Dearest Cowboys Box Set

by Mia Brown

  “For about a year. The kids get on well with me, but I thought it might be nice for them to get to know a real life cowboy. A lot of them have been in the hospital for a very long time, so they haven’t seen a lot of the world. The only cowboys they know are from the TV screens that they have in there. I hope you don’t mind.”

  He grabbed the cowboy hat that never seemed to be on his head and tipped it at me. “I don’t mind, Ma’am.”

  “Oh good.” I breathed out with relief. “Because they will love the tales of you bull riding…”

  “And the press are going to be there, to take pictures of us doing this.”

  Shit, this was the moment that I had been dreading, the question I hoped we could just side skip. “Er, well…”

  “They aren’t coming?” He cocked a curious eyebrow at me. “I thought this was a photo op.”

  “Well, it was…” I admitted. “That was my original plan to help you look nicer.” I shifted awkwardly, wondering how much of a row this was going to create. “I was going to call all the local media, but… well, at the last minute I kind of decided against it. I didn’t like the idea of using kids, and sick kids at that, to help us.”

  It started as a nightmare of all the kids that I had been working with for a year hating my guts as they became basically pawns in my chess game to make it to the top. In the dream, I tried to tell them that I was going to put the finances back in to the hospital as soon as I made it big, but they didn’t care. I hurt them. I knew that the dream was my conscious warning me against this. I could manipulate the press a bit, but not that much.

  I dared to dart my eyes over to the other side of the care as I made my revelation to see Alex staring pointedly out of the window. I could tell that he was mad, this had all been a massive waste of time for him. I wasn’t sure that he would even let me make it up to him because I had pissed him off so much.

  Sadness weighed down hard on me, I didn’t like upsetting Alex. His upbeat charisma vanished when he was mad, and I hated being the one to blame for it going. I so desperately wished that I could find the words to bring him back to me. To have him shoot that delicious smile that won the world over in my direction.

  “I… I’m sorry,” I tried. “I didn’t mean for this to be something to annoy you.”

  “Annoy me?” He beamed, the mood in the car completely changing, nearly knocking me from my seat. “This doesn’t annoy me. You know, I might seem like a cocky asshole to you, and to be honest, I might act like one most of the time, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have time for other people. I want to give back as well, you know?”

  “Oh… right… I just thought that you would like it because it isn’t a media opportunity.”

  “Sick kids who need entertainment and want to meet a real life cowboy are far more important than some pictures of me featuring in the press. If I can make some one happy, especially if they are facing difficulties, then I will do it. I will put on a little show for the rug rats and make sure that they have the best time.”

  “You will?” My ice cold blood returned to warm as I could see how much he meant it. “Thank you, that means so much. I promise you, the kids will have an amazing time even if you just turn up for an hour…”

  “I can give more than an hour of my time, of course I can. But you have to make a promise to me?”

  Uh oh. My brain immediately began to picture all of the things that he could have asked of me. Things about myself that I wasn’t willing to give up right now. I wasn’t sure why my mind instantly went there, probably because this was the most time I’d spent alone with a guy so it was natural, I suppose, but it did.

  “Y… yes,” I stammered, unable to hide my awkwardness. “What do you want me to promise?”

  “You don’t have to sound quite so nervous,” he chuckled. “I just want you to give up some of your time as well. We can go and spend some time at the children’s hospital in Wyoming as well. I bet they have the same issue.”

  I nodded eagerly, more than happy to do that. I was also over the moon that I had not only encouraged Alex to come with me today even if it wasn’t for photographs, but also to think about the sick kids near his home as well. This was one hell of a turn around and it stirred up all kinds of positive, warm, and happy feelings for this man.

  Yep, he definitely wasn’t what the world thought of him. I wasn’t even sure if he was what he thought he was. There was a wonderfully good side to him which if everyone knew about, they would all see that he was even more handsome than he appeared on the outside. His inner beauty made him even more incredible to look at. The more layers that I peeled back, the more of him I wanted to see.

  Thirteen

  Alex (early evening)

  “So, the bull bucked me off his back and I hit the ground hard!” I cried out while putting on a little performance to show the kids just how bad it was. They all cheered, loving every second of it. “Oh, you like that, huh?” I laughed. “Well, how do you think that I felt as my body smashed against the ground?”

  “You must have liked it because you got back on.”

  “Now, Ben, that is a logic I can not argue with.” I tipped my hat t the young boy. “I got back on every single day and now thy think I might win the world championships. How exciting is that?”

  They all cheered, the ones who could, jumping up and pumping their fists in to the air, I bet one of them had ever seen a rodeo before, but perhaps my visit today would inspire them to follow my journey. It would be good to know that I was having a positive impact on kids who needed it. It would really keep me going.

  “Will you come back and see us if you win? Show us your medal?”

  “I will have a trophy as well, so of course I will! I’ll show you with pride. Should I come back if I lose?”

