The Wanderers Beginning: The Wanderers, Reborn, & Unforgiven

by Jessica Miller

  He looked at me one last time, took a step back, and released me. “You can stay here if you want. I'll sleep on the couch,” he offered. I knew he was holding onto a glimmer of hope, wishing I'd say yes so we wouldn't have to be apart.

  I didn't want to leave, but was afraid of what might happen if I stayed. I was ready to say ‘no’, when I remembered Josie and Billy were in my room, probably already busy getting busy. “I'll stay, only because I'm afraid of what I might walk in on in my room.” He let out a small laugh. “And you don't have to sleep on the couch, just as long as you promise to keep your hands to yourself.”

  He raised a brow at me, his cocky smile dancing on his lips. I gave him a warning look and he put his arms up in surrender. “I'll be good, I promise. But...what about you?”

  “What about me?” I asked offended.

  “Do you promise to keep your hands to yourself? I mean, I would understand, I am pretty irresistible.”

  I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes at him. “I think I'll be okay,” I said and he just shrugged. He moved away so I could exit the bathroom. I took one look at his small, twin-sized bed and started to have second thoughts. He had a room big enough to hold a king-sized bed but chose the smallest option possible. I pondered that for a moment, then realized ‘of course he would’. This forced all the girls to be closer to him squeezing on that little bed making it easier for him to make his move. I rolled my eyes as he lay down on the bed. He patted the small empty spot next to him.

  Leave it to Tristan to be able to flip a switch like that. So easily going from sensitive and caring to the cocky jerk I first met. I knew all too well it was just a facade to keep up appearances. He couldn't fool me anymore. These past few weeks I saw more of the real Tristan. More than anyone has. I knew now there was something much deeper. I wasn't sure if I could believe it before but now I knew for certain. 'Layers Ella, everyone has layers,' I remember him saying.

  Despite his random lewd comments – which I'm getting used to – personally, that side was what made Tristan, Tristan. And if he didn't have what he called his 'charming personality', honestly, I wouldn't have stuck around this long. He was growing on me, all of him, and if he was willing to accept me despite all my faults, I could accept him for his.

  He lay down on his back, careful not to put pressure on his cut arms. I lay down next to him keeping as much distance between us as the bed would allow. Then I pulled the covers up over my shivering, cold body.

  I lay facing him, watching him stare up at the ceiling, wondering if he was trying hard not to think how close we were, but at the same time so far apart. “Ella, what did you see?” he asked softly.

  His question caught me off guard. “Tonight?” I asked. He nodded.

  I sat up and looked at him. I contemplated for a moment, and then realized he should know, know everything. I was learning that keeping these secrets to myself was not helping, only making it worse, and making me look crazy. I knew no matter what Tristan thought, he wouldn't judge me, call me crazy, or suddenly stop talking to me. I also knew he had secrets too, and when he was ready, he would tell me. But now it was my time. It was my time to let it all out, no more secrets, no more hidden past.

  I told him everything, from the beginning, when it all started. I told him about Kyle and the accident, the dreams I had afterward, including the recent ones with him. And then I told him about the man who haunts my dreams, now suddenly becoming reality.

  When I was finished, I looked down, picking at the blanket that was wrapped around me. I waited for Tristan to say something, anything. “Ella, I had no idea? I'm...”

  “Don't.” I put my hand up to stop him. I knew he was going to say he's sorry. That's what everyone says, but it's nothing anyone did to me. It's just an unfortunate turn of events that could have happened to anyone, but I was the unlucky chosen one.

  “Have you told anyone else this?” he asked, sitting up.

  “Just Josie. I mean everyone back home knows about the accident and my family knew about the dreams in the beginning.”

  “But?” he pressed.

  “But I never told anyone except Josie about the guy I saw, or should I say keep seeing,” I laughed harshly, still picking at the blanket anxiously.

  Tristan reached over and placed his hand on mine. “I believe you,” he said sweetly. “You can trust me Ella. You know I'd never do anything to hurt you, right?” I nodded. That was the best I could do.

