The Other Half of my Soul addm-1

by Gareth D. Williams

“We have to help Sheridan.”

  “No,” Delenn whispered, and Sinclair looked at her. It was… surprising to see her again, after so long. She had not changed yet, and he had not known her as a full Minbari, but she had been one of his closest allies and deepest friends. He hoped she had survived the attack on Epsilon 3. “It is a trap,” she said slowly. “They want to kill you, Holy One. We cannot let that happen.”

  Despite himself, Sinclair chuckled. “Holy One? You’ve never stood on formality with me before, Delenn. My name is Jeffrey. I’d appreciate it if you could use it.”

  “Jeffrey?” She seemed to find the name difficult, but then she nodded. “Very well… Jeffrey, but it is still a trap.”

  “I know,” he said softly. “I know, but as a very wise and beautiful woman once told me, I have a destiny, and I know that my destiny will not allow me to die here.” He grinned. “Besides, I have a little… help.”

  And she understood. “Kosh,” she whispered. “His name is Kosh.”

  * * * * * * *

  “Destiny. The Minbari talk about it all the time. Destiny and purpose. So what was my destiny then? I could have stood where you stand now. I could have helped build this place, helped run it. I could have worn your uniform, stood in your place, and for what? So that I could die here, like you. So that they could come for me like they did for my mother and my father.

  “The Psi Corps and the Minbari. Each as bad as the other. The one took my mother, the other my father and brother. My mother was the only person who ever loved me for who I was. Do you know what that was like? My father never cared! My brother… They took her away from me!

  “And now this. Look at me, John. You don’t find me beautiful now, do you? You did once, I remember. But not any more, no not any more. You did this to me. It may not have been your hand that did it, but it was your finger on the trigger and your hand on the dagger.

  “Why couldn’t you have answered differently? If only… if only you’d said something different. Why couldn’t you have wanted money or power like normal people. Then you’d have been worthless to us, and we’d have left you alone, and you’d have died in that prison. But no, you had to answer, didn’t you? All that revenge, and all that anger and hatred comes out, and you damned us all.

  “It was just an accident for me, you see. I crashed on their planet. It was an accident and when they asked me what I wanted, I wasn’t thinking. I was hurt, and they promised to help me, and I listened and I answered. But you… they call you a nexus. Everything turns around you, and you led us to this. Do you think I wanted this? Do you? No. What we’ve become, and what you’ve done… you led us to it all.

  “But it won’t matter, John. You see, this can all be over. They’ll come for you. I know they will… because you’re important. You’re also easy for me to track. I implanted a tracking system inside your body… oh, a long time ago now. And it still works. Say what you like about my… friends… at least they know how to build things that work.

  “And they’ll come for you. They’ll have to, and we’ll kill him. We’ll kill Valen and we’ll change history, and we’ll win. No Minbari, no Battle of the Line. None of it will ever have happened. We’ll be free to build our own destiny again, right from scratch, and this time… this time it’ll all be better.

  “And I’ll be free.”

  Sheridan raised his eyes dully. He’d had another two flashes, one of the time when Elizabeth had been born and the other of when she had died. He was tired and hurt and grieving, and barely listening. He looked up.

  “You can’t see it now,” Susan said. “But that doesn’t matter. They trust me now, even when they aren’t around. I have a Keeper, you see.

  “We all have our Keepers.”

  * * * * * * *

  Commander David Corwin was pacing up and down the docking bays. He was the only person here now. The security guards had been sent back to their respective places and the medical staff were treating Mr. Allan. Any complications or messages from the Captain, and Lieutenant Franklin would link him from the bridge.

  He doubted there would be any messages from the Captain though. The tachyon emissions that were surrounding Babylon 4 made any form of communication impossible, although the first message had got through easily enough…

  Corwin was not paranoid. Paranoid people only think everyone is out to get them. Corwin knew people were out to get him. Well, he knew people were out to get the Captain, and that more or less amounted to the same thing.

  His link activated. It was Dr. Kyle. “Mr. Allan is doing fine now, Commander. He’s asking to return to the docking bay.”