  The kids were mixed, half of them screaming yes, the others shaking their heads no which made me chuckle. I wasn’t about to be offended by anything these little darlin’s said. They were so sweet, so full of life despite their conditions. I now completely understood why Emily held these kids in her heart and why she wanted to help them so much. I also got why she decided against the press in the end. These children had enough going on without being used in the background for some cynical media thing. I wanted to properly spend time with the kids anyway, not be worried about having my picture taken from a million different angles or whatever. That would taint this day.

  “Chad liked cowboys,” one of the quieter girls suddenly piped up. “He was always watching that cowboy mouse on the TV, do you remember? He would have liked to meet you, Alex.”

  “Where is he?” I piped up without thinking. “I could go to his house and see him while I’m here in Chicago…”

  She shook her head sadly. “You can’t go to his house. He lives in Heaven now.”

  I deflated like a damn balloon, these words crushing me. It was easy to get carried away, having a good laugh with the children, but there was a stark reality that not all of these children would live. I should have known that better than anyone. Not everyone got to live to a decent age, to ever really experience anything. Some people were stolen from the planet while they were all too innocent, and it wasn’t fair. My childhood taught me that lesson, but I guess I got wrapped up in myself and everything that was going on, so I forgot about it.

  “Candy, anyone?” Emily suddenly piped up at exactly the right moment, sensing the sudden shift in my mood.

  I was eternally grateful to her as the kids moved their focus over to her and they took the candy. I didn’t want my morose mood to get in the way. Whatever was going on here had nothing to do with my past and I had to remember that. This was here, this was now, these children were enjoying having me around, so I had to stay in the present.

  “Shall we have a story?” Emily continued. “I found a cool book here about a cowboy…”

  As the kids all cheered, I sent Emily a warm smile. I could tell that she was worried about me and she was bound t want to know what was going on, why I
went weird then at the mention of this poor Chad child who I didn’t even know, but that wasn’t a conversation to come easily to me. I wasn’t sure it would happen unless I felt totally comfortable. Emily was a warm and loving presence, but the truth of what we were complicated things.

  The children spread around her feet and listened intensely as she read the tale in a captivating manner, really becoming the characters as she spoke in their voices, and all I could do was watch quietly as well. I became utterly mesmerized by her face, her words, her mannerisms, in a way that I hadn’t with anyone before. I started to think about her, but in a slightly different way. The attraction in this fantasy was as romantic as it was sexy. The kisses soft and sweet, and her touch gentle as she grazed over me. I imagined her feeling just right in my arms for real.

  It would be different if it were for real as well, I just knew it. We would be able to tell. Actually, it would probably be too much for either of us to handle which was why we couldn’t ever cross that line. Even if we wanted to.

  Of course, I wasn’t going to start getting too sucked in to this, thinking I had feelings or anything, I was just pensive and thoughtful, that was all. I was sure it would be impossible to come in to an environment like this and not get a little choked up anyway, unless you had a lump of coal for a heart. When I put my past in to the mix, it just made it that much harder to get my head around. If I wasn’t careful, tears would start coming in a moment. If those flood gates opened, I would be a real wrench to damn well close them again.

  But I needed to shake that off, to get my head back to today because the kids were having fun with the loud, funny cowboy Alex who threw himself around the room purely for their amusement. That was who I needed to be again.

  * * *

  The car ride back to Emily’s apartment was a silent one. I had so many questions that I wanted to ask her, I wanted to get to know about her life here since it seemed most of her existence was in Chicago, but I couldn’t work up the energy to do so. All I wanted to do was lean my head back and think about nothing for a change.

  “Is everything okay?” Emily finally asked me quietly, breaking the peace. But it wasn’t unwelcome. I didn’t mind talking to her about anything really. Well, aside from this but I could blow passed it.

  “It’s made me think,” I commented vaguely. “Seeing those kids today has made me realize just how lucky I am. You know, I have my health, my success… I really don’t have anything to moan about.”

  I felt Emily give me a side eyed glance like she wasn’t totally sure whether to believe me or not, but she didn’t push it. Her intuition seemed to tell her to leave well alone what I didn’t want to discuss.

  “No, those kids do have a lot to complain about and the don’t really. They are an inspiration to us all. That’s why I like going to see them so much, to give them a little of the joy they give me.”

  “They did make me smile.” Even then a small grin appeared on my lips. “All of them.”

  Well, until they started talking about death and I was given a stark reminder that not everything lasted forever. I had my blinkers on a lot of the time focusing on what I wanted to, ignoring what I didn’t. But that didn’t make it go away. It was always there in my peripheral vision reminding me that nothing would ever be perfect.

  “Did you want to go out to eat?” she asked, desperately trying to pull me back so she didn’t lose me again.

  “Yes.” I nodded automatically before realizing that I really didn’t have to put on that front. Not for Emily. If we were going to have six months of pretending to be together then I could just damn well let the façade down already. “Actually, no. Do you mind if we just get a take out? I’m not really in the mood to be out.”

  “Oh sure. A take out sounds good. If you’re sure?”

  “I’m sure. I just want a night of chilling out with you.”

