The Wanderers Beginning: The Wanderers, Reborn, & Unforgiven

by Jessica Miller

  I hit him. “Tristan, focus!”

  “Hmm, I’m really starting to like this dream. You have that whole dominatrix thing going on.”

  This was going to be harder than I thought. “Okay Tristan, look at me.”

  “I can’t stop looking at you,” he smiled, licking his lips.

  I grabbed the sides of his face. “Tristan, really look at me. Look into my eyes. You are not dreaming. I am real and so are you. Please…believe me.” He scrunched his brows confused. I was having a hard time getting through to him. I took his hand and placed it on my cheek. He rubbed his thumb softly back and forth. I closed my eyes melting under his touch. Then I slowly and cautiously pressed my lips to his, applying the most tender touch.

  I pulled back and saw the slightest flash of recognition in his eyes. He sat up and scooted back, shaking his head. “No. It can’t be…you’re dead…he told me you were dead.”

  “Jack lied,” I said softly. I reached out to touch his hand and he flinched, pulling back. He looked scared. “Tristan?” I slowly reached for his hand again. This time he didn’t pull away. I clasped mine over his and gave a light squeeze. His eyes traveled from our hands and up into my eyes.

  I felt his body quiver and shake. He looked deep into my eyes and then reached up and caressed my face, placing a piece of hair behind my ear. “It’s you, it’s really you?” I nodded and watched a single tear fall down his cheek. His hand slid behind my neck and he pulled me in for a kiss, but I pulled away. “What is it?” he asked concerned.

  “I’m sorry but you taste like vomit and really smell…bad.”

  “Sorry I’ve been…” He dropped his hand.

  “Drowning your sorrows in booze?”

  “Something like that,” he said, bowing his head.

  “Tristan, what happened?” He looked up at me. “That night…I still myself don’t understand it. I saw you…you were…dead.” Even though it wasn’t true it was still hard to say.

  “I was,” he confirmed.

  “But how?” I didn’t understand it. I felt his heart stop. I saw him take his last breath, but there he was, alive, and in front of me. A miracle dreams are made of.

  “I died Ella, but it was you. You were the one who brought me back.” I shook my head confused. “You have the power to heal,” he smiled, putting the pieces together.

  “Yes but…” I still couldn’t grasp it. It was almost too impossible to believe.

  “I don’t understand it either Ella, but I know it was you who saved me.”

  I needed to know more. I needed to know so I could understand better. Most people wouldn’t question the why or how. They would just care that their loved one is alive, but not me. I had to know how it was all possible. “What happened after that? What did Jack say to make you think I was dead?”

  “When I woke up, I couldn’t understand how I was alive. At first I didn’t think I was. I thought I was dreaming and then Jack showed up. He told me you used what strength you had left to heal me and it killed you, draining you of all your power. I didn’t believe him at first so he showed me.”

  “What do you mean he showed you, how?”

  “Jack somehow has the power to show you things that have already happened.” I looked at him confused. “With a simple touch he can show you what he saw. It’s like getting into his head without having to bite him. I saw you lying on my chest. You weren’t moving.” He paused to take a moment as if it was too hard for him to relive. I took his hand encouraging him to go on. “Then I saw Gabe lift you up and take you away from me. You were slack in his arms and you looked lifeless, dead,” he said, meeting my eyes.

  “That’s all the convincing it took for me to disappear. I called my dad. He’s the only one who knew I was alive besides Jack. I told him I wanted to fake my death so I could disappear. He did it no questions asked.”

  “I wish you hadn’t.”

  “Ella, you have to know if I knew the truth I never would have left.”

  “I know. That doesn’t matter now. We were both victims of Jack.”

  “Jack,” he growled.

  “Shh, let’s not think about him. I found you and that’s all that matters.”

  “How did you find me?”

  “So much for not mentioning him anymore,” I sighed.

  “Wait, Jack told you? Voluntarily?”

  “Not exactly, but I rather not get into it. It’s just us now and that is what’s important.” He smiled and leaned in to kiss me. I held up my hand. “I’m sorry but you’re kind of repulsive at the moment,” I said, holding my breath.

