by Susan Stoker
“You’re leaving in the morning,” Brain finished for her.
Aspen nodded.
Without hesitation, Brain gathered her into his arms, and she went willingly.
“For the first time in my life, I don’t want to go,” she mumbled into his neck. “I’ve always been excited about being deployed. Happy to be doing something.”
“I know,” Brain soothed. And he did. He always felt the same way when he found out about a mission. But he had a feeling everything from this point on would feel differently.
He eased Aspen back and put his hands on her shoulders as he stared into her eyes. “This changes nothing between you and me,” he said fiercely.
She nodded.
“I mean it. I don’t care how long you’re gone, nothing changes.”
“It should only be around two months or so,” she said quickly.
“Piece of cake,” Brain told her, even though his stomach felt like it was in his throat. He didn’t want to go two months without seeing her. For the first time, he understood what Gillian and Kinley might feel when they found out the team was going on a mission. Hell, he realized Trigger and Lefty probably felt the way he did right now, when they were called up. But he put on a positive face for Aspen.
“You’ll write me, and I’ll write you,” he told her.
“Of course,” she said, nodding quickly.
“All I ask,” he continued in a gentler voice, “is that you watch your six. There’s way too much I still need to learn about you.”
Aspen nodded again. “And me about you.”
“We’ll write, and you can ask me whatever you want. I’ll answer honestly,” Brain told her. “Even if you think it’s too personal, you ask. Okay?”
“Okay. Same goes for you.”
“This isn’t the end of us,” Brain told her. “We just have to get used to it, unfortunately. You’ll get deployed, and I will too. Life goes on, and we can either let our separations bring us closer together or push us apart.”
“I don’t get how I can be so emotional about this when we’ve only been dating for two weeks,” she said with a small frown.
“Don’t try to understand it,” Brain advised. “I’m shocked myself, but I’m just going with it.”
“Okay. Me too then. But don’t forget who made the first move,” she said cheekily, trying to lighten the moment.
Brain chuckled. “How could I? I wasn’t all that keen on being used like that, but the second my lips touched yours, I was a goner. Don’t let Derek give you shit,” he said, just remembering that she’d be deployed with her asshole of an ex.
“I’ll try not to.”
‘Good. I’m gonna miss talking to you,” Brain admitted.
“Same here.”
“Hey, this is a party!” Trigger yelled. “Break out some more margaritas for the women and beers for us. And okay, you can have your wine, Brain!”
He turned to his friends and shook his head. “Aspen has to go.”
There were groans and complaints all around.
She shrugged. “Duty calls.”
Those two words shut up the Deltas and they all got serious. One by one, they came into the kitchen and hugged her, wishing her well and telling her to stay safe. The other women realized that Aspen wasn’t just leaving for the evening, but that she was being deployed, and they added their good lucks as well.
Brain walked Aspen to his door when all he wanted was to take her upstairs and lock her in his bedroom so she couldn’t go anywhere. It was a shocking thought, considering what he did for a living. He held her hand all the way to her car, which was parked on the street with his teammates’ vehicles.
He took her head in his hands and kissed her without asking permission first. He kissed her with all the frustration over the fact that he wouldn’t get to see her for a while and the worry in his heart.
And Aspen kissed him back with the same level of emotion.
After a few moments, Brain pulled back and rested his forehead on hers.
“I’m serious, be safe out there, dorogoy. I won’t be able to sleep well until I know you’re home safe and sound.”
“I will,” she reassured him.
“Tell those Rangers if they don’t have your back at all times, they’ll find out exactly how vengeful I can be,” Brain said a little too harshly.
But Aspen merely chuckled. “I love that you think nothing about threatening a platoon of Army Rangers.”
“I’m a Delta, darling, I can kick their asses easily. And if I have to collect tarantulas and release them into their beds at night when they get back, I will.”
Aspen laughed again and hugged him tight. Brain held on and inhaled deeply.
Gardenias. He’d never forget that smell as long as he lived.
Taking one last deep breath, he knew he had to let her go. She had shit she needed to do. He took a step back and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’ll call you at three-fifteen to make sure you’re up,” he told her.
Aspen smiled at him. “Thanks, I’d appreciate that. It wouldn’t be good if I overslept and missed formation. The sergeant major would kick my ass.”
Brain couldn’t make himself return her smile, and no further words would pass his suddenly closed-off throat.
He watched as Aspen opened her door and sat in the driver’s seat. She started the engine and rolled down the window.
“I’ll email as soon as I can,” she told him.
Brain nodded.
“Thanks for a fun evening. Tell everyone I’m sorry I had to run, and congratulate Trigger and Gillian for me. I’m sorry I’ll miss their courthouse ceremony.”
Brain swallowed hard and nodded once again.
“Bye, Kane.”
When he didn’t answer, she put her car in gear and started to drive off.
“Aspen?” Brain blurted.
She stopped. “Yeah?”
“Kick some terrorist ass out there, okay?”
She smiled. “I will.”
Then she was gone.
Brain watched the taillights of her car until she turned at the end of his street and disappeared from view.
“Fuck,” he mumbled.
