Forever (Cruiser & Lex, Book 3)

by Dee J. Stone

  “Thanks. By the way, how are the repairs on his bike going?”

  “They’re going. Won’t be done for a while, though.”

  “Okay. But we need it to be ready by the time Cruiser’s cast comes off. I can’t wait to surprise him with it.”

  “Me, too. Don’t worry, it’ll be just as good as new.”

  ***

  Cruiser seems more nervous than yesterday. He keeps twitching in his chair and tapping his shoe. Ms. Carter hasn’t come in yet.

  “Maybe we should bolt,” he says.

  “We need to talk about it.”

  He nods, then twitches again.

  “So about the double date with Rey and Melody…”

  “Yeah?” He looks relieved to focus his mind on something other than Ms. Carter and what will go down at this session.

  “Any ideas? It needs to be romantic.”

  “Hell if I know.”

  “Cruiser, you are like the most romantic guy on the planet.”

  “Sure.”

  “Seriously. Remember our one-month anniversary?”

  He smiles. “Of course. I’ll never forget it.”

  “So use your special romantic powers and figure out something special for their first date.”

  “We’ll figure it out together, darlin’. But right now, all I can think about is Carter and all this crap we’re gonna have to talk about it.”

  I lay my head on his shoulder. “Please don’t call it crap. It’s important. Very important.”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just really nervous.”

  I take his hand. “I’m nervous, too. It’ll be okay.” I kiss his cheek.

  Ms. Carter walks in with her umbrella, splattering water everywhere, and on me and Cruiser. It’s been raining all morning. “Sorry,” she says. “I hate the rain. Just give me a few minutes to settle down.”

  Cruiser’s and my hands remain interlocked as we wait. Instead of taking only Cruiser’s file out of the drawer, she takes another one, too. “Is that mine?” I ask.

  She lowers herself onto her chair. “Yes. There are some things I’d like to write down.”

  Cruiser makes an indistinct sound in the back of his throat. I try to hold back a smile—I know how much he hates when Ms. Carter constantly takes notes.

  “Okay.” She clasps her hands over the files on her desk. “Who wants to start?”

  “Me,” I say. “If that’s okay with you, Cruiser.”

  Cruiser waves his hand.

  I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay.” I face Cruiser. I hope I’ll be able to keep my eyes on him during my speech because I want him to understand how serious I am. “The thing is…I know how much you want to join the Navy. It’s been your dream since you were ten years old. Whenever the Navy was mentioned, your whole face lit up in a certain way. It didn’t matter if you were having a bad day, if you were upset with your parents or school or whatever. Whenever you talked about the Navy or looked at your ship, it made you feel better.”

  Cruiser’s twitching is more intense. I don’t know if he wants me to continue.

  “Are you done?” Ms. Carter asks.

  “I, um. I don’t think Cruiser looks very comfortable,” I tell her.

  She looks at him. “Are you uncomfortable?”

  His leg shakes. “I feel naked.”

  “Do you want to talk about this?” I ask. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to. We have time.”

  He shakes his head. “Might as well get it over with.”

  “I don’t want to force you, Cruise.” I touch his arm. “We don’t have to do this.”

  “It’s okay, darlin’. Like you said, we need to talk about it.”

  “Okay. So, um…I know how much the Navy means to you. I don’t want you to have to give it up because of me.”

  His eyes trek to Ms. Carter for a few seconds before focusing on me. “You’re the most important person in my life. Screw the Navy. I don’t want to lose you.”

  “You won’t. We can have a wonderful life together. You joining the Navy won’t take any of that away.”

  He looks away from me and shakes his head.

  “Cruiser, tell her how you feel.”

  “She knows.”

  “She wants to hear it.”

