My Mam Shirley

by Julie Shaw

  But it was mainly better because she now had her Granny Wiggins living on the same street, and her Auntie Edna also living just a few doors further along – both places that provided a much-needed means of escape from the chilly atmosphere at home.

  It was escape of another kind that had begun to occupy Shirley’s mind as she’d entered her teens, however. She was counting the days till she could escape into her own life, which was going to be so different from the way it was now. She’d have her own home, her own husband and lots and lots of children. She would make her own wedding gown, and would float along the aisle in it, and have a ring put on her finger by a wonderful, loving man – Pat Boone or Elvis, perhaps, or that dreamy Tab Hunter. Or even – she sighed inwardly now, as his voice filled her head again – of her latest crush, the beautiful Cliff Richard, who could serenade her as he swept her off her feet.

  The Lister’s Arms was at the bottom of Manchester Road, and was currently the place all the young people went. She’d been a few times with John, her ex, but she always felt a little out of place there. It could be a rough place; lots of the lads from the Canterbury estate went there, so when she did go – with John, and latterly with Anita – they always tended to keep themselves to themselves.

  ‘You go to the bar, Neet,’ Shirley whispered as they walked into the busy pub. She’d never even tried to get served when she went in there, because she didn’t look old enough by a mile yet. It was different for Anita, because her mam and dad let her wear make-up, so she’d been able to buy drinks since she was only 15.

  It was yet another reason why Shirley couldn’t wait for her eighteenth birthday. Anita nodded. She knew the drill. ‘You grab some seats then, okay? Half of bitter?’

  Shirley cast about then, trying to spot a couple of seats free in one of the corners, though it was difficult to see through the throng of people. Many were just standing chatting, but a few were gyrating to the sounds coming from the throbbing juke-box, and Shirley felt the familiar tug to get on the impromptu dance-floor and move to the music as well.

  But then she spotted an empty table and rushed to bag it before it was taken, content for the moment to take in the atmosphere and marvel at the couples jiving and jitterbugging nearby.

  ‘Guess who’s propping up the bar?’ Anita shouted above the din as she set down the two drinks on the table.

  ‘Who?’ Shirley asked, too far away to see over the crush of bodies.

  ‘That Tucker Hudson. Remember? One of those brothers from over Canterbury.’

  Shirley nodded as she sipped the head off her beer. She didn’t really know the Hudson brothers, but she certainly knew of them. Knew they were best avoided, like pretty much everyone else did from her part of the world. She also knew the eldest one, Charlie, was back out of prison, and that he was the one you needed to avoid most of all, even if John had always talked about him like he was some sort of local hero.

  She remembered that day she’d gone to court with John. It had seemed a strange thing to do then and it still felt strange now. All the cheering and chanting, and there being so many people, all to see someone sent down for doing something criminal – all there to support someone who her dad had said only got what he’d deserved. She’d never really understood that, even if John had tried to explain it to her. But then John had been friends with the Hudsons – one of the younger ones, anyway. Keith, was it? Yes, she was sure that was his name. The cocky, good-looking one. Till he’d gone and joined the army, at any rate.

  ‘Which one?’ she asked Anita, feeling suddenly fretful that if he was here, John himself might be in tonight as well. Which wasn’t a problem, exactly, but she still didn’t want to see him. Not so soon after finishing with him, anyway.

  ‘Keith,’ Anita confirmed, sitting down and shrugging her bag off her shoulder. ‘The short one. Remember? He’s in here with his sister. You know. Annie? Annie Jagger?’

  Shirley shook her head, because she didn’t think she did. She wished she was more like Anita, who always seemed to know everyone. But then she would, wouldn’t she? She had two older brothers to go out with, after all.

  ‘There,’ Anita was saying now, as a record ended and the crowd parted briefly. ‘See them now? She’s the one with the platinum blonde hair.’

  Shirley spotted them finally and then felt her face immediately flush; Keith Hudson was looking straight at her.