  He chuckled. “Yeah, I guess I could use a shower. I still can’t believe you’re here. This isn’t a trick is it? I’m not going to like, wake up in some puddle in a dark alley?”

  “No Tristan, I’m really here,” I said, staring into his beautiful blue eyes. “I still can’t believe I found you.” I threw my arms around him. I didn’t care how bad he smelled. I just wanted to hold him and never let go.

  “I still don’t understand how all this is possible, but I don’t care. As long as you’re here and real that’s all that matters,” he said, squeezing me tighter. “I do have to ask though, what is with the outfit? Not that I don’t mind if you’re trying out a new look?”

  “We have a lot to talk about,” I said, regretfully letting go. “But first you really need to shower and brush your teeth.”

  “Okay,” he laughed.

  “Do you need help?” I offered as he slowly swung his legs off the bed.

  “You want to give me a sponge bath?” he asked with his cocky smile.

  “No,” I said, narrowing my eyes. Clearly some things haven’t changed. He tried to stand up but wobbled. I grabbed him before he fell. “How about I fix you first?” He didn’t argue with me. I wasn’t sure exactly where he was hurt so I just started from the bottom and worked my way up. He had a goofy smile on his face. “What?” I asked bashful.

  “You’re amazing.”

  “I think you should be okay now,” I said blushing. Even after all this time Tristan had a way to make me blush.

  He got up slowly, just as a precaution, and then smiled. He walked over to the bathroom and then stopped. “I don’t suppose you have some clean clothes I could change into?”

  “I’ll go next door and ask Dean and Billy if they have something you can wear.”

  “Dean and Billy are here?”

  “Yep, and Josie.”

  “Josie? I thought…”

  “We have a lot to talk about.”

  “Right…You know, if you change your mind that offer is still good?” I looked at him wondering, what offer? “To join me in the shower,” he winked and smiled cockily. I just rolled my eyes. I should have known better. “Hey Ella, promise me you’ll still be here when I’m done.”

  “Tristan, I promise I’m not going anywhere,” I smiled. When I knew he was okay, I left for the boy’s room to see if they had any clothes Tristan could borrow.

  Before they could bombard me with questions I let them know he was awake and fine and so was I. No cause for panic. I told them that it did take some convincing that he wasn’t dreaming, but once he hopped on the sane train, all was good. I asked the boys if they had some clothes he could borrow once he was out of the shower. Billy gave me a few t-shirts and sweats for Tristan to wear in the mean time until we could get him more clothes. I also let them know that they no longer needed to worry and can rest comfortably tonight.

  “So if we hear any screams we know he’s not killing you,” Josie said with a smile. I pushed her back in the room and closed the door.

  When I got back I heard Tristan was still in the shower so I quickly changed into some pajamas before he got out. I forgot about my shoulder until I slipped on my shirt. I winced and then tried to look in the mirror at the damage. “What is it?” Tristan asked, coming out of the bathroom.

  “I cut my shoulder on some glass back at the bar when I…” I stopped when I saw he was standing there wea
ring only a towel. His body was dripping wet and I couldn’t stop staring.

  “When you?” he prompted me to finish.

  “That’s not important.” My eyes traveled up and down his body unable to look away, but thankfully he was too concerned about my injury to notice.

  “Come here,” he said, holding out his hand. He led me over to the bed and gestured for me to have a seat. He sat behind me and pressed his hand lightly to my shoulder. The heat sent shivers down my spine. “Better?” he asked. Before I could answer he started to trace his fingers along the tattoos on my shoulder. “When did you get these?”

  “Um, after I thought…” I trailed off not able to finish the sentence. I sighed and leaned back into him. He wrapped his arms around me and I melted into his embrace. Feeling overwhelmed with everything I let myself go and began to cry.

  “Hey, don’t do that.” He turned me around, forcing me to face him.

  “I’m sorry. I just thought I’d never see you again and when Jack told me you were alive and here. There was always a part of me that still held on to you. Hoping one day I’d see you again. Oh Tristan so much has happened and I have so much to tell you.” I threw my arms around him tight, needing his embrace.

