The Gamal

by Ciarán Collins

  Sinéad sang through. James looked down the hall but kept on playing. Sinéad was singing still. By the time she got to the end of the song her voice had become something else. A quivering remnant. There was silence for a second after she’d finished. Then the clapping started with people still glancing to the back of the hall where the laughter continued, bold and strong. Dinky put a hand to his brow and shook his head that was laughing still. Teesh nudged him and they laughed some more. The wedding band singer spoke into the mic,

  —The Promise, ladies and gentlemen, Sinéad Halloran and James Kent.

  The crowd clapped again but Sinéad was after leaving the hall out the side door to the smoking area. James had to help a musician put back the keyboard. I looked one more time at the wild laughers at the back of the hall. All backslapping and head shaking. I didn’t draw the rest of them but this was their faces.

  Imagine if you had them faces up at you. And that they were your best friends. And you revealing the best and most secret part of you. Do you no good anyhow isn’t it?

  Outside Sinéad was crying and her father was in her face.

  —I’m fucking ashamed of you, do you know that? Fuckin eejit of a young one.

  Then he looks at me and says,

  —Thinks she’s fuckin Aretha Franklin that one.

  Then he takes a second look at me and says,

  —Jesus Christ! Ye’re a fine pair. Pair of fucking dumbos. And Prince William as bad.

  And off he goes. Sinéad was sobbing. I told her she was brilliant. She didn’t answer, just shook her head. Then James came along.

  —Jesus Sinéad what’s wrong?

  —I was shit, that’s what’s wrong.

  —What? What? Charlie tell her.

  —Told her.

  —You weren’t shit babe. You were class.

  —They were . . . they were all . . .

  —No.

  —They were all laughing at us.

  —Only Dinky and Teesh and a few of the pissheads babe. They’re just drunk, they didn’t mean it. They were only doing the fool.

  —It was awful.

  —Don’t you see babe?

  —See what? It was horrible.

  —They’re all only jealous of you. Racey? Jesus babe you can’t take any notice of them. Teesh? Snoozie? Dinky? What do they know?

  Sinéad was bawling crying now.

  —They were in stitches laughing, she said.

  —That’s just them babe. Drunken jealous fools babe. You can’t take any notice of them. The rest of the people loved us.

  —My father said he was ashamed of me.

  —But sure. You’ve heard that from him before.

  —But sure what?

  —He just cares what those pissheads think. Surely you don’t babe. You can’t. You were awesome.

  —Yeah. That’s what’s true. That’s what’s true, I said.

  —See? You know Charlie wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true.

  —Yeah. I wouldn’t. James is right.

  —Listen to him Sinéad. Please. Please babe . . . Believe babe.

  —Wasn’t real laughing Sinéad. Only the jealous type. Not from the heart. From some place else. Heartless.

  —Charlie’s right Sinéad. Believe in yourself.

  She continued sobbing. Then I said,

  —Yeah Sinéad. Believe in you. Not them.

  James went away back to Dublin again. Was only a couple of weeks to Christmas so we wouldn’t see him until then. He asked me to call into Roundy’s often as I could, just to keep her company. He rang her every night himself anyhow, whether she was at home or in Roundy’s. I called in in the evening after my dinner every night. One time the foreman sent me down for smokes to the village and I met Sinéad coming out of the doctor’s and I said what’s wrong with you? She said it was about her father’s chemo. She asked me to meet her for lunch the next day. It was dry so we went for a walk down by the river. She had a sandwich she got from the shop and a paper cup of tea.

  —Charlie, you’re going to have to fix up your life you know.

  —Ha?

  —Like. You’ve got a lot to offer like you know.

  —Yeah.

  —That’s what you always say. But you need a plan Charlie. You could get into the music industry or something. You must come up with a plan.

  —I will.

  —Would you like to be a roadie? Like for U2 or something. They say they really look after their workers.

  —Yeah. I suppose.

