Dearest Cowboys Box Set

by Mia Brown

  “You might be a bit richer now,” Jeff declared, holding up the bottle of beer I’d brought him. “But this stuff sucks. I would expect so much better from you. I want something even better when you win.”

  “Sorry, I admit I just picked it up because it had a good price tag. I didn’t try it first. Won’t happen again.”

  “Well, you knew that you were coming home, Alex, this is no excuse. This beer is worse than the local stuff.”

  I laughed and nodded, agreeing with him. I shouldn’t have tried to keep my promise of better beer at the last minute, but to be fair I didn’t know that I was coming back to Wyoming for a couple of days. Up until yesterday, I was going to be in Chicago with Emily, but then she got a last minute opportunity and had to leave.

  “So, just you again, I notice,” Jeff commented. “Where is that beautiful girlfriend of yours?”

  “She’s on a modeling shoot on the San Juan Islands in Washington. A really good one.”

  “Wow, I can’t even imagine what it must be like, dating a model.” Jeff shook his head with a small smile playing on his lips. “All that beauty and the world needing to see it. It must be wonderful and terrible all at once.”

  “Why would it be terrible? She’s gorgeous, why shouldn’t the rest of the world see? It isn’t like she’s doing any naked lad’s mag stuff. It’s all really classy shots. I mean, have you seen any of her work?”

  “Oh yeah, me and Kenzie have been through it all. She’s fantastic. Really good. I just… I don’t know, if I’m honest, I would have thought that you’d be all jealous about it. This is your first real girlfriend and the whole world knows how beautiful she is. I just thought that you would be losing your mind.”

  I couldn’t help but wonder where this strange reputation had come from. Why would he assume that of me? I suppose I had always been a bit hot headed, but still… The reason I wasn’t jealous was because none of it was real. Or because I trusted her, so it really didn’t matter, she never gave me a reason to be jealous.

  God, why did this whole thing have to be so damn confusing? I was already missing Emily, wishing that I could have been with her instead of here, I didn’t need Jeff to make it more complicated.

  “Well, I’m not, Jeff. I’m just proud of her. No one works harder than Emily does. She’s shown me that modeling is so much more than having a pretty face. It’s hard! Plus, she does all her volunteering as well…”

  “Hmm, which she has dragged you along to as well. I never would have seen it. You, picking up trash…”

  “Hey, that isn’t all that I’ve done. There’s been more you know. And I like helping out…”

  “Alex Fancy? The play boy who doesn’t usually get out of bed before noon helping people? Yeah, sure.”

  I rolled my eyes and snorted with derision. “You have totally the wrong idea of me, Jeff.”

  Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…

  “Saved by the bell,” I chuckled while grabbing my cell phone. “I better take this Could be important.”

  I headed out the door in to the back yard for a bit of peace before I answered. I used my most official tone of voice because I didn’t recognize the number and I wasn’t sure if it was going to be career related.

  “Hello there, Alex Fancy. This is Bill Norris, an official from the bull riding association.”

  “Ah, right. Hello…” I felt like I should say more but I wasn’t sure what words I needed.

  “I am just calling to let you officially know that you have been selected for the world championships.”

  The world stopped spinning for just a minute, but in the best way possible. This was the news that I had been waiting for, that I had been pinning everything on, and now it was here, and it was everything I wanted.

  “I’m in?” I gushed, unable to shove down my excitement. “For real? I’m in? Like, the world championships?”

  “You’re a finalist, I’m pleased to tell you. So, you’ll need to be in Las Vegas in early November.”

  A lot more was said, but I barely heard any of it. All I could think about was kicking ass out there in Vegas, giving me everything that I had in me. That would be my last shot, my one chance to really make a difference to my life this year. People were talking about me right now, but they’d forget me if I didn’t win, which just wasn’t an option.

  This was it, everything that I’d been working towards forever was coming to a head. In November, my life was going to change for the better. I would make sure of it. I was going to make the world know my name.

