Endure

by M. R. Merrick

  “You’re going through an immense change, and you’re suffering the loss of a friend. I’m sorry for what’s happened, Chase, but it is not safe to venture out. Your friends will find us, but until they do, we must stay here.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “I contacted Marcus shortly before I found you. He was coming back from wherever in the gods’ names you were and he’ll come here to my cabin.”

  “What did he say? Is everyone okay?”

  “He did not respond. Marcus’s abilities do not allow for telepathic communication. Luckily for him, mine do, and I’m powerful enough to reach him cross-dimensionally.”

  “Have you tried again since?”

  “I cannot risk reaching out to him now. Most of my power is tied up with yours at the moment. It is…draining, to say the least. If I take any of it back to reach out to him…”

  “Boom…”

  “Indeed.”

  “So I’m supposed to sit here and wait?”

  “We don’t have any other options. Until the summoner arrives, you and I are attached at the hip, and I have no intention of leaving.”

  I questioned Riddley, but the moment I did, the memory of what Krulear said came rushing back.

  “The Fade is where lost souls are sent when they are unblessed by the gods by proper burial rights. It is where your summoner must call the spilled pieces of the old gods. The Fade is where she summons all her spirits from. Do this, have her bind those gods’ souls to you, and you become the Protector.”

  “Am I not already?”

  “No!” her voice was harsh and raspy. “You are anointed with the Mark, which gives you power, but you are not yet the full-blooded Protector. This is why you lack the gods’ blessing. It is why your body is collapsing against your magic.”

  “How do you know about that?” I asked.

  Riddley tapped the side of his head. “While I’m inside your mind, I know everything you know.”

  The thought of him getting intimate with my thoughts made me uncomfortable, but it wasn’t nearly as painful as I remembered. When he’d raided my thoughts at our meeting with the Circle, it felt like someone had dragged sandpaper across my brain.

  “How are you here? I mean, why? I don’t understand why you disappeared in the first place.”

  “I’m afraid that is not a short story.”

  “We’ve got nothing but time, so what’s the big deal?”

  “I suppose you’re right.” Riddley sighed and sat in the wooden chair. There was a long pause afterward and his eyes wandered the floor, as if he was trying to decide on what to tell me.

  “Why don’t you start at the beginning,” I said.

  Riddley pondered it for a moment before nodding. “All right then, that seems as good a place as any.” He cleared his throat and rubbed his hands back and forth over his legs. “For years, long before your exile, I had been haunted by dreams. Visions of your father filled my nights—memories returning to me that were supposed to remain hidden. You can only ignore that sort of thing for so long. Shortly after your exile, I decided to see for myself what these dreams were about. To accomplish this, I did something forbidden. I entered a fellow hunter’s mind without consent, or consent of the council—your father’s. I was well aware of the punishment of this: exile or death, but I didn’t care. After your banishment, I knew something wasn’t right. Riley had Blackwell wrapped around his finger in a way I’d never seen. I was determined to get to the bottom of it.”

  “What did you see?”

  “The memory is jumbled at best, with parts still missing. But the memory is not as important as the discovery. I found darkness in Riley’s mind that didn’t belong.”

  “This was before he did the ritual?”

  Riddley nodded. “Oh yes, years earlier. I couldn’t determine what exactly had caused it, but one thing is for certain, your father had not been the hunter we knew for quite some time.”

  I had memories of a father who was kind and just. I had looked up to him and even after he changed, I still idolized him. I wanted to grow up to be him. I always thought he was being harder on me because he had high expectations. And even after my exile, I wanted his attention. Maybe I secretly hoped I could impress him, and the caring father I remembered would one day return.

  “It might not help, but for what it’s worth, I was against that from the start,” Riddley said. I looked up at him, once again confusion covered my face. Riddley tapped the side of his head. “I opposed your father’s recommendation for exile.”

  “You did?