  I did believe him. I knew Tristan would never hurt me intentionally. This feeling I got when I was with him, I never felt this way before and it scared me. I felt a constant pull to him, like we were lost souls trying to find each other. I didn't know what to do with this feeling, so I did nothing. I just pushed it back until I was ready, until I understood more about it. Little did I know how in denial I was. I never cared for anyone the way I did Tristan. My fears of being hurt is what kept me away for so long, but now I was starting to realize it hurt more not to be with him. I was ready now more than ever to open myself up to him. It seemed weird to feel this way about someone I barely knew, but there's no denying what the heart wants.

  Tristan cupped the side of my face with his hand, forcing me to look at him. “Ella I –,” I shook my head. I knew what he was going to say and I didn't want him to. Not when I couldn't say it back. Not yet.

  He closed his eyes tight, leaned in closer, and brushed his lips against mine. I wanted to resist, but couldn't. I didn't have the strength anymore.

  I gave into the desire, the desire that's been in me all along. I pressed my lips against his, welcoming the kiss, wanting more. He slipped his hand behind my head, tangling his fingers in my hair as I did the same to him. He pressed his lips harder against mine. His heart was racing now as his tongue lightly parted my lips. The kiss became more passionate, more intense, as he gently laid me back on the bed.

  His body was now on top of mine, his hips pressing deeper. His lips moved to my chin, gliding across my jaw and neck, sending shivers all through my body. I could no longer contain it. I let out a quiet moan as he brought his lips back to mine. I parted my lips for him as he slipped his tongue inside my mouth. I wanted to devour him, every inch of him. He let out a moan as his hips crushed mine.

  Tristan's hand slipped under my shirt. The way his hand felt when it glided over my skin felt like tiny shots of heaven. Like biting into a freshly baked cookie you've been waiting all day to sink your teeth into. I allowed him to push my shirt up with his other hand and lift it over my head. His lips slipped from my mouth down to my chest and stomach, stopping just below my belly button. I gripped the sheets to keep my hands from shaking.

  Not able to take anymore, I pulled him back up to me and attacked him hungrily with my kisses. He slipped my pants off. I could tell he was just as nervous as I was. He stopped and just looked at me. His hand gently caressed my face as I pulled him back down on top of me and slipped off his pants.

  He reached over to grab a condom from his top drawer. The air hits me and I have a sudden realization. That's when I stopped. I was too afraid to go any further without him knowing. I had to stop now before I lost all control.

  I pushed him back. Both of us were panting. “What's wrong?” he asked.

  I tried to catch my breath. “I'm a virgin,” I blurted out.

  He pulled back and sat up. His expression was unreadable. Feeling a little timid, I pulled the covers up over me. I could tell my face was flushed from my slightly embarrassing confession. He sat there dangling his legs off the side of the bed. He dropped his head into his hands and then scrubbed them down his face. “I'm sorry,” I said. “I just wanted you to know and I think...maybe...we should wait.” I bit my lip waiting for his answer. When he didn't say anything I was afraid I messed up. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them tightly.

  After what felt like an agonizingly long time, he finally turned and looked at me over his shoulder. I tried to read his face but was having a hard time comprehending his expressi
on. “Are you mad at me?” I asked.

  He smiled, sighing, and cupped the side of my face with his hand. “Ella, I could never be mad at you,” he said, kissing my forehead gently. “And would never force you to do something you're not ready for.” I couldn't look at him, feeling like I disappointed him. “Ella, it's okay, I've waited this long. If I have to I'll wait forever,” he said, forcing me to meet his eyes.

  I laughed. “I thought you had needs,” I mocked.

  He smiled. “The only thing I need is you, la mia bella stella,” he said, kissing the tip of my nose and getting off the bed.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To sleep on the couch,” he groaned.

  “You don't have to do that,” I said, feeling guilty.

  “Trust me I do.”

