her. ‘Stop thinking.’ She gestured at Piper, who was standing to the side as Bo dragged Jack to his feet and advised him he’d called the cops. ‘She needs you.’
Sharni was right. Piper was hurt and sad and frightened. Her eyes were glassy. Lou reached for the girl and pulled her in once more. ‘We need to get you looked at, darlin’,’ she said.
Piper nodded, reaching up to gingerly feel her cheek, wincing lightly as she did. ‘It hurts.’
‘I bet it does,’ Lou agreed, guiding her over to a little picnic table and chairs that had seen better days. ‘Just sit a minute while you catch your breath, then we’ll run you to the hospital.’
Piper did as she was bid, wrapping her arms around herself like she was cold.
‘I think she’s in shock,’ Sharni said.
Lou nodded. ‘We’ll get going in a tick.’
As she said the words, their favourite policeman, Sergeant Mick Brooks, materialised, taking custody of Jack from Bo and clipping some cuffs on him. He moseyed towards the three of them, like he was taking Jack out for an evening stroll, and frowned at Piper.
‘You okay, sweetheart?’
Piper nodded, sniffing miserably.
He gestured to Lou and Sharni with his head. ‘I’ll need to talk to her soon – y’gonna get her to hospital?’
‘Yep,’ Sharni said. ‘She just needs to sit a minute.’
Lou was sure she could feel her friend perking up in the vicinity of the cop. Lou got it. There was something very solid and reassuring about his presence. He was handling Jack like a pro, seemed unfazed by the situation, able to project his relaxed aura of calm even as he manhandled the shithead towards the police car.
Mick nodded and Sharni unfolded herself from the table. ‘I’ll come give you a quick fill-in, and we’re happy to give you statements later.’ She glanced at Lou. ‘Right, darl?’
Lou nodded. ‘Of course.’
Bo moved over to the table next. ‘I think we should get you to the hospital,’ he said, his voice dark.
Lou studied the older man. His face was etched with lines of concern as he studied his granddaughter. ‘Should you go find Gage, Bo? I can get Piper to the hospital, and you could meet us there.’
Bo looked relieved. ‘That’d be great, Lou,’ he said, smiling gently. ‘I tried his phone but it’s off. Gage needs to be here. I think he must have gone home; he was in a real state when he left.’ When he saw Lou’s stricken look, he coloured. ‘Sorry, darl, I didn’t mean to –’
‘It’s nothing,’ Lou said, waving a hand at him. ‘Not more than I deserve.’
Bo crouched down and put an arm around her shoulders. ‘Hey, sweetheart,’ he said, lifting her chin. And he looked so much like Gage that Lou wanted to cry – great big bawling cries that released all the pain and frustration and self-flagellation she was feeling. ‘Don’t beat yourself up. I know better than anyone round here – we all make mistakes. Nothing’s set in stone.’
But it is, Lou thought, nodding miserably at Bo. It really is.
‘So you’re okay to get Piper to the hospital?’
Lou nodded.
‘I’ll be fine,’ Piper said, reaching out to give her grandfather a quick hug. When she pulled away, she punched him lightly on the arm. ‘You were a real hero back there, Grandpa. I love you.’
Bo blinked back tears as he grunted and stood up. ‘You just get looked at,’ he said.
Piper’s face had been bathed and
dressed and they were waiting for the attending doctor to give her the final okay before she went home. Lou wondered where Bo and Gage were.
Piper picked at some peeling paint on the edge of the nurses’ station. ‘I shouldn’t have gone behind the pub with him,’ she said. ‘I’d already told him I wasn’t going to see him again. I should have just said no.’
‘I understand,’ Lou said, rubbing her hands over the girl’s arms, trying to inject warmth and comfort and security.
‘No, you don’t,’ Piper said, looking up at Lou with brimming eyes. ‘I went because he said he wanted to talk. He said I’d read him all wrong. And I knew … I really did know he was all wrong, but something about him was real powerful. I wanted to go with him. I wanted to hear what he had to say.’ She sniffled sadly again. ‘Y’know, Lou, I actually wanted him to say something that might have made me feel like I could change my mind.’
Lou nodded, squeezing Piper’s hands in hers. ‘I guess he didn’t,’ she said, with a small smile.
‘Nah,’ Piper said, shivering a little. ‘He just made me feel more scared. Then, when he tried to kiss me, I knew for sure I didn’t want it. But –’ She hiccupped a little and stopped.
‘You don’t need to tell me,’ Lou said, shutting her eyes. She was responsible for this. She had done business with these arseholes. She had worked with people who had hurt Piper.
‘I want to,’ Piper said, pulling away and taking a breath. ‘He wouldn’t listen. I tried to come back, towards the pub, but he punched me.’ She fingered her face delicately again. Then she shook her head. ‘I am such a douche.’
Lou smiled at her again. ‘No, you’re not,’ she said, patting her hands. ‘You’ve got great instincts, Piper. You’re seventeen, and he was pretty gorgeous. And yet you still knew he was bad news. You tried – more than once – to say no to him. This isn’t your fault.’