  As her eyes fixed firmly on me again, I couldn’t help but wonder if that was the wrong thing to say. It sounded way too much like I liked her, which wasn’t going to help us out. It wasn’t real, we were just friends… not even that. Just helping each other out along the way. I couldn’t start thinking of her in any kind of sexual way again…

  Even if she did look like a damn angel in that white outfit of hers. Honestly, was she trying to torture me by wearing a pure colored summer dress which barely skimmed her thighs? It was damn torture.

  “What are you looking at?” She turned to look at me, her curious eyes causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. I had the weird sense that she was staring right in to my soul. “You have a funny look on your face.”

  “I was just looking at you.” I figured that I might as well be honest. “You look lovely today?”

  A pinkness tinged her skin, creeping up through all of her body. I couldn’t help it, it did make me feel a lot better to see myself having that effect on her. To know that I could make her all hot and bothered.

  “Oh, right… erm, in this old thing?” She let out a sound that I presume was supposed to be a laugh, but it was far too strangled and bothered. “I just chucked it on this morning, I didn’t even think about what I was doing.”

  “Well, you look fantastic.” I almost reached out and brushed her leg, just to distract myself and toy with her a little bit more, but I had to really restrain myself, so I didn’t. She wasn’t a toy or a fling. She was Emily.

  “So, what do you think of the city anyway? You like it here, Alex?” She changed the subject sharpish, probably because she couldn’t handle any more of the little comments I kept tossing her way.

  “I don’t know. I don’t think it’s for me.” I stared out the window. “It’s too big and busy, tall and gray. There isn’t enough green, and I can’t get a good look at the sky. I’m not used to it at all. I don’t know how you do it either. You’re a country bumpkin at heart, just like me. Do you not miss all the green?”

  I can immediately tell that she does, it was written all over her face but probably hard to admit. I could understand that. She had dreams of modeling that pretty much came with the big city life. But she would never be able to get rid of the country girl inside of her. That was the part of her I really connected to, I felt an affinity with.

  “I don’t know,” she finally replied, sounding unsure. “I guess so, in a lot of ways, but there are a lot of good points about living in the city as well. Such as take out no matter what time you want it. And the shopping…”

  I gave her a knowing look, silencing her. Emil was much deeper than the girl who based herself purely on shopping and we both knew it. I wanted to get to know more of her, to see those deeper levels, to remind her of who she was.

  Silently, it became a mission for me. To peel back her layers, to really see Emily Mason.

  Fourteen

  Emily (evening)

  After the last take out box was emptied, I gave Alex an intense look. He’d been acting strange all afternoon and I had a funny feeling that wasn’t totally to do with his out right dislike of the city. But I wasn’t sure that we really knew one another enough for me to delve deep in to that. Our relationship was a little strange.

  “I’m surprised that you came actually. Even more that you stayed when you realized that I… well, not tricked you exactly because I did intend to call the media in the first place, but it didn’t exactly work out like that.”

  “You think I’m that much of an asshole that I don’t care about the sick kids?”

  I couldn’t tell from his tone whether he was mad or not. “No, I didn’t mean it like that…”

  “Because I do have a heart. I do feel things just like everyone else. I can care.”

  I rested a hand reassuringly on his shoulder for a moment before snatching it away. I got a weird buzzing feeling on the area of my skin where I rested against him. It felt complicated and strange.

  “I’m sorry. I know that. I saw it today, Alex. I didn’t mean it that way. I just thought that you’d be mad.”

  He huffe
d loudly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you then. I am just sick of being perceived as a bad guy. I know that we’re working to change it, but I’m a little worried that the mud will always stick.”

  “Perception verses reality really sucks. I hate the way that I’m seen just because I would rather spend my time volunteering with the kids than hitting up stupid parties with drugs, sex, and alcohol galore.”

  “So, you aren’t a party girl then?” he laughed. “I will never get to see you wasted drunk.”

  I smirked and shrugged. “I don’t know. Never say never, but it isn’t a regular thing. I see it a lot in the modeling world and I don’t think that life style is good for appearance or mental state. Sleep is much better. Sleep and focus… but apparently, these days that isn’t enough. Hence why I need to get myself an edge.”

  Alex’s lips turned up at the corners as he remembered that he wasn’t alone in his plight to change how the world saw him. “Trying to get out of the mold that the world has fit us in. What a load of fun.”

  “Why do we all need to fit in to a certain role? Just to make other people happy?”

  “I think so.” He nodded. “They want a stereotype so they can put us in a box and ‘know’ us without really knowing us. I guess people are just generally lazy and that’s the best way to handle it.”

  “It’s sad, isn’t it? I don’t like it at all. I just want to be me. I want to model and not have to change my values.”

  “Yeah, and I want to be able to just be me without worrying about being watched.”

  We smiled at one another, a real bond growing between us. Despite being to completely different on the outside, we shared a lot in common. That was something that neither of us would have learned had our paths not crossed. Perhaps we were brought in to one another’s lives for a reason, to learn that lesson. After all, we couldn’t criticize other people for judging a book by its cover if we did the same thing without even thinking about it.