  —Like you can’t just be waiting for me and James to make it cos it might never happen and where would you be then?

  —I’d still be there. I’d help ye anyhow.

  —Charlie you’re too bright to be a sidekick all your life. Like you could get a job in a music shop even. Get to know people with the same interests as you.

  She must have thought I got upset then or something cos she goes,

  —Hey . . . Charlie . . . I’m not saying like that we don’t want you with us any more. We love you Charlie. It’s like what Bob Dylan said about Johnny Cash Charlie. Remember? He said Johnny Cash was like the North Star, you could guide your ship by him. You’re our North Star Charlie. You been there showing us the way from day one. Best of times Charlie. So the best of times.

  There was silence then for another bit.

  —Like remember the hen party last year that stopped off in Ballyronan. And that girl you were with until Teesh and the lads started slagging her about you. She fancied you Charlie. And I know you fancied her cos I seen you looking at her across the bar. Teesh and them are only pricks and they’ll drag you down always if you stay around here. And I know you could get your teeth fixed if you really wanted to and the social welfare would probably cover it. When was the last time you were at the dentist?

  —Dunno.

  —Have you been since primary school?

  —No I’d say.

  —It’s amazing you even still have teeth Charlie. I could help you shop for some nice clothes. If you’d better teeth and nice clothes and got out of here Charlie . . . I’m telling ya . . . there’d be no stopping ya. You wouldn’t even have to shave or cut your hair. Some girls love the wild look.

  —Right, I goes.

  —You just have to look after number one Charlie. As in like your future. I don’t want you rotting away here for ever the butt of rotten jokes.

  I cried for a bit after I walked her back to the pub. I wasn’t sure at the time why I cried and I’m not sure now either.

  Other than that I used to only see her in Roundy’s. I’d call in around eight or nine and go home about eleven when she was closing up cos mostly Roundy or the wife would call in after closing to collect the takings.

  But there was still some right nasty craic in Roundy’s before James came back for Christmas. Craic is Irish for fun. Or stuff. Sometimes it was behind her back and other times they were mean to her face. I didn’t really understand why she took it. I know they were mean to Racey too sometimes, in a joking kind of way, but still mean. Racey just laughed along. Racey was a sport. But Sinéad like. Maybe she took it cos she was stuck behind the bar and she needed the job. But she should have been brave enough to say stop to them. Maybe it’s cos she was young too. Made me want to have a machine gun and blow them all to blah. She was still only becoming a woman that time isn’t it? Fierce tender time.

  —She’d be good to go I’d say. Good to lay pipe.

  —Pipe? She take’d six foot of it a week I’d say.

  —The conqueror’s pipe.

  —Thing like that wouldn’t be fussy. All kinds of pipe I’d say. More the better.

  —Good girl.

  —That’s the girl.

  —Mighty little girl, what are ya?

  —Flora.

  —Spreads easily!

  —Any chance of a Twix?

  —No. No chocolate, sorry Teesh.

  —Who said anything about chocolate? All I want is two fingers for thirty pence!

&n
bsp; I’d just sit there imagining setting fire to them and they tied to a pole. Watch their faces melt. But I couldn’t cos if I did no one would ever ignore me again. I didn’t say anything to James cos I thought it would only cause aggro between them and he’d see for himself when he was down and he knew her better than me. Was supposed to anyhow isn’t it? I got to know that Sinéad was a shy person. And words affected her mind. She was a different person altogether when James was around. Felt protected. I gave her no protection. Even if I wanted to I couldn’t. I’m only a gamal and gamals only are. But that’s why I seen isn’t it? Only way I could ever have seen what I seen. There’s small pictures and a big picture isn’t it? A surgeon don’t work on your hernia if you’re having a heart attack. How could I ever know what happened if I went and became part of the story? No how. So that’s the end of that. Anyhow when he came home for Christmas she was grand again so I knew I was doing the right thing.

