Endure

by M. R. Merrick

  “Chase, you can’t do this now. Your body is breaking apart!”

  I looked back at Rayna, her eyes pleaded with me to stop, but I had to go. I had to talk to him. I tried to walk toward him but a barrier formed around me. Rayna’s magic was holding me back.

  “I need to talk to him!”

  “There isn’t time, Chase. You’re dying!” Rayna’s voice screamed in my head.

  “You have to let me. Please, Rayna.”

  “He’s gone, Chase, and if we waste any more time, you will be too.”

  A sharp pain pierced my chest and I winced. A small stream of blood trickled down my chest, but there was no wound to be found.

  “Chase…”

  I wanted to reason with her, but I knew it would be no use. Another pain spliced down my arm and blood dripped off my fingertips. The bright drops stained the grass and a tingling sensation washed over my body.

  “Okay.” I moved back beside Rayna and stared down into the dark pool, fighting the urge to look back at him. Her voice guided me and I did as she said, but I regretted each moment of it as Willy watched from the far end of the river.

  Each element rose inside my soul and magic danced along my arms, but they didn’t manifest. Instead, colored light spilled from my palms: orange, blue, green, white, and yellow moved in faded streams into the darkness below. Rayna’s power mingled with the elements—a red stream intertwining with my mine. Her power reached deeper into the Fade and called forth fallen powers. She beckoned them upward and pushed our magic deeper than I could go.

  Strange vibrations rode the air in an act of authority. Rayna’s magic flexed, overtaking mine, and light exploded in the darkness. A kaleidoscope formed beneath the water and streams of colorful light twisted in the shadows. They were attracted to my power, but it was Rayna’s that guided them upward.

  As the souls broke through the water, they didn’t take on human forms. Instead, they hovered over the surface, staring back at us, their power suffocating mine. An army of colorful orbs floated in front of me. Each had a distinct feel; a unique vibration of energy that moved around them and prickled along my arm. It was distracting and welcoming all at once, and I craved to have it closer. Everything now existed in a boundary of Rayna’s magic, but I could hear their thoughts rushing through me.

  “Who is this?”

  “Now we can finally leave this place.”

  “Could it be?”

  “The Protector needs us.”

  “Has he finally arrived?”

  “Ithreal’s war is still raging from the other side. We must unite.”

  “Release me from this hell!”

  “Kill him! He is not enough to save us all.”

  I tried to answer their thoughts with my own, but Rayna overpowered me. “I have called you forth,” she thought. “And you’ve been drawn toward the Protector’s essence. The time has come to unite your power with his.”

  More thoughts from the auras fluttered through me, but there were too many coming all at once. Rayna’s magic drew them forward with articulated command, and the spirits began to merge together. Like a spiral of color they wavered in the air, creating vibrant lines of energy that carried weight and emotion: anger, happiness, regret, sadness, excitement, and more swirled around me. One at a time the spirits crashed into me. As each essence impacted my body, my elements swelled. With Rayna’s guidance they entered me with ease. I had become an inlet for the power of fallen gods, and their ancient magic flared inside me adding to my own. Flashes of knowledge and memories of worlds that were no longer moved through my mind, but they vanished as they hit me. I tried to recall them, but they faded as quickly as they came. A final blast of energy hit me and the world exploded in a blinding firework. I felt the Fade morphing and moving away from me and I couldn’t help but scream. “No, I’m not ready. Willy!”

  A puddle of cold blood had pooled around me on the floor. I stared up at the whirlpool above me. My body had become numb and covered in open wounds. My heart vibrated in my chest and I didn’t think I could move.

  Colorful spheres were consumed by the funnel and drawn into me. My body jerked violently as the final souls entered my body and then it was over. The candles sucked the flames back against their wicks and like a rope being unraveled, the whirlpool was torn apart into streams of flame that vanished into melted stems. A loud pop sounded on the air and the magic vanished. Each candle extinguished itself, leaving colorful drifts of smoke to rise up to the ceiling. Rayna’s power withdrew, and the pressure of my body against the floor lifted. A pulsating sensation pressed against my body and I took in a gasping breath. Warm air slipped through my lips and my chest heaved up and down. My heart was a drum inside my ears, pounding hard enough I felt it smash against my ribcage.