“Hurts, doesn’t it?” Lefty suddenly said from behind him.
“Like hell,” Brain agreed without turning around.
“When I found out Kinley had gone into WITSEC, and I had no idea where she was, if she was all right or safe, it about killed me. Brought me to my knees.”
Brain nodded.
“But what kept me going was the fact that I knew how strong Kinley was. That she felt to the bottom of her soul she was doing the right thing. I hated that I couldn’t be by her side to keep her safe, but I had to trust that she could keep herself safe. That she was doing what she needed to do so she could return to me.”
And just like that, Brain felt better.
He turned to his friend. “Aspen is fucking amazing. She’s strong, has to be in order to be on a Ranger team. She’s gonna be fine.” And he truly believed those words. He hated not being with her. Hated that he couldn’t keep her safe, but he couldn’t be by her side every minute of every day. And he didn’t need to be. She could take care of herself. And while she might not click with her Ranger team like she wanted to, he’d bet everything he had that if it came down to it, the men she worked with would come through for her.
He had to believe that, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to let her go.
“She is,” Lefty agreed. “Now, come back inside. We’re planning a hell of a reception for Trigger and Gillian, because she refuses to plan anything. Winnie’s talking about strippers and blow-up dolls and someone needs to talk her off the ledge.”
Brain laughed; he couldn’t help it. It was just like Winnie to want sexy strippers at a wedding reception. He walked back toward his house, but just before he went inside, he looked down the street where he’d last seen Aspen.
“Stay safe, darling,” he whispered, before heading into the joyous fray
in his living room.
Chapter Seven
From: Aspen
To: Kane
Subject: I’m here, finally!
Kane,
Hi! We’re finally here. Can’t say where here is, as you know, but for as much sand as there is around us, I haven’t had one chance to use my surfboard. ;) The flight was all right. I couldn’t sleep, though. My seat was nothing like your couch. We’re all set up in our accommodations and, like usual, I’m not in the same place as my team. I get it, I do, but it’s frustrating. How can I get to know them and how can they get to know me if we’re not together?
Anyway, I’m guessing we won’t be here much, we’re headed out to explore soon, but I wanted to send you a quick message to let you know I’ve arrived and everything is good. Talk to you later.
~Aspen
* * *
From: Brain
To: Aspen
Subject: Re: I’m here, finally!
Aspen,
Thank you for writing. I’ve been waiting anxiously to hear from you. I’m glad the flight was uneventful and you made it there without any drama. I hadn’t really thought about accommodations, but I can see how frustrating that would be. And you’re right, a lot of the bonding happens before and after outings, when my team and I are hanging out informally. We talk about the day and everything that happened and what might be in store for us tomorrow. Keep your chin up.
Winnie and the other women all told me to tell you they’re sending good thoughts your way. Gillian and Trigger are ready for their ceremony at the courthouse, and it was decided everyone’s coming back to my house afterward for a small reception. Unfortunately, I know nothing about organizing a wedding reception, and Gillian still refuses to have anything to do with it—not that I can blame her, since she does that sort of thing every day because of her job. Got any suggestions for me?
I said it before and I’ll say it again, be safe. Rogue waves can come out of nowhere and knock you on your ass. And I’ve heard there’s a lot of nasty weather headed your way.
~Brain
* * *
From: Aspen
To: Kane
Subject: Weather
Kane,
Yeah, the weather’s pretty nasty, and it’s forecast to be shitty for the entire time we’re here. But I’ll be sure to wear my raincoat and carry my umbrella wherever I go. :)
As far as the party, I’m sorry to miss it. But I’m thinking the best thing you can do is serve a bunch of appetizers. They’re easy for people to eat and pretty easy to make/buy. I think you should be able to buy a lot of things pre-made from the grocery store, but I would also ask everyone to bring something, that would save you a ton of time. Examples for what people could make are deviled eggs, caprese skewers, fruit kabobs, tortilla chips and salsa (or potato chips and dip), meatballs, cheese sticks, chicken wings, twice-baked potato skins, pigs in a blanket, or a charcuterie board (and now I’m hungry, darn it; the food here sucks).
Please congratulate Trigger and Gillian for me. Maybe I’ll bring them back some sand as a present. Just kidding!
I know it’s only been a few days…but I miss you.
~Aspen
* * *
From: Brain
To: Aspen
Subject: Re: Weather
I miss you too, gráinne (that’s Irish, by the way. *grin*). Sometimes I wonder how we clicked so quickly, but then I tell myself not to worry about it so much. There are a lot of things in this world that I don’t understand, and I’m enjoying feeling this way about someone.
How’s the weather? My friends and I have been hearing some not-so-very-nice things about the storms over there, and it’s making me nervous. Rumor has it we might be taking a vacation out there in the near future ourselves. I’ll know more in a week or so.
Thank you for the suggestions. I called Kinley, and she was thrilled to help with the appetizers. She’s calling Gillian’s girlfriends, and they’re going to help too. Winnie even offered to make a cake. It won’t be a traditional wedding cake, but on short notice, it’ll have to do.
