Never Eat Alone

by Keith Ferrazzi

  I had met Sir Howard Stringer, CEO of Sony, a number of times, so I put a call into his office. But instead of just waiting for Howard to get back to me, I wanted to find a few other paths as well. At the time, I couldn't think of anyone else within my network of contacts who could hook me up with the right decision maker within Sony. When no one responded to my phone calls or e-mails, I researched which agencies serviced Sony, and I found that Brand Buzz, a marketing agency within advertising giant Young & Rubicam, counted Sony as one of its top clients.

  Furthermore, the person who was CEO of Brand Buzz at the time, John Partilla, is a close friend of mine.

  So I called him. "Hey, John, I've got two things for you. One, I want you to meet a buddy of mine named Jeff Arnold. He's brilliant and creative and you should know him. He's the guy who founded WebMD and he's started a new company, Convex Group, which may need your services down the line. And two, Convex is putting out this incredible technology that distributes digital content in a new way. I think Sony would appreciate being aware of it."

  In a sense, by reaching out in this way, I was offering John two opportunities: a chance to know someone of importance and interest, perhaps for new business, through Jeff, and a chance to look good with the business he already had—Sony—by bringing them new opportunities.

  John was happy to make the connection. He knew the perfect guy, the new head of Media & Internet Strategies at Sony, Serge Del Grosso. I asked John to send a brief introductory e-mail ahead of my call and CC me in the process. By having him copy me on the e-mail, in all subsequent correspondence to Serge, I could include John, and put some urgency behind our meeting. Tacitly, as a result, both John and I were now waiting for a meeting with Serge.

  As with so many business dealings, that alone didn't do the deed. Serge was busy, and I heard nothing back from him or his administrative assistant after several e-mails. This isn't unusual. Frequently, people won't get back to you. You have to put your ego aside and persist in calling or writing. And when you do finally connect, don't sabotage your efforts by expressing how annoyed you are that they didn't get back to you as quickly as you would have liked. Nor should you apologize for your persistence. Just dive in as if you caught him on the first call. Make it comfortable for everyone.

  Setting up such meetings takes time. It is up to you to take the initiative. Sometimes, you have to be aggressive. After a few weeks of no reply, I called Sony information and eventually got Serge's direct line. When I call someone directly whom I haven't spoken with before, I try to call at an unusual time. Someone who is busy is more likely to pick up their own phone at 8:00 A.M. or 6:30 P.M. Plus, they're probably less stressed out since they're not facing typical nine-to-five pressures.

  I called in the early morning, but got Serge's voice mail. So I left a message: "I just want to reiterate my excitement regarding our meeting. I've never heard John talk so flatteringly of a business associate. I understand how busy you must be. I haven't heard from your administrative assistant, but I'm sure I will. See you soon." At no point do you want your interactions to become strained. Creating and maintaining a sense of optimism and gentle pressure around the appointment is all part of the dance.

  When I still didn't hear from his office, I called Serge's direct line after hours, around 6 P.M. This time, Serge picked up the phone himself and I gave him the pitch.

  "Hi, Serge. It's Keith Ferrazzi. John's talked highly of you for some time, and I've finally got a nice excuse to give you a call. I'm calling for my friend Jeff Arnold, the founder of WebMD, who has a new, very powerful way to distribute digital content. With some of the new products you'll be launching this quarter, it could make for the perfect partnership. I'll be in New York next week. Let's get together. Or, if getting together this trip isn't convenient, I'll make room in my schedule for whenever it's more convenient for you."

  In fifteen seconds, I used my four rules for what I call warm calling: 1) Convey credibility by mentioning a familiar person or institution—in this case, John, Jeff, and WebMD. 2) State your value proposition: Jeff's new product would help Serge sell his new products. 3) Impart urgency and convenience by being prepared to do whatever it takes whenever it takes to meet the other person on his or her own terms. 4) Be prepared to offer a compromise that secures a definite follow-up at a minimum.

  The result? I was in Serge's office the next week. And, while his budgets didn't allow a short-term application, he totally understood the power of the medium for his audience. Don't be surprised if sometime soon your movie-theater beverage has a cool little DVD on the lid brimming over with some of Sony's newest technology.

  Here are some of the rules I follow fleshed out in more detail:

  1. Draft off a reference.

  The reason a cold call feels like torture was set out in vivid detail fifty or so years ago in an advertisement, recalled by Harvey Macka, in his book Swim with the Sharks. It pictures a corporate killjoy facing the reader, who is cast in the role of the salesman. The killjoy says:

  I don't know who you are.

  I don't know your company.

  I don't know what your company stands for. I don't know your company's customers.

  I don't know you company's products.

  I don't know your company's reputation. Now—what was it you wanted to sell me?

  You can see the total lack of credibility one has when making a cold call. Credibility is the first thing you want to establish in any interaction, and ultimately, no one will buy from you unless you establish trust. Having a mutual friend or even acquaintance will immediately make you stand out from the other anonymous individuals vying for a piece of someone's time.