  As I headed back inside with my cell phone still clutched between my fingers, I immediately scrolled down to Emily’s name in my phone book. I needed to call her, to share this news with her right away, I couldn’t wait to hear how excited she was for me. She would get it more than anyone else in the world…

  Wait. I stopped myself just before I hit that dial button. Emily is on a photo shoot. She can’t answer.

  Why the hell did I need to tell her straight away anyway. I was at home with Jeff who had known about my dream for longer than Emily anyway, so why couldn’t I share it with him? Emily wasn’t really my girlfriend, so I could just act like a normal person and tell her when I saw her next. I needed to get a grip here.

  “You okay, buddy?” Jeff asked with concern. “Was that bad news or something?”

  “Bad news?” What the hell was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I follow?

  “You went outside on the cell phone and came back in looking like you have seen a ghost.”

  Oh! All of a sudden, I clicked. “Oh no, it was good news actually. I am in the world championships.”

  “You are! That’s fucking incredible news. I’m really happy for you… so why don’t you look happy?”

  “Er…” Shit, I needed to get myself together. “I’m just in shock, that’s all. It’s a surprise.”

  “Is it? I thought that you were on top at the moment. Why would it be a surprise?”

  I shrugged. “Anyway, I was thinking that we should call in a pizza, to celebrate.”

  “Call in?” Jeff rolled his eyes and grabbed his own phone. “No one calls anymore You have an app for it. Honestly, buddy, have you gotten so big for your boots that you don’t know how to get food anymore.”

  “I’m not a celebrity, Jeff. Don’t be so crazy. But no, I don’t have any apps on my phone for it.”

  “I’ll do it then. You probably don’t even eat pizza anymore now you’re with a model. Only salad.”

  “Emily isn’t like that. She eats everything, she just has an incredible figure, that’s all.”

  Jeff finished placing the order then cocked his head to one side curiously. “She really is under your skin, isn’t she? I’m starting to think that Kenzie knew more about it that I wanted to believe.”

  “What are you talking about? Just because Emily eats pizza, she’s under my skin?”

  “It isn’t what you say about her, it’s the way you look when you talk about her. You look different to how you normally do when you talk about anyone. It has to be love, doesn’t it? What else can it be?”

  His words struck me even harder than Kenzie’s… perhaps because I didn’t expect it from him. Just because I was a little confused about the way that I felt, didn’t make it love, Jeff was just winding me up.

  “It wouldn’t surprise me if there is a ring in your future you know.”

  “What like an engagement ring? Now you really have lost your mind. I’m the same guy who doesn’t do long term commitment, Jeff. Sure, me and Emily have a good thing going on right now, but I don’t expect it to last forever.”

  “Then you must be the only one because everyone else has seen a difference in you.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about, Jeff?” He was stepping on dangerous territory, starting to piss me off.

  “The cockiness, the arrogance, the ‘I don’t give a fuck about anyone other than myself’… it’s all gone.”

  “Only to get better sponsorship de
als, nothing more than that. You’re reading too much in to it.”

  I was getting a little too close to the truth, but I felt like I needed to. Just to shut him the hell up.

  “Nah, I know you, Alex, and you can try and pretend, but I see what’s really going on.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that. Was he telling me that he knew the relationship was fake? Or that my feelings were really real? Or was I the one reading too much in to it now. Perhaps he meant nothing of the sort.

  “Yeah well, I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I don’t have a clue, I’m just… seeing what’s happening.”

  “We all are. Watching on tenterhooks to see how this pans out. It’s very exciting you know.”

  “Will you shut it? You’re such an asshole, Jeff. Remind me to give you the same shit if you ever find a girl who’s willing to let you be in their lives for longer than one night. Not that I can see that happening any time soon.”

  He laughed good naturedly, taking no offence. “Sure, you give me all the shit you want, especially if she is a model. Christ, if I land a girl like Emily, then I won’t care what anyone says to me.”