  I watched him pull a spare blanket and pillow from his closet and made himself a makeshift bed on the couch. I let out a quiet sigh and tried to make myself comfortable. I lay down and pulled the covers tight against me. Then I closed my eyes and waited for the sandman to put me to sleep.

  My mind wandered as I lay there. I realized tonight that Tristan was a better person than I was. He could have easily coaxed me into having sex with him, but he didn't. He made me discover something I've been missing. Something I almost let slip through my fingers because I was too stubborn to open myself up to something different. I knew the moment I let him in I was in trouble...because I thought I was falling in love with him.

  I dreamed again that night.

  This one was like the first one I started having after I initially arrived. Except this time, Tristan was only my savior, not my enemy. The enemy was still an unknown character. And this time, Tristan's eyes didn't glow. They stayed the same deep, dark blue I was accustomed to. Instead of his hands reaching for my throat, they cupped the sides of my face; a single tear fell down his cheek as he whispered in my ear, “I'm sorry.”

  When I opened my eyes, I stared up at the ceiling, wondering what all this meant. Then I looked over at Tristan sleeping sound on the couch, covers thrown off of him, half on the floor. I got up off the bed and lay down next to him, I rested my head on his chest as he wrapped an arm around me and kissed me on my forehead.

  Chapter sixteen

  In the morning there was a frantic knock on the door. “Ella...Ella,” I heard Josie whisper. I rolled over, forgetting I was on the couch, and fell right off with a loud oomph. “Ella?” Josie opened the door letting herself in. She took one look at me on the floor and in my underwear and said, “I'm not even going to ask.”

  Tristan, now waking up, looked down at me. “What are you doing on the floor?”

  I rolled my eyes and stood up, brushing myself off. “What is it Josie?” I asked while I got dressed.

  “Huh?” she mumbled. She was staring at Tristan, shirtless, too distracted to remember what she came here for. Tristan noticed her expression and sat up. He stretched his arms above his head, and then brought them down, pausing slightly to flex his muscles. He winked at Josie and she gave him a half-cocked smile.

  I threw a pillow at him and turned back to Josie. “Josie! Focus!”

  “Huh? Oh yeah, your mom.”

  “What about my mom?”

  “She's here.”

  “What?” I yelped.

  Josie shushed me and closed the door. “She's in our room, with my mom too.”

  “What are they doing here?” I asked panicked, looking for my shoes.

  “Well since you never called her back, she decided to come here and inspect things for herself and brought my retched mother with her.”

  “Great,” I said.

  “Leave your shoes.”

  “What, Why?” I asked confused.

  “I told her you were in the bathroom,” Josie said, looking nervously over her shoulder. “Hurry up before they decide to look in the closet.”

  “What's wrong with them looking in the closet –,” I started, then realized. “You didn't.”

  “What was I supposed to do? They just showed up, unannounced,” she said, throwing her hands up, flustered.

  “I can't believe you stuck Billy in the closet,” I said, making my way to the door.

  Tristan laughed at poor Billy's misfortune. “You better not tell anyone,” Josie threatened. He just smiled and imitated zipping his lips.

  I left without another word.

  Once at our room, I took a deep breath before opening the door. “Mom, hi.”

  “Well it's nice to see you're okay,” she said, eyes narrowed. “You know if you had just called, I wouldn't have had to drag poor Mrs. McNaughton all the way out here just to make sure our daughters were still alive.”

  I stifled an eye roll. I knew it was just an excuse she used to convince my dad to let her come here. She was quite aware that I was alive and well. Dean had told me he called her when he got back to school letting her know everything was fine. “Well don't just stand there, come give your mother a hug.” I walked over and wrapped my arms around her. Despite her need to be overbearing, I was happy to have my mom. I squeezed her a little tighter, holding on a little longer, inhaling her sweet scent.

  I felt her exhale at the embrace. When I pulled back she gripped my hands and her face instantly frowned when she saw my bandaged hand. “What happened?”

  “Oh it's nothing. I accidentally broke a glass and cut my hand. It's fine, really,” I said, pulling my hand away and hoping she was buying it. It wasn't a complete lie. I brushed it off like it was nothing so I could avoid a million questions.