  What do I mean by that? If you are calling on behalf of the president, I guarantee you Mr. Killjoy on the other end of the line will listen to what you have to say. Drafting off the brands of others, whether personal references or organizations, is a helpful tactic to get past someone's initial reluctance.

  Most of us, however, don't work for Microsoft or know the president of the organization we're trying to reach out to. Our task, then, is to tap our network of friends, family, clients, neighbors, classmates, associates, and church members to find a path back to the person we're trying to reach. When you mention someone both of you have in common, all of a sudden the person you're calling has an obligation not only to you but also to the friend or associate you just mentioned.

  Today, finding a line into someone's office is a lot easier than when I started out.

  Again, the wonderfully effective search engine Google.com is nearly invaluable in this process. Do a name search and you'll likely find where a person went to school, what his or her interests are, and what boards he or she sits on—you'll get a perspective on the person's life that should give you ideas on where a mutual contact might be found. What sports do they play? What nonprofits do they care about? Do you know other people involved in similar causes?

  A whole host of new companies, like Spoke and Linkedln, specialize in helping you find connections to people you want to get in touch with. A company called Capital IQ aggregates market data and information on executives, for example, to make it very easy to find out whom they know that you know. Other companies, like Friendster, Ryze, and ZeroDegrees, help to broker connections inside and outside of companies around the world. Some of these networks are better for finding a date, so you'll have to see for yourself which one makes more sense for you.

  People used to say there were only six degrees of separation between anyone in the world. Today, we're only one or two mouse clicks away.

  2. State your value.

  Acquiring a reference or institution to draft off of is only a starting point. It will help you get your foot in the door. Once you have someone's commitment to hear you out for thirty seconds, you'll need to be prepared to deliver a high-value proposition. You've got very little time to articulate why that person should not try to get off the phone as quickly as possible. Remember, it's all about them. What can y
ou do for them?

  When researching for a connection to the people you want to meet, first do some reconnaissance about the company and industry they're selling in. Selling is, reduced to its essence, solving another person's problems. And you can only do that when you know what those problems are. When I finally got a chance to talk with Serge, for instance, I already knew he was preparing to launch some new products in the upcoming quarter, and in the busy holiday season he was going to need something that would really stand out. I also knew his target audience aligned well with those going to the theaters.

  I can cut through the clutter of other cold calls by personalizing my call with specific information that shows I'm interested enough in their success to have done some homework.

  3. Talk a little, say a lot. Make it quick, convenient, and definitive.

  You want to impart both a sense of urgency and a sense of convenience. Instead of closing with "We should get together some time soon," I like to finalize with something like "I'm going to be in town next week. How about lunch on Tuesday? I know this is going to be important for both of us, so I'll make time no matter what."

  You will, of course, need to provide enough information about your value proposition to make the person want to spend some time talking. But also, don't talk too much. If you launch into a long sales pitch without finding out the other person's thoughts, you can turn them off immediately. It is a dialogue, not a scripted monologue. Even my fifteen-second intro above left time for the casual "ah huh, yes" or "hmm" from the other person. Don't ever talk at someone. Give them time to come along with you.

  Remember, in most instances, the sole objective of the cold call is, ultimately, to get an appointment where you can discuss the proposition in more detail, not to close the sale. In my experience, deals, like friendships, are made only one-to-one, face-to-face. Take as little time as possible in your cold call to ensure that the next time you speak to them it's in their office, or better yet, over some linguine and wine.

  4. Offer a compromise.

  In any informal negotiation, you go big at the outset, leaving room for compromise and the ability to ratchet down for an easier close. I closed my pitch to Serge by suggesting that even if he didn't want to hear anything about digital content, I'd love to get together with him just to meet, given our mutual friend's admiration and respect.

  Robert B. Cialdini's book The Psychology of Persuasion shows how compromise is a powerful force in human relations. An example used to illustrate this idea concerns Boy Scouts, who are often turned down initially when trying to sell raffle tickets. It has been statistically shown, however, that when the Scout then offers candy bars instead, a less costly item, customers will buy the candy even if they don't really want it. In giving in to the concession, people feel as if they're holding up their social obligation to others. So remember, try for a lot—it will help you settle for what it is you really need.

  10. Managing the Gatekeeper

  Artfully

  Let's face it, having a list of names of people you want to reach in business, and a plan for what to say to them when you've got them on the phone, doesn't mean much if you never get them on the phone. Half the difficulty in reaching out to others is actually reaching somebody at all. It's even more difficult when that somebody is a Big Kahuna with a thicket of protective voice mailboxes, blind e-mail addresses, and defensive assistants running interference.

  So how do you open the door?

  First, make the gatekeeper an ally rather than an adversary. And never, ever get on his or her bad side. Many executive assistants are their bosses' minority partners. Don't think of them as "secretaries" or as "assistants." In fact, they are associates and lifelines.

  Every time I have ever tried to go head-to-head with an administrative assistant, I've lost. It's like that childhood game: rock, paper, scissors. Well, in this game, as Mary Abdo taught me, the "associate" trumps all.