  He keeps his gaze on his shoes. “I love her to death. When I close my eyes at night, I have all these images in my head. Of me running off overseas. Not seeing her for months. The look on her face when I leave. The look on her face when I return. All those nights where she’d cry herself to sleep. Missing me, wishing she can touch me. Kiss me. Hold me. Hugging our kids close as they cry for their daddy.” When he raises his eyes to me, I see there are tears in them. He lowers them back to his lap. “My mom was so against me joining because she knows what it’s like. Her words used to mean crap to me because I didn’t have anyone in my life worth anything. Didn’t have anyone to cry over me. Hell, I used to joke to myself that it wouldn’t matter if another ship or submarine would blow up my ship, because no one would even care if I was killed.” He lets out some air. “But now I have someone. You don’t get what it was like, Carter. How much I wanted Lex. With the accident…” He swallows. “I thought I lost her forever. And then I came back from New York, determined to patch things up with her and ask her to be mine forever. But she was with Rey. It made me feel like total shit.”

  “Language,” Ms. Cater says.

  “Sorry. Now I have her, and she’s the best thing to have happened to me. And I’m supposed to throw that away because of some stupid dream I had when I was ten years old?”

  My vision is so blurry because of the tears that are spilling from my eyes. I grab a few tissues from Ms. Carter’s desk and wipe them away.

  “Those are very heavy words,” she says. “Do you guys want a minute to think things over?”

  I nod. Ms. Carter gets up, pats both our shoulders, and leaves.

  Cruiser takes my hand and leads me over to him, sitting me on his lap. His lips press into my temple as he hugs me close. “It’s okay, darlin’.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m a mess.”

  “Don’t worry about it. Cry as much as you need.”

  I don’t know how long I remain in his arms, softly crying on his shoulder. But after a while, Ms. Carter returns. I realize that we’re running out of time. I don’t want the bell to ring without us concluding anything.

  I return to my seat. “Can I talk now?” I ask.

  Ms. Carter nods.

  I turn to Cruiser. “We have so much baggage. The accident, and Rosie, and Rey. But all of this has made us stronger. We have a strong bond that’s not easily broken. I don’t know if anyone or anything can break it.”

  Cruiser nods.

  “I saw the look in your eyes when you tried on your grandfather’s uniform. I know you want to join. Deep down, you do. Please admit it to yourself, Cruiser. It doesn’t mean you’ll love me any less, or that you’re sacrificing me for the Navy. I just want you to be honest with yourself.”

  Cruiser looks at Ms. Carter, then at his shoes. He’s quiet for a long time before he says, “It’s like I’m being pulled by both sides. I don’t know what to do.”

  “You’ll resent me a few years down the line. I know you will.”

  “I’d never resent you, T. Rex. I want to build a life with you.” He laughs awkwardly. “We’re too young to be talking about this.”

  “This is a mature discussion,” Ms. Carter says. “Not many kids your age have to deal with this.”

  Cruiser looks at me. “I’m sorry I’m putting you through this.”

  I quickly shake my head. “Please don’t apologize. You’re not putting me through anything.”

  He squeezes my hand before facing Ms. Carter. “What’s the smartest thing to do?”

  “Only the two of you can know what’s best for you.”

  “Aren’t we here for you to ‘guide’ us?”

  She nods. “Yeah. By helping you guys talk it out, I�
��m guiding you.”

  Cruiser looks at me. “What do you want me to do? I’ll do whatever you want.”

  “No. I’ll support you with whatever you want to do. Just know that I’m mature enough to handle the military life. I’m not saying it won’t be hard. I can’t promise that I won’t cry myself to sleep when you’re at sea. I can’t promise that a few years down the line when we have kids, I won’t hug them tight and miss you like crazy. But what I can promise is that I will try to make our life together as best as possible. We can do it, Cruiser. I know we can.”

  “I don’t know…”

  “You want me to go to Juilliard, don’t you?”

  “Of course,” he says. “It’s your dream to go there. To be on Broadway.”

  “Just like it’s your dream to join the Navy.”

  He runs his hand down his face.

  “You don’t have to make any decisions now,” Carter says. “Relax, Cruiser.”

  I rub his back. “Are you okay?”

  He reaches over to envelop me in his arm. “My heart is being pulled in different directions. I feel like I’m breaking inside. I don’t know what to do, T. Rex. I just don’t know.”

