The Memory of All That

by Gibson, Nancy Smith

  “We didn’t buy any bait, son, and the ground is still too cold to dig for worms. They’re still down deep so they don’t freeze. Maybe next time we come we can fish. The fish will be down deep in the water now, too.”

  “So they don’t freeze, too?” Jonathan asked.

  “That’s right,” his father answered. “But I’ll tell you what, we can play Go Fish with cards.”

  “Hurray!” Jonathan cheered then sobered. “Can’t we stay down here for a while?”

  “Sure. Want to skip rocks?” David asked as he bent over to search out a stone.

  Immediately caught up in the idea, Jonathan started looking for a rock of his own. Marnie went and sat on the dock, dangled her feet over the edge and admired the vista before her.

  I don’t remember when I’ve felt so peaceful, she thought and then laughed at herself for such a silly idea. Duh, she almost said out loud.

  The sun had begun to sink behind the mountains in the west, and the air began to cool when David suggested they go back to the cabin. Jonathan led the way, although David cautioned him to stay with them. “Surely he can go on ahead,” Marnie commented. “It’s only a short way, and we can see all the way to the cabin.”

  David said nothing, but when they reached the house and Jonathan bounded up the steps and through the front door, he put his hand on Marnie’s arm, holding her back. “I didn’t want to say anything in front of Jonathan, but sometimes there are bears in this area . . .”

  “Bears?” Marnie yelped.

  “Shh. When I talked to Chad on the phone Monday he said there haven’t been any spotted around here this spring, but it’s always a good idea to keep Jonathan close to us, just in case.”

  Marnie glanced nervously around them as if she might see a bear amble up at any time.

  “What should we do if we see one?” she asked.

  “First of all, stay calm. Don’t panic. If the bear is on the path, you move off it. Speak in a moderate tone of voice. You should talk so the bear knows you’re a human, not another animal, but you shouldn’t scream or yell at it. Don’t look it in the eye, and back up slowly until you are a good distance away from it. Don’t ever run. Bears will chase you if you run.”

  “If I meet a bear, I’ll probably just faint, and then it will eat me,” she said.

  “We probably won’t see one, even from a distance, but I don’t want Jonathan getting away from us, just to be safe.”

  “Agreed. I’m not getting a distance away from you, either.”

  David was chuckling when they entered the cabin.

  Marnie put the casserole in the oven for supper, and she, David, and Jonathan played several wild hands of Go Fish with a deck of cards David took from an oversized antique armoire in the living room. When the timer went off, David and Jonathan washed up and then set the table while Marnie put the bread in the oven. A few minutes later they sat down to supper.

  It was a quiet meal, and when it was over, Marnie said, “Jonathan, I think you’d better go take your bath before you fall asleep. It’s been a busy day, and I can tell you’re tired.”

  “Aww,” he began, but David cut him off.

  “I’ll come draw a tub of water for you and help you get started.”

  “Be sure he washes all over instead of just playing in the tub,” Marnie advised.

  By the time she had cleared the table and washed the dishes, David had Jonathan bathed and in his pajamas. Together they tucked the yawning boy into one of the twin beds.

  “Leave the lamp on, please Daddy, until you come to bed,” he requested.

  “Sure thing, Sport. I’ll turn it off later.”

  Marnie pulled the covers up around Jonathan’s shoulders and kissed him on the forehead.

  “Good night, sweet one,” she whispered.

  Chapter 33

  When they returned to the living room, David went to the fireplace. Chad had prepared everything for lighting a fire. Kindling and starter twigs and cones filled the opening, and logs sat on the massive stone hearth. David took a butane starter from the mantle and lit the dry sticks. When they were enveloped in flames, he added small pieces of wood, and as the fire grew, he added larger logs. When it was burning to his satisfaction, he joined Marnie on the sofa.

  They sat in silence and watched the flames.

  Marnie broke the silence. “I imagine if it weren’t for having to earn a living a person could live up here. It’s so peaceful.”

  David turned his body squarely toward her.

  “What’s the matter?” she asked. “Did I say something wrong?”

  He shook his head. “Marnie, like many of the places I’ve taken you since you returned home, this trip had a purpose, too. At first, I’ll admit, when I took you someplace, like the Roadhouse, I thought I’d catch you in a lie—catch you pretending to have amnesia.” He rose and used the poker to push the burning log to the back of the pile and added a new piece of wood to the front.

  “After I became convinced you weren’t making the whole thing up, I did it to try to spark a memory. Sort of like when you drove to the mall and parked in the same spot you did when you ran off with Ray. Your subconscious did that, but it didn’t take you any further.

  “Nothing seemed to work. No more memories came through. Then I thought about bringing you up here. You and I came up here not long after Jonathan was born. You were so stressed out over having a baby, so sure you couldn’t take care of an infant, you didn’t even want to try. My mother found Mrs. Tucker to take care of Jonathan. She had been working for another family in Mother’s circle until the children got too old to need her. I brought you up here to calm you down, to try to talk to you and get our marriage to work.”