  She lowered her gaze. Now she remembered him. And he’d hardly changed at all. Filled out a bit, even if he didn’t look a great deal taller, and with the same arresting dark looks that she remember being so taken with before. John had noticed that too – she remembered that as well. He’d gone on about the two of them making eyes at each other – given her a pretty hard time about it, refusing to accept her denials. And now, having forgotten all about him these past two years, she realised those denials had been untrue. She risked raising her eyes again. He was still looking straight at her. Sizing her up. Almost willing her to hold his gaze.

  ‘So?’ she said to Anita, dropping her eyes again, feeling suddenly flustered. ‘Why should I care who’s in?’

  ‘I didn’t say you did care,’ Anita answered. ‘I was just saying, that was all. But now you mention it …’ she added, glancing towards the bar and back again and grinning.

  ‘Are we having a dance then, or what?’ Shirley interrupted, twisting on the banquette so that she was facing more away from the bar now, feeling strangely uncomfortable under Keith Hudson’s continuing scrutiny and still worried that John might be somewhere roundabouts as well.

  ‘Hold your horses, Shirl!’ Anita said. ‘Let me have a slurp of this, at least. Ah, and don’t look now, but guess who’s coming over …’

  Shirley turned around, expecting to see Keith Hudson striding towards her. But it wasn’t. It was his sister, who looked like a mini Marilyn Monroe. It was a look lots of girls tried to emulate, but few managed to achieve. This one did, though. She was really very pretty.

  But she also had the same sort of reputation her brothers had, if Anita was to be believed. ‘Watch her, Shirl,’ she whispered now. ‘She’s a bit of a wildcat.’

  Not knowing quite what to make of that – what was she going to do? Attack them? – Shirley could only smile and make room on the banquette as the girl, who had that confident look of someone in her early twenties, marched up, said ‘shove up’ and plonked herself straight down between them.

  She didn’t speak at first either, but instead delved immediately into a capacious patent leather handbag, plucked out a pack of cigarettes and pulled one out with her teeth. She looked as though she might offer them round, and Shirley hoped she would. The rest of the girls there looked so sophisticated with their cigarettes hanging from their manicured fingers. But no, they quickly disappeared back into Annie’s bag again.

  She lit the cigarette using a shiny book of matches, and then took a long drag, carefully blowing out a series of smoke rings through her perfectly painted ruby lips.

  Shirley watched in awe, wishing she could do something so clever. But, despite managing the odd secret practice, it was a skill that had so far eluded her. She would definitely have to pinch one of her dad’s Capstans the next time she got a chance so she could practise some more.

  Her entrance made, Annie Jagger turned towards her and smiled. Shirley smiled back nervously, wondering what exactly she’d come over for.

  ‘My brother fancies you,’ she said matter of factly, while tapping the end of her cigarette in the direction of the already over-flowing ashtray. She looked Shirley up and down then; not in a bitchy way, just as if she was working out whether she agreed with him.

  ‘For some reason,’ she then added, causing Shirley to revise her first interpretation. ‘And he wants to take you out on a date.’

  Shirley blinked at her. Fancy sending his bloody sister over to ask for him! So, for all his swagger, Keith Hudson was obviously not as brave as he liked to make out, then.

  ‘Well, you can tell him no thank
you,’ she heard herself saying.

  Annie Jagger drew on the cigarette again and blew some more smoke rings before answering. ‘You still seeing him, then?’ she asked finally. ‘That John Arnold lad?’

  ‘No,’ Shirley began, shaking her head. ‘We’ve split up.’

  Annie Jagger nodded knowingly. ‘I should think you would an’ all, love! He’s a wimp, he is, John Arnold. Why’d you want to go out with a wimp when you could be going out with a proper man?’

  Shirley stared at her, bristling at the dismissive sneer on her face now. Bar pointing out that ‘proper’ men asked for their own dates, which she didn’t dare to, she wasn’t really sure how to respond to that. But it seemed she wasn’t required to.

  ‘A lad like our Keith,’ Annie added, sending another inch of ash in the general direction of the ashtray, but missing and showering it on the table and over Shirley’s skirt instead. ‘A proper man, one who was off doing his bit for his country. While John bleedin’ Arnold was hiding behind your flarey skirts, love!’

