This Time You

by T. M. Cromer

  “What?” Gabriel couldn’t wrap his mind around what she was saying. “Why?”

  “He thought by recreating what you and I… by copying us…” Pressing the heels of her palms to her eyes, she swallowed audibly.

  “You don’t have to tell me anything else, love,” he said quietly. As much as he wanted to know, he didn’t need her to relive the horror of her time there. Plus, his imagination was thrust into overdrive, and everything he was envisioning was wreaking havoc on his mind.

  “No. You asked. Now you’ll listen.”

  Her tone was cold and brittle, and Gabriel tried to reconcile this hard woman with the warm, caring Margaret of the past.

  “Don forced me to recreate what you and I shared. Every moment spent in your home or mine, in your office. With him.” With a steadying breath, she stared out at the illuminated aqua pool, her expression lifeless. “All in the belief I’d fall in love with him.”

  Nausea churned in Gabriel’s gut, and he rushed for the screen door. All the alcohol he’d consumed emptied from his stomach onto the base of the azalea bushes by the pool enclosure. Over and over, he heaved until nothing remained.

  Good God! No wonder she couldn’t stand to have him touch her. In her mind, she must’ve confused the two of them. Hands braced on his legs, he knelt, shaken to his very core and unable to move. He lost track of time as image after image of their most intimate moments replayed like a movie in his brain. All tainted by the actions of a psycho.

  A washcloth appeared before him, and he accepted it without comment.

  “I had that same, exact reaction while I was there,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Her fingers brushed the back of his head as she stroked his hair. “The shock and horror of him continually watching us until he perfected the setting. Perfected your actions. Then the… rest.” She cleared her throat. “He would get angry when he couldn’t get the same response you did. Those were the times he withdrew food or blankets until I caved, or pretended.” Her voice trembled when she said, “I was so hungry and cold.”

  He wanted to retch again but pressed the wet cloth to his mouth. Her time in captivity was so much worse than he’d imagined. She sounded as if she were trying to justify surrendering to Don’s demands. Gabriel tried to tell her she had nothing to be ashamed of. In those conditions, no one could hold out. Yet when he tried to speak, his vocal cords were frozen.

  Margaret didn’t need him to act magnanimous or pave the way for her to forgive herself for not being a superwoman. She didn’t need him to understand a damned thing. What had happened, happened, and now they were left to deal with the fallout.

  “I never blamed you, Gabriel. But you can see why you and I are impossible, right?”

  He twisted to stare up into her bleak countenance. “We can make new memories, away from here. We can move somewhere else and buy all new things. We—”

  “No.” The pitying look nearly did him in. “He ruined us. Ruined me.” So saying, she bent and kissed the crown of his head then walked back inside, locking the screen door. “Don’t come back, Gabriel. For both our sakes.”

  Chapter 32

  The speed at which her house sold astounded everyone. With mixed emotions, Margie allowed the three James men to help her brother load her boxes and furniture into the moving van.

  Wanting to make herself scarce in order to avoid Gabriel’s dejected looks, she took the kids to the beach.

  As she stood on the spot where she’d been abducted, she tried to make her panicky inner self understand it was the crime, not this particular location, she had a problem with. Prior to Don, this had been her favorite place to come.

  She gazed out over the churning waters of the Atlantic. Wave after wave crashed along the shore as the sky above her darkened. If she were being fanciful, she’d have believed she conjured the gathering storm to match her mood. But it was Florida, and afternoon storms weren’t unusual.

  Her eyes wandered to where she and Gabriel had played on the shoreline. The remembered teasing brought a small, bittersweet smile to her lips. The one memory Don hadn’t been able to steal, because he’d never known about it. The one she’d treasure always.

  Gabriel had temporarily switched residences with Grey to avoid running into her. The only time he couldn’t prevent it, was her little sister’s release from Brookhaven a few days past.

