by Nick Joaquin
PAULA: He asked us to excuse him.
[A pause, during which they all slowly turn their faces toward PORTRAIT.]
MANOLO: And did you never ask him to forgive you?
CANDIDA: Oh, we tried, we tried—in the days that followed. What we had done, we had done in a fit of desperation. We were ashamed of it at once. We wanted to throw ourselves at his feet—to beg him to forgive us, and to forgive all the bitter things we had said. But he would not give us the chance. He kept away from us. He had begun to paint this picture; he was working on it night and day. And when it was finished, he called us to his room and showed us this picture. He said he had painted it very especially for us, that it was his final gift to us. We wanted to kneel down then and beg his forgiveness—but he pressed the picture on us, he waved us away. And when we were at the door he said: “Goodbye, Candida. Goodbye, Paula.” And then that night . . . that very night he . . . he fell from the balcony . . .
[A pause, as she chokes back her tears. When she speaks again her voice is flatter & more desolate.]
Do you see? Do you see now? It could not have been an accident . . .
MANOLO [grimly]: No, Candida—it was not an accident.
PAULA: And he will never, never forgive us!
PEPANG [rising & swiftly approaching her sisters & putting an arm around each of them]: Paula, Candida—do not say that! Of course he will forgive you! He is our father! You must go to him again—
PAULA: We have been trying and trying ever since.
CANDIDA: It is no use. He refuses to forgive us.
PAULA: When we kneel by his bed, he turns his face away.
CANDIDA: That is why we cannot part with this picture. It is our punishment. He painted it to punish us. We cannot look at it without suffering. We can never escape from this picture. It is our punishment.
MANOLO [sobbing; sinking down to a chair]: Oh Paula, Candida—how could you have done it! You were all he had—and you abandoned him too, you turned against him too! [He buries his face in his hands.]
PEPANG: They were only doing, Manolo, what you and I had done.
MANOLO [sobbing into his hands]: Oh father! Oh, poor, poor father!
PEPANG: We all have to grow up, Manolo—we all have to grow up. Oh how we worshipped him when we were children! We were so proud of him because he was a genius, because he was different from all other fathers. We always took his side against mother—remember? Poor mother, with her eternal worrying and her eternal complaints—poor mother did not understand him, of course. Only we, his children, understood him. And we defended him, we justified him, we were willing to be poor, to go without the things other children had, so that our father could go on being just an artist. Oh, we were happy enough, I know—though, even then, I promised myself that my children should never suffer what we had to suffer. And when we grew up, Manolo—then what did we do? When he could not give us the things the young people of our age all had—what did you and I do? Did we not face him also and accuse him of cowardice and selfishness? Did we not blame him also for the humiliations of our youth? Did we not berate him also for having squandered mother’s property? And did we not also tell him that he could have been a rich man if he had only used his talents to advance himself in the world? Yes, we did, Manolo—you and I! We faced him and we accused him and we rejected him! And how can we blame Candida and Paula now?
MANOLO [looking up]: But I thought they were happy together. Candida, Paula—I thought you were contented to stay with father.
CANDIDA: Yes, we were—as long as we were sure of our life together. But you and Pepang had begun to complain about the cost of this house; you were talking of selling it. And we realized how little sure we were of the future.
PAULA: We were desperate.
CANDIDA: And whom could we blame but . . . but him?
MANOLO [rising]: Well, one thing is definitely settled now. You cannot go on living together, the three of you—not with all this hatred and bitterness among you. This house must be sold. Father must be placed in a hospital.
PAULA: You cannot take him away from us now!
CANDIDA: You must give us time—time to atone for what we did!
PAULA: We must go on working for our forgiveness!
MANOLO: I want no more arguments! Oh, I did not dare sell this house as long as I thought that father wanted to stay here. But now I know he does not want to stay here, he does not want to stay with you! He will never get well until he has been completely separated from the two of you!
PAULA: Manolo!
CANDIDA: Oh, he has a right to be cruel. His conscience is clear!
MANOLO: I am glad I found out about this.