  In my noticings too I could see something else happen now when Sinéad and James were with them all. Like the times Teesh and the lads and Racey started on about someone in a nasty way, just for a laugh. They’d snipe and laugh and mock people behind their backs. Like when Mags Fitzhenry came into the pub one time for a bag full of ice cubes cos her mother was after twisting her ankle. The whole world knew her husband John was after having an affair with their au pair and how he’d his bags packed to go away with her and how she was seen crying, kneeling in front of his car one morning to stop him leaving and she shouting,

  —What about Finbarr?

  Finbarr was their son. Anyhow in Mags came for the ice and Racey goes to her,

  —How’s John Mags? and she winking at Dinky.

  —He’s grand out girl, sure you know him.

  —We do all right, Teesh goes, squinting his eyes and he taking a swig out of his pint.

  Sinéad was filling her the bag with ice and asking Mags about her mother’s fall and Teesh interrupts again,

  —Was he away for a bit Mags?

  —He was yeah. He was away on business for a week there. Something about a new calibrator or something, you know now, ’tis all double-dutch to me.

  —Speaking of Dutch, is that where that au pair of yers is from? Teesh goes.

  —No, no. She’s Spanish.

  —How’s she settling in? Dinky asks her then.

  —Oh she’s gone.

  —Is she? Racey goes, and the all shocked face on her.

  —How come? Teesh goes.

  —Oh she was homesick, Mags says.

  Sinéad handed her the bag then quick as she could so she could escape.

  —I hope your mother will be OK now, Sinéad says. Take care Mags.

  —Bye Sinéad, thanks a million.

  Then of course Teesh goes,

  —Christ Mags, that’s a shame isn’t it. John was saying how she was mighty altogether.

  —I know but sure that’s the way. Good luck to ye now, she said.

  —Good luck Mags, said Teesh and the rest of them starting to snigger and Mags speedwalking out the door.

  Then Teesh goes,

  —And the big fat liardy hole on her, and they laughing away mad and shaking their heads.

  James sat silently and met Sinéad’s eye. Sinéad and James stood out cos they were silent and their faces were red. They wouldn’t have been there only for that Sinéad had to work. But their silence made them more noticeable. It annoyed the others I think. Sinéad and James never said anything that if people heard it their feelings would be hurt. People weren’t suspicious of you when you were talking. They knew you weren’t scheming and they knew what your thoughts were. Or knew a lot of your thoughts anyhow isn’t it? That the shit you were talking was mainly what was in your mind at the time and it didn’t seem then that you were scheming. And if you were talking it showed you made an effort to be part of the gang. You have to be a gamal to get away with saying nothing. No one ever took any notice of me and the wet tongue hanging out of my mouth. They wouldn’t look at me even.

  Look at this.

  I brought in Dr Quinn grand fresh leaves for him go get scanned for me only his secretary was out sick so he said she’d do it the next day and put it on a disc for me to collect the next week. So what I got back today was the leaves only they’re a bit withered and look shit. She must have been out a few days.

  They’re from a copper beech tree that’s part of my story later on. Or soon enough maybe I dunno. From the exact branch that’s in the story. If you remember the page you can come back to here and look at it. I’m on page 313 now. If you can’t remember that you can put a dog’s ear on the corner of the page. If you can’t do that you could some day maybe go to Ballyronan and look at the copper beech in the churchyard. If it wouldn’t make you too sad. Dr Quinn said I’m doing fine now anyhow, just to keep going with it. He asked me were the court transcripts a help and I said yeah and he was delighted altogether with himself and I didn’t have to listen to him much more just agree away mad when I’d get the face he makes when he wants me to agree away mad with him.

  —Yeah. Yeah.

  —Wouldn’t you think Charlie?

  —Yeah.

  Some of the transcripts are just shit talk and the judge talking with the lawyers about procedure and what was done in other cases and drivel like that. But then now I just came across this.

