Reading Tara (Growing Up Ashton Book 1)

by Kathryn Hewitt

  “Are you yelling at me on our first date?” he asked, but I saw a tiny smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. Oh.My.God. He had called it a date. Wait, was I yelling at him? Shit.

  “Um, yelling? Yeah, probably not the hottest thing I can do. I just don’t want you to think I expect that from you.” I looked down. I felt like a jerk. I’m a Feminist, but that doesn’t mean I should yell at really hot guys who’ve taken me on a date. Really hot guy, I should say.

  We were stopped at a light when he turned to look at me and said deliberately, “Tara. I wanted to take you out. I wanted to take you out somewhere nice. You deserve to be given a night off. I invited you, and I hoped you would decide to forego the group dynamic and come on an actual date with me. You’re kind of hard to read, though, so I wanted to give you an out. I was happy that you did not take it.” He smiled at me and my legs were jelly and thankfully I was already sitting down.

  “Regardless of if you had a nice time tonight, it was my pleasure to treat you. Please, do the world a favor and drop the guilt cloak that you insist on wearing. You deserve more.” Wow. That was a whole lot to take in.

  The light changed and we continued back to my house. I knew if I said anything, I’d stumble over my words, so I worked at regaining my composure. I’ve read fairytales, but he felt like the real thing.

  “Anywhoozles,” I had decided to lighten the mood, “When I see you around, what should I say?”

  He simply shook his head. “What about, ‘Hi Calen’?”

  “Yeah. I can work with that.” I smiled.

  We pulled up to my house and I immediately turned towards him.

  “Thank you for-”

  “That was-”

  We had both started talking at the same time. This time, I took the lead.

  “Thank you Calen, for everything. It was wonderful.” He started to say something, but I ignored him, surging ahead. “If this is the only time that we get to do this, thank you. I had a truly great night. But please don’t feel-”

  Right then, he just got out of the car. I was such a loser. He was probably going in to hang out with Will.

  I heard my door opening and looked up. There stood Calen. He actually reached across me and unlatched my seatbelt. I inhaled his amazing scent as he leaned over me and actually closed my eyes for a second. Then I took his outstretched hand, allowing him to help me out of the car. I was rendered speechless. He closed my car door and then leaned into me. I stepped back, finding my back pressed against the car.

  Calen bent down and placed his forearm behind my head, cradling my neck. I rested against it, preparing to apologize again about not paying, when suddenly he leaned in. Talking softly, he said, “You are beautiful. You are physically beautiful, but you are even more beautiful inside. The way you care for your family, never put yourself first, it’s hard for me to watch. But I admire you for it. Thank you, Tara. Thank you for such a wonderful night. I really hope we can do this again. But if not, and once again you’re in charge, I will forever admire how strong you are.” His other hand drifted up and his fingers lightly caressed my cheek. I sighed softly.

  Calen looked off, then turned back to me with a more hurried energy to him. “I have to go. But thank you. Please call me if you care to. Otherwise I will see you around. Tonight was one of the first nights that I’ve felt like myself since I’ve moved here.” He leaned in and gently brushed my cheek with his lips. He then stroked my chin with a slight trepidation. I was without words, once again.

  Pulling away, he paused and looked at me. “I apologize for staring at your legs all night, but can you blame me?” Calen whispered, causing me to shiver. He gave me one last long look, then headed back to the driver’s side of his car. He was leaving and I couldn’t help feeling a little sad.

  “Thank You. I’ve had the best night I’ve had in half a year,” I called after him, cringing a little because I sounded so stupid. His shoulders seemed to relax a bit. “Thank you Calen,” I repeated, giving him my best smile. He returned it, climbed into the Audi, and drove off. Literally 1 minute later, my brother pulled up in my car. He got out and barely acknowledged me, not even bothering to ask why I was standing outside. We walked up to the house, and when we reached the front door, Will of course expected me to produce the keys. None of this could damper my mood.

  As if in silent agreement, we went upstairs to our respective rooms.

