Falling In Love Again

by Marilyn Forsyth

  ‘Gracie glows in the dark? Wow!’

  ‘She’s sparkly and gorgeous and more beautiful than you can even imagine. And what makes her even more special is that she had a baby growing inside her. She’s a miracle.’

  A tired, dreamy smile lifted the corners of his mouth. ‘I bet she’s not as beautiful as you.’

  Gem surprised herself with a laugh—she hadn’t done a lot of that lately—and tousled his blonde hair, her heart suddenly filled to overflowing. ‘Let’s wait and see what I look like in a hundred million years.’

  Her little boy guffawed. ‘Don’t be silly, Mummy.’

  She laughed again and pulled his floppy little body close. If anything was a miracle it was this little boy and his ability to be so loving in spite of the hostile environment he’d been raised in. And she’d made him. She and Jamie, the man she’d loved—the man she still loved—had given life to the best thing that had ever happened to her.

  A wave of guilt immediately swamped her. In every phone call after her return home , Jamie had brought up his need to become a part of Drew’s life. The pressure had taken its toll and after a week of it, she’d had to ask him to stop calling. She knew it had hurt him, but she needed time to sort things out. They hadn’t spoken since.

  The thing was, she wanted Jamie in Drew’s life too, desperately, but until she was convinced in her own mind that it was the right thing for her son, she couldn’t commit to it. Jamie would have to be in Sydney sometime in the near future to oversee the installation of Gracie in the museum and, while the circumstances were yet to be discussed and agreed upon, she’d ensure he’d meet Drew. But the absent-father problem remained, an insurmountable complication unless one of them acceded to a concession that neither of them was willing to make.

  Drew snuggled against her chest. ‘I’m gonna go digging and find a dinosaur for you one day,’ he solemnly assured her, before a wide yawn escaped. Then he added, ‘Like that man Jamie you told me about. The one who found Gracie.’

  Her stomach curled in on itself. Had her son been reading her mind?

  She sucked back a sob as she cradled her own little treasure in her arms. His full name is James Andrew Coltrane, she wanted to say to him. He’s your real father and I named you after his middle name, she longed to tell him. But she couldn’t. Not yet. Maybe not for a long time; at least not until he was older.

  As difficult as it was to return her baby’s smile, she managed. ‘You know, if you set your mind to it, and if it’s true that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, you may well do that one day.’ Somehow she stopped her voice from breaking.

  ‘Are you okay, Mummy?’ he asked, his expression clouding over. ‘You look sad.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ she lied.

  ‘Okay. Nigh-night, Mummy,’ he said sleepily, nestling down into his pillow. ‘I love you.’

  She kissed the top of his head as she turned off the bedside light. ‘Sweet dreams, my darling. I love you, too.’ More than you’ll ever know.

  She crept out, leaving the door open for the light from the hallway to penetrate the room. Drew was afraid of the dark. He still had nightmares every so often; a huge improvement from their nightly occurrence when they’d lived with Roger, but a worry, nonetheless. And these days she didn’t have the heart to send him back to his own bed once he found his way to her for comfort. She loved to watch him sleep and to listen to his quiet breathing. Loved to feel the warmth of his little body next to hers.

  Was she wrong to deny Jamie those same loving pleasures in order to protect herself from possible hurt and her son from learning too abruptly the truth about his life?

  The counsellor had helped her to recognise a troubling pattern in her life; a fear of allowing anyone close which always led to her pushing them away. That was probably why she had so few real friends. The subtly phrased opinion of the counsellor was that, even though Gemma believed she’d moved on since Roger had left the country and no longer figured in their lives, she continued to think like a victim.

  She was still preparing for the storm by unconsciously subverting any chance at a real relationship with her baby’s father.

  It was all very well to have an explanation but, sadly, it didn’t provide any solutions.

  Leaning against the wall, she expelled a sigh that resounded so loudly in the quiet of the hallway that it had to have come from the depths of the despair she’d sunk into since Jamie’s phone calls had, on her own insistence, stopped. Why did it all have to be so damn hard? What was going to happen to them—to her, to Jamie, to Drew? How were they going to work this out?