  “Not necessary, thank you, Doctor. The fewer people here the better.”

  “Commander, I think this is an unwise action and a risk to your health.” Corwin could practically see the stern, disapproving anger in Kyle’s face. He was, after all, old enough to be Corwin’s father by quite a way.

  “Doctor, trust me, I…” He started. “It’s coming back.”

  “Commander, this…”

  “I know what I’m doing, Doctor. Corwin out.” He deactivated the link and faced the blue space-suited figure who appeared out of nowhere in front of him.

  “It’s you, isn’t it?” he said. “I thought it was before, but now… it is you.”

  The figure moved forward, but stumbled and fell, almost in slow motion. He rushed to its side, but then hesitated, remembering what had happened to Mr. Allan.

  “You need my help.”

  The figure nodded.

  “So then, what can I do for you?” The figure slowly removed its helmet and looked at Corwin. Then it told him.

  * * * * * * *

  “I know,” whispered Susan Ivanova to her eternal guardians. “There’s a Vorlon. It’s coming here.”

  A Vorlon…? Sheridan tried to rise, but he didn’t seem to have the energy. A Vorlon. He’d met a Vorlon before. On Narn. With G’Kar. It had shown him… something. It had whispered something to him. Its name. It had shown him… shown him… what?

  He couldn’t remember.

  “Wake up, John,” Susan said, not coldly, but without a great deal of warmth either. “Your Minbari whore’s coming for you, and him as well. He’s coming too.”

  “Who… who are you talking about?” he muttered. He tried to rise again, and managed to hook his arm over a handrail and haul himself up. Susan merely watched. She didn’t do anything to help him. She simply watched.

  “I don’t suppose she told you, did she? No, truthfulness and honesty are not particularly big Minbari virtues, whatever they like to tell anyone. Minbari do not lie, they say. Maybe not, but they never tell anyone the whole truth, either.

  “What do you know about Valen?”

  Sheridan blinked, trying to clear the fog in his mind. He did know that name. Delenn… Delenn had told him… he’d heard the name.

  “Minbari… not born of Minbari,” he muttered.

  “So, maybe she does tell you something after all? Pillow talk perhaps. Yes, Valen was Minbari not born of Minbari. He was human in fact, a human from this time who used some machine to change himself into a Minbari, and took this station backwards in time to the last war against my people, where he led the Vorlons and the Minbari and all the other perfect little races to victory.

  “And imagine our surprise when we discovered all of this. Imagine our surprise when we realised that all we had to do was kill one man and we’d win the war then. The Minbari would be finished, and… think about it, John. If we kill Valen now, then the Minbari will be destroyed.

  “A thousand years ago! No Minbari, no Battle of the Line, no destruction of Earth. None of this will have happened. You’ll still have your Anna, I’ll still have my mother. Everything can be so much better.

  “But no. Don’t bother answering. I know you. You’re worse now than you will be in the future. I know you won’t help me. At least, not willingly.

  “They’re coming for you. Your little Minbari whore and the one who betrayed u
s all, the entire human race, by becoming one of them. They’re going to come for you, and we’re going to kill them.”

  “Delenn…” Sheridan rasped. “No…” He stumbled forward and blinked…

  He was above Mars now, aboard the Babylon. He knew he was. He could practically sense the Minbari all around him. He wasn’t thinking. He’d retreated into the dark heart of his mind where the warrior in him lived. He existed only to kill, but his crew didn’t mind. They felt the same.

  He could feel the Minbari flagship before him. There was something… different about this one, something special. He bore the ship down on it. He knew he was covered. Captain Maynard – good old Jack – would be providing cover in his Millennium, and Commander Pierce in the Hyperion was on Sheridan’s flank as well. None of them had been able to make it for the Line, and now it was too late.

  And then, all of a sudden, he could see the Minbari, a council of nine. They were arguing, each standing in a column of light. One of them turned to face him and put up her hands.

  “John, no!” Delenn cried.

  But it didn’t matter, because he fired anyway.

