Misguided Truths: Part Two (Misjudged #4)

by Sarah Elizabeth

  So, if she doesn’t know that it’s me then I sure as hell won’t be telling her any different. But, if she does? Well, then I’ll need to keep her at a distance. I don’t wanna feel the same things I did last night ever again. I spent most of the night sitting beside Holly, telling her that I was sorry for what happened earlier on. Guilt. There’s no worse a feeling.

  After making my mind up on how to approach this, I head back toward our table. When I don’t see her, I glance around the rest of the bar, but I still can’t see her anywhere, “Did Alexis go to use the bathroom?”

  “She just left,” Alyssa smiles, and shrugs her shoulders. Does she not even give a damn about the girl who’s supposed to be her friend? “So, are you going to join us at the club?”

  “No, I’ll um … I’ll go make sure your friend gets home okay.” Unbelievable. “I’ll see you guys later.” I say over to Neil and Rye before I make my way outside.

  I see her about half way up the block, and start jogging after her to catch up, “Alexis.” She turns around to face me, but doesn’t say anything. This could go either way. “I thought we were gonna walk back together?”

  “It’s only a couple of blocks away. Besides, you looked as though you wanted to go with them.” She calls back to me and shrugs her shoulders.

  “Yeah, well, I changed my mind,” I manage to catch up, and then slow my pace until I’m walking beside her. “I’d prefer it if you let me walk you back. It’s not safe for you to walk back this late alone, especially on the busiest night of the week.” I wait for her to say something, anything, but she keeps her eyes focused ahead. I think it’s time to find out if she knows. “Are you okay?” She looks the other way. “Hey!” No, she’s not gonna just shrug her shoulders and expect me to leave this. I reach over, and place my hand on her right shoulder, firm enough to stop her from walking any further. “What’s wrong?”

  Looking right at her, I try to read her. Her eyes are much duller than I remember them last night when she was in the middle of her orga— stop it.

  She turns back around, and starts walking again, this time at a slower pace, “I guess I thought you were different, that’s all.”

  Fuck. She knows.

  Is there any way I can approach this without sounding like a complete dick? She thought I was different. And, that’s why she looked the way she did back at the bar. I need an angle. I need … I have no fucking clue what I need.

  We walk down the street without talking for a while, and when I see the gates leading into the campus up ahead, I know I’ve gotta say something. She’s friends with my friends. If we don’t get this cleared up then it’s gonna make things awkward, “Listen, last night was … it was nice.”

  “Nice?” Okay, I don’t think she appreciated that so much because she’s now scowling right at me. Damn, she could even give Rach a run for her goddamn money. But then does it really matter that I’ve just upset her? I made my decision back in the bathroom. If she knows it’s me then I’ve gotta push her away. Yeah. Nice was perfect.

  “Let me explain, please?” Whoa! What? “Come sit over here for a second.” Okay, and now I’m pointing to a bench. Great job, Brandon. Great job at making her go away!

  When she takes a seat, I slide up beside her, “I’m gonna be straight with you,” I begin, and she’s gazing right ahead. I lean forward in my seat until I can fully see her. “Last night, was … it was so fucking incredible, but it—” Okay, so I guess I’m going for honesty.

  “It what? It didn’t compare to the woman that was back at the bar? Or any of the other women you—”

  “That’s enough!” I’m not gonna sit here and listen to this. She doesn’t know me. She assumes she does, but she doesn’t. This is exactly why I didn’t want Rye or Neil telling the rest of the guys around our table about how and why we really lost contact. People judge. Like she just did. “You really have no fucking idea.” Angry? Angry doesn’t even come close to how I’m feeling in this second.

  “So, it’s not true? I wasn’t just one of many? Because, that girl …” her voice is softer, and trails into a silence. She’s looking directly at me, her eyes staring right