I miss hearing your voice. I got so used to talking to you every evening that it seems weird to eat dinner and settle in front of the TV without being able to hear about your day.
Watch your six, gráinne.
~Brain
* * *
From: Aspen
To: Kane
Subject: Re: Re: Weather
Today sucked. There are some days I hate my job, and today was one of them. Remember when I came over to your house after that hard training session and was dehydrated? Yeah, things here are going like that training day. The guys I work with are being standoffish and I feel very alone, even when surrounded by people. I have to be an adult and suck it up. And God forbid I cry. I’ll be called a pussy and told I can’t hack it. Derek’s an ass, and I’m ashamed I thought for one second that he was a good guy. He sucks as a leader, and the only positive thing about the day is that he’s not my boss.
I’m sorry I don’t have it in me to be upbeat and positive today. I miss you.
~Aspen
* * *
From: Brain
To: Aspen
Subject: Hang in there
I just got your email. I’m so sorry I’m not there to give you a huge hug. I wish I was. And I’m sorry Derek’s being an ass. It makes me so mad that your team isn’t supporting you like they should be. And you never have to be positive with me if that’s not how you feel. I want you to be you, shitty emotions and all.
I miss you too. Confession: the quilt you used when you stayed the night still smells like you, and I’ve been sleeping under it since you left. It makes me feel closer to you.
~Brain
* * *
From: Aspen
To: Kane
Subject: Amazing Day!
Kane,
I had the most amazing day today! And I know, I know, my last email was pretty much a downer, but today was great. We were walking around seeing the sights like we’ve done every day we’ve been here, and we heard screaming coming from a house. A little boy was standing outside the door crying, and when he saw us, he frantically gestured for us to come closer. I stood back, letting the others do their thing, but the boy came right to me when he saw the red cross on my bag.
I went inside and found his mom was in active labor. She was screaming in pain, and she was all alone in the house. No one was helping her. I immediately got to work—and the guys with me helped out so much! They didn’t seem irritated that they had to help a woman give birth. We worked as a team, and it felt great.
We ended up helping the woman birth a beautiful baby girl. I’ve only delivered one other baby, and really I just assisted that time. To see such an amazing gift of life is always so special. A miracle.
The mom was so grateful, she kept kissing my hand, and the little boy was adorable. I could’ve used your translation skills, but overall I don’t think we did so bad.
Oh…how was the party? It was yesterday, right? Or is it tonight? I’m so bad at figuring out time zones.
~Aspen
* * *
From: Brain
To: Aspen
Subject: Re: Amazing Day!
I’m so glad you had a good day. That family was lucky you just happened to be there when they needed you. I’m proud of you!
The reception was good. The appetizers were a hit; thank you for the suggestion. The actual wedding at the courthouse was short, but very romantic (at least, I think you’d think so). Trigger surprised Gillian by arranging to have both her parents and his there. Wendy, Ann, and Clarissa, Gillian’s longtime friends, attended, and of course, all of us did too. It was crowded in the room, but no one seemed to care.
Since you’re a girl and probably want to know, Gillian was wearing a knee-length pink dress with a pair of pink Converse sneakers with sequins on them. She looked absolutely beautiful. Trigger decided to wear his dress blues, and I don’t think the couple took their eyes
off each other throughout the entire ceremony. I’m pretty sure Ann or someone videoed it, and I’ll send you a copy as soon as I get it.
Winnie’s cake was awesome too. A little lopsided, but no one cared. I wish you were here. Everyone asked about you and wanted to know if I’d heard from you. Whether you know it or not, you have a team back here at home. You’re greatly missed.
~Brain
* * *
From: Aspen
To: Kane
Subject: Re: Re: Amazing Day!
I’m okay. I wanted to make sure I started with that so you wouldn’t freak.
There was an incident today, but again, I’m okay. I wasn’t sure what you might’ve heard or not heard about it. We were walking around like we’ve done all the other days we’ve been here when some not-so-nice guys decided they didn’t like seeing us in their territory. Holman and Buckland, two of the guys in my group, were hurt, but not too bad. I hit my head on the side of a building when Hamilton tackled me to get me out of the way of one of the bad guys—but again, I’m fine.
You know, some days I feel like we’re making a difference in ridding the world of evil, and other days it’s as if the whole world is against us. I also feel like I’m on a roller coaster, one day happy and excited, and the next, feeling depressed and defeated. I know it’s not healthy, and after days like today, I’m really questioning what the hell I’m doing with my life.
And there I go being all depressing again. Shit, I hate that.
So…what’s going on there? Have Lucky and Devyn gotten their shit figured out yet? :) Have you talked to your parents? Tell me something normal, please.
~Aspen
* * *
From: Brain
To: Aspen
Subject: Normal
Aspen,
What’s normal anyway? I totally understand what you’re going through, and while that might not be very helpful, I hope it makes you feel not so alone.
I did hear about the incident, and I appreciate you emailing me so quickly after it happened, otherwise I would’ve been completely freaked out. And yes, men can get freaked out. I hate that you were hurt, but I’m glad Hamilton was watching out for you. That’s how a team is supposed to work.