  Stephen had actually thrown them both under the bus after belting out Karaoke with Sammy onstage. Margie still chuckled when she thought of Gabriel’s and her performance. They’d actually been booed off because they were both horrid singers. He’d graciously accepted all the blame for the song choice. She shook her head, awed by his caring and consideration. Was there ever a man so perfect? If there was, he’d be impossible to find.

  Of course, their little bit of fun changed nothing, but she decided to write a letter to add to the gift basket she intended to give him tonight. One more final goodbye, with the added benefit of being able to thank him on paper for the joy he’d brought to her life because she couldn’t in person.

  Her future stretched out in front of her like a barren, desert wasteland, but maybe Gabriel could find the oasis in the sand. He didn’t have to subscribe to her craptastic life. The issues she faced were hers alone. And if she woke some nights reaching for him, no one ever needed to know.

  As the wind increased and whipped grit into her eyes, she raised a protective hand to her face. Frowning, she realized the moisture on her cheeks was from crying, and not from the salty spray.

  Looking around, she spotted the boys kicking water at one another. Kaley, on the other hand, hovered only a few feet away, watching her with cautious longing.

  Margie widened her eyes and blinked a few times to dispel her lingering grief. With a tight smile, she joined her daughter and wrapped an arm around her thin shoulders.

  She frowned. “Have you lost weight, sweetheart?” Dieting fads were the norm for teenagers, and she hoped Kaley didn’t fall victim to the trend. All sorts of complications could arise because of body image.

  “I’m not dieting, Mom.”

  Margie nodded. “But you didn’t have much of an appetite while I was gone?”

  “Right.”

  “We’re going to be okay, sweetheart. I promise.”

  Kaley’s skinny arm inched around Margie’s waist. “I want to believe that.”

  “Me, too.” She kissed her daughter’s temple. “I don’t want you to worry, though. I’m back and have no intention of going anywhere.”

  “I’m scared all the time, Mom.”

  She drew back to study Kaley’s somber face. “What are you afraid of?”

  “You.”

  The one word had the power to steal the air from her lungs.

  Seeing her horrified reaction, Kaley was quick to clarify. “Not of you, but for you. I don’t want you to be alone and sad.”

  Margie rubbed her upper arms and ran her tongue along the outside of her teeth. After a pregnant pause to gather her thoughts, she said, “No one knows what the future holds, Kaley. Not you, not me. I’ll be honest, I went through some serious shit, and before you ask, no. You don’t get to know the details, because you shouldn’t be burdened with them.” Turning her face to the sky, she filled her lungs with the scent of the salt air. “But you should know I talk to Stephen twice a week in my efforts to put this behind me. One day, the sadness will be gone, and I’ll find ways to enjoy life again.” Looking down into eyes so like her own, she said, “I want you to promise to do the same. To be young and carefree while you can. To not take on my problems as your own. Can you do that?”

  Tears streamed down her daughter’s pale cheeks, and the sight was agonizing.

  “I can try,” Kaley whispered.

  “Good. That’s good.” Margie opened her arms wider and tried not to wince when Kaley gave her a fierce hug. Tolerating physical affection from her children shouldn’t pose such a serious problem, and she’d be damned if she’d let them see how badly a simpl
e touch affected her.

  She silently counted to ten, trying not to hold her breath. Trying to apply enough pressure to be an active participant in the hug. To be convincing.

  As Kaley pulled back, she gave Margie a wry grin. “You’re going to need to work on your poker face, Mom.”

  Stunned stupid, she stared at her kid.

  Kaley actually snorted a laugh. “If you think I can’t feel the difference, you’re losing it.”

  “Here I thought I should get an Oscar nod for my performances,” Margie quipped. Suddenly, she couldn’t joke about it. “I’m sorry, honey. Please know it isn’t you. Please—”

  “Mom, I get it.” Compassion filled Kaley’s young, beautiful face. “You don’t have to pretend with me, okay? I’d prefer you didn’t. You can keep your secrets, but don’t lie.”

  “I love you very much. That’s the God’s honest truth. It’s the physical part I’m having a difficult time with, but I don’t want to. My deepest wish is to be able to hold you or your brothers without breaking into a cold sweat. To accept my mother’s comfort. To not seem like a cold fish.”

