by Nick Joaquin
PERICO: That, Charlie, is not your conscience. It is merely the air, the weather, the climate of our times—the uneasiness of a guilty world.
MANOLO: Oh, we all feel that hot breath down our necks, Charlie, and it makes us all feel very nervous. Maybe that’s why we’re so damned nasty to each other. We’re like vicious brats waiting to be punished and taking it out on each other.
PERICO: Or like the residents in hell, Manolo.
MANOLO: Exactly, senator!
ELSA [showing her sketch]: There, you see my idea? And girls, just think of the color-scheme!
CHARLIE: Okay, but who started this hell anyway, senator? Remember: I just came along and found it open for business!
LOLENG: I see your idea, Elsa, and I could use it myself . . .
PERICO: I know that it can always use anyone who just comes along and “finds it open for business,” Charlie.
PATSY: I could use a gown like that on New Year’s Eve . . .
CHARLIE: I could use a drink!
LOLENG: Oh Patsy! You—in a Greek gown?
PERICO: The drinks are on the house, Charlie. I can help you that much.
PATSY: Oh, mommy wants me to stay just a naked little baby!
CHARLIE: I wish I had stayed just a naked little brat!
MANOLO: Oh, you did!
PERICO: And you will still be one when the last trumpet blows.
LOLENG: The style of this picture is much too severe for you, darling.
MANOLO: This picture is entirely too severe on us. We’re not heroes—just naked little brats!
LOLENG: Pepang, may I send my dressmaker here to see this picture?
PEPANG: But of course, Doña Loleng.
PERICO: But can the dressmaker cover up our nakedness when the trumpets blow?
ELSA: Now wait a minute—who first thought up this idea anyway?
PEPANG: Darling, my father first thought up this idea and anybody who wants to copy him is perfectly free to come here and do so.
LOLENG [beginning to speak while Pepang is till speaking]: And surely, my dear Elsa, my dressmaker can come here if she wants to without having to borrow from the lights of your talent?
PATSY [beginning to speak while her mother is still speaking]: Oh, mommy thinks this style too severe for me but she’s quite sure she can put on some wooden shoes and look like Helen of Troy!
ELSA [beginning to speak while Patsy is still speaking]: Now don’t think I’m sore when as a matter-of-fact I’m extremely flattered but don’t you see how risky a costume like this would be for certain age-groups?
[The next three speeches are spoken simultaneously while Elsa is still speaking.]
MANOLO: Will you girls stop bickering over a costume in which, believe me, you would all look equally implausible and extremely uncomfortable anyway!
CHARLIE: Whoever painted that picture had a fine sense of humor all right but did he have to go and hang his damn painting around my neck!
PERICO: “Dies irae, dies illa,
Solvet saiclum in favilla,
Teste David cum Sybilla.
Cuanto tremor est futurus—”
[The blast of an air-raid siren suddenly fills stage, drowning out their voices. They all jump, startled. Then, realizing what it is, they listen with bored annoyance as the siren goes on steadily screaming. Paula & Candida appear running in doorway. Through following scene, the speakers have to shout to be heard.]
PAULA [as Candida runs to the balcony]: What is it? Oh, what is it!
PERICO: The Trumpets of the Apocalypse!
PAULA: Is it War?
PERICO: It is the Day of Wrath!
LOLENG: Stop your nonsense, Perico!
MANOLO: It is only the air-raid siren, Paula!
PAULA: Are we having an air-raid?
PEPANG: Of course not! We are only pretending there is an air-raid!
PAULA: Why?
PEPANG: So we can practice what we are to do! This is an air-raid practice!
MANOLO: A sort of rehearsal!
CANDIDA [at balcony]: Oh, come, Paula! Come and look! Everybody has stopped moving! All the people, and all the vehicles!
[Paula runs to balcony. After a moment, the siren stops.]
CHARLIE: Practice black-outs, practice air-raids, practice evacuations! I’m sick of all this practising! When do we get the real thing? I wish the darned war would break out!