  “I think you do know what you want,” I say softly. “That’s what’s tearing you up. The guilt.”

  “Is that true?” Ms. Carter asks him.

  He wipes away a tear that’s about to roll down his cheek. “I know you told me I won’t love you any less if I choose the Navy, Lex. But it feels like I’m betraying you.”

  “No.” I press my forehead against his. “You’re not betraying me. I want you to follow your heart.”

  “You’re too good for me, Lex. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve to be happy. Every time I feel like life’s going good, I tell myself to pinch myself. To wake up and face reality. Because there’s no way life can be good for me.”

  “Why do you feel that way?” Ms. Carter asks.

  “Because he doesn’t want to get hurt.” I squeeze his hand. “I feel the exact same way.”

  “You need to allow yourselves to be happy,” she says. “I know you’ve been through a lot. The guilt of Rosie’s accident will be with you for the rest of your lives. You two are extremely close to her, and that in itself causes your guilt to grow even stronger. She loves the two of you and looks up to you. It must be very hard to have to fight the guilt every day.”

  I nod as fresh tears pool in my eyes.

  “But you can’t live like that. You owe it to yourselves to open your hearts to happiness.”

  I nod again.

  “Thanks,” Cruiser says. Then he laughs awkwardly. “Some of the stuff you said actually makes sense.”

  Ms. Carter smiles. “I hoped I’d hear you say that, Cruiser.”

  We laugh.

  The bell rings.

  Ms. Carter stands. “I want to hug each of you. You are great kids and I know you will go far in life.” She wraps her arms around me and gives me a light kiss on the cheek. “You just need to believe in yourselves and not let your pasts hold you back from reaching your full potential and full happiness.” She hugs a reluctant Cruiser and steps on her tippy toes to kiss his cheek. “Remember that, okay?”

  I nod.

  “We’re done?” Cruiser asks.

  “I don’t think you two need me. You’re okay. Just continue being open and honest with each other. You have a great relationship. Hold onto it, okay? Don’t forget what you two mean to each other. You’re young and in love and life will be full of ups and downs. But just as long as you hold on to the love you have for each other, you’ll be okay.”

  “Thanks.” I give her a hug. “I really appreciate all you’ve done for us.”

  She waves her hand. “It’s my job.”

  Cruiser holds out his hand. “Er. Thanks, Carter.”

  She laughs before shaking it.

  Just as we turn to leave, Ms. Carter says, “Cruiser?”

  We face her.

  “I wanted to talk to you about something. Bobby Wilkins, the director of the school play, spoke to me yesterday. He really wants you to participate in the play.”

  Cruiser frowns.

  “You understand how serious teen violence is,” Ms. Carter continues. “I don’t need to tell you.”

  He doesn’t say anything.

  “You should tell your story, Cruiser.”

  “I’d rather not bare my soul to a room full of strangers.”

  “What about to a room full of kids who will be teenagers one day?”

  That seems to have an effect on Cruiser because his face changes. He’s quiet for a bit before he says, “I don’t want to be on stage. In front of people.”

  “Would you consider telling your story at the end of the play? Bobby talked to some other students who have been involved with teen violence and they are willing to speak.”

  I touch his arm. “It can save a lot of kids from the same fate you had.”

  His eyes move from me to Ms. Carter. I can see him contemplating it, knowing how right it would be for him to do this, but he’s nervous to be so open. After a few seconds he says, “I’ll do it.”

  Ms. Carter smiles. “Thanks, Cruiser. I’m proud of you.”

  Cruiser shrugs. “It’s the right thing to do.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Cruiser

  I never thought I’d think this, but Rey looks pretty hot.

  Yeah, he’s got on my dress shirt and pants, but a guy’s gotta help his bro out. Especially when it comes to the ladies.

  Rey studies himself in the mirror. “Are you sure I look okay?” He picks at the shirt that’s too loose on his skinny-ass frame. “Maybe I should wear one of my old recital shirts.”