  “Oh Ella, honestly, you need to be more careful.”

  “I know.” I bit my lip and looked at Josie. She had an anxious look on her face, her eyes constantly shifting to the closet and then back to me, giving me a look that said hurry this up. “Why don't we go get some breakfast,” I suggested.

  “What about your classes?” my mom asked.

  “We don't have classes today,” Josie said, speaking for the first time. I turned to her and gave her a look that said, 'what the hell are you thinking?' “It's Friday Ella, Skylar's memorial? Classes are canceled today so we can pay our respects.”

  I had totally forgotten. With everything going on I lost track of time and didn't even realize what day it was. “Oh right. Just let me change and then we can be on our way.”

  I quickly put on jeans and a nice shirt and gestured for everyone to leave when my mom stopped me. “Ella, where's your coat? It's freezing outside.”

  “I...uh...it's fine, I don't need one.”

  “Don't be silly. Where is it, in the closet?” She turned and put her hand on the handle to the closet door.

  “NO!” Josie and I both yelled. My mom turned to us, a suspicious look on her face.

  “I just remembered I...uh...”

  “Left it at a friend's,” Josie finished for me.

  “A friend's… yeah. Why don't you guys go head down to the lobby? I'll go get my coat and Josie and I will meet you two down there.” My mom looked back at the closet; forehead wrinkled, but agreed to meet us downstairs. Relieved, I opened the door to let them out only to find Tristan standing there, hand in air, as if he was about to knock, my coat and shoes in his other hand.

  “Hey I was –” he started until I shook my head as a warning; eyes wide.

  My mom pulled the door open the rest of the way to be nosey. “Ella, don't be rude, introduce us to your friend.”

  Oh, this just gets better and better, I sighed.

  “Hi, I'm Tristan, McKinnon,” he said, extending a hand to my mom in a gentlemanly manner.

  “Jamila McCallister, Ella's mother, and this is Jade McNaughton, Josie's mother.” Jade gave Tristan a flirtatious smile and winked at him. I fought back the bile that was rising in the back of my throat while my mom kept her attention on Tristan. “And how do you know my daughter?”

  Great, here come the million questions.

  “Ella and I have an Art class together,” he said simply. My mom looked at the coat he was ho
lding and then back at me, eyes suspicious. “I was just returning Ella's coat. She left it in the art room.”

  My mom turned to me wearing her ‘I just caught you in a lie’ look. “I thought you said you left it at a friend’s?”

  “I thought I did. I was at the Art room, then went to a friend's and thought I left it there,” I said, biting the inside of my cheek hoping she was buying it. I knew she could tell something was off, but left it go.

  “Do you have any plans this morning Tristan?” My mom asked him.

  Busted.

  I knew it. And now she was going to embarrass me by inviting Tristan along, pretending to be all polite when really I knew she was just preparing for an interrogation.

  “No ma'am,” Tristan replied, clearly having no idea what he was getting himself into.

  “Please, call me Jamila,” she said charmingly. Only I knew there was venom behind those fangs she hid. Sensing my irritation, she chastised me with just a single look. I shifted my weight and played with the hole in the door frame to keep myself distracted from opening my mouth and causing more trouble.

  “No Jamila, I do not have any plans,” he said. My head snapped up and I narrowed my eyes at him.

  “Well then, you should join us for breakfast.” I stood behind her, shaking my head and waving my hands no; a silent protest to save us all from the upcoming torment.

  “I'd love to,” he said, smiling charmingly as I glared at him.

  “Perfect and now we don't have to wait for Ella to get her coat. Come on girls.”

  “Uh,” I stuttered, trying to find a way to stall. I nudged my head in the direction of the closet.

  “If you don't mind, I will meet you lovely ladies downstairs in the lobby. I have to put on more, suitable attire,” Tristan said, winking at me when they weren't looking.

  “Don't go all out on our account. I'm sure whatever you put on will be fine,” Jade purred, dragging a nail down his arm.