PATSY: Shut up, Charlie! How can you be so horrid!
PEPANG: Oh Patsy, there’s nothing to be afraid of! The war will be over almost as soon as it starts!
ELSA: Those poor Japs! They’ll never know what hit them!
PEPANG: And the sooner it starts—
PATSY: But not before New Year’s Eve! Not before the big ball on New Year’s! I want to wear my new evening gown and really make a sensation!
LOLENG: Darling, we are going to have the usual ball on New Year’s Eve, war or no war!
PEPANG: You know what they say: Business As Usual!
ELSA [flashing the V-sign]: And keep ’em flying!
LOLENG: Perico, the Manila Hotel will stay open for business, no?—even if a war breaks out?
PERICO: My dear, we will all stay open for business! We will always stay open for business! We are indestructible!
ELSA: That’s the spirit, senator! Keep ’em flying!
PERICO [beating his breast]: This was a spirit, Elsa—but, alas, it can fly no longer!
ELSA [startled]: Huh?
PERICO: It has lost its wings!
ELSA: Who?
PERICO: However, it has learned to crawl on the ground—oh, very fast!
ELSA: Loleng—
PERICO: And you know what? It now prefers a gutter below to the stars above!
LOLENG [approaching]: What do you mean, Perico?
PERICO: I mean, my dear, that we are beyond all change, beyond all hope. Therefore, we have nothing to fear. The earth will quake—but we will hardly notice. We will be too busy playing mah-jongg and talking about whose husband is sleeping with whose wife.
LOLENG: Do you know what you are saying!
PERICO: And the earthquake will affect us in no way at all. Oh, one of your tea-cups may be broken, my dear; and your mah-jongg table may lose a leg; and your dressmaker may be late for a fitting. But do not worry. After the earthquake, you will buy a new cup, you will order a new table, and your dressmaker will arrive at last. And we will all go on as before.
LOLENG: Pepang, what have you people been doing to him?
PERICO: My dear, what can anybody do to a corpse?
LOLENG: A corpse!
PERICO: Yes. I have just discovered something very funny, my dear. I have been dead for the last thirty years, and I did not know it.
LOLENG [after a pause]: Oh, my poor Perico! I see, I see!
[She comes closer and places her hands on his shoulders.]
Oh, why did I let you come here! I should have known this would happen!
PERICO: Do you know what has happened?
LOLENG: This house, Perico—this dreadful old house! It always has this effect on you! Now do you see why I have always refused to let you come back here?
PERICO: Yes, my dear—I see.
LOLENG: Patsy, get your father’s hat. We are taking him home at once—and I shall put him to bed right away.
PEPANG: Is he ill?
LOLENG: He has had a slight attack of poetry.
PEPANG [amused]: Mother of God!
LOLENG: Oh, there is no cause for alarm. I am used to this, I know what to do. Some aspirin, some hot soup, a good night’s rest—and tomorrow he will wake up his ordinary self again.
PERICO: Of course I will, my dear.
LOLENG: Of course you will, man! You always do—remember? And you always laugh at yourse
lf afterward, and at all the things you said and did.
PERICO: Poetry is powerless before aspirin.
PERICO: And tomorrow I will wake up my ordinary self again—healthy, wealthy, debonaire, fastidious, elegant, cool-headed, cold-blooded, confident, capable, callous, and contented!
LOLENG: Regret is ridiculous in a man of your position.
PERICO: Tomorrow I shall be thoroughly ashamed of myself for having been so ridiculous.
LOLENG: And for having felt sorry for yourself.
PERICO: And for having felt sorry for myself.
LOLENG: Believe me, Perico—you could no more have endured poverty than I could. We were both born for the expensive things in life. Imagine yourself without your gold studs and diamond pins, without your private tailor, without your imported wines! There is nothing of the ascetic in you, my dear Perico!
PERICO: No, my dear—I quite agree. But every now and then, a man tries to assuage his conscience by weeping over what he might have been.
LOLENG [contemptuously]: You men never know what you want!