  “It was a harsh punishment, and I wasn’t the only one who thought so. We all knew his claim that Tessa had been unfaithful was preposterous and that there was a chance you’d develop your abilities later. But Blackwell sided with Riley, overruling all of us.”

  The moment he mentioned my mother’s name, images of her scorched body formed in my mind.

  Marcus walked down that endless aisle of earth. Water crashed against the embankment on either side of him. His body covered in burns and black soot, and in his arms laid my mother’s body, completely still, covered in blistering wounds from my father’s flame. Her hair was singed and draped over his charred arms, and for the first time in years, she looked at peace.

  A pang formed in my chest that had nothing to do with the wounds that covered my body. The ache and imagery put Willy’s face at the forefront of my thoughts.

  His ashy skin crumbled beneath pellets of rain as I caught the last glimpse of his lifeless eyes, and then he was gone. His remains washed along the road and into the earth.

  My mother and my best friend were gone forever. All because I wasn’t strong enough…wasn’t fast enough.

  “You mustn’t be so hard on yourself, Chase. In this war, there are no winners. We fight to survive just one more day.”

  “What do you know about fighting?” I asked, and it came out harsher than I had intended. “You’ve spent the better half of your life staring down at the rest of us from your high perch in the Circle, casting judgment and enforcing ridiculous rules to keep your grasp around the Circle tight. You don’t know a thing about war.”

  “You’re welcome to believe what you like, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I was out there once. All the elders were. We took that experience and tried to pass it on to the next generation. When I saw what we were doing wasn’t working, I adapted. I broke the Circle’s rules: I altered memories, I funneled money to Marcus for more than a decade, and I shared everything I could with him. I did this because I cared. I believed in what he was doing, and I still do. For years I fought my own war in a way I saw fit. Do not be mistaken, I’m here to stand with you, not fight against you.”

  I ran my hands through my hair, even though it made my arms and body ache with each movement. “I’m sorry…it’s been a long few days.”

  “Don’t be. From what I’ve seen, it’s been a long few months. A long few years if you count all the terrible things you and your mother had to deal with. If you weren’t angry, that would worry me.”

  “Can we not talk about her, please?”

  Riddley nodded and took a deep a breath. Sweat had started to run down his face and he dabbed it with a dirty handkerchief.

  “So what made you finally leave the Circle?”

  Riddley didn’t respond at first. He placed both hands on his knees and leaned forward, taking in long, slow breaths. He put his finger up as if to tell me to wait and cleared his throat. “I had known for years that at some point, my memories had been altered. I don’t know who did it, and I don’t know how many times it was done, but my dreams were becoming increasingly more vivid. A few weeks before our meeting with you and your friends, I stopped getting visions altogether and was left with no choice but to assume the worst—something bad was coming.” Riddley coughed and his nose began to run.

  “Hey, are you okay?”

  Riddley nodded. “Yes, fine. Just getting a chill.” He cleared his throat and offere
d a faint smile. “I tried to discuss it with the council, but Blackwell had everyone on edge with his obsession on getting the ring. He made my query irrelevant. I realized then that everything the Circle stood for had fallen apart. Whatever was happening, Blackwell was in some way involved. If I wanted to find answers and effect change, I had to do it on my own.”

  “What about the others? If they knew something wasn’t right with Blackwell, you could’ve had him voted out of the council.”

  “I didn’t have any evidence to sustain my beliefs. I could prove nothing. And anything I could prove only exposed myself as a traitor for breaking the rules of engagement.”

  “So you left,” I said. I could feel sleep pulling at my eyes again. I’d just woken up, how could I be tired?

  “I thought if I went deep enough or far enough away from Blackwell, I could get my visions back. I suspected it was he who had tampered with my mind and abilities. He was the only one powerful enough to even attempt such a feat. But it was to no avail. I remained vacant of my visions no matter how far I went. By the time I decided to return, there was no home to return to. Many of the hunters were dead, others had gone into hiding, and the council had been mostly slaughtered. All but Blackwell of course, who appears to have gone with Riley.”