  On the outer edge of the circle, Marcus, Tiki, and Rayna stared at me, but I couldn’t move. My veins bulged and power flooded through them, coursing through my body. I could feel it coasting behind my eyes, dancing along my lips, and flickering between my fingers.

  Marcus’s and Tiki’s mouths were moving, but I couldn’t hear their words, a high-pitched ringing drowned them out. Rayna knelt beside me and with one hand on my chest, the other ran down my face.

  “…hear me, Chase?” she asked as the ringing began to subside.

  I shook my head as a crowd of voices shouted in my head. The sound cut like a knife through butter, slicing through my skull. I rolled over and pulled my knees into my stomach, trying to make myself as small as possible. I felt queasy and bile rose in my throat. The voices didn’t stop. They were needles in my head and I cupped my ears and screamed. “Shut up!”

  Rayna jumped back, knocking over some of the smoking candles and stumbled into Marcus. Pain simmered over my head and with long steady breaths, the voices faded. The floor creaked as I rocked backed and forth. It was the only sound in the room. I could feel everyone’s eyes beating down on me and my heart thudded in my chest.

  “Chase?” Rayna whispered. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” I said, and when I realized I was shouting, I shook my head. “I’m okay…I think.” I shifted my weight and fell back on the floor, wrapping my arms around my legs. As I moved, I realized the pain that had enveloped my body was gone. It took a few moments to clear my head. The world shifted around me, going in and out of focus. I focused on a single knot in the wooden floorboards until I felt my equilibrium stabilize.

  Nobody moved as I unwrapped bandages from my arms. There were no wounds or scars, only a vibration moving over my skin. The elements that had been buzzing inside me had faded. Although I could feel their power, they were dormant, waiting to be beckoned. But there was a discomfort looming within that had nothing to do with my magic. Foreign entities roamed inside, making my body their home. They had entered me but hadn’t merged with my soul. They were very much alive and separate. If I focused, I could hear an army of thoughts stampeding through my mind. The moment I did, the ringing came back in full force and I winced, covering my ears as voices shrieked.

  “Chase,” Rayna’s voice broke through the noise.

  I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to pull away form the souls, shifting my focus to the water stains on the floor. The sound faded and I shook away the remnants.

  “I’m fine, it’s just…weird in here right now.”

  “In where?”

  Marcus and Rayna both crouched in front of me and I recomposed myself. “In my head.” They stared back without a word and I paused, taking a moment to ensure the voices stayed away. A lump sat in my throat that hurt when I swallowed, but I did my best to ignore it.

  “I thought I’d just get their power, but I got them too. They’re inside me, moving around. If I focus, I can hear their thoughts…and their screams. There’s so many of them. Some angry, others sad; the rest are jumbled together.”

  “You need to stay away from that. Do not converse with them,” Rayna said.

  “What happens if he does?” Marcus asked.

&nb
sp; “We’re on a timeline now. Chase isn’t fixed; this is just a Band-Aid on the wound. There are pieces of all the fallen gods inside him. We can’t be sure what pieces of them fell into the Fade, but we can be certain they have their own agendas. If we don’t bind all the souls to his, eventually one of the gods could take over.”

  “Are you saying we could lose Chase to a higher power?”

  Rayna nodded. “And even then there’s a chance he’ll…” Rayna looked at me and lowered her eyes.

  “Die,” I said in a whisper.

  “That’s not going to happen,” Marcus said.

  There was a thud and Riddley’s body had fallen over on the floor. Marcus ran over and placed two fingers against Riddley’s neck. Focus was engraved on his face.

  “He’s okay. Tiki, can you help Riddley upstairs? He’s going to need to rest.”

  Tiki slid Riddley’s arm around his neck and together they conquered the stairs.

  “Rayna, you should get some rest too.”

  “Forget it. I’m not leaving Chase.”

  Marcus sighed. “You look exhausted, Chase. How are you feeling?”