  He blinked, and he could feel Susan nearby. But she didn’t seem to notice him. She didn’t need to.

  Valen was here.

  * * * * * * *

  Delenn looked on in horror as the Enemy appeared around her. She had lost count of how many there were. They were dark and tall and terrifying, but she was not afraid.

  I will not allow harm to come to my little ones, not here in my great house.

  She was with Valen now, and walking in his light. The title she had been given, presumably by the agents of the Enemy who controlled this station, still rankled at her.

  Zha’valen. One who is a shadow to Valen. An outcast from the Light.

  “Come out, Susan!” Valen called. Delenn saw the circled ranks of the Enemy part and a woman stepped forward. She recognised Susan Ivanova, or at least, the woman who had once been Susan Ivanova. She had… changed.

  And beside her, stumbling and hesitant, his eyes staring and wide, was Captain Sheridan. She gave him a push, and he fell. Delenn could only look at him and wonder.

  What he had seen. What he had been told. What he had done. She had seen what could only be a vision of the future. Had he?

  Ivanova and Valen stared at each other for a long time. Delenn read… anticipation and anger in Ivanova’s eyes, and only despair and grief in Valen’s.

  “I am sorry,” he said.

  “I’m not. Kill them.”

  The Shadows began to move, but then they stopped. Their buzzing communication hurt Delenn’s ears, but she saw that it was hurting Captain Sheridan even more.

  From the darkness, there came a Vorlon.

  Delenn recognised him. It was Kosh. He had come to her shortly after the Battle of the Line, and spoken about one human life, and of how that one life would change the future of her people. She had been doubtful, but then his suit had opened, and she had seen him, and seen Valen in him – not Valen as he was now, but Valen as she had seen him in her vision as a child, half a lifetime ago.

  I will not allow harm to come to my little ones, not here in my great house.

  And so she had done as Kosh asked, and she had saved that one human life, a soldier who had been drifting in space, disorientated and shaken, near to death. She had arranged for him to be recovered and given to the Vorlons. Neroon and Draal had been suspicious, but they had said nothing, out of respect and love for her.

  And Kosh had given her a gift in return. A piece of himself. That piece had shown her wonders and visions and reminded her of her purpose. It had given her courage throughout her captivity and her interrogation. Until it had been taken from her.

  She knew where Kosh was now.

  They were all looking at Kosh now, even Ivanova. Her mouth was half open, as if in wonder, although her scarring made it look like a sneer.

  Kosh turned to look directly at Delenn. He said one word.

  Remember.

  And his encounter suit opened, and there was a slow, creeping light.

  Delenn blinked.

  Remember.

  I will not allow harm to come to my little ones, not here in my great house.

  Captain Sheridan’s anger as he struck her, his mercy as he freed her.

  A centre for all our hopes and dreams as a people.

  More valuable to me.

  …souls travel together over many lifetimes, reliving the good relationships and correcting the bad ones.

  Zha’valen – a shadow on Valen.

  My name is John J. Sheridan. Rank: Captain, Earthforce.

  I am Grey. I stand between the candle and the star.

  Minbari not born of Minbari.

  Neroon. Sheridan. Draal. Dukhat. Neroon. Sinoval. Sheridan. Lennann. Ashan. Welles. Dukhat. Miss Alexander. Sheridan. Neroon. Her father. Her mother. Welles. Sinoval.

  Face after face, name after name, voice after voice. They all sounded in her mind, before her eyes, in her memories. Her past, her present, her future.

  JOHN SHERIDAN

  RESTING

  IN A PLACE WHERE NO SHADOWS FALL

  Minbar in ruins. Dukhat dying in her arms. Neroon saying goodbye. Captain Sheridan hitting her. Captain Sheridan watching her sleep.

  Kosh entering her mind. Kosh’s true form.

  Kosh…

  The light faded, and Delenn realised she was lying on the floor, shaking. Standing up, she saw Kosh’s encounter suit not far away. It was still standing, but as she watched, it sank down and collapsed.

  Kosh was gone.

  (And elsewhere, light years away, Lyta Alexander woke from her sleep screaming, with no knowledge of why.)

  The Enemy was gone as well, save for Ivanova.

  She was still on her feet, where everyone else had fallen. Captain Sheridan was hardly breathing, and even Valen was still. Delenn saw her run forward, extending a Minbari fighting pike. Her Minbari fighting pike. The one that Ivanova had taken from her as she lay unconscious and bleeding in the corridors of her own home.

  The one that Neroon had given her, the one that Durhan had given him. One of Durhan’s fabled nine blades.

  Durhan would never have imagined it would be wielded by a Shadow agent, least of all against Valen himself.

  Delenn reacted, remembering Neroon’s attempts to teach her combat, remembering her father’s training, and Durhan’s advice. She had no weapon, but she had her faith, and her memories, and her conviction, restored at last after a long period of doubt.

  She caught Ivanova in the belly with her elbow, and the Shadow agent stumbled. A punch upwards to the arm loosened her grip on the weapon, and a blow to the shoulder knocked the pike from her hands completely.

  Delenn could see the pain in her opponent’s eyes. Kosh’s sacrifice had done something to her, affected her somehow. Susan Ivanova had been changed, drastically and completely. For better or for worse, Delenn could not tell.

  Slowly, she picked up the pike and she held it before her. It felt… wrong. It was not hers any longer. Ivanova had been wielding it in battle for… how long? Years, probably. How many had she killed with this self-same weapon, the one given to Delenn in a gesture of love?

  She compressed the weapon and stepped back. Ivanova fell, tears raining from her one, good eye.

  Valen was awake now, but Delenn could feel the station shaking around her. She looked up, and around, half afraid of another vision. There was none, but she did feel Valen take her arm.

  “You have to go,” he said. “The time field is destabilising. You have to get out before you get caught here. Remember this, Delenn, and have faith.”

  “Always,” she said. Captain Sheridan was rising, but unsteadily. He was shaking and palsied. She ran to his side and helped support him. With a last look back at Valen, she left the station.

  And she left with it a piece of her future, and a piece of her past, secure in the knowledge of her present.

  * * *
* * * *

  “How do you feel?” she asked him softly.

  Sheridan groaned. “Ill. Sick. Tired. Apart from that, I’m fine.”

  She smiled.

  Delenn had managed to use her limited knowledge of shuttles to get away from the station and towards the Babylon. The ship’s central computer did the rest of the work of the docking. Commander Corwin had been suspicious when she had pulled Captain Sheridan from the shuttle, but he had asked no questions, and she had given him no answers. Largely because she did not know what answers to give.

  Commander Corwin had even let her stay in Medlab while Dr. Kyle treated Captain Sheridan. His wounds had not been extensive. Largely bruising and exhaustion. He had slept and she had watched him, wondering if he would appreciate the symbolism of the gesture.

  Wondering if she appreciated it herself. He had watched her sleep on at least one occasion, and that was a departure from the traditional ritual. But then this was far from traditional.

  Behind her, Babylon 4 disappeared, and completed its journey to the past. She silently wished Valen well, and thought about her future. The images she had seen, both of Minbar, and of herself.

  And when Captain Sheridan awoke, she had gone to his side. They were not being watched. Commander Corwin had ordered it. He had clearly seen something as well. Perhaps the unstable effects of the time field had extended even here?

  “What happened…?” Sheridan began. “Was it… real or not? I… saw things.”

  “I did as well,” she assured him. “I can only suppose that what happened is what has always happened. Valen took the station a thousand years into the past, where he fought the Enemy, formed the Grey Council and brought hope to Minbar.”

  “And the visions?”

  “I… do not know,” she said carefully. He was clearly uncomfortable with whatever he had seen, and so was she. For the time being, they would leave the matter. Perhaps later…

  And then she presented him with the pike she had taken from Ivanova, the pike that Ivanova had taken from her. “I would like you to have this,” she said. She saw that he recognised it. “It does not feel… right to me any more, and you now have as many enemies, and as dangerous enemies, as do I. I feel you will need it.”