Dearest Cowboys Box Set

by Mia Brown

“So, what do you think I should do?” I asked. Sometimes I wished that someone would just come into my life and take over. I wished that someone could just make the decisions for me, because I felt like I was constantly making the wrong decisions in life.

  “I think you should try your hand at dating.”

  I groaned. Perhaps I didn’t want someone to come in and make decisions for me after all. This did not sound like a good idea at all. “Oh no. I’m not sure about that.”

  “How will you find the right guy if you don’t date, though? You said it yourself; you want to find love now. So you’ve got to put yourself out there.”

  I nodded. She was right. Part of me just wanted Houston to be the guy. I didn’t want to have to go through the pain of finding the right person now. But she was right. I also didn’t want to be alone. “Yeah, okay. Maybe I’ll start dating. I don’t even know where to start.”

  “What about Jake?”

  I shook my head. “No, definitely not. He might be upset that I am dating again and that I didn’t come to him, but I can’t do that to him. I can’t go out with him when I know for sure that he isn’t the right one for me. I just don’t feel that way about him. I need to find someone else. Where do I even start?”

  “Don’t worry, Cass. You’ll find someone. There are plenty of guys out there who would go crazy for a girl like you.”

  I smiled. “Thank you, sis. I appreciate you saying that,” I said, even though I wasn’t sure if I believed her words. “I’m not sure what I would’ve done without you. You’ve been there for me throughout it all.”

  “You’re more than my sister, Cass. You’re my best friend, too.”

  “Thank you. I feel the same about you. I was thinking that maybe I should try my hand at being a bit more feminine. See what it’s all about.”

  “Really? You want to go shopping again? This is music to my ears,” Nicole said with delight.

  I nodded. “Yes, please. I need some more dresses. Also, I was thinking of doing something with my hair, and maybe even figuring out how to put makeup on. Can you show me all of that?” I asked.

  “Yes! Of course I can. This is great, Cass.”

  Nicole was excited and began talking animatedly about what she was going to do with me. I wasn’t nearly as excited as she was, but I was still happy with the decision. At least I wasn’t crying anymore, and having a project to work on with Nicole meant that I no longer had to sit at home and mope around.

  I was glad to have something else to focus on, and I was glad that I had my sister to do it with me. I had never been the sort of girl with a lot of friends and relationships. I had always kept to myself and hung around my horses, but my sister had been the one person who had always been there for me.

  “Can I ask you something?” I asked her.

  “Of course. You can always ask me anything.”

  “Are you in love with Jonny?” I asked.

  She smiled. “I am.” She didn’t need to say much more than that. I could see in the way her eyes lit up that she was telling the truth. Explanations or descriptions weren’t necessary. She was in love with him, and that was all there was to it.

  I nodded. “I’m glad.” Jonny was two years older than her, and even though they were both young, they seemed to just fit together. I had a feeling that she was going to end up marrying the guy, and I was more than happy for them.

  “And you’re going to find the same for yourself. I promise you, Cass.”

  I smiled. “I hope so.”

  Twenty-Eight

  Houston

  There was a time when I was very popular around town. Perhaps I wouldn’t have admitted it then, because I’d always believed in having some sort of modesty, too. But looking back, it was obvious to see that I was popular. The same could certainly not be said anymore. Rumors about me had begun flying around town. It all started at the wedding, of course, but ever since then, people seemed to think that I had strung Cassidy along and hurt her feelings.

  I got the feeling that they pitied her and that they despised me, which were two thoughts that I felt were not deserved at all. At least, Cassidy was definitely not someone to be pitied. Perhaps it wasn’t so bad that I was despised. Maybe I deserved it.

  The more I thought about what had happened between us, the more I realized how much I really did like her. I decided not to fight for myself and just to let people think badly of me. If anything, I just wanted them to think well of her. Cassidy had always put people before herself, and if there was one person who deserved praise, it was her. I just hoped that people were being kind to her.

  That was the problem with being in a small town. People could come together when you needed them most, but they could also rally against you when you deserved it the least. For the most part, I kept to myself, and chose not to partake in anything. The only person I really saw was Joe, but even that was seldom. He’d tried to set me up on a date after that drunken night we’d had at my house, and I’d refused to go. Ever since that, I got the impression that he was getting a bit tired of me. I couldn’t blame him. I was getting a bit tired of myself, too.

  Another month had gone by, and I’d spent most of that time sitting at home. I barely saw my father anymore, and every time I asked him if I could come and help at the ranch, he would tell me that he had all the help he needed. The problem was that I didn’t even need to work. My father was one of the wealthiest ranchers in the area, and he’d always made sure that I had money, too. I had always worked with him, but it had never really been for the money. The money flowed from him whether I worked or not. I just enjoyed the work. Now I sat around without much to do.

  Some might say I was lucky, but I wasn’t so sure. Having no work simply meant that I spent more time in my head than anywhere else, and that was sometimes a very dangerous place to be. What I needed was a hobby. Or, perhaps, a new career path. Either that, or I was going to have to hope that my father took me back one day. He was still angry at me, and I couldn’t seem to get him to listen to me. I would give it another week or two, and if he still wouldn’t listen to reason, I would just show up and start working whether he liked it or not. I felt good about that decision.