PERICO: You have been very patient with me, my dear.
LOLENG: Oh, I knew I was marrying trouble when I married a poet! But I was determined to make you . . . what you are now.
PERICO: And she is absolutely right! Everything that I am, I owe to my darling wife!
PATSY [offering hat]: Here, mommy.
LOLENG [taking hat]: All right. Now go on down to the car, all of you.
PEPANG: But listen—you people cannot go now. You will have to wait until the siren sounds again. Nobody can move about in the streets during the alert.
LOLENG: Oh, we can. We have the senator with us, you know.
[She puts the hat on his head, arranges his tie, and straightens his coat-lapels, while her companions take their leave & go downstairs. Then, having given his coat a final brush, she steps back & surveys him.]
There, you look presentable again! Now, say goodbye to everybody.
PERICO: Goodbye, everybody.
LOLENG [taking him by the arm]: Now come along. Pepang, do forgive us for hurrying away like this. And remember to give my regards to your papa.
PERICO [SUDDENLY STRUGGLING AS HIS WIFE LEADS HIM AWAY] WAIT! WAIT A MINUTE! WHERE ARE PAULA AND CANDIDA?
PAULA & CANDIDA: Here we are.
PERICO [waving with his free hand]: Paula! Candida! Stand with your father! Stand with Lorenzo—contra mundum!
LOLENG [laughing & dragging him off]: Come along, come along, señor poeta! You have been delirious enough for one day. Bye-bye, all of you!
[Exit Doña Loleng with her senator.]
MANOLO [sinking into a chair]: Poor Don Perico!
PEPANG: The old doublecrosser!
CANDIDA: [smiling]: We promised to do whatever he said, Pepang—and we will keep our promise.
PAULA [parodying Don Perico]: We will stand with father—contra mundum!
PEPANG [tartly]: You can stand with him against anything you please—but not here, not in this house!
CANDIDA: This house shall be our fortress!
PEPANG: Candida, I have a head-ache. Please do not make it worse.
PAULA: Perhaps you too would like an aspirin, Pepang?
PEPANG: What I would like is a little sense from the two of you! Have you no eyes, have you no feelings? Do you not see what a burden this house is for me and Manolo? Do you not see how unfair it is to our families to spend so much money here—money we ought to be spending on our own homes? Do you not know that I have to fight with my husband, month after month, to get the money to support you and this house?
CANDIDA: We are not asking you nor your husband nor Manolo to support us any longer!
PAULA: We will take care of ourselves!
PEPANG: And what will you do? Take in boarders? Give “expert lessons” in Spanish? Give “expert lessons” on the piano? How very, very funny! Just look at yourselves! Are you the kind of women who “can take care of themselves”? You are both completely useless!
MANOLO: Pepang, I think we can discuss this without losing our tempers.
CANDIDA: There is no need to discuss it at all!
PAULA: We will never change our minds!
PEPANG: We have pampered the two of you long enough!
MANOLO: Pepang, will you let me do the talking!
PAULA: Oh, you can both go on talking forever—it will make no difference!
PEPANG: The most stubborn and stupid pair of old women!
CANDIDA: Paula, we may as well go to the kitchen.
MANOLO [jumping up]: You stay right here, both of you!
[The air-raid siren begins to scream again. They pay no heed.]
PEPANG [raising her voice]: Oh, I know why they want to stay in this house! I know why they like it so much here! I know—and so does everybody! I have heard people whispering about it—behind my back!
MANOLO: Whispering about what?
PEPANG: And I’ll bet all the people living on this street have been talking about nothing else!
MANOLO: About what? Talking about what?
PEPANG: About these two fine sisters of ours, Manolo! Oh, they have become quite a laughing-stock—the talk of the town really—a regular scandal!
PAULA: Pepang, what are you saying! What have we done?
MANOLO: Just what is all this, Pepang? What the devil do you mean?
PEPANG: Surely you have heard the gossip?
MANOLO: I have more important things to do—thank God!