  “Shh my love, we have plenty of time for that,” he said, gently stroking my hair. “Why don’t you order some room service while I get dressed and then we can talk about everything that happened?” I nodded even though I wasn’t really hungry. I handed him the clothes from Billy and waited until he came out of the bathroom. When he did, I decided I needed to tell him something before I lost all nerve. Something I’ve been wanting to tell him for a while, but never could.

  “Tristan, there’s something I need to tell you that can’t wait. Something I should have told you a long time ago, but never had the courage to.”

  “You’re not going to tell me you used to be a man, are you?”

  “Tristan, be serious,” I said and then paused when I remembered Roman had made the same joke before. Seriously, nothing about me was manly.

  “Ella, what is it?”

  I took a breath, looking into his beautiful blue eyes. “Tristan, I love you.” The moment it left my lips it never felt so right.

  “I love you too,” he said nonchalantly, like it was no big deal.

  “No Tristan, you’re not listening to me. I…Love…You, I love you,” I repeated as the tears started to spill down my cheeks again.

  He closed the distance between us, pausing just inches from my face. “You know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that,” he said, pressing his forehead to mine. “Please don’t toy with me. Don’t say it because you think you want me to hear it.”

  “I’m sorry. I should have said it a long time ago, but I was just too scared to admit it. I’m not lying. I mean it with all my heart.”

  He pulled back and started shaking his head. “No. You don’t. This isn’t real. This is a dream. I know it is. This isn’t real.” He just kept shaking his head back and forth. “Stop lying to me, stop.” He clenched his fist against his head and started to hit himself.

  “Tristan, stop.” I tried to grab his hands, but he quickly pulled away. “Tristan.” He looked like a crazy person. I had no idea what happened. It was like a switch had flipped and he was a completely different person. I took a step closer to him. “Tristan, stop.”

  “No!” he yelled and I froze. “I need to wake up. I need to wake up.” He repeated over and over again smacking his head.

  “Tristan…you’re scaring me.”

  “Why are you torturing me? You moved on. You told me you had to go. Why come back and pretend to be real and make me feel?” He pounded his chest. He turned and grabbed onto the dresser, gripping it so hard his knuckles turned white. “I don’t want to feel anymore. I can’t, I don’t…stop torturing me,” he screamed and knocked everything off the dresser and flipped it over on the floor.

  I flinched and took a step back. He turned on me and had a wild look in his eyes, dangerous. For a moment I was actually afraid of him. Afraid he might attack me. His eyes bored into mine and he was in front of me in a flash, gripping my arms tight.

  “Ella!” Dean yelled from behind the door. I saw a small flash in Tristan’s eyes. He closed his eyes and when he opened them he let go of me and backed up. “Ella, open the door or I’m busting it down!”

  “It’s open.” Dean and Billy came charging into the room, Josie not far behind. Cameron decided to keep her distance by staying in the hall.

  Dean instantly came rushing over to me. “Are you hurt? What happened?” he demanded. I had a hard time keeping my eyes off of Tristan long enough to answer. “Ella,” Dean shook me.

  Tristan let out a low growl and crouched down. Dean pushed me behind him and stood in front of me protectively. “No,” I said, trying to push Dean out of my way.

  “Ella, you need to back away from him,” Billy said calmly.

  “What’s going on?” Josie asked scared.

  “He thinks he’s dreaming,” I said. “He was fine one minute and then the next he just freaked. He doesn’t believe me this is real.”

  “Tristan,” Billy said. Tristan turned to Billy and let out another low growl. “He hasn’t fed in weeks, maybe months even.” Billy took a step back. “Was he just rambling, not really making any sense?” I nodded not knowing if Billy even noticed. He never took his eyes off of Tristan. “He’s delusional. When you don’t feed for long periods of time the mind starts to deteriorate and you lose comprehension of what’s real and what’s not.”

  “Why would someone go that long without feeding then?” Josie asked.