  Crap. I knew for sure that this was the closest I’d ever get to happiness. I couldn’t decide if I should seize it, knowing I’d be crushed later on, or forgo it and avoid the heartache but miss out on the bliss. What’s worse? Looking in the mirror, I wondered if I should be feeling triumphant or deflated.

  Cherishing my memories of the night, I wasn’t quite ready to share them with anyone. Instead of calling Sarah, I got ready for bed. Closing my eyes, I saw Calen’s face, his smile. He’d been staring at my legs? I really needed to get a grip. Just because he had claimed to have had a nice evening, he could have just as easily been being polite. Also, I hadn’t forgotten Will’s warning about how popular Calen was with the girls. I plunged back into a sea of self-doubt. Not wanting my beautiful evening to end like this, I forced myself to go to sleep.

  ꧁15꧂

  I heard the usual chorus of yelling and cheering downstairs when I woke up the next day. Was Calen here? My heart started pounding. I pulled on some yoga pants and a comfy old Tee that read, “I’ll bring the rock…” on the front and “If you bring the roll” on the back, after quickly pulling my hair into a messy bun. Finally, I padded downstairs in some fuzzy rainbow colored slippers that Sarah had gotten for me. Not really my style but very in keeping with hers.

  Taking a deep breath, I entered the living room as casually as I could. The whole crew was here….except Calen. My stomach dropped. Was he avoiding me? Oh my god, he must be too embarrassed to face me. I felt my heart shredding. Hoping my face hadn’t betrayed my heartbreak, I looked around the room and saw that none of them had even registered my presence, which for once was a relief.

  As I made some coffee and ate some fruit in the kitchen, I couldn’t stop dwelling on what Calen must be thinking. I knew I’d been a total dweeb last night, but he hadn’t seemed like he was having that bad of a time. Humiliation bloomed in my chest. I was such a fool to have gotten caught up in this so quickly.

  Will had warned me.

  Having dragged my breakfast out as long as I could, I headed back to my room. The game was over, so now the guys were just sitting around. I vaguely wondered if my mom and sister minded the fact that the boys had slowly taken over our house. To be honest, they probably hadn’t noticed.

  Needing a self-esteem boost, I walked over to Zach and nudged him over with my knee. He gave me his usual toothy grin, and we high-fived. I snuggled into the couch, leaning against him and watched as my brother crushed each of his friends in the video game they had started up. Boys sure liked shooting imaginary guns.

  I must have dozed because I woke up a bit later. I couldn’t tell how long I’d slept because the scene was exactly the same. My only clue that I had been asleep was that my head now rested on Zach and he had his arm around me. It would have been romantic if it weren’t Zach and me.

  I wondered what had woken me, until someone entered the room….a tall someone with vivid green eyes. He must have rung the doorbell before just coming in and it had awakened me. The guys grunted ‘hi’ without taking their eyes off the game, and Calen’s eyes surveyed the room, sliding over me and then back. His expression didn’t betray emotion when his gazed settled on me, but I thought he may have stiffened slightly. Great. So it was going to be like that.

  “Hi Tara,” he said, nodding and then turning away and finding a spot on the other end of the couch. I stared at him, not failing to notice that he took a seat pretty much as far away from me as possible. I guess that was my cue to leave. I extricated myself from Zach, stood up and started walking out. I pretended it was an accident when I “tripped” over my bro
ther, who was sprawled on the floor. I don’t know why I felt the need to give him a kick in the side, but it made me feel a little better. He grunted, gave me a dirty look, and returned his attention to the game.

  “Graceful as an elephant, as usual,” he muttered. Jerk. At least he thought it had actually been an accident. Good thing he didn’t see my evil smile. As I left the room, I spared a look back at Calen and he was watching me. Our eyes met and I swear it felt like a jolt of electricity. I turned and went upstairs.

  My phone buzzed as I walked in the door. Going over to it, there was a text:

  Nice slippers.

  It was from Calen.

  What did that mean? Was he teasing me? Was he pretending that we hadn’t both mutually ignored each on the morning after our date? I did not understand men.