  Mary was the assistant to Pat Loconto, the CEO of Deloitte (and I guess still is, even though Pat is retired), and in the beginning, we got along great. I remember once finishing up a dinner with Pat and Mary. Mary had to leave early, so I walked her outside while she got a taxi. The next day, I called to say thanks for arranging such a wonderful evening.

  Apparently, people rarely called Mary to thank her for organizing events, and she was very grateful. She even bragged the next morning to Pat about how much she liked me.

  Mary was a blast: fun and full of energy and wonderful stories. In my early days at Deloitte, when I'd call Pat, I'd spend an extra few minutes kibitzing. "Mary, you're a hoot to talk to." Looking back, my relationship with Mary was clearly one of the most important reasons I was given such easy access to Pat. And my relationship with Pat was one of the most important relationships of my business life.

  However, with Mary and me there was a time when all that began to change. I had just become chief marketing officer.

  At that time, I got my very own full-time administrative assistant, who I'll call Jennifer. I thought Jennifer was everything I'd want in an assistant: smart, organized, efficient. We got along great. The only problem was she didn't get along with Mary—at all.

  Mary managed all the administrative assistants in our executive suite. Almost immediately, Jennifer and Mary were butting heads. Jennifer was digging in her heels and not letting up. I just thought they'd work it out eventually.

  "It's all a power play. She's wasting my time," Jennifer complained.

  I wanted to be supportive. Jennifer's complaints and concerns seemed reasonable to me, but I was hearing only one side of the story. I encouraged Jennifer to work harder at the relationship. And one day, after I had been pulled into the middle of another bout between them, I asked Mary if she could just work harder to get along with Jennifer.

  Mary didn't take my suggestion well. Before long, getting on Pat's calendar became more and more difficult. Bypassing corporate bureaucracy, which was a breeze in the past, now became impossible. My expense accounts were getting micro-scrutinized, taking up my time, and the pressure on Jennifer was greater than ever, which made her react even worse.

  I'd had enough. I went up to Pat's office and said bluntly, "Look, Mary, this has to stop."

  If I thought Mary had been upset before—yikes!—it was nothing compared to her ire now.

  Office life became a nightmare for a period of time.

  Finally, Pat drew me aside. "Keith," he said, "you've gone about this all wrong. Now this whole ordeal is making my life difficult. Think about it: I get to hear all this from Mary's side as well about your administrative assistant, and I don't really want to have to deal with this. Second of all, you're being stupid. Mary likes you and always has. Do yourself a favor. Do me a favor. Whatever it takes, smooth things over with Mary. When it comes to these issues, she runs this place."

  Personally, I had always cared for and respected Mary, but now I learned something else—an assistant like Mary has enormous power. Secretaries and assistants are more than just helpful associates to their bosses. If they are any good, they become trusted friends, advocates, and integral parts of their professional, and even personal, lives.

  One day Jennifer, who was as loyal to me as Mary was to Pat, came to me and offered to resign. "Listen, I'm miserable and your career is going to be jeopardized if all this doesn't get straightened out," she told me. It was an amazingly gracious gesture, as well as a way to restore sanity in her life. I promised to help find Jennifer another job (which she did quickly), and we remain good friends to this day.

  When I went to hire my next assistant, I did two things. First, I asked if Mary would prescreen all candidates and rank her top choices. I went with her first choice. I also told my new administrative assistant to do whatever Mary instructed. It didn't take long for me to make up with Mary, either. Pat was right: Mary did like me and I just had to better understand her role. Pat started getting my messages again and all of our lives were so much easier.

  As important as
gatekeepers are within an organization, they're that much more important when you're working from the outside.

  At about the same time, Kent Blossil, an advertising sales rep-

  resentative for Newsweek magazine, was one of twenty ad salespeople banging on my door looking to make a sale. But I had a media buyer at the agency whom we paid to take those meetings for me, and as a rule, I never met with ad sales reps.

  Kent was different. He knew the kind of influence a gatekeeper wields.

  Kent would call Jennifer once a week. He was deferential and overwhelmingly kind. Every so often, he would surprise her with a box of chocolates or flowers or something. Still, despite my assistant's suggestions, I saw no reason to take the meeting.

  Jennifer persisted, however, and Kent must've been scheduled into my calendar on ten different occasions without my knowledge. Each time, I'd cancel. But she'd just keep plugging her good friend into my schedule because she felt he was different and had a more innovative approach than the others.

  "Have him go meet with my buyer," I finally said one day.

  "No, you're going to meet with him. You can take five minutes out of your day. He's very nice and creative and worth five minutes." So I relented.

  Kent certainly was nice, but he also came to the meeting prepared with a deep understanding of my business and an interesting value proposition. At our meeting, almost the first thing out of his mouth was "If it's okay with you, I would like to introduce you to the top three senior editors of Newsweek. Would you be interested in that?" As someone who relied on getting the media to cover Deloitte's intellectual property, this was an important offer.

  "Of course," I told him.

  "By the way, we're having a conference in Palm Springs where some other CMOs are getting together with our editors and reporters. It's going to be a really good conference about media strategies in the New Economy. Can I put you on the guest list?" He was offering a real business value, as many of the other CMOs would also be Deloitte customers. It would be a personal networking opportunity among my peers.