  “To be with Gabriel?” Kaley asked quietly.

  “Please, don’t press me about him.” Margie hated the pleading quality in her own voice. For weeks, she’d been dodging questions from everyone, and she was at her wits’ end.

  “I won’t. I mean, I still don’t understand it. But I won’t.”

  “Thank you.” This time, she was able to clasp Kaley’s hand in hers. She lifted it to drop a kiss on the back then gently tugged her daughter in the direction Scotty and Aaron had scampered down the beach. “Let’s round up your beastly brothers and grab a bite to eat.”

  “Only if you release my hand. It’s not cool to be seen like this with your mom.”

  Margie laughed—honest to goodness laughed—at Kaley’s bored-teenager act. “Thanks for trying to let me save face, but we’re holding hands until I say so.”

  “Or I could race you?”

  Because it was the better option and Margie knew her daughter was trying her best to be helpful, she took her up on it. “Fine. But I’m older than you by a goodly number of years, and I get a head—”

  Kaley fleet-footed it across the sand without a “by your leave” or a “ready, set, go.”

  “Little cheating shit!” Margie hollered, taking off after her mischievous daughter. A giggle floated back to her and made her genuinely laugh a second time.

  “I’m not going to hug you, so get that right out of your head,” Gabriel told Margaret, a small smile forming on his lips. Yeah, it was all for show, but he wanted her to go without guilt or the feeling she was leaving behind a shell of a man.

  She grinned even as the fading daylight caught the sheen of tears she fought to contain. “Of all the times to keep your hugs to yourself… pfft!”

  “I’m selfish that way.” He smacked a hand on the back of the moving van. “Well, this is where my part in your moving adventure ends. It’s best I don’t know where you’re going, so I’m not tempted to show up drunk and hang out on your pool deck.”

  Margie’s white teeth worried her lower lip, and Gabriel was reminded of the first day they met. He wanted to kiss her as badly now as he had that day.

  “Smart,” she agreed.

  “James, Grey, and Gordie have it covered.” Why he was prolonging the goodbye and torturing them both was anyone’s guess.

  She nodded, and even though it was sweltering outside, she rubbed her upper arms. “I have something for you.”

  “Oh?”

  With a gesture toward his porch, she shrugged. “It’s a small gift for all you’ve done.”

  “Margie—”

  “Margaret,” she corrected softly. “You can call me Margaret, Gabriel.”

  His heart pinged. Drawing a ragged breath, he began again. “Margaret, everything I’ve done was because I love you. You’ve made my life brighter for the short time we spent together. Please never think you have to thank me for anything. I should be thanking you.”

  With compressed lips, she nodded. Breaking eye contact was impossible for both of them, it seemed.

  “Ahem.”

  Gabriel smiled wryly as Grey tried to delicately get their attention. “One more sec, man.” Rolling his eyes, he shook his head. “My brothers. You’d think at some point they’d learn it’s bad form to interrupt a poignant moment.”

  Margaret laughed as he hoped she would. With a suddenness that stole his wits, she flung herself against his chest. “You’re wrong, Gabriel. I do need to thank you.”

  Oh, how he wanted to crush her within his embrace, but he curbed his impulse and only touched a hand to her hip as he stroked her hair with the other. “Goodbye, Margaret Holt. You have the best life possible, okay?”

  “You, too.” The breaking of her voice echoed the breaking of his heart.

  The next evening, as he sat on his porch, nursing a lukewarm beer, Gabriel stared at Margaret’s empty house. All the lights were dark, and there was an eerie stillness to the night air. He could pinpoint the exact moment it all went wrong, and he wished like hell he’d been able to prevent it. But he couldn’t reverse time. All he knew was there would be an aching loneliness he’d be unable to ease for the remainder of his days.

  He’d read the letter she left him. More than once. So many times, in fact, he could recall the exact location of each of her teardrop stains and what sentences they enhanced. She’d left him in no doubt that she loved him, but apparently not enough to try. A bitter pill to swallow. For sure he understood her reasons, and it was never a question of diminishing what she’d gone through.