  Turning that part of my brain off, I dove into getting my homework finished up. When it was done, I considered going for a run but the idea of being stuck with my thoughts didn’t appeal to me for a change. I needed a distraction. I got up and left my room, surprising myself.

  I walked down the hall and knocked on my mother’s door. I heard her, “Come in,” and walked in. I was a little blindsided by the wave of emotion that hit me once inside. I hadn’t been in her room for months. She sat at her dressing table, reading a novel, while Blake crawled around on the floor.

  Not knowing what to do, I went over to him and picked him up. What they say about how babies smell so amazingly is really true. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and then just stood there holding him. I must have looked awkward as hell, but my mom just finished her page and then closed the book.

  “You must be as bored as I am,” she said as she went over to the radio and put on some soft music. Not what I was expecting her to say. But then again, I hadn’t a clue about what I’d expected her to say. I guess in my Daydream, she’d hurry to me and envelope me in a hug, ask me if anything was wrong, and offer to do everything in her power to make it better. I rolled my eyes. Yeah, that was going to happen.

  She returned to her dressing table. Glancing at me in the mirror, she vaguely gestured to the corner of the room. “Blake’s books are over there.” I went over and picked one up. Settling onto her bed with Blake, I began to read to him about all types of trucks and what they did. When the book was done, I chose a different one, one I recognized as having belonged to me when I was little. I blinked the tears back and cleared my throat, then read to him about a little girl who went blueberry picking. The whole time, my mom just sat there, occasionally brushing her long blond hair. I noticed it was getting a bit of silver in it. I continued to read to Blake, letting him pick the books and help me with the animal sounds.

  This was how, for the first time since my dad left, I spent the afternoon with my mother.

  ꧁16꧂

  The next week of school was as boring as they get. I joked around in the cafeteria with the girls, and did my best not to sleep in class. I also found myself constantly scanning the halls for a particular set of eyes. Since Will and his friends were seniors, we didn’t have any classes together, for which I was thankful. I already had to put up with Will’s presence enough at home, and I would certainly flunk out of school if I had to deal with the distraction of Calen in class. Thinking about him constantly was bad enough.

  Friday night, I promised Sarah that I would have a slumber party with her at her house. We planned to watch 80’s movies and gorge ourselves on ice cream. Not a bad sounding evening at all. When I got there, we sequestered ourselves in her room and had a good old-fashioned gigglefest.

  Sarah was battling a bag of red vines, trying to get it open, when I just blurted out, “I went on a date with Calen.” The bag exploded and red vines flew everywhere.

  “What?!” she shrieked. I guess I hadn’t thought this whole disclosure thing through. Before I could stop myself, I gave a detailed account of the night, including my embarrassing inner commentary and the sweet words he’d said to me at the end. Sarah just sat there. I think I broke her. Finally she reanimated and began resembling the muppet I knew and loved.

  “Ok…” she drew out. “I am momentarily going to skip over the part where you kept a HUGE secret from me and how wrong that is, but we will return to that.” She shook her head, doing her best to look angry. She didn’t do so well. “So let me get this straight. You were asked to go on, and went on, a date with the hottest guy in school, and said date was the most romantic and wonderful date in the history of time?” And I thought I had a bad case of hyperbole. “And the boy, who is dead sexy, is also painfully well mannered and indicated he wanted to go out again?”

  “I guess? But Sarah, you’re not listening. I also haven’t heard from him since the date, with the exception of seeing him briefly and being ignored.”

  “What about the slippers text?” She was smiling. I rolled my eyes. I knew she would go back to that.

  “That was nothing, I don’t even know what that was. You’re just happy because you bought the slippers.” She looked smug.

  “Tar, what was he supposed to do? Walk over to you and gather you in his arms? Kiss you deeply,” my toes tingled, “while your brother and all of his friends were just sitting there?” she finished. Hmm. She may be onto something. “Just call him. Promise me you’ll call him. Please. Do it for us single girls whose only taste of romance is that movie we just watched.” She proceeded to plead with me with her eyes and then literally got down on her knees and laced her fingers. Sheesh. Talk about overkill.