CANDIDA: Yes, you are glad—both of you—very glad! Oh, you are delighted to find that Paula and I have proved unfaithful too—that we have turned against father even as you did! And what a relief you must be feeling now, you and Pepang! Because, now, we are all alike, we are all the same, we have all destroyed our father!
PEPANG: Candida, control yourself. Manolo, you must give them time.
MANOLO: They can stay until this house has been sold—but they must dismiss this boarder of theirs at once—and I shall arrange to have father transferred to a hospital as soon as possible. I expect to have this house disposed of before the end of this month. You will come to live with me, Candida. Paula, you will live with Pepang. And listen, all of you—this is absolutely the last talk we shall ever have on this matter. Pepang, are you ready to go now?
PEPANG [going for her bag]: Yes, Manolo.
MANOLO: Wait a minute while I go in and see if father is awake. [He exits.]
PEPANG [earnestly]: Candida, Paula—have confidence; everything will turn out for the best. And father will be better off really in a hospital. You must not blame yourselves. Father will forgive you. In fact, he has already forgiven you. You say this picture is your punishment. I do not think father would be so cruel. He did not paint this picture to punish you; he painted it to release you, to free you! Do you not see? When you said all those bitter things to him, he was not angry; he understood your predicament; and he took pity on you. He could not give you any money, of course—but he could give you this picture, knowing that you could make money out of it—the money to release you, to set you free! Paula, Candida—your happiness is in your hands. You can have money of your own. You will feel secure and independent. You will not have to worry anymore about the future.
[Enter Manolo.]
MANOLO: Father is still asleep. Come on, Pepang.
PEPANG [KISSING HER SISTERS:] Goodbye, Candida. Goodbye, Paula.
MANOLO: Now remember—you are to dismiss this boarder of yours immediately!
PAULA: Yes, Manolo.
MANOLO: Candida, did you hear me?
CANDIDA: Yes, Manolo.
MANOLO: And take away all those signs from the door.
PAULA & CANDIDA: Yes, Manolo.
MANOLO: Well, goodbye now. And do be more sensible, both of you!
PAULA & CANDIDA: Goodbye, Manolo.
MANOLO: Tell father I shall be around again soon.
[Exeunt Pepang & Manolo.]
PAULA [after a pause]: Candida, have you no news? Oh, tell me you have news—good news!
CANDIDA: We must go and do the cooking if we are to eat anything.
PAULA: Then, you did not go?
CANDIDA [bitterly]: Yes, I did!
PAULA: To this Bureau of Health and Science?
CANDIDA [shuddering]: Oh Paula, it was horrible!
PAULA: No place for you?
CANDIDA: They thought I was crazy!
PAULA: Oh Candida!
CANDIDA: They only made fun of me. They sent me from one department to another. Oh, I thought they were serious—and I tried to act very smart, like a woman of the world—I went into every office and told them that I wanted to ca
tch rats, that I was an expert—and they listened attentively—I thought they were really interested—but they were only laughing at me, they were only making fun of me. And then they began to be afraid of me—they thought I was dangerous. They became more and more nervous. They began running about excitedly and shouting and blowing whistles. A crowd began to gather. They thought I was a criminal! I had to run away! They chased me down to the street! I had to run and run!
PAULA [taking her sister’s hands]: Oh, Candida!
CANDIDA: Pepang is right. There is no place for us anywhere in the world. We are completely useless. We must separate. You go and live with Pepang. I will go and live with Manolo. I will take care of his children and keep an eye on his servants. You will look after Pepang’s laundry, brush her hair, and answer her telephone.
PAULA: She will make me wear her old clothes and I must pretend to be grateful.
CANDIDA: And Manolo’s wife will make me cut my hair and paint my face.
PAULA: Oh Candida, is there no escape for us?
CANDIDA [turning her face toward PORTRAIT]: Did you hear what Pepang said? She said this picture is our release, our freedom . . .
[As they gaze wonderingly at PORTRAIT, a car is heard stopping down in the street. They glance quickly at each other. Candida shudders.]