  I took a step in front of Dean and put my hand up when he went to stop me. “He said he didn’t want to feel anymore,” I said. It felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces. He didn’t want to feel because of me. Why do I always hurt the people I loved the most? “Everybody out.”

  “Ella, are you nuts? We’re not leaving you here alone with this homicidal maniac,” Dean protested.

  “He’s not homicidal. He’s just confused,” I said, rolling my eyes.

  “Ella.”

  “Out now,” I said more stern, but Dean refused to move. “I can handle him. I know what to do. Now get out before I make you get out,” I growled.

  “She’s right. If anyone can handle Tristan it’s Ella.” Tristan turned his head at the sound of Josie’s voice. He smiled as if remembering when he bit her. He had a malicious look in his eyes like he was about to attack. “I think we should leave. All of us being here is making him on edge,” Josie said, slowly backing away. She saw the way Tristan was looking at her and she no longer wanted to be in the same room with him.

  “Dean, just please, go,” I said, trying one last time before I had to use force. “He won’t hurt me.”

  I Knew Dean didn’t want to go, but Billy told him he agreed with Josie. One by one they slowly left the room leaving me alone with Tristan. I put my hand up and locked the door where I stood, just in case. Then I turned to face Tristan. I took a small step toward him. He flinched and took one back. “Tristan, I’m not going to hurt you, but you have to calm down and listen to me carefully.” I took another small step toward him. “You are not dreaming.” He growled at me and I put my hands up.

  I knew I had to think of something else quick. I remembered there was still some left over blood Billy had stock for me in the fridge. I never finished it. I just had to manage to get to the fridge and get the bottle to him before he lost it and turned on me. “Okay, I’m going to walk over here and get you something to drink,” I said, keeping my hands up.

  He followed me with his eyes and took a step toward the bed. I slowly opened the fridge and as soon as he got a whiff his eyes started to glow. I froze for a second. He took a step closer to me and then another. I looked in the fridge. There was one bottle left. Hopefully that would be enough for the time being. I reached in and took out the bottle. Then I slowly moved toward him.

  He flew at me
in a flash and took the bottle from my hands draining it to the last drop. When he was done he dropped the bottle and recognition flashed in his eyes again. He fell to his knees and buried his face in his hands. “What have I done?” he cried.

  I knelt down in front of him. “Tristan…Tristan, look at me.”

  “I can’t,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m too ashamed.”

  I knew I had to convince him to listen to me before he turned again. If he really hadn’t fed as long as Billy said that small amount of blood wouldn’t be enough. He might start to lose his mind again. “Tristan, you did nothing wrong. Please look at me.” I pulled his hands away from his face. He had tears in his eyes. I helped him up and led him over to the bed and sat down. “Tristan, you need to feed. That’s the only way you’re going to understand what’s going on.”

  “No, I’m fine now.”

  “That wasn’t enough,” I said, wondering where I was going to get more. Then it hit me. The only way I was going to be able to bring him back and have him truly believe I loved him was to let him fed from me. “Tristan,” I turned his face toward me. “I want you to bite me.”

  “No,” he stood up from the bed. “I won’t.”

  “It’s the only way I can convince you I’m telling you the truth. It’s the only way for you to know how I truly feel.”

  “Ella I can’t,” he said, backing away.

  “Yes you can.” I stood up and moved toward him.

  “Ella, you don’t know what you’re asking. I haven’t fed in months. Not since…” I took his hand knowing exactly when he was talking about. “I could…I could kill you.”

  “No you won’t. I trust you. It’s the only way,” I said, tightening my grip on his hand. I brushed my hair off my shoulder and tilted my head to the side.

  “Ella…please,” he begged.

  “It’s the only way you’ll believe me that this is real. That my feelings for you are real.” I knew he wouldn’t do it voluntarily so I cut my neck with my nail – taking the expression hard as nails to a whole new level. I took a step closer, allowing the blood to trickle down my neck. He resisted at first, but I knew all too well the call of it was hard not to give into. The aroma, when it first hits your nose. The sound of it pumping through the veins and steady beat of the heart pounding in your chest.