  “I’ll think about it.” That was not a lie, considering I’d been thinking about it nonstop for a week. She gave me a look. Shaking her head, she sighed.

  “It’s just too much! It didn’t even happen to me and I feel like my heart is about to explode.” She then went on to blast me for not telling her it had happened, and I actually got the sense that she was a little bit hurt. I guess it wasn’t that cool of me. Oh well, I was confidant we wouldn’t have to deal with a similar situation ever again. The topic of Calen seemed to be winding down, which made me happy. Just when I thought she’d gotten it all out of her system, she looked straight at me.

  “Why Tara, why haven’t you ever borrowed an outfit from Beth before?” I groaned. I guess Sarah had a bad case of wardrobe envy.

  ***

  After having my ass handed to me by Sarah, I was not in the mood to deal with shit. When I got home mid-morning, my brother was already on a rampage. Had he always been such a brat? I ignored his complaints and went straight to my room.

  Having gotten little to no sleep, I wanted to crash. I showered quickly and curled up in my bed, falling asleep immediately. I had some really wicked dreams, probably the result of too much ice cream and too many pieces of red licorice. At one point, I was being hunted by my nephew as he crawled after me holding a butcher knife. Awesome.

  Shooting straight up in bed, I scrubbed my face with my hands. Things just kept getting better. Finally forcing myself up, I splashed some water on my face. I could hear through the wall that my bro and his man crew were annihilating aliens, and just shook my head. How many hours of video games did it take to fry your brain cells? Finally, I just put on some big old school headphones and lay on my stomach on my bed. I closed my eyes and all I could think about was Calen. I was visualizing how his shirts always fit snugly across his muscular chest when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

  I flipped over in a panic and there were Calen’s green eyes, leaning over me. Oh.My.God. Trying to steady my breathing, I pulled off my headphones.

  “Um, hi?” I almost reached out to touch him because it seemed so unlikely that he could be real. Then he smiled. I slammed my lips together, worried I would let out some kind of moan. He had that affect on me. I suddenly got this weird feeling that I had somehow Secreted him into my room. Like I had been thinking about him intently and here he was. I almost laughed.

  “Hi,” he replied deeply.

  “What are you doing in here?” Ok, that was a little rude, but not entirely bas
eless.

  Looking around the room, he almost seemed to be talking to himself when he said, “I’ve never been in here.” He took in my overly girly floral wallpaper that my mom had stupidly allowed me to choose when I was 8, my poster of David Beckham (sigh), my collection of band posters, the photos of me and the girls that were pasted everywhere…and of course, my underwear that I had left lying on the floor when I’d gotten home this morning and stripped. Son of a- If I ever caught a break, I’d pinch myself, assuming I had to be dreaming. As if he’d forgotten himself while taking in the room, he turned back to me.

  “I heard you,” he said. That was weird. Will was breaking the sound barrier next door, and I was wearing headphones. I looked at him as my brow furrowed. “I mean, I wanted to say ‘Hi’. Will said you were home.” Uh huh. “I knocked.”

  “How come you didn’t want to say ‘Hi’ to me until now?” I wasn’t forgiving him that easily. Well…I knew deep down I would, but I had to play it cool. And strong.

  “What?” He looked a little confused.

  “We had that great date and you haven’t spoken to me since. What the Eff?” Now I was actually getting angry. You’d think he’d kicked my puppy or something.

  “I said ‘Hi’ to you when I saw you on Sunday. You left the room.” Oh. He might be on to something. Before I could defend myself, he continued. “What exactly is going on between you and Zach?” His cheeks had taken on a little color and his tone had grown steely. I wondered what that meant.

  Before I could help it, I laughed. “Zach?” I kept laughing. Calen did not seem amused. “What on earth could be going on between Zach and me? He’s like my brother, but nice.” I looked at him utterly confused. He just continued to stare back at me with that weird look on his face.