  “And now you’re here.”

  “Marcus had given me the location of the warehouse. When I arrived, Riley had already fled, and you and your friend…well, you know the rest.”

  I nodded and found my head feeling heavy. My eyes were drooping and the edges of my vision began to blur.

  “I’ve put some ointment on your wounds to speed the healing, but I’m sorry to say they’re pretty bad. The sooner the summoner arrives, the sooner we can get you back on your feet. For now, you need rest.”

  “I can’t. I need to be ready for when they get here.”

  “Until your summoner completes the next part of the Protector’s rite, you’re not of any use to anyone. Besides, by the looks of it, those pills are starting to kick in. Don’t fight them. Rest while you can. I fear you have a long journey ahead of you.” Riddley wiped his brow again and struggled to push himself up. “Perhaps it’s best if we both have a rest.”

  Chapter 3

  My jeans were torn and crusty, hanging low on my waist. There were no wounds on my body, just smooth, unmarred skin, and the warm air kept the chill away. I walked toward a pond as grass folded beneath my bare feet. Everything seemed so distant. I was a giant stalking an open plain.

  I crouched down on my hands and knees in desperate need of a drink. My tongue felt like sandpaper and the water looked refreshing. A cloudy sky drifted in the water’s reflection, but when my hands dipped beneath the surface, tiny ripples blurred the image. The liquid was cold and energizing, revitalizing my throat as it quenched my thirst.

  Water was a powerful element, tranquil and healing with the capability to revive your soul. It could wash you clean and soothe your aches, but in the wrong conditions, it was unmatched for power. It could rise up and swallow you whole. You could fight, you could tread water, and you could swim, but the water would never grow tired. It existed endlessly and it could devour you before you received a final breath. Water was the only element that worked so perfectly on both ends of the spectrum. It deserved both one’s respect and fear.

  When the water calmed, I leaned over and stared at my reflection, but it wasn’t there. Instead, I saw myself in the distance like a movie on a screen. I couldn’t see my face. I stood in front of this very pond and dark ink covered my back. Massive inky wings were sewn into my skin, draping over my shoulders and running down the sides of my back. The tip of the wings disappeared beneath the edge of my pants and grey shading filled in the feathers. A thick sword was drawn from the base of my neck, down my spine. Small glyphs on the blade represented each element I had attained. Before the battle with Riley, there were four: earth, air, fire, and water. Now there was a fifth element: lightning.

  The clouds above roared with thunder. I jumped at the sound, but the man in the reflection didn’t move. He stood strong and proud, staring at the sky, seeming unfazed by what happened around me. Lightning flashed and rain began to fall. White clouds turned gray and forced the sun into hiding. Drops of water fell, distorting the image in the water into a ripple of colors.

  I rose to my feet as the drops ran over my back. They were cold, sliding over my shoulders and down my chest. Hair clung to my forehead and the wind picked up, causing goosebumps to rise across my skin. Tiny drops hit me, exploding in liquid assaults. I stood at the edge of the pond, staring at the clouds. When I looked back down at the pond, I found my mother standing in the center. She looked small, wading toward the shore of a massive lake. When she was nearly to the edge, she stopped, staring up at me.

  She barely reached my knees, and the sight of her made my legs shake. I gave in to them and fell to the ground. Both my knees planted into the wet earth and water seeped into my jeans.

  White straps ran over her shoulders, holding up a green summer dress that floated on the water. She was a water lily, and my massive form sheltered her from the storm. Her long hair was pushed off her shoulders and thrown into the wind. It whipped around her face and she pulled a strand from her lips. It had only been a few months, but she looked younger than I remembered. Her skin was smoothed and the dark circles under her eyes were gone. The wrinkles at the edge of her mouth and eyes were still there, a permanent impression from a woman always smiling.

  As soon as I thought it, the loving smile she usually carried was upon her lips. Hazel eyes held me like I’d dreamed for months they’d have the chance to do again, and my chest rattled with a racing heartbeat.