  More of Teesh’s Evidence

  —You say you drank in Roundy’s. Sinéad Halloran worked there, didn’t she?

  —Yes.

  —As a barmaid, is it?

  —Yes.

  —How well did you know her?

  —Fairly well like, she’d have been working there a lot when we were drinking there.

  —I see.

  —How would you describe her? What kind of a girl was she?

  —Ahm, she was pretty sound.

  —Pretty sound. Isn’t it true that you thought she was overly promiscuous? . . . Well?

  —Ahm.

  —Just answer the question please.

  —Ahm.

  —Just tell the truth. Simple as that. Well?

  —What’s promisc … ?

  —Promiscuous. What does it mean? OK. It means, someone who is sexually indiscriminate. Somebody who, in common parlance, sleeps around a bit. Is given to many different sexual partners. Do you understand what it means now?

  —Yes.

  —Isn’t it true that you thought she was like that?

  —Well like . . . that’s . . . I couldn’t say that. That’s not right.

  —Now. Let us reflect for a moment on our situation. You are speaking about a young woman. You are an honourable young man. Somebody your community has christened as, quite literally, a leader. You are, it seems to me, a pretty good guy. Honourable. Decent. Respectful. And it seems to me that, you, just like myself, would have a great deal of respect for women. And we don’t like to speak of people who are not in a position to defend their reputation. You know what I mean?

  —Yes.

  —I must remind you then, that you are in a court of law, and respect or fear of causing embarrassment has no place at all here. Because the only thing that’s appropriate in this courtroom is the truth, no matter how unpalatable. No matter how hurtful. No matter how disrespectful. The rules outside in the community are different. The rule in here is you tell the absolute truth. Do you understand?

  —Yes. Yes, I do.

  —Good. Now. Isn’t it true that you once described Sinéad Halloran as being, and I quote, ‘Mad for pipe’ . . . Well?

  —I’d have been only . . .

  —Answer the question please, yes or no. Your Lordship . . .

  —Please answer the question you are asked only. If the court requires you to elaborate, you will be specifically asked to do so. Quite simple, yes or no, do you understand?

  —Yes.

  —Continue.

  —Now. Did you once describe Sinéad Halloran as being, and I quote, ‘Mad for pipe’.

  —Yes.

&nb
sp; —By pipe, were you referring to penis?

  —Yes.

  —And further, you said that Sinéad would take seven foot of pipe a week. What did you mean?

  —Just that she’d have a lot of sex.

  —You had a nickname for her too, is that not the case?

  —Yes.

  —What was her nickname?

  —Well, it was just what a few of us called her for a laugh.

  —Again, just answer the question.

  —Flora. The nickname was Flora.

  —Why?

  —Spreads easily.

  —Meaning she would readily agree to have sex, is that it?

  —Yes.

  —Thank you.

  Seen her mother and father after. Walking around like zombies like their brains were fried. The whole world hearing about Sinéad being thought of as some kind of a sex nut. The confused embarrassed sad heads on them. They didn’t even know if it was bullshit or not cos they didn’t even know their own daughter. Stupid fuckers isn’t it? I wouldn’t let myself feel sorry for them, even a tiny bit. Hated them fools nearly as much as my own useless self.

  More of Dinky’s Evidence

  What Dinky speaks about here happened in the pub one of the nights between Christmas Day and New Year’s Day. It’s stuff that I was looking for in the transcripts for a while. I couldn’t find it. Dr Quinn says to me maybe I didn’t want to find it. I didn’t say anything, just looked out the window with the shitty view of a wall. Anyhow, this is it.

  —Now, could you tell me what you thought of Sinéad?

  —I thought she was a nice girl.

  —Did you think she was promiscuous? You can answer truthfully. You have to answer the question.

  —Yes. I thought she was. Especially since it got out that she’d been with the Little Rascal after closing time in the pub she worked in back home.