  “You want to impress Melody or not?”

  He nods.

  “Trust me. She’ll love you in this getup.”

  “Don’t fill me up with false hope, Cruise.”

  “Just trying to make you feel confident, bro.”

  He picks at the shirt again. “Mom built me up to think I’m the most amazing guy in the world.” He shakes his head. “But I’m just pathetic.”

  “No.” I stride over and push his hand down. “That’s one of my best shirts.”

  “Sorry.” He hangs his head low.

  “Rey. You’re not the most amazing guy in the world. You’re not pathetic. You’re just you. That’s what makes you amazing. And if Melody or some other girl doesn’t realize that, screw her. You’ll meet the right one.”

  “What if I don’t? What if I never have…what you and Lex have?”

  My gut squeezes together. I wish I could raise my head to the sky and asks the gods of love to bestow my brother with a girl who will make him feel the way I feel about my T. Rex. But I can’t. Nor can I assure him that he will meet that person one day. I can hope. But I can’t promise.

  I clap him on the back. “Just be yourself. Be honest and open, and everything will go well. And that doesn’t just go for relationships. It goes for every other part of your life, too.”

  “Like the violin.”

  “You can read my mind? It’s like we’re twins or something.”

  He chuckles as he hits me in the back of my head. “Shut up.”

  I rest my hand on his shoulder. “Don’t sweat it, bro. You’ll do fine.”

  He nods at me through my reflection in the mirror. Then he touches his head. “What do I do about my hair?”

  “You got no choice but to leave it like that.” He’s hardly got any, since I basically shaved it all off to get rid of that damn Mohawk.

  He rubs the top of his head. “Wish I had long hair like you.”

  “Rey, you don’t have to be me in order to get a girl to like you. You’re you and I’m me.”

  He rolls his eyes. “I know. I just wish I had longer hair.” He laughs to himself. “I can’t believe I’m actually admitting this.”

  “I guess we’ll be switching places then.”

  “What do you mean?”

 
“I’ll need to shave mine all off for the Navy.”

  He whirls around. “You’re joining?”

  I shrug. “Looks like it.”

  He frowns. Turns back around and plays with his nonexistent hair.

  “You good?”

  “Yeah.” Our eyes meet in the reflection of the mirror again. “Yeah.” He smiles a real one. “I’m good. I’m happy for you. You know where you’re headed.”

  “You know where you want to be headed, too.” It’s like the revelation I had in Carter’s office. Deep down, I knew I wanted to join the Navy. I just didn’t want to admit that I felt guilty for pushing the Navy in front of Lex. Now I know that’s not true. The Navy actually makes our love for each other stronger. Rey needs to face his own guilt, that he betrayed his love for his violin.

  “We ready?” I ask.

  Rey’s chest puffs up as he takes in a large gulp of air. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

  I text Lex that we’re waiting for her downstairs. As soon as her door opens, I feel my jaw plummet to the ground. My T. Rex. My beautiful T. Rex. Dressed in this sexy dark blue dress that reaches just above the knees and swoops a little low, revealing the silky skin of her upper chest. Her hair is pinned high, showing off that kissable neck.

  “How do I look?” she asks with a shy smile.

  I groan. “All I want to do is kiss every part of you.”

  She giggles. Even though it’s dark, I see her cheeks are bright red. She looks past me at Rey, who brought the car out front and is now leaning against it, looking all jittery and out of his wits. “You look really great, Rey.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I’ll text Melody that we’re on our way.”

  Lex and I sit in the back of the car. I put my arm around her and inhale that Lex smell I love so much. Rey sticks his key into the ignition. “Can I at least get a hint of where we’re going?” he asks. “This way, I won’t look like a total idiot when Melody asks where we’re going.”

  “You’ll look like an idiot no matter what,” I say. “Shit, I was just messing around. Sorry.” I don’t want him to lose his confidence.

  “Relax. I know you’re kidding. I’m assuming we’re going to a nice place or else we wouldn’t be all dressed up.”

  I pull an invisible zipper across my lips.