  He was right actually. Emily was so incredible that I wouldn’t give a shit what anyone else said either… if it were real. But it wasn’t, and I needed to get used to the soul crushing idea that the break up would come soon. The world championships would be bitter sweet, because the win would also mean the end of us. I mean, we hadn’t discussed it since that first conversation, but we agreed six months. We both needed something from the relationship and that was all that we cared about at the time. I wasn’t sure where the hell we stood now. If that had changed for both of us or just me. Because if it was up to me then she would always be in my life.

  “You know, if you are going to ask this girl to marry you, then I’d wait until after the win.”

  “Yeah, you would?” I asked curiously. “Why? To make it more exciting or something?”

  “Because if you get her a ring as shitty as this beer is… you have no chance in hell.”

  I punched him hard in the arm and he laughed loudly. “You really are an asshole.”

  “An asshole that you can’t live without.” He lifted his beer high. “You could be at some swanky ass party right now with models and movie directors. Whatever. But you’re here with me.”

  Yeah, he was right about that. There wasn’t anywhere I’d rather be but here with Jeff. Well, except maybe with Emily but I wasn’t going to tell him that. He was on my tail enough about this shit…

  “Talking of movie directions, one guy once told me that he wanted to do a movie of my life.”

  “No way!” Jeff exclaimed excitedly, going along with my distraction easily. “And who’s going to play me?”

  “Hey, who said that you’re going to be in it?” I teased. “I might cut you out completely…”

  Twenty-Four

  Emily (several weeks later, early November)

  “Anything yet?” Ruby asked while nodding at my cell phone. “You’re staring at it like it has all the answers.”

  “Nah, they haven’t called yet,” I sighed back. “I guess I’m going to remain on standby, which is a shame because I was really looking forward to modeling for Just L. They are a great brand, it would have been an awesome step.”

  Ruby ran her gloved fingers through my hair, checking on the dye. “Well, at least it meant you came here to me because your hair needed a bit of Ruby loving. It’s been getting a bit out of control.”

  “I know, I’m sorry. I have just been so busy with everything. The modeling, Alex…”

  “Hmm, yes, the ever gorgeous Alex. You know, I haven’t seen much of you since you started dating him, so I don’t have as clue what is going on. I need you to fill me in on every tiny detail about him.”

  I hung my head low, the thought of him making me sad. I really wanted to be there for Alex today, to see him in Las Vegas winning the world championships, but I had to be on stand by for this job. I guess I put my career before him, which spoke volumes. It had been six months, the time for separation had begun. I was just starting the process early so as not to hurt myself. This was already going to be agonizing enough as it was.

  “Alex is great. He’s…” I could hardly talk, I was getting all choked up already. “Actually, do you mind if we turn off the music channels for a bit. I’d like to watch ESPN, to see the bull riding championships. Since I can’t be there in person, I would love to watch him ride… if you don’t mind that is.”

  Ruby chuckled as she grabbed the TV remote. “That isn’t the usual watching in this place, but I’m all for it. Makes a nice change. Plus, I haven’t actually managed to see your guy in action yet.”

  “I think it’s only this one that’s televised, so it should be pretty exciting.”

  Immediately, I leaned forward as I spotted Alex in the middle of his ride on the screen. My hart leapt in to my throat and my whole body tensed up with fear for him. He needed this and I wanted it for him. So bad.

  “He is good!” Ruby drawled. “And he sure does look good on the back of a bull.”

  “I know.” God, even my voice was coming out thick now. “He looks amazing. Like he belongs there.”

  We watched in silence for a couple of moments, before Ruby returned back to the conversation I wanted to avoid.

  “So, how serious are things between you and this guy? Because it seems full on in the media. You seem to be far more in to him than I have ever known you be with anyone before. You always seem so distant usually…”

  Fuck, those words hurt so much because I was scared, she was telling the truth. I did like him far more than I was supposed to. Every day I was dying a little bit from the inside out.