  She was a sensible, level-headed woman—a scientist, for crying out loud!—but right about now she’d be prepared to sacrifice whatever it took in order to convince herself of the credibility of wishing on a star.

  Or of being crazy enough to believe in dreams coming true.

  * * *

  ‘You’re sending me out to Jenolan Caves again?’ Gemma stood in front of her boss’s desk, covering her disappointment at the directive with a hesitant smile. ‘But why? I know work’s been started on Gracie’s gallery. I expected I’d be assisting with it.’

  ‘No, you won’t be required,’ Angela replied, busying herself by placing already neatly arranged papers into even neater piles, clearly deliberately avoiding Gemma’s gaze. ‘Sorry,’ she added with a sideways glance over the top of her glasses.

  ‘Look, Ange, I know it was unfair of me to have left you to deal with Jamie regarding the details of Gracie’s sale, but the issues he and I had at the time made it awkward. Please take into account that I had a lot to do with securing that fossil for the museum, even though I didn’t get the grant.’

  Her boss heaved a sympathetic sigh. ‘I know you did, and I did all I could to help with that, but the board had made their decision before you even arrived back.’

  ‘Yeah, well, I was disappointed initially. I’d convinced myself it was what I wanted. What I needed. But looking back, I think maybe I wanted to win it more for validation than because it was a good career move. To prove to Roger that I wasn’t the stupid, useless person he’d made me believe I was.’

  Angela pointed a finger at her. ‘You have nothing to prove to that jerk!’

  ‘You’re right, I don’t. The only person I have to impress, it seems, is you.’ She flashed her boss a pleading look. ‘Come on, Ange. I’d really like to be there while Gracie’s being installed.’

  ‘If it was up to me, you would be.’

  Gemma sifted through the other woman’s words, trying to make sense of them. ‘Then who’s stopping me?’

  Her boss’s face took on the uneasy expression of someone about to deliver unpalatable information. She was searching for a way to avoid the question, Gemma could tell from the long silence, but finally she spoke. ‘It’s Jamie, I’m afraid, hon. When we signed the contract for Gracie’s sale he stipulated that you were not to be involved in putting the gallery together.’

  A chill rippled through her body and her flesh erupted in goose bumps.

  ‘There has to be a misunderstanding,’ she said with a disbelieving laugh.

  ‘Like I said, I’m sorry. My hands are tied.’ The other woman gave a helpless shrug, the misery in her grey eyes making Gemma want to hug her friend, tell her she didn’t hold her accountable.

  ‘I have to get this sorted,’ she said, trying to grasp onto some tiny shred of dignity, but finding it impossible to keep the tremor from her voice. ‘See I, didn’t mean to hurt Jamie but his phone calls were taking too much out of me. I had to ask him to stop. I need to explain that to him. When does he fly in from Rainbow Cliffs?’

  ‘Oh, Gem.’ There was a long pause, more uncomfortable silence. ‘He arrived about three weeks ago.’

  What?

  She collapsed into the leather chair opposite her boss, unprepared for the wave of black pain that washed over her, its turbulence taking her legs from beneath her. ‘He’s been here for nearly a month and he hasn’t contacted
me? Contacted us?’ The rawness as she worked to suppress her churning emotions tore at her throat.

  ‘I’m sure he has his reasons. I’ll speak to him. I’ll—’

  ‘He’s here now?’ she asked, a sense of foreboding chilling her to the bone.

  ‘He’s ... ’ From the way Angela’s gaze shifted, she had her answer.

  Gemma was tired of evasions. ‘Where is he?’ she demanded.

  ‘Upstairs, working on the gallery.’

  ‘Please let me speak to him.’

  ‘He’s asked not to be disturbed.’

  ‘What’s going on, Ange?’

  ‘This is hard for me.’ The sagging shoulders and downturned mouth revealed the truth of her boss’s feelings. ‘Jamie doesn’t ... ’ She paused, gathering courage with an indrawn breath, and started again. ‘I’m so sorry, hon, but he doesn’t want to see you. At least for the time being.’

  ‘His exact words?’ she asked, unsure she wanted to hear the answer.