  With Margaret’s strength and Stephen’s counsel, Gabriel had no doubt she’d survive this and recover to the highest degree a victim could. Yet when she was ready to love again or explore a relationship, he wanted to be the one she turned to. Her refusal to let him in, to let him help her so they could both heal together, was destroying him.

  He sipped his beer and grimaced at the taste. Everything was dull and dark, like her house currently was. And like the beer, he wondered if his life would grow flatter with each passing minute.

  Chapter 33

  Four months later…

  The click of heels echoed off the pavement behind him, and believing it might be his dinner companion, Allison Jennings, Gabriel stopped at the entrance to Grey’s restaurant. With his hand on the door, he turned with the beginning of a smile. It froze when his brain registered the sight.

  Margaret and Sammy.

  When the former recognized him, she halted, and her deep sapphire eyes became wary. In those eyes, he witnessed such sadness his heart wept. She glanced between him and Sammy as if trying to determine if they’d set her up.

  Trying to keep his greeting as impersonal as possible, he gave a short nod. “Ladies.” The huskiness in his voice gave away his deeper feelings. He cleared his throat and opened the door for them.

  Before they reached him, Allison arrived.

  “I’m sorry I’m late, Gabe. I was just… oh, sorry!” Her light rush of laughter indicated she sensed the awkwardness around the four of them. “Am I interrupting?”

  “No.” Margie’s forcefulness added to the tension of the moment.

  “No,” Gabriel echoed softly, his gaze locked with Margaret’s. He opened the door wider. “Have a nice evening.”

  Margaret entered first, but Sammy paused and placed a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry. About everything.” She frowned down at where her fingers were touching the bare skin of his forearm. Her mouth opened and closed in one quick motion, and he wondered what she saw because, if he wasn’t mistaken, she’d had a vision.

  But he wouldn’t ask.

  He didn’t want to know how bleak his future was going to be.

  With a shake of her head, she said, “It’s good to see you again, Gabe.”

  “You, too.” He allowed the door to close behind her so he could regain his equilibrium.

  “Are you okay?”<
br />
  Looking into the sympathetic eyes of his future business partner, he gave a self-deprecating smile. “I will be.”

  David Jennings, Allison’s brother, had been Gabriel’s best friend during their college years. For explanation as to why he needed a change, he’d given David a brief rundown of his woes without revealing Margaret’s abduction.

  Now, he was left to wonder if he was a pitiful mess, with his emotions on display for all to see, or if David had told his sister about his angst.

  “Would you rather go somewhere else?” The compassion in her voice was embarrassing for him.

  Gabriel withdrew his man card at the same time he tucked his emotional baggage away. “It’s strictly up to you, but Grey makes the best burgers around. If our negotiation goes well, I imagine I won’t get back here much after I move to Jacksonville. I should take advantage while I still can.”

  “Burgers, it is.”

  They were seated at a table across the room from the Holt sisters, and Gabriel wished his chair faced the opposite direction from the women. If he had to continually stare at Margaret while trying to hammer out his new contract with Allison, he’d probably settle for pennies on the dollar and give Jennings, Jennings, and Norris Law Offices the upper hand regarding his employment.

  Grey approached their table with a bottle of wine and a menu. Beyond his shoulder, Gabriel could see Margaret down her third shot. He shared a concerned look with Sammy. Reminding himself it was no longer his business, he averted his gaze and met his brother’s solemn-eyed stare.

  “While I know my burgers are the best, maybe taking your date elsewhere tonight would be best, Gabe.”

  Rage rippled underneath Gabriel’s skin. Where the hell did his brother get off, reprimanding him in front of a virtual stranger? All for a woman who had rejected him time and time again. All for a woman who had called it quits by confusing him with a serial rapist and murderer. Sure, he’d grown more bitter with time, but he was trying to be a bigger person. Leaving this freaking town in his rearview mirror was the only way forward.