  “I’m…okay,” I said. I pushed myself up to my feet and blotches of black swarmed around me.

  Marcus gripped my arm and steadied me. “Really?”

  “No.” We stared silently at one another for a long time before I fell against his chest. Exhaustion dragged me down and I felt overwhelmed with emotion. “He killed them, Marcus. “First mom, then Willy…someone has to stop him.”

  Marcus wrapped his arms around me and I didn’t fight it. “We will. I promise you, we will.”

  I stayed in Marcus’s arms until I felt ready to stand on my own. There were no tears left inside me, just an overabundance of sadness. I had cried all I could, and sleep was inevitable.

  “We’re running on fumes. There are some cots upstairs we brought from the warehouse. You two go get some rest.”

  My legs were shaky and my balance was off. The souls felt like physical objects fluttering inside me. It brought a whole new meaning to butterflies in my stomach. Rayna wrapped her fingers around mine and guided me up the stairs. Sunlight burst through a small circular window and bits of dust floated in the stream. There were four closed doors along the hallway and one that remained open. Inside were a few empty cots opened across the floor.

  “Do you want to talk about what happened in there? With Willy?”

  What was there to say? He had been right there. I could’ve talked to him. I could’ve said I was sorry, but once again there wasn’t time. I shrugged my shoulders, my balance slowly restoring itself.

  Rayna hugged me. “I know you wanted to see him, but you almost died, Chase.”

  “I…” Our bodies were pressed together and my tensions faded. “I didn’t just want to talk to him, I needed to. Why was he there? The Fade is for unblessed souls.”

  “All half-demons are unblessed souls. They were never meant to exist. They turn to ash so they can’t have proper burial rites. They can never be welcomed into the Otherworld with the gods. Demons are half-breeds, abominations of the gods. Turning to ash is our curse.”

  “No, that’s not true,” I said, trying to fight my exhaustion. “I’ve killed pure bloods, and they all turn to ash!”

  “Only Ithreal’s pure bloods do. One of things I learned in the Fade is that he is a cruel god, Chase. It’s an ironic and harsh trick that his creatures burn. He would never allow his beasts to enter the heavens and be associated with the other gods. Instead, his creatures’ souls are doomed to wander the Fade forever. A place that the gods, even Ithreal himself, cannot enter.”

  “Willy deserves better than that.”

  “I know.” Silence drifted around us and Rayna squeezed me tighter, burying her face in my neck. We stood there for a moment and I could feel her shaking.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  Rayna pulled away, only enough that her words weren’t muffled by my body. “I miss him. I wanted to let you see him, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t going to lose you too.”

  I leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “You’re not going to lose me. You’ve had my back since the beginning. You’ve made sure I stayed alive and now you have to suffer the consequences: you’re stuck with me.”

  Rayna let out a half-laugh and hugged me. “Good.”

  Chapter 6

  Rayna’s head lay heavy on my chest with her arms draped across my stomach. The world around me was still asleep and I didn’t dare open my eyes. To open them meant to return to a world that held pain and sadness woven with defeat. It meant facing the battles we’d lost and struggling to find the desire to strike forward. I couldn’t go back there. Not yet.

  Deep breaths whispered from Rayna’s lips but she remained still. She couldn’t get closer to me—her body molded alongside mine—and if I listened, I could hear her heart’s rhythmic pulse. I tried to remember what I had dreamed about. I knew it was about my mom, but I couldn’t quite grasp it. She seemed right there on the edge of my thoughts. It hadn’t been a good dream; it was a nightmare. Black claws had torn my mother away from me and thrown her into a pit of darkness. I already feared the thought of opening my eyes and facing reality, but I also feared doing so would cause that last bit of the dream to slip away. I didn’t want to lose her again. I wanted to pull her from that darkness.

  Riley’s voice struck through my mind, but it was distant and the words were muffled. His face floated behind my eyelids and black lines split from his pupils, seeping over his skin. His arrogance was a full-bodied presence that pulled at his lips and as he smirked, an intense power vibrated from his body.