  With a mournful look over the fingers she clasped in front of her face, her friend nodded.

  Gemma put a hand to her reeling head. Jamie had finally given up on her, then. On her, and on Drew. God knows she’d given him little enough encouragement to persevere with their relationship, making demands that she knew he couldn’t fulfil, remaining unwilling to even discuss any compromise, prevaricating over details of when and where he could meet his son.

  This was precisely the self-sabotage the counsellor had warned her about.

  And it had worked for her.

  The unutterably sad thing was that she now realised she hadn’t wanted it to work at all. What she wanted was for Jamie to fight for her. To fight for their son. To prove his love and his commitment in a way he hadn’t been capable of proving to her in the past—by persevering when things got tough, by not wavering in making her and their son his first priority.

  But that was something Jamie had to come to realise for himself. Obviously she’d made it all too hard for him, and now it was too late to undo the damage. Heart splintering into tiny, irrecoverable pieces, she turned and left the room.

  Chapter 25

  Jamie cast his eye around the crowded room, feeling proud enough to burst, and unable to control the smile that threatened to make his jaw ache if he couldn’t soon tone it down a notch. Not that he minded. The grand opening of this sectioned-off part of the gallery was going even better than he could’ve hoped. He and the team the museum had assigned to him had spent twelve gruelling hours a day over the last month to pull it together, and tonight was the pay-off.

  Invited guests included federal and state ministers, members of the Museum Australasia board and representatives from the Ministry of the Arts, all mingling and chatting among the free-standing skeletons that made up the existing gallery.

  Harry and Lou were here, of course. And there, at the front of the room, on an elevated platform, stood Gracie in her brand-new display case, still under wraps until the unveiling. His discovery, freed by him from her sleep deep beneath the earth and now preserved for posterity, a miracle to stir the hearts of all who’d see her. It was a magic night.

  Only two things were missing: Gem and Drew. He lost the smile and swallowed around the sudden thickness blocking his throat. She’d responded with a late RSVP to the grand opening on behalf of herself and Drew. Surely she wouldn’t be a no-show?

  But what would he say to her when he saw her? Did she blame him for her not winning that grant she’d wanted so desperately?

  He’d taken a big risk in deciding not to contact her when he got to Sydney; an even bigger risk in insisting that she not be involved in helping set up the gallery. But he had his reasons. Reasons that would become obvious as the night wore on.

  From where he stood on the step leading up to the platform, his eyes fell on his father and Lou. The two of them had been wandering around, hand in hand and looking as pleased as punch to be here. All of a sudden Harry’s face broke into an even wider grin. Jamie followed his father’s line of sight and the hairs on the back of his neck lifted.

  There they were. The woman who held his heart and the son he hadn’t yet met. A rush of pure love suffused his chest, even as a tingle skittered up his spine and his stomach flipped over on itself. Hope. Excitement. Trepidation. You name it, he felt it.

  What if Drew took one look at him and didn’t like what he saw? And how would Gem react to seeing him, knowing he’d asked Angela to keep her at bay until the exhibit was up? The uncertainty was brain-draining.

  He watched them greet each other; all smiles and obviously excited to see one another again. Gem looked nothing short of sensational in high heels and a cornflower-blue dress that matched her eyes. Thankfully she hadn’t reverted to the old habit of pulling her hair back from her face; it fell about her shoulders in a beautiful blonde cascade he’d love to run his hands through. Drew wore black pants with a collared white shirt. He’d seen photos of him, of course, but to see his little boy for the first time in real life was a revelation and he realised his eyes were welling with happy tears—his son was the spitting image of Gem.

  Harry and Lou took turns to shake Drew’s hand while Gem chuckled at something Harry said, her bright giggle tinkling like the rush of water over rocks. Then, as if aware of his studying her, she looked up and her laughing eyes caught his. The angle of her chin automatically tipped and, as swiftly as it had come, her smile disappeared.

  Aware he was entering dangerous territory but knowing he had to take the risk, Jamie steeled himself, fiddling nervously with the cuffs of his rented black suit as he made his way over. The thrill of anticipation at finally meeting his son had his heart thudding in his chest, beating so hard and fast he could hardly breathe.

