A Chance of Happiness
Page 12
She tried to sit up and Nicholas allowed her to do so while still keeping a firm hold on her hands as if he feared she might escape him.
"You told me you were going to marry Tom Davies."
"Tom married someone else," replied Petra in a small voice.
Nicholas said gently, "Poor darling, did you mind very much?"
"I didn't mind at all," said Petra quietly. "I was never going to marry Tom."
"What?" cried Nicholas. "But you said… You told me…"
"I know what I told you, Nicholas, and I'm truly sorry, but there was a reason."
"What reason?"
"The best reason, or so I thought at the time," said Petra. "Tom said…" she paused awkwardly.
"Tom said?" Nicholas prompted.
"Tom said you were married and I couldn't face being just your mistress."
"I see." Nicholas' voice was harsh but it softened as he went on, "I'm not married, Petra. I was, but my wife, Anne, was killed in a car crash."
"I know," wailed Petra. "I know that now, but I didn't then." She turned away from him and fought down her tears before she said, "I was so happy when we were together that night in the flat, and then the next day Tom said—"
"Tom said!" interrupted Nicholas angrily. "Damn what Tom said. What about me? Why didn't you ask me, for heaven's sake?"
"I tried to find out by myself. I didn't just accept his word," said Petra defensively. "I'd been wrong about you before, and this time I wanted to be certain, make sure of my facts before I spoke to you."
"Well," said Nicholas, "you seem to have got them wrong again even so. What did you do to find out?"
"I read the blurb on your books, I looked you up in Who's Who. All of them said you were married, so I rang your home. A woman answered and said she was Mrs. Romilly, Mrs. Anne Romilly."
"My mother," said Nicholas gently." Well, stepmother. Her name is Anne as well."
"I didn't know it was. I assumed it was—was your Anne. And somehow I couldn't face you with that." Petra sighed wearily. "That's why I told you I was going to marry Tom. I hoped that if I didn't see you again, I'd forget you." At this the tears she had been trying to hold back began to trickle down her cheeks and she turned her face away again so he shouldn't see them.
"Did you?" It was almost a whisper as if he were holding his breath for the answer. "Did you forget me?"
"No."
"Do you still want to?"
"No." Her voice came out on a sob and it was too much for Nicholas' self-control. He pulled her into his arms once more and rocked her gently like a baby, until her sobs died away and she lay still against him.
Plucking up courage at last she said, "What made you send me the ticket? Why did you ask me to come out here?"
"Because I wanted you. When I heard from your students that you hadn't married Tom at all, and that he'd in fact married someone else, it gave me hope," explained Nicholas. "You see, I'd tried to forget you too. But I couldn't do it either. You haunted me. I loved you too much."
"Does anyone else come into this garden?" asked Petra suddenly.
Nicholas was surprised at the sudden change of subject. "No, I don't think so, not often anyway. Why?"
"Please, will you kiss me again?" She looked up at him and he caught the sparkle of her eyes in the lantern light. For a long moment his gaze held hers and then he said, "You know what'll happen if I do!"
Petra put up a hand to his cheek and said softly, "Yes, I know. That's why I asked you."
"Witch!" groaned Nicholas, and putting her from him he got to his feet. Then he took her hand and led her to a door in the side of the house.
"Where are we going?" she asked, surprised.
"I keep a room here, too. We'll have more privacy there, and I want you to myself."
They went into the cool and silent house and he led her up a narrow stair to a room overlooking the garden they had just left. The heady fragrance of the white jasmine which grew outside the window filled the air and the room was faintly-lit by moon glow from over the sea. Gently Nicholas closed the door behind them, and Petra turned to him, but he placed his hands on her shoulders, holding her away, looking into her questioning face.
"We've come a long way from that January day in the basement flat," he said lifting one hand to twist a strand of her hair loosely round his fingers. "I'll never forget how you looked then, in a towering rage, quite beautiful, even as you hurled abuse at me."
"Don't remind me," begged Petra. "I'm still so ashamed of myself when I think about that."
"Don't be," said Nicholas. "You were the first woman who had made me aware of her, since Anne died." He paused and captured Petra's hands in his, holding them firmly as he went on, "All my happiness seemed to die with Anne," he said, "but you brought me to life again. When I kissed you that first time I felt disloyal to Anne's memory. That was silly, she would never have wanted me to live my life alone; or begrudged me a second chance of happiness, but I'd always been so sure I couldn't love anyone else. And yet, with you, I couldn't help myself. I couldn't bear not to hold you in my arms. I loved Anne, she was, and is, part of my life, part of me, but I love you, Petra, I love you because you're you, and I can't live the rest of my life without you. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
Petra heard the uncertainty in his voice and she felt a wave of love surge through her. Gently she drew him to her and kissed him before she said, "Oh, Nicholas Romilly, don't ever leave me again. Without you I'm nothing,"
"Love me?" he asked, a hopeful twinkle in his eye.
Petra gave an enchanted giggle. "Well," she said, considering, darting a look at him from under her lashes.
"Well?" said Nicholas dangerously, his fingers tightening on her arms.
"Sometimes I love you so much it hurts," she admitted, "and sometimes I love you more. Nicholas!" she cried out his name as he gathered her up and tossed her on to the little bed which stood beneath the window.
"That does it," he said, dropping down beside her. "You're stuck with me for life."
"Promise?" she murmured, reaching up for him.
"Oh yes, angel," he breathed. "I promise."