Oh, I cannot talk to him now!
[She hurries to doorway & Paula follows. Tony Javier is heard running up the stairs & shouting: “Miss Candida! Miss Paula!” The sisters pause in the doorway. Tony appears on the landing, breathless.]
TONY: Oh, there you are! Come here, both of you! Come and sit down!
Oh Miss Paula, Miss Candida—I bring wonderful news! This is your salvation!
CANDIDA: Our salvation?
TONY: If you want to be saved—and I know you do!
PAULA: Mr. Javier, what is all this?
TONY: Come here, ladies—and you shall know! Come and listen to me—please!
[Paula glances at Candida; Candida walks back into the room & Paula follows.]
CANDIDA: Well, what is it, Mr. Javier?
TONY [waving toward sofa]: Oh, sit down, sit down first I don’t want you to go running off before you have heard everything.
PAULA: Oh Candida, this is all nonsense!
TONY [giving her his most appealing look]: Please, Miss Paula!
CANDIDA: [going to sofa]: Very well, Mr. Javier—but you must hurry. We still have our cooking to do.
[She & Paula sit down on sofa.]
TONY: Oh, you’ll forget all about your cooking after you’ve heard what I have to tell you! And—oh, yes—I know you have forbidden me ever to mention this matter again—but I must disobey you.
PAULA: Is it about that picture again?
TONY: And about the American who has long been wanting to buy it.
PAULA [rising]: Oh, Mr. Javier!
TONY: Sit down, Miss Paula—sit down and listen! [Paula obeys.] Now, about this American—he’s going back to the States. All the Americans are being sent home—evacuated, you know—so they won’t get caught here when the war breaks out. Well, this particular American is leaving in a week. He still wants this picture; he wants to take it back with him. Oh, he says he’s crazy about it—and so, he’s offering a crazy price for it. His last price. Take it or leave it. He simply doesn’t want any more bargaining. And, ladies, do you know how much he’s offering now for that picture of yours? [A pause, while he looks at the sisters.] He is offering ten thousand dollars!
CANDIDA [after a stunned pause]: Ten thousand dollars!
TONY: And that’s twenty thousand pesos.
PAULA: Twenty thousand pesos!
TONY: Oh, he wants it bad, and he wants it at once! He’s leaving Friday. [The sisters are silent, staring at PORTRAIT.]
Well, what do you say now? But take your time, take your time! Don’t let me hurry you! Think carefully, think very carefully! Oh, just think of it! Twenty grand! Enough money to last you for years and years! Why, you’ll be loaded! You’ll be sitting on top of the world! And you can snap your fingers at this brother and sister of yours!
PAULA [after a pause; rising]: We . . . we are sorry, Mr. Javier. But we told you before that the picture is not for sale. Well . . . it is still . . . still not for sale.
TONY: WHAT?
PAULA: Come along, Candida.
[Candida remains seated, staring at PORTRAIT.]
TONY: Wait, wait, WAIT! Oh, my God! Think, ladies—think! This may never happen again! This is the chance of your lifetime!
PAULA [with a slight smile]: It seems to be rather the chance of your lifetime, Mr. Javier.
TONY: Mine? Why?
PAULA: You are so anxious to make the sale. Has this American offered you a very big reward?
TONY: Just think how much he’s offering you!
PAULA: And how much is he offering you, Mr. Javier?
TONY: Why do you ask?
PAULA: A lot of money?
TONY: Sure! And I need it!
PAULA: We are very sorry you cannot earn your reward.
TONY: But think of yourselves, think of yourselves! Miss Candida, just think what you’ll be throwing away!
PAULA: We know what we are doing. Candida, will you tell him he is only wasting his time?
TONY: Miss Candida, will you tell her what a chance you’ll be wasting?
[Candida rises in silence & walks away. Paula, astonished, takes a step to follow her.]
TONY [grabbing Paula’s arm]: Oh, stay and listen! Listen to me—please!
CANDIDA [walking slowly toward doorway]: I must go and do the cooking . . .