  I was sitting at home when I heard the first firework go off, and I sighed. It was the Fourth of July, and the last place I wanted to be was at home. I had always loved this time of the year, and sitting at home would just make me even more depressed. I needed to get out. I decided to go over and watch the fireworks with the rest of the town.

  I knew that nobody but Joe would want to see me, but I was hoping that everyone would be too focused on the fireworks to even care about me. Would Cassidy be there? Probably not. She had always been a bit of a loner. I considered going over to her house instead but knew that wouldn’t be a good idea.

  I grabbed my coat and headed out. It was dark when I arrived, and I headed straight to get myself a beer. Then, beer in hand, I maneuvered my way through the crowd to find a place to sit. I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it, but I could swear I heard a few people grumble when I walked past. The whole thing was quite annoying. Somehow I had become a big monster in their head. Joe told me that some people thought that I had pretended to be married to Cassidy just so that I could sleep with her. I ignored the crowd and felt relieved when I finally found a place to sit.

  I sat back, drinking my beer and trying to keep a low profile. I wondered if Joe was here, and decided that if I didn’t see him soon, I would try and call him. He’d be surprised to see me out and about. Then my mind wandered, and I thought about Cassidy. I hadn’t wanted to admit it to anyone, especially myself, but I knew that I had fallen in love with her.

  It had started off as a joke, but by the end, I really was in love with her. It was part of the reason why I hadn’t wanted to end things. Now I had lost the opportunity, all because I had humiliated her in front of the entire town.

  I had played along with the original joke because I thought it was funny and I had enjoyed seeing that Lara woma
n squirm. But it didn’t take long for it not to feel funny at all. Why hadn’t I just admitted that I was in love with her? Or even that I was just attracted to her? A part of me had just never taken her seriously. She had always been little Cassidy, the tomboy that I could say anything to. I’d never seen her as Cassidy the woman.

  It had been hard to make the switch in my head, and when I did, it was too late. But what had she thought of me? That was the one question that still brimmed in my mind. Did she ever see me in that way? She seemed to have liked me, but had it all just been a joke that had gone too far? When did everything get so blurry? The line of truth and lies had crossed without me noticing, and now I had no idea what was true and what wasn’t. I knew one thing, though; I really did like her.

  I stared up at the fireworks, watching and listening as one after another went off. There was always something so majestic about that sound, like a celebration. It made me feel a bit more optimistic about the future. I had never been one to let the world get me down. I’d always been happy and full of life. Perhaps the whole thing with Cassidy had made me realize that I was ready to find the right woman and settle down. Maybe I shouldn’t have walked away so quickly from her.

  One particularly bright firework went off after another, and I suddenly realized that Cassidy had been sitting close by all along. She was looking up at the fireworks with Nicole and hadn’t noticed me at all. At first, it felt like a sign. I had just been thinking about her when she had appeared in front of me almost as if in a vision. I even started to get up, ready to go and talk to her, inspired by my newfound confidence, but then I saw something that made me sit back down again.

  Cassidy was not just sitting with her sister. A man sat down and put his arm around her, and she didn’t pull it away. I saw her turn to look at him and smile, and my heart almost broke in two. The more I stared the more I realized how much things had changed. Cassidy had moved on without me. Not only did she now have a new guy on her arm, but she looked different, too. Her hair was curled so that it fell in waves around her shoulders, and she was wearing a beautiful dress. It was a new dress too, not the two that I had seen her wear to the wedding and to The Grilled Duck.

  I couldn’t quite tell from where I was sitting, but it also looked like she might be wearing makeup. A firework went off, and when she turned to the side, her lips looked cherry pink. I gulped. She looked achingly beautiful to me. It wasn’t the clothes or the makeup, though. I could still remember how good she looked in her overalls.

  Cassidy was beautiful no matter what she wore. I was just too stupid not to have noticed it before. All those years of being her friend, and I had never noticed it. Now it was all that I saw when I looked at her. I wished that she had never invited me to that damn wedding, and I wished that I had never gone along with the lie. Knowing what could’ve been was so much worse than never knowing at all.

  I stood up with anger. I had to get out of there before I did something stupid. This had nothing to do with the man she was with, but the urge to punch him was overwhelmingly strong. I could feel the blood rushing to my head as I ran out. As I did, I bumped headfirst into Joe, who looked at me in confusion.

  “Hey man, I didn’t know you were coming tonight. What’s going on? You look angry.”

  “I’m leaving,” I said with more aggression than was probably necessary.

  “Whoa. Hang on, take a deep breath. What’s going on? Talk to me.”

  “I’m sick of talking,” I said. “I’m so over all of this.”

  “Okay, it’s good to see you out and about, but I don’t think that being here is a good idea. You’ve obviously had too much to drink. I think you need to go home and sober up. Okay?”

  I nodded. “I agree.”