PEPANG: Oh, the shame I have suffered! Everybody knows, everybody is laughing at them!
MANOLO: WHY? WHY?
PEPANG: Because of this young man! This unspeakable young man! They have a young man living here—as a boarder! A man of loose morals—a vulgar vaudeville musician—and with the worst kind of reputation! A notorious character, in fact! But, according to what I hear, Candida and Paula are completely fascinated with him!
PAULA: PEPANG!
PEPANG: And he flirts with them! They allow him to flirt with them!
MANOLO: Pepang, that’s enough!
PEPANG: And at their age! To be fooled at their age—and by a man of the lowest type!
MANOLO: Pepang, I told you to shut up!
PEPANG: And that is why they refuse to leave this house! They cannot bear to leave this young man! They cannot bear to be separated from him—
[She turns away, trembling. They are tensely silent for a moment, not looking at each other. The siren stops screaming. Manolo grimly confronts his younger sisters.]
MANOLO: Now, do you see why you cannot remain in this house?
CANDIDA: Do you believe this evil talk?
MANOLO: Do you think me so stupid?
PAULA: Oh, there will be enough stupid people to believe it!
MANOLO: Exactly! And their tongues will go on wagging as long as you stay in this house!
CANDIDA: The wagging of all the evil tongues in the world cannot drive us away from here!
PAULA: They are not worth our contempt!
MANOLO: And how about the good name of our family? Is that worth nothing to you either? Is our name to go on furnishing entertainment for the malicious? And what about father? Have you considered how this would hurt him?
CANDIDA: Father knows nothing of this!
MANOLO: I wonder!
PAULA: Father knows nothing of this!
MANOLO: You deceive yourselves. Father always knows! Oh, I see now why he is ill!
CANDIDA: Father is not ill!
MANOLO: Yes, he is—and I know why!
CANDIDA: He is not ill—and you do not know, you do not know!
MANOLO: What is it I do not know?
PAULA: Oh, tell them, Candida—tell them! Let them know! Why should we hide it any longer?
MANOLO: Then, there is something?
PAULA: Yes! Yes!
MANOLO: What have you been hiding from us?
[A pause. Then, Candida, gripping herself together, turns around to face her brother & sister.]
CANDIDA: Father wants to die. He tried to kill himself.
PEPANG [sinking to a chair]: Oh, my God.
MANOLO: To kill himself . . . When?
CANDIDA: When he had that accident. It was not an accident, Manolo. He did it on purpose.
PEPANG: But how do you know?
MANOLO: You said you did not see it happen.
CANDIDA: We did not see it happen—but we know he wanted to kill himself, we know he wanted to die.
MANOLO: Why should he want to die?
PAULA: Because of us! Because of us!
CANDIDA: I was to blame, Paula. You merely followed me.
PAULA: Oh no, no—we were in this together. We faced him together, we accused him together!
PEPANG: Accused him of what?
PAULA: Of having ruined our lives!
MANOLO: Paula! Candida!
PAULA: And we blamed him for our wasted youth, we blamed him for our poverty, we blamed him for the husbands we never had, and we blamed him for having squandered away mother’s property!
PEPANG [shutting her eyes tight]: Poor father! Poor, poor father!
CANDIDA: Yes—we flung it all in his face—all the humiliations we have suffered since childhood because we never had enough money. And we accused him of being heartless, of being selfish, of having lived his life only for himself and for his art. We told him to look at people like Don Perico, who are now rich and successful. We told him that he, too, could have become rich like Don Perico. Why not? He had the same talents, he had had the same opportunities. But he had wasted his talents, he had wasted his opportunities—he had been too cowardly, too selfish—So, now, he must pass his old age in poverty, he must depend on charity, while Paula and I—Oh, we told him we could have made brilliant marriages if only we had been rich! We told him that it was his fault, his fault, that our youth had been wasted, that our lives had been ruined!
MANOLO: And what did he do when you had said all this?
CANDIDA: Nothing.
MANOLO: He should have slapped your faces!