PAULA: Oh Candida, do not leave me alone!
CANDIDA [whirling around; with sudden passion]: Why? Are you afraid?
PAULA [startled]: Afraid? [Tony releases her arm.]
CANDIDA [fiercely]: Yes, yes—afraid! Afraid to stay! Afraid to find out that it is true after all! Everything they are saying, everything they are whispering and laughing about!
PAULA: Candida! You know it is not true!
CANDIDA: Then why are you afraid to stay? Why do you always need me at your side? Are you a baby, am I your nurse?
PAULA [grimly]: I am not afraid to stay. I shall stay, Candida. I do not need you.
CANDIDA: Why should you need me? Why should we need each other? Oh it is time that each of us faced facts alone by herself! Alone, Paula! Not together, not always together!
PAULA [with a shake of the head]: We are not together anymore, Candida. You have already made your decision.
[They stare a moment at each other. Then Candida turns away quickly, toward doorway. Paula smiles mockingly.]
And I know why you are running away, Candida! I know, I know!
CANDIDA [turning around in doorway; defiant]: And you are right, Paula! You are absolutely right! Why should I go on suffering? And why should you go on suffering? But you must decide that for yourself, Paula—alone! Yes, I have already made my decision! Oh, you are right, Paula! We are not together anymore! We are not together anymore!
[She covers her face with her hands and rushes out.]
TONY [after a pause]: I’m sorry, Miss Paula.
[Paula is motionless, looking at doorway. Tony shrugs.]
I suppose you know what you’re doing . . . But twenty thousand bucks!
[He whistles.]
Saying no to twenty grand! Saying no to a chance like that! God, if it was me! If it was only me!
[He moves toward PORTRAIT and stands before it, staring bitterly.]
What I could do with twenty grand! That’s all I need—just the money to start me off. Get away from this hick town, get away from vaudeville, get away from all those bums . . . Oh, I could make something out of myself—they’d see that soon enough! Make a name for myself, make a big-shot out of myself . . . All
I need is a little money. Organize my own band and play all over the orient—Hong Kong, Shanghai, Java, India. I’d be making money fast enough. And then I’d go to Europe. Sure, why not? This war won’t last forever. I’d go to Europe and really learn to play the piano . . .
[Paula, at the mention of Europe, turns her face toward him & listens inteutly. He has forgotten all about her.]
God knows I’m not just a piano-player! I’ve got ambitions. I’ve got a lot of big dreams—I’ve got so much inside me! And I just go wasting what I’ve got on vaudeville! It’s not fair! Why don’t somebody come and offer to give me twenty grand—just like that? Oh baby, what I could do with twenty grand! Go to Paris, go to Vienna, go to New York . . .
[Paula comes and stands beside him. Absorbed in his dreams, he does not notice her].
PAULA [in a sort of trance herself]: Paris . . . ? Vienna . . . ? New York . . . ?
TONY [not really noticing her]: Yeah—and all those other glamorous places over there. Spain, Italy, South America . . . But I wouldn’t be going there just to have fun—no, siree! This won’t be a punk whoopee party like the last time. I’d really be serious this time. I’d really study, really get educated. And then we’ll see if I’m wrong about what I’ve got!
PAULA: I used to dream of traveling myself . . .
TONY [looking at her now]: Huh?
PAULA [smiling dreamily at PORTRAIT]: Europe . . . I’ve always wanted to go to Europe. Spain and France and Italy . . .
[Slightly horrified, Tony steps back, away from her side. She does not notice.]
I’ve always wanted to go to all those places where my father lived when he was a young man . . .
[Tony now looks up at PORTRAIT. Suddenly, he smiles.]
Do you think it would be possible to go there now?
[She turns her face toward him & notices his grin.]
Why are you smiling?
TONY [grinning at PORTRAIT]: Because your father is going to get it!
PAULA: Get what?
TONY: What was coming to him!
PAULA: What do you mean?
TONY [turning his grin toward her & stepping forward beside her]: So, you want to travel, too—eh?
PAULA [smiling again]: When I was a girl.