  “It isn’t serious.” I shook my head hard. “In fact, I don’t think it’s going to last so much longer.” I wanted to tell her the truth, but I could let all of it out. Not now. “It seems more serious in the press than it is.”

  Ruby narrowed her eyes at me, looking at me like she didn’t trust me one bit. “No way. You’re lying, Emily. This is the real deal. Even the way that you look at Alex on the screen says it all. You got it bad, girl. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was the one that you ended up marrying and losing your virginity to. Unless you have already…”

  “No way. I haven’t. Come on, Ruby. You know me so much better than that.”

  “Right… yet. But you want him. I can see it. He’s going to be the one.”

  “I…” Fuck, I was getting all emotional again. This wasn’t good. “I don’t do long term things, Ruby. Not really, you know that. If I’m going to… to choose someone to marry, then they need to be the best person in the world. I can’t just… just pick someone because I fancy them. I have to be sure that they will never leave me.”

  “And you don’t feel that way with Alex?” I shook my head. “Then why are you wasting your time?”

  I couldn’t meet her eyes. “I don’t know. I guess I just… I’m having a nice time with him, that’s all.”

  The mood around us darkened… or more around me. I hated being vulnerable, especially when it linked to my past, but I needed Ruby to understand why this wasn’t ever going to be a thing.

  “Family aren’t the only people who can love you, you know?” Ruby replied. “I know that you haven’t always had it easy, but I don’t think that’s any reason to not have trust in anyone…”

  “How can I?” I exploded, all of my emotions balling up together and exploding in one go. I wasn’t sure how to deal with them, so they erupted like a volcano instead. “How can I with the up bringing I have had? No father. I don’t even know his name, never mind where he is or what he’s like. Then I have a mother who has consistently put drugs before me. Even now. She seems to think I don’t know, that I can’t tell, but it’s obvious…”

  “Your mom is back on drugs?” Ruby asked me softly, caring deeply even if no one else did.

  “Of course she is. Why wouldn’t she be? Meth is her life
after all. And yet, stupid me, I believe her every single time she tells me that she’s really clean this time and that she’s actually going to be there for me. But of course, she never is because I’m obviously not good enough. Then she gets mad at me for leaving…”

  “Oh, Emily, I know that you have had a hard time, but that doesn’t mean everyone will be the same. I haven’t ever betrayed you, and I don’t think Alex will either. He seems to be really in to you.”

  I sucked in and held a deep breath, trying my absolute hardest not to let the next words spill out because I was extremely close to telling her that he didn’t give a shit about me, that it was all just a rouse. That in a few weeks time we wouldn’t even see each other again, that he was just a passing phase that soon wouldn’t exist to me.

  Then he would be with other women. Women who would be able to give him what I couldn’t. And I didn’t just mean sex, I meant themselves as well. I didn’t bring my walls down for anyone because of my family situation.

  “Oh look!” Ruby interrupted before I could get too lost in my thoughts. “Alex has won.”

  “What?” I shrieked in shock. “How did we miss that? We were just watching…”

  “I guess he was one of the last ones to ride. You were… talking,” Ruby finished carefully. “But look, the chyron says that he’s the world champion. That’s good, isn’t it? You must be so pleased for him.”

  My heart hammered in my throat, I couldn’t push the terror down. This bitter sweet moment had finally come upon us and I didn’t know what would come next. And I didn’t even see it. The last six months had all been leading us to this moment and now I’d hit an anti climax because it went by while I was ranting about my parents.

  My mother and father, whoever he was, had ruined enough of my life. Now this as well?

  “Let me turn it up.” Ruby seemed to sense my down hearted mood. “Hear what he has to say.”

  “…this has been my life long dream for as long as I can remember,” he said to the interviewer with a smile. “And I’m so happy to finally have this dream achieved. Today has been the best day of my life.”