  “I know you’re awake, boy. Get up.” The image shattered and Grams voice was a harsh whisper against my ear, sputtering cigarette-scented spit across my cheek.

  “What?” I whispered, finding Grams’s inches away from my face.

  “I said get up. We’re taking a walk. Don’t wake the kitty.”

  With Rayna completely out of it, I carefully slid my body out from beneath her, resting her head on the pillow. The door creaked as I closed it, and Grams picked up a bag off the floor and shoved it against me.

  “Marcus brought this for you. You smell like sweat and dead rabbit ass. Put on something clean and meet me outside.”

  My stomach clenched at her demand, revolting inside my body. Grams’s veiny legs waddled down the hallway and her heels clacked against each wooden step as she descended the stairs.

  I pulled a clean shirt over my head, applied the stick of deodorant to cover my own stink, and took an extra moment to enjoy the smell. My jeans had been covered in dirt and blood and I’d been without a shirt for days, although it felt like weeks. I pulled on a new pair of cargo pants and looped the belt through. I’d lost weight and it seemed like everything I owned was too big. After I pulled on fresh socks and clean shoes, I felt like a new person, but the hole inside me wasn’t filled with the scent of clean laundry or the feeling of dry clothes. It was an empty pit of sadness and regret.

  “Hurry up,” Grams said from the bottom of the stairs. Her voice made me feel queasy. I ran both hands through my greasy hair and took a deep breath before moving downstairs. “Follow me.”

  Grams led me down a small incline and onto a beaten dirt path. Her heels squished into the freshly moistened earth, but she walked unfazed across the uneven terrain. Her pace was slow and she didn’t say a word.

  Tension in the air seemed to ripen with every step until it rubbed against my skin. Grams trudged over a fallen log and continued forward. Either she didn’t feel it or she didn’t care, but I couldn’t take it any longer.

  “Where are we going?” I asked, but there was no response.

  Puffs of breath pooled into the air. It was late November and I couldn’t remember the last time we’d made it this far into the month without snow. The air was crisp and winter’s grasp was close. The blue sky was a welcomed sight to what I’d seen in Vortan. Regardless of the circumstances, I to
ok comfort in knowing I was home, even if everything reminded me of Willy. His face was carved into the bark on each tree I passed and his voice stuttered in the wind. The shadows on the ground looked like his mess of hair, and the rainbow of crinkled leaves that rolled over the earth reminded me of how his skin would change colors.

  The sound of water splashed in the distance and Grams didn’t hesitate as she stepped through the thin space between bushes. The branches scraped my arms when I followed, stepping out on a rocky beach. Ripples of water rode in from a huge lake, weaving their way through the stones that covered the ground. Seeing the water between the rocks gave me the horrible feeling of deja vu.

  It was only a few nights ago, but it was so fresh I could taste the rain. It splashed against my skin and sulfur and salt whirled around me. The sound of Willy’s snarl as he jumped from the shadows to protect me had been spine-chilling. That was the beginning of the end for him, and the image of his ashes floating between the gravel made me woozy.

  As the image faded I could feel Grams’s eyes upon me. When I looked up, I realized they were red and puffy, and she looked even more disheveled than usual.

  “So out with it,” Grams said.

  “Out with it?” I asked, feigning confusion. I knew what she wanted, but I hoped I was wrong.

  “Tell me how he died.”

  Dammit. This was one of the few moments in my life I hated myself for being right. Grams stepped closer and my stomach twisted. I knew the power that aged shell contained and I hoped she didn’t plan on using it.

  “Tell me what happened. What happened to my William?”

  “I thought Marcus explained it to you.”

  “You were there, Chase. I want to hear it from you.”

  My eyebrows lifted and my forehead creased. I didn’t want to tell her. I didn’t want to relive it. Although she was old, she was intimidating and I feared her reaction.

  “Those souls really did make you stronger, didn’t they?” Grams asked. “I can usually pluck the thoughts right out of your head, but not now. Your shields are resilient. I can feel the power vibrating off you. All that magic, yet you stand here looking afraid. Why?”