  “I don’t remember anything about being up here before. Did I like it?”

  “No. You disliked it intensely. Being out here ‘in the wilds,’ as you called it, made you even more upset. You hated it, and after a couple of days, you threw a fit, and I took you back to town.”

  Marnie could only stare in dismay. She turned back and fixed her gaze on the flames.

  “I’ve been thinking a lot about what might have happened to me.”

  “So have I.”

  “I think it might have been a car wreck.”

  “Why do you say that?” he asked.

  “Driving up here today, I got very nervous several times. Meeting big trucks, especially, made me panicky. Was there anything before, any reason you know of, that a situation like that might scare me?”

  “No. To my knowledge you’ve never been in a wreck of any kind.”

  “Driving around town hasn’t bothered me at all, but it was all I could do to keep from screaming when we met a big truck on the road up here.”

  David seemed perplexed. “But you didn’t have any bruises or scrapes on your body.”

  Marnie sighed. “I know. So that doesn’t really fit, does it? But still, that’s what I feel.”

  They continued to reflect on that idea.

  “I think whatever happened to me must have scared me so much I decided I didn’t want to live my life the way I had been. From what you tell me, I’m different than I used to be.”

  “Yes, you are. You are definitely changed in many ways, but you’re still you, if you know what I mean.”

  “I’m not sure that I do.”

  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, too, about what you were like when we first met, what you were like during our marriage, and the difference in what you’re like now. When we first hooked up, you were sassy and sexy and made no bones about wanting to be in my bed. Yes, you deliberately got pregnant in order to trap me into marriage. But on the other hand, there was a side of you then that I see now. You listened to my sorrows and troubles, my doubts about myself, and you were kind and comfort
ing. That’s the side I see in you now. That’s the side I fell in love with—the side I kept thinking about when we married.”

  “I’m glad to hear not everything about me was bad. It sounds like even though I was determined to get you to marry me, I was at least somewhat nice to you,” Marnie said. “I must have at least liked you, if not loved you.”

  “Yes, you were. And you did have a good side. I wouldn’t have fallen for you if you hadn’t—wouldn’t have married you. I realized I didn’t really have to marry you. If I truly didn’t want to, you couldn’t make me. But I saw the kind side of you, too, the side that listened and cared and encouraged me. I kept thinking that side of you would shine through once we were married and you didn’t have to worry about catching me anymore.

  “But”—he paused and took a deep breath—“I was wrong. You became more concerned about parties and clothes and friends that I didn’t want to have anything to do with. I kept hoping you’d show me the sweet part of you again, but you didn’t . . . until you disappeared and came back. Now the part of you I fell in love with is back even stronger. It’s like you were a kid, a teenager, and now you’ve grown up and settled down. Whatever happened to you matured you, that’s for sure.”

  Marnie wondered if David was telling her he still loved her, telling her there was still a chance their marriage might work.

  “Oh, you’re still sexy as hell, but you don’t have to flaunt it like you used to. Looking back, it was almost like you thought no one would notice you, no one would like you, if you didn’t wear provocative clothes. You’re surer of yourself now—not out to prove anything.”

  “Sure of myself? I’m about as unsure of myself as anyone who can’t remember their past can be.”

  “Oh, you’re surer than you think. You’ve said to me several times you know who you are deep down inside, and you aren’t the woman who wore the clothes in your closet. That’s why you got rid of them. Whatever happened to you has made you look into your psyche to find the Marnie you are determined to be from now on.”

  “I hope so. What worries me more than anything is when the memories come flooding back I’ll turn back into the hedonistic Marnie.”

  “I just don’t see that happening. At least I hope not.”

  “I hope not, too,” she muttered.

  Chapter 34

  The fire crackled and popped as Marnie thought about all that had been said and wondered about both the past and the future. She gazed into the yellow and orange hues of the flames, imagining pictures in the fire, hoping it would stir some memory of the last time she had been there with David.

  David rose and went to put another log on the fire. He adjusted the logs with the poker and stood in front of the flames, absorbing their warmth.

  “I’ll admit there isn’t much to do up here. There’s no TV to watch, for example.”

  “You know, I hadn’t even missed it.”

  “The only reception up here is by satellite, and it isn’t worth it to pay for service we seldom use.”

  “If we come up here often, it might be a good idea to bring a TV and a DVD player. We could watch movies, and it might be good entertainment for Jonathan if we have a rainy day and he can’t go outside.”

  “You’re right. That’s a good idea. He does like to play with his cars out on the porch if it’s rainy, but sometimes when a front moves through, it’s too cold.”

  After a couple of minutes, Marnie spoke. “Could I ask you something about this whole business?”

  “Sure. Ask away.”

  “Can you tell me about the project Ray stole? You said its loss endangered the future of Barrett’s. Is that true? What happens if you never find Ray and the . . . thing, whatever it is?”