  I wasn’t drunk. I still had half a can of beer in my hand. I rushed off, dumping the can into the trash as I headed home. Cassidy had moved on, and perhaps it was time that I did the same. I got home, took her little horse pendant, and shoved it under my bed. I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away, because I knew how much she liked it. But I wasn’t about to go and give it to her, either. I wasn’t sure why I kept it where I could see it every day, though. I was tired of seeing it. It was time to move on.

  Twenty-Nine

  Cassidy

  I stood in front of the mirror, assessing myself. I was starting to get used to seeing myself this way, although every now and again I would catch sight of myself and feel surprised. After years of not caring about my appearance, it was odd to see this side of me. Sometimes I loved it, and sometimes I hated it. But in a way, it helped me move on from my past. It made me feel like I was a different person, and for the first time ever, I wanted to be someone else. The old me was the sort of girl that nobody wanted to be with.

  It had already been a few weeks, perhaps even a month, since I’d had that conversation with Nicole. The two of us had gone shopping the very next day, and I’d come home with almost an entirely new wardrobe. I didn’t get rid of my old clothes, though. Some of them held sentimental value, and some of them were still necessary for me to work in. I was not pottering around with my horses in a dress and heels no matter how good it looked. I’d bumped into Jake a few days later, and he’d been surprised by my appearance. He told me that I looked beautiful but that he’d always thought I’d looked good no matter what I was wearing.

  “You look gorgeous, but don’t forget to stay true to yourself,” he said.

  His words had stuck with me, and once again I thought that it was such a pity that I wasn’t in love with him. Life would’ve been so much easier then. I almost considered just trying the relationship again, but I didn’t want to hurt him. And going out with him again, I would definitely end up doing that. I didn’t want to force myself into love, and he was too good a guy to screw around. He came around every now and again to ride horses, but that seemed to be dwindling down. Word on the street was that Jake had met someone, and I was sure that was why I didn’t see him much anymore. I was happy for him. If anyone deserved to find love, it was him.

  Once I had started dressing differently, I had tried to make it obvious that I was looking for a guy, but I was pretty sure that I was awful at it. I went out a few times with Nicole and her boyfriend, but I always felt like a third wheel. Then, one day out of the blue, Tad had asked me out. The two of us had met on the Fourth of July, and he’d asked to watch the fireworks with me. It had been a sweet gesture, and I’d said yes even though my heart wasn’t in it. I’d even let him put his arm around me, allowing him to pull me closer.

  I didn’t know Tad all that well. He was a bit older than me and hadn’t run in the same circles as me. Then again, I hadn’t really moved in any circles in the first place. After that day, he’d invited me out for a coffee date, and then after that, a lunch date. Tonight was our first dinner together. It felt almost like we were progressing into a real relationship, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. Tad was an attractive guy, but despite this, I wasn’t vastly attracted to him myself. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was just not my type, or if I was still too attached to Houston, but I decided not to let that stop me. I was very aware that you could change the way you felt about how someone looked the more you spent time with them. If I ended up falling for his personality, then there was a big chance I would one day find him attractive.

  This, however, was another problem. His personality. He wasn’t a bad guy, but he was a little bit on the annoying side. I’d mentioned it to Nicole, and she had made me promise that I would at least give it a go before giving up. I mentioned the dinner date, and she assured me that if I still felt the same, then I would probably always feel the same. But if I felt a glimmer of something else, then I should at least give it more of a try.

  “Sometimes feelings develop,” she said.

  Tonight, then, was more of a test for me than anything else, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to pass it or fail it. Once again, I was wearing a dress, and I had more makeup on than usual. Tad seemed to like thi
s look and kept admiring me. I wasn’t sure if I should feel complimented or insulted by the fact that he seemed to prefer me with more makeup on, but I decided to let it slide. Some guys just liked that.

  I was pleased that he at least hadn’t taken me to The Grilled Duck. He’d taken me there for lunch, and I’d been so appalled by the idea. Perhaps that was why I felt so off around him that day. The Grilled Duck was my place with Houston, and I didn’t want to be there with another guy. But I couldn’t tell him that either, because I knew he had taken me there to impress me. Today, thankfully, we were at a more casual bar in town, known for its good cocktails and burgers. I loved The Grilled Duck, but I was more than happy to be somewhere more casual. It made it feel less like a date.

  “You look so good like that,” he said to me for about the hundredth time.

  I smiled, grateful when the waiter came by with the burger, and I took a bite. “Man, this burger is good.”

  “How does a girl look as good as you and still eat like that?”

  I laughed. “It’s just a burger. Burgers get a bad rap. Nothing wrong with them. It’s when you eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner that it becomes a problem.”

  “Well, I like it. You know, Cassidy, I like you a lot. I can’t believe that I never realized what a hottie you were.”

  I laughed uncomfortably. “I’m still the same girl as before.”

  “You certainly don’t look the same,” he said. “And I’ve certainly never gone out with a divorced woman before.”

  I groaned. “I’m not divorced.”

  He chuckled. “I know, but in a way, you are. I mean, we all thought the marriage was real, so I’m assuming you did, too. Hey, did the two of you sleep together like husband and wife, too?”

  I shot him a look. “Tad, please can we not talk about things like that. I thought we were the ones on the date.”