  Now Shirley really didn’t know what to say, and neither, it seemed, did Anita. She’d picked up her glass and was hiding as well – behind her beer. But, even as Shirley blushed, she felt a sudden rush of annoyance. No, he might not have been a fighter, but he wasn’t hiding from anyone – not as far as she could tell, anyway – and at least he’d always behaved like a gentleman towards her. He’d always treated her like a lady, right from day one. Buying her flowers, buying her chocolates, holding doors open for her. So, yes, she might have grown a little bored with him, but that was her business, wasn’t it? It certainly wasn’t for anyone else to say. Wasn’t for anyone else to be rude about him, either. Especially not this tiny little full-of-herself mouth on legs.

  ‘I’ll tell you what you can do,’ Shirley said, pointedly brushing the ash off her skirt. It was her best one, and that annoyed her as well. ‘You can go and tell your brother that I wouldn’t go out on a date with him if he was the last man on earth.’

  There was a heartbeat of silence, Anita looking on nervously, while Annie Jagger sat and glared at Shirley. She then scrunched out her half-smoked cigarette, raised her pencilled-in eyebrows and got to her feet. Shirley wondered if she should stand up as well, just to emphasise the difference in their heights, but then realised Keith’s sister was no longer scowling but smiling. Not that Shirley intended to return the compliment and smile back. Who did she think she bloody was?

  Annie laughed then. ‘Ooh!’ she said, stepping delicately out and round to the other side of the table. ‘Game on, then, it is, love? Well, let’s see how long you can resist the Hudson charm, shall we?’

  And with that, she sauntered back to her brother at the bar, hips wiggling suggestively as she picked her way through the dancers, soaking up the admiring glances that she was obviously used to gathering, like she was a magnet for every male eye in the room.

  It came into Shirley’s head then. The words John had used two years back. He’d got quite cross, too – the day after they’d been in court, it was. Said her and Keith Hudson’s eyes had been just like a pair of magnets. And she’d had to say again and again and again just how ridiculous he was being. And then Keith Hudson had simply disappeared out of her life. And that had been that. Gone and forgotten.

  But if that were so, why was she finding it so hard right now not to follow Annie Jagger’s progress back to her brother, just for her eyes to land again, however fleetingly, on his?

  ‘Jesus Christ, Shirley!’ Anita was spluttering, dragging her attention back. ‘It’s a wonder she didn’t clock you one! She’s a nutcase, she is!’

  ‘I don’t bloody care,’ Shirley said, picking up her glass and gulping a mouthful of beer down. Her fingers were trembling, which annoyed her even more. ‘She’s not laying down the law to me!’ she huffed as she set it down. ‘I have more than enough of that at home, thanks.’ She then picked up the glass again and downed the rest of the beer in a couple of swallows, before banging it more heavily onto the table. She had no idea if she was being watched but she bloody hoped so, just so she could press her point home and ignore them. ‘Come on, Anita,’ she said, all appetite for dancing now gone, not to mention the dreamy post-Cliff euphoria. ‘It’s getting late and I’m tired. We’re off home.’

  ‘But it’s only –’ Anita began protesting.

  ‘You stay if you like,’ Shirley said, leaving the table, ‘but I’m going home. I’m not staying here to be told who I should or shouldn’t be seeing. The cheek of her!’

  Anita grabbed the cardigan she’d not long taken off and hurriedly shoved her arms into it as she followed Shirley out, via the far side of the dance-floor.

  ‘You all right?’ she asked Shirley. ‘Don’t let it get to you. Just take no notice.’

  ‘Oh, I will be. And I won’t! Who do those bloody Hudsons think they are?’

  It was a thought she kept thinking for the entire 45-minute walk home, of necessity. As was their impromptu Cliff Richard and the Drifters sing-along – to quell the butterflies that were now dancing in her stomach.

  Chapter 2

  Shirley’s dad was in a worse mood than she’d seen in a long time. ‘One of those Hudson boys?’ he snapped at her. ‘Them from Little Horton? You’re bloody well not going out with him, and that’s that!’

  It was nearly six o’clock and Shirley knew she’d have Keith knocking on the door any minute. And her mam hadn’t even finished pinning up her hair yet. ‘Mam, tell him!’ she said indignantly. ‘I’m 17 now and I’m working, so I should be allowed to go out with who I like!’