  “I can’t be more specific about what it is. That’s a military secret. I have several people trying to recreate the project to the point it was at when Ray took off with the prototype and plans. Even if we are able to reproduce the whole project, it’ll put us way behind schedule, and the government won’t be happy about that. I have a meeting with government officials in about six weeks, and they’re expecting to see what I had before Ray absconded with it. Ray is probably trying to sell it to a competitor. Whether another company will buy it and take the risk of being accused of stealing it or of corporate espionage, I don’t know. I have six weeks left to do something.”

  “Well, I hope you find Ray and get your work back, unharmed and unsold. I’m so ashamed I was part of anything like that. I know apologies won’t help, but I am sorry. Even if I didn’t help steal it, I was part of the escape, and for that I apologize.”

  “Let’s just let it drop for tonight. I brought us up here to get away from all of that. Even if being here didn’t bring back any memories, we can relax and forget that particular pressure for a couple of days.”

  “OK. That’s fine with me.”

  “We do have a few entertainments here in the wilds,” he said, as he moved toward the armoire. Marnie followed. He opened the doors, and she saw a shelf full of books. Scanning the titles, she found war stories and mysteries, left by the men who had traveled to the cabin in years past.

  “Some of these mysteries might be good,” she said. She noticed a stack of magazines and picked one off the pile. It was a fashion magazine from four years ago, and the one under it was a tabloid with movie stars’ pictures scattered across the front.

  “You left those magazines that one time you came,” David explained. “Dina never throws anything out when she cleans up after we leave.”

  “Well, I’ll throw them out.” Marnie gathered the magazines and threw them in the trashcan when she walked into the kitchen. As she turned to return to the living room, a scratching noise came from the armoire.

  “We do have this radio to provide some entertainment. If we’re lucky, we might pick up a station. Reception is so bad up here in the mountains we don’t even have cell phone service except in certain places, and this cabin isn’t one of them.”

  He adjusted the dial on the set, trying to get a clear signal. At last, the sound of music drifted into the room. Violins uttered sweet tones, and a trumpet echoed the melody as an orchestra offered songs from decades past. David held out his hand.

  “Would you care to dance?” he asked.

  It seemed automatic for Marnie to place her hand in his. “I don’t know if I know how to dance,” she said as he placed her hand on his shoulder and took her other hand in his.

  “For sure you know how to fast dance,” David replied as he pulled her closer and started moving to the music.

  “I do . . . did?”

  “You did. You could dirty dance until every man within eyesight got a . . . er . . . was visibly aroused, if you get my meaning . . . when you were on the dance floor.”

  Marnie was so embarrassed she tried to pull away from her husband’s grasp, but his hand on her back kept her close.

  “Uh-uh. Don’t pull away. To answer your question, I don’t know if you slow dance or not. I don’t recall us ever dancing this way. They don’t play music like this at the Roadhouse, but you shouldn’t have any trouble with it.”

  He moved her slightly away from him and looked down at their feet. “See, this way,” he said. “Step, slide, step. Then back again, step, slide, step.” They practiced a few steps. He then pulled her back close to him again.

  “See, it’s coming back to you,” he said. “Just feel my hand on your back guiding you.”

  It felt right to Marnie to be in his arms, like coming home. She let her cheek rest on his shoulder and closed her eyes, drifting along with the music. She felt him lay his cheek on the top of her head, and he pulled her even closer. Their bodies fit together like two parts of a puzzle, interconnected to make a perfect picture. But a picture of what? she wondered.

  David released her right hand, and
removing his hand from her back, he urged both of her hands up beyond his shoulders. Her arms encircled his neck as his wrapped around her body. One of his hands urged her even closer, pulling her against the hardness of his erection. His lips found the soft skin beneath her ear, kissing ever lower. When he started to set her away from him, she was so dizzy with arousal she almost fell. She moaned in disappointment, sure he was going to end the encounter.

  “Shh,” he whispered. “It’s OK. It’s not over.” He reached for the radio and turned it off. Putting one arm around her, he pulled her toward him and kissed her, his tongue briefly outlining her lips. He broke the kiss to guide her toward the bedroom. “It’s just beginning.”

  Chapter 35

  Something aroused Marnie from her sleep, and she snuggled more closely to David’s back. The bare skin of her breasts and stomach found his warm skin comforting. She was drifting back into slumber when a noise brought her back.

  “Daddy . . . Daddy,” a small voice whispered.

  “Mmm.”

  “Daddy.”

  “Jonathan?” David said sleepily.

  “Daddy, you said you were going to sleep in the other bed. When I woked up you weren’t there.”

  “It’s OK, Jonathan. I decided to sleep here instead,” David’s sleepy voice explained.

  “You weren’t there, Daddy, and I was scared. I looked for you, and you weren’t in the living room or kitchen. I didn’t know where you were.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Sport. But it’s OK now.” David patted his son on the arm. “Tell you what. Go get dressed. Get a clean pair of jeans and a clean shirt and put them on. I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a few minutes.”