  Gem’s special rose scent slammed into his senses as he leaned towards her to give a friendly double-cheek kiss. ‘Glad you could make it.’

  They stood for a moment, staring at each other. The vulnerability in the eyes she turned on him made him want to take her into his arms, pull her to his chest and assure her he’d be taking this slowly. But that would defeat the purpose—moving too fast, too soon—so all he could do was try to speak to her through silent smiles of reassurance.

  ‘And who have we here?’ he asked, hiking up his trousers then hunkering down to match Drew’s height.

  He glanced up at Gem. The effort it took for her to draw herself under control was unmistakable, but she rose to the challenge. ‘Jamie, this is my son, Drew.’ There was pride and so much love in her voice.

  ‘Hello there, young fella. Nice to meet you.’ Jamie stuck out a hand.

  Drew’s face lit up as he put his little hand in Jamie’s. ‘Are you Jamie who found the pleasie?’

  ‘The plesiosaur? I sure am. Your mum tells me you’re into dinosaurs, is that right?’

  ‘Uh huh, but Gracie’s not a dinosaur, you know.’ His son’s sudden seriousness brought a smile to Jamie’s lips.

  ‘Yeah, actually, I did know that.’

  ‘Mummy said I’ll be seeing her tonight.’ His little boy’s dark eyes danced with excitement. ‘I can’t wait!’

  ‘Won’t be long now. I’ll make sure you get up close and personal with her, okay?’

  ‘Okay!’

  Jamie did his best not to let his grin overwhelm him as he stood up. His son was ... gorgeous, a sweet and engaging little boy with dark-blue eyes the same colour as his own, and he couldn’t have wished for a more instant connection. Had Gem seen it, too? Her smile offered all the confirmation he needed and his heart soared.

  ‘Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention, please?’ The piped music faded and the noise-filled room quietened as Angela’s voice boomed through the microphone. Her speech covering Gracie’s discovery and its importance to the museum was well received by the standing crowd. She finished with, ‘Now let me introduce the man who made tonight possible. James Coltrane.’

  Jamie smiled around at the people he loved most in the world before making his way to the
front, pulling the sheet of paper with his speech from his jacket pocket as he went.

  He adjusted the mike before speaking. ‘Thank you, Angela. And thanks, everyone, for coming tonight. I’m a boy from the bush so I’m going to make this short and sweet.’ Polite laughter echoed through the room.

  ‘Finding Gracie has been a highlight of my life and I am so proud to be able to share her with the rest of the world. I hate to admit it, but it wasn’t always my intention to do that. There are a couple of people in particular who need to be thanked for helping me to see the error of my ways.’ He paused to drag in a calming breath.

  ‘One is Harry Coltrane, my dad, who gives the best advice of any father I know, even if I haven’t always followed it.’ More polite laughter. ‘The other is Gemma Stephens. Without Gem’s encouragement, and hard-headedness—’ He stopped and peered at his sheet, ‘—sorry, that should read determination—well, we wouldn’t be standing here celebrating tonight.’ He looked up to see Harry and Gem exchange smiles.

  ‘That leaves only one thing to do. Would the young fella over there,’ he gestured towards Drew, ‘like to come up and help me uncover this treasure?’

  Drew looked hesitantly up at his mother. She calmly took hold of his hand, and as she walked him forward and up the step onto the platform, his grin took over his entire little face.

  ‘He’s never going to forget this,’ she whispered, touching Jamie’s arm as she passed her son to him. ‘Neither will I. Thank you.’ She returned to the front and stood staring up at them, her luscious lips curved into a huge smile.

  ‘Ready?’ he asked Drew. His son nodded so vigorously it looked like his head was about to come off. Jamie took one corner of the blue velvet cover and handed the other to Drew. ‘One. Two. Three.’

  Together they whipped the material into the air, exposing Gracie in all her dazzling glory. Her individual bones had been wired together to enable suspension in the upright case so that she could be viewed from all sides. Inbuilt lighting at just the right angle set an iridescent rainbow of brilliant colour leaping to the surface of each and every bone. She was spectacular.