  Though now she was wishing she hadn’t even told them. Well, wishing she hadn’t told her dad, at any rate. Her mam had been fine. But as for her dad … well, that had been something of a revelation. She never imagined in a million years that her dad even knew who the Hudsons were – he hardly ever left Clayton except to go to work, after all. But as soon as she’d said the name and where they came from, he’d gone berserk. The family’s reputation must have been even greater than she’d realised.

  ‘What’s wrong with being from Little Horton?’ Shirley’s mam tried on her behalf.

  ‘Yes, exactly,’ Shirley added. ‘Dad, you’re just being a snob.’

  ‘Everything!’ Raymond barked, all the veins in his neck bulging. ‘It’s that bloody Charlie Hudson’s brother from Canterbury, that’s who it is! How the bloody hell did you get mixed up with the likes of him?’

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with him!’ Shirley began, as her mam tried to finish her hair off. Not that easy when she was finding it almost impossible to keep still. ‘He’s –’

  ‘So you say,’ her father carried on, talking right over her. ‘Oh, I know how this has happened,’ he said suddenly, waggling a finger in her direction. ‘It’s that bloody Anita’s fault, isn’t it? It’s her got you mixed up with them, isn’t it? That friend of yours is never happy unless she’s gallivanting around the bloody town, that one!’

  ‘Why do you always blame Anita?’ Shirley shouted back, rising from the table. If there was one thing that annoyed her more than any other criticism, it was having it suggested that she didn’t make her own decisions. Actually, no – it was worse than that. What was really annoying was his suggestion that she let her best friend make them for her. The cheek! ‘It’s got nothing to do with Anita, Dad,’ she fumed. ‘I’m not a baby, you know! I make up my own mind. And I’ve made up my own mind about going out with Keith Hudson, so there!’

  But he didn’t seem to be listening. ‘So you say,’ he huffed, marching back and forth across the front-room carpet, craning his neck every so often to look out into the street. ‘But she never liked that John of yours, did she? It’s all falling into place now. Is that why you’ve blown him out all of a sudden?’ He ran his hand through his hair, trying to haul the disobedient curls back into place. ‘And for one of them bleeding Hudson reprobates as well. Hell-fire, Shirley! You can do better than that.’

  Shirley sat and fumed, curs
ing her honesty. She shouldn’t have told him. It was as simple as that. She should have lied, like so many other girls did, about where they were going, what they were doing and who they were doing it with – and for precisely the reason she was cursing herself now; because some fathers so obviously couldn’t see reason themselves. Who was her dad to say what Keith Hudson was like? He’d never even met him! Just listened to gossip and taken it as gospel, that was what, and now she was stuck with the distressing possibility that Keith would turn up and immediately be sent packing.

  The thought was mortifying and she wished she’d been altogether more crafty – sneaked out while he was looking the other way. As it was, he was very much in her way, seemingly determined to ruin everything, and she needed her mam to help her try to get him to see reason. Though if he didn’t, she decided, she was going out with Keith Hudson anyway, hook or by crook, whether her dad liked it or not. He wouldn’t wait around for ever, after all.

  Up to now, it had to be said, Keith Hudson had been impressively patient. Well, perhaps persistent was the better word, Shirley decided, and she decided she liked that a lot. She had no idea what his sister had reported of their conversation at the Lister’s a fortnight previously, but she had a hunch – given what Anita had told her about Annie – that she would have repeated it verbatim. Probably would have enjoyed doing so as well, Shirley reckoned, given the mischievous gleam she’d had in her eye.

  But whatever the facts, two other facts had subsequently become clear – that she couldn’t seem to get Keith Hudson out of her mind and that, even if she had, he’d have popped straight back in again, because he’d certainly been popping up in person. It felt like he’d been everywhere these past couple of weeks, showing up when least expected; he’d suddenly started going to Farmer Giles’s coffee bar – where she and Anita often hung out when they were bored – and he’d turned up for the Saturday matinee at the picture house, too. He’d even been waiting outside the sewing factory Shirley worked at. She’d come out after her shift on the previous Monday and there he’d been, large as life – well, actually, not so large in Keith’s case – casually leaning against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette.