Everything Stolen

by Sophia Scarlet

  “Now I don’t know if I regret not saying those things or if I regret ever thinking them. I’m just throbbing with regrets. Regret and anger and sadness and I don’t really know how to make sense of it all. I don't know how he could wake up with me every day and lie to me. How he could play with our son knowing that he’d left you to die and never told anyone. How he could tell me that he loved me, knowing what he’d done. I just don’t understand it.”

  She’s yelling by the end and she struggles for breath. I reach for her but she steps away. Her head is shaking when she meets my questioning eyes.

  “If you’re expecting us to ride off into the sunset together now… Jeremy, it’s not going to happen.”

  Taking a breath, I close the short distance between us, but I don’t try to touch her. I look into her eyes and offer the answers I can.

  “I love you, Sylvie. You were my first thought when I woke up from that four-year nightmare. You are still my first thought when I wake up every morning and you are my last thought every night before I go to sleep. There is nothing keeping us apart now. You and me and Levi should be together. I promise you that I’m here to stay. You can count on me. You can count on us.”

  I reach for her again but she shakes her head.

  “If my marriage has taught me anything, it’s that I can’t count on anyone. I’m not eager to find out all the ways you’ll let me down too, Jeremy.”

  I squint at her and she lowers her voice.

  “Look. What we had was beautiful, magical even, and we got Levi out of it so I wouldn’t change a thing. But as far as you and I are concerned we’re his parents and that’s all.”

  “You don’t mean that!” I start. “You’re grieving and angry and I know how hard it is for you to trust anyone, but you can trust ME. I love you. I’ve always loved you, Sylvie.”

  I reach for her again and she shrugs me off.

  “I’m not doing this again, Jeremy!” she yells, holding her hand over her heart. “Don’t you understand? I can’t take anyone else leaving.”

  Closing her eyes, she inhales a shaky breath and then another. After a third, she opens her eyes and the desperation I see there stabs me.

  “Levi needs his father, more than ever now. Promise me you’ll be there for him. Promise me you’ll love him. Promise me that HE can count on you. Because that’s what I need from you now. I need you to be there for our son.”

  I blink my eyes and I’m back there.

  * * *

  Singed with the heat from Noah’s gun, the burnt air stung my nostrils. My brother’s sobs filled the hotel room as he rocked himself in the corner. I’d put the gun on the table far out of his reach. Silas laid on the floor while I pressed a sheet to his bloody chest.

  “The paramedics are coming, Silas. Don’t die on me.”

  Silas choked on his laughter as he gripped the sleeves of my jacket.

  “You called 911,” he croaked. “The irony.”

  “Don’t try to talk,” I tell him as I watch the blood puddle on the floor underneath.

  I knew, as soon as I saw the plasma flowing onto the dingy carpet, that I wouldn’t be able to save him. Applying pressure only stops the bleeding if the bullet doesn’t go straight through. I couldn’t stop Silas from bleeding to death before help arrived.

  “You’ll take care of them,” he whispered. “You’ll take care of Sylvie and our son.”

  I nodded, swallowing a mouthful of guilt. Silas smiled, and then I watched him drown in his own blood.

  * * *

  In the now, I fight the need to pull her to me. I resist the urge to try to make her see that we belong together. I step away, knowing that I’ll have to wait a little longer for that, maybe a lot longer.

  “I’ll always take care of our son, Sylvie. I will be whatever you need from me right now and later, I’ll be whatever you need me to be then too. I’m not going to disappear again. I’m not going to let you down or lie to you or abandon you. I’m just going to love you with everything in me. And one day, if you decide to love me too, that will be the best day of my life.”

  I hold her gaze. I don't falter. Her chin quivers again and I watch silent tears fall from her eyes. We stand there for what feels like an eternity before she turns back to the house and I stay by her side the whole way.

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  One year later

  Waiting in the reception area, I admire the sleek lines of Blythe’s office. Every element flows seamlessly and every design is flawlessly elegant.

  “Sylvie,” she calls to me, opening her arms and wrapping me into a hug.

  Wearing a white blouse and pencil skirt, she welcomes me into her office with a broad smile.

  “Thanks so much for doing this for me,” she says. “I’ve wanted to publish my thoughts on object transience and urban design since before Aggy was born. I appreciate you cleaning it up for me.”

  “It’s my pleasure,” I tell her, sitting in the chair opposite her. “I don’t know how I would have made it through the last year without you and the girls. Editing your article is the least I can do.”

  The sitting area in her spacious office is furnished with large white wingback chairs and a reclaimed wood table in between. I place her marked-up manuscript on the table. I emailed her the tracked changes and comments on the file already, but I like to provide a hard copy of my notes as well.

  “Your office is stunning, by the way. I can’t believe I’ve never been here. Immy and Phoebe and I go to lunch from time to time, we should swing by and pick you up one day.”

  She smiles, but the lateral motion of her head tells me it’s an offer she won’t accept.

  “I eat at my desk. I come in a little late so I can have breakfast with Aggy and then I leave a little early so we can have dinner as a family. In between… I’m usually pretty frantic. But thanks for the offer. Maybe we can all go to brunch after the hike next weekend?”

  “Sounds great!”

  A middle-aged man with stylish glasses offers me a cup of tea and I take it with a ‘thank you.’

  “Your ten o’clock called to say they would be a half hour late, Ms. Markham. Do you want me to have them reschedule or should I push back your staff meeting?”

  “Push the meeting, Gideon,” she says. “Thank you. Please close the door.”

  Gideon leaves and Blythe and I sip our tea.

  “So you’re keeping busy, I hear?” she asks.

  “Yeah, I’ve gotten more editing offers than I can take this month. I raised my hourly rate and I’ve still had to refer a couple potential clients to other copyeditors. It’s been really good to get paid for my work again.”

  Laughing, she nods and takes another sip.

  “Thanks again for squeezing me in. How much do I owe you?”

  “Absolutely nothing. I was thrilled to do it. Really! You can pay for my brunch next weekend and we’ll call it a fair trade.”

  “Thanks! So…”

  Looking up from my tea, I wait for her to finish. She places her cup on the table between us and rests her elbows on her knees. Her hands twine together as she studies me.

  “How are you, really, Sylvie? It’s a year today, isn’t it?”

  The hesitance in her usually very assured voice makes me smile. My friends have been so careful about discussing the anniversary of Silas’ death. Do they think I might fall to pieces at the mention of his name?

  “I’m well, Blythe. I promise.”

  My reassuring smile provokes a crinkle between her eyes.

  “Are you? You never talk about it. Don’t get me wrong, I admire the whole stiff upper lip bit, but… it’s been a year now. Maybe you’re ready to move on?”

  “I am moving on,” I assure her, sipping my tea and adding a chipper smile that fails to convince her of anything.

  “What about Jeremy?”

  I resist the urge to roll my eyes. Ever since Silas died, everyone around me has been on the
lookout for me to rekindle my relationship with Levi’s father.

  “It’s not going to happen. I’m focusing on raising my son. Levi’s in a delicate place right now. It took him months to sleep in his own bed after we lost Silas. Things are just starting to feel… normal. The last thing I need is more drama.”

  “Jeremy wouldn’t create drama. He loves you and he’s Levi’s father…”

  “So we should be together because he’s Levi’s father?”

  The tilt of her head suggests that she means something else.

  “Or maybe you meant that we should be together because he loves me?”

  Brows lifted, I wait for her to answer my challenge. A wrinkle forms over her nose.

  “Don’t you love him, too?”

  My shoulders creep up as I search my heart for answers.

  “I don’t know. I was so infatuated with Jeremy that I couldn’t think straight, then he disappeared and I was pregnant and I was so angry that I couldn’t think straight. Then Silas swooped in to play the hero, knowing all along that he was the one who…”

  Taking a deep breath, I end my rant and regroup. Throwing back my shoulders and making myself tall, I take a slow sip of tea before I speak again.

  “Then my husband was gone,” I continue sadly, “Levi was so heartbroken and I was so confused.”

  I wipe away a tear. As much as I resent Silas for his lies, I know that my love for him was real. Complicated, messy, and so different from the love I feel for Jeremy, but still real.

  “I just want a chance to make my own decisions. Just because Jeremy is Levi’s father and he wants us with him, doesn’t mean that that’s what I want or that it’s what’s best for me and for my son. When I was pregnant and alone, I was so desperate for a perfect family. I wanted that for Levi. I wanted everything that I never had. But now… even if Jeremy and I never get back together, Levi has a father who loves him. He has Allison and Charles and all of our friends…”

  I trail off as Blythe leans forward, her deep blue eyes pierce mine and I can read the next words in her thoughts before she speaks them.

  “So what do you want for yourself?”

  Exhaling, I shrug.

  “I really don’t know; I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a chance to look around and think about what I’m feeling or what I want.” I answer. “I’ve just been so focused on survival and keeping things steady for Levi. I know that Jeremy is waiting for me and I feel so guilty about that. But I’ve always been honest with him and I never asked him to put his life on hold for me.”

  My eyes seek the easy comfort of staring at my hands, but I keep my chin up. I fight back the self-reproach that threatens when I think about my son’s father longing to make our family whole. Blythe stands and moves to sit on the table in front of me. She puts my tea down and takes both of my hands between hers.

  “Sylvie, this is your decision. You’re not responsible for making things right for Jeremy or anyone else. It’s not wishy-washy or selfish. It’s your life and if you’re not ready to share it with another man—even the father of your son—I won’t let anyone shame you for it.”

  My tears well as she radiates her support and her empathy.

  “You’re right. I’m not the same vulnerable girl who was pregnant and heartbroken and desperate to belong to someone. I’ve grown up since then. I have a career and friends and I no longer need a perfect family to make it all tidy. I like my life, and I like my stuff, and I enjoy walking through the woods on my own.”

  Her face falls into a familiar look of pity. I’ve noticed that look directed at me so many times since Silas was killed. I usually smile in return, but the impulse to giggle overwhelms me this time.

  “You don’t have to feel sorry for me,” I tell her with a broad smile. “I’m good with my choice. I’m not bitter or sad or anything really. I just don’t want to be in that position again. I don’t want to… become dependent on another man, just to wake up one day alone. Again.”

  “Sylvie, I hear you. I do But… I just don’t want you to be alone.”

  “I’m not. I have all the support I need.”

  “But…”

  “No buts!” I interrupt.

  Blythe bites her lips together, muting herself as she releases my hands and returns to her chair. She takes another sip of tea and smiles. The smile I return fails to emote the conviction that I do not feel. I’m not ready to admit—even to myself—the yearning that I’ve never been able to shake. I don’t want to tell anyone the pathetic truth; that I’m still too battered to reach for the life—the man—I’ve always wanted.

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  Impossibly large hazel eyes widen as I approach. The broad smile beneath them swells my heart as my son runs into my arms.

  “Daddy! Daddy! I saw a really big dog today. Aiden’s mom brought it with her when she picked him up. It was so much bigger than Oscar.”

  “Sounds pretty cool, little man. What else did you do today?”

  Levi tells me about the rest of his day while we walk to the sign-out sheet. I wave to his teacher as we head back to my car.

  “Hey I have a surprise for you today. We’re going to spend some time with Kelsey!”

  Wrinkling his little nose, Levi exhales.

  “More houses?” He asks, “Why can’t you live in the one we saw last week with the swings and the slide in the back?”

  Chuckling, I buckle him into his car seat.

  “I already promised you that I’d put a play structure in wherever I buy a house. I think you’re going to like this one though.”

  “Hmf,” he huffs.

  I hand him a bag of popcorn and he perks up.

  Kelsey meets us in front of the house. Levi runs barefoot on the hardwood floors while I amble through, trying to picture my life in the spacious rooms. I don’t really need the space; my apartment in the city is just fine for the bachelor life I’m living now.

  “There’s lots of natural light, and the garden in the back has plenty of space for a swing set. It’s got everything on your check list and the sellers are very motivated.”

  Kelsey smiles at me, standing a little too close for comfort, and tilts her head.

  “You should make a move soon, Jeremy. You don’t want the right deal to slip away.”

  Batting her long, painted lashes at me, I get the feeling she’s not talking about the house. I look away from her, out the upgraded bay windows. I cast my eyes down the street. Sylvie’s place is just a couple blocks away. I can get into the office easily. It’s exactly what I asked her for when I decided to move closer to my son. There’s no reason not to take it. The last one we saw was just fine too. But something holds me back, the same thing that’s been holding me back for a year.

  “I’ll think about it,” I tell her, avoiding her eyes.

  “Alright, Jeremy,” she says. “Call me when you make up your mind. And don’t wait too long.”

  I meet her gaze and she winks. I offer her a tight smile and call Levi.

  Little feet trot down the steps and he jumps on my back.

  “I like this one the best, Daddy!” he says, “Mommy will like it too. You should buy this one!”

  I smile at the idea of Sylvie here. I can see a glimpse of it. The reality, though, seems as far off as ever. Easing Levi back to his feet, I contemplate how much has changed in the last year. I love it that Levi took to calling me Daddy. I like the easy rhythm that Sylvie and I have fallen into with him. I’m glad to be back at work. I created a new title for Jack Moore so he could continue on comfortably after I resumed my position as CEO. He runs things when I’m not there. I feel good about the limits I’ve put on my hours. Maximizing my time with my son is my priority.

  As Levi leads me back to the car asking me to stay and have dinner with him, I am reminded of the only thing that hasn’t changed. I haven’t been able to crack the hard shell that the love of my life put up around her heart.

>   “We’ll ask your mother,” I answer. “If it’s alright with her, I’ll stay.”

  “Bye, Jeremy,” Kelsey purrs as she leans on her black Audi. “I hope to hear from you soon.

  I nod curtly. I’ve been careful not to lead Kelsey on; I’d never flirted with the woman. But she’s been hinting at more than a business relationship since my mother introduced us. I never imagined Sharon wanting to set me up with a woman with a day job, but apparently Kelsey’s parents have been friends with Bruce and Sharon for years and that makes her ‘working until she lands an appropriate husband’ status forgivable.

  When we pull up to the house, there is a minivan in the driveway. Walking up the front steps, I hear the sounds of children and a little girl with colorful beads in her hair and shiny black eyes greets us at the door.

  “Levi, we started a band, you get to be the drummer!”

  Dropping his backpack and kicking off his shoes, my son runs into the house, narrowly avoiding his mother as she approaches the door.

  “Hey,” she says. “Do you want to come in for a snack? I was just putting out some hummus and pita for the kids.”

  “Uh, sure.”

  Stepping into the house I notice several other pairs of little shoes lined up by the door.

  “It looks like you’ve got a full house. I don’t want to intrude.”

  “It’s no problem,” she says.

  Her smile is so easy, as if she remains truly indifferent while my heart is doing its familiar dance in my chest.

  “Immy went into labor so Phoebe brought Nora here to play with Riley and Levi and baby Grace. I’m going to keep Nora overnight here since no one is really sleeping at Phoebe’s these days.” She leans in and whispers, “baby Grace is super fussy.”

  She giggles a little as the children walk by banging pans and blowing dissonant notes from wooden flutes. Oscar follows the procession, yipping with the music.

  “Everyone’s staying for dinner, if you want to join us?”

  A baby wails in the background as I hesitate.

  “You don’t have to stay,” she adds. “It’s kind of a madhouse around here. Paloma has the day off.”