  “Mom,” I said, but the word hardly came out. It was caught in my throat. I tried to say it again, but I couldn’t. My body vibrated with fear, sadness, and excitement, and a tear ran down my face. As it hit the water, the pond deepened and she stood hip-deep in water.

  “Shhh,” she said, raising her hand. Her smile hadn’t faltered, but she didn’t come closer.

  I pulled back the tear and stretched my arm toward her. Her entire hand gripped one of my fingers and she used it as support as she walked to the shore.

  “It’s okay, honey,” she whispered. “Everything is going to be okay.”

  I shook my head. “How can it be? You’re not here because of what I did. You’re gone, Willy’s gone, and everyone is lost. They might be gone too.” The words were short and jerky between airy sobs. I wished I wasn’t so big. I wanted to feel her arms wrap around my neck and hold me close. The moment I thought it, it happened. I stood on the shoreline with her, and I was no longer a giant in comparison.

  “You need to calm down.” She cupped my face, the smile still warming her features. “You’re going to get through this, do you hear me?”

  I couldn’t reply. I’d wasted all the words I had and now they were stuck somewhere between my throat and my chest.

  “Nod if you understand.”

  I nodded and I didn’t look away. I didn’t ever want to look away.

  “You’re on your way to becoming the true Protector, but before that, you’re my son. Before magic, before any blessing from the gods, you were strong. You didn’t need magic to fight because you never quit. Ever. You had what you needed inside.” She put her hand on my chest, and even in the rain and wind, her touch was hot.

  The thunder crashed and she looked up to the sky. “I don’t have much time. You need to look inside yourself and find that strength again. That strength has nothing to do with magic and everything to do with you. You have to bind the souls and find the answers you need.” The thunder crashed again and the smile finally left my mother’s face. “They know I’m here and they won’t be happy. I need to go.”

  “What? No!” I said, but she had already pulled herself away. “Mom, wait!”

  She walked backward into the pond and I tried to follow, but the water had become rough rapids that pushed me back, although she seemed to mo
ve with ease.

  “I can’t, they won’t let me. I’m not supposed to be here.”

  “Who won’t let you?”

  My mother stared back at me, offering me a half-smile I knew was forced. “Be the person I know you can be. I know you think you need me, but you’re stronger than you know. Don’t ever forget that, and remember, I’m always with you.”

  “Mom, wait! Who won’t let you?”

  Lightning flashed and the thunder roared. Her head canted to the side and she feigned a smile. The water swirled up around her, sliding over her arms and consuming her entire body. A water-shaped hand reached out to me, and then her entire form collapsed into the lake, leaving nothing but ripples in its wake and the words “the gods” whispering on the wind.

  Chapter 4

  I jerked up from the couch, but the repercussion that came with the motion made me curse. My chest heaved and sweat dripped down my face.

  “Chase?” I heard a voice say, but it was groggy. I wasn’t quite in reality yet.

  I cleared my throat and threw my legs over the edge of the couch. More pain came, but I didn’t care. I needed to touch the floor. I needed to ground myself.

  “Chase, are you okay?” It was Rayna’s voice and she ran down the stairs.

  I screamed as the scabbed over skin on my back tore open when I attempted to stand. I fell to the couch and beat my fists against the cushions as though that could alleviate the pain.

  “Chase, hey…calm down.”

  Rayna’s voice soothed me. She crouched in front of me and carefully touched my shoulder. Calming energy emanated off her body and soaked into mine. The adrenaline and pain faded, leaving an empty pit stirring inside me. I went completely still. The green cat eyes staring back at me had stolen my words and my breath. Swelling had formed under Rayna’s right eye and she looked tired, but she was as striking as ever.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  I didn’t have words, so I answered with action. There was only one thing I wanted to do. Both my hands cupped her face and I fought the pain that came with moving. I leaned forward until my lips were against hers. Her lips were missing their usual coat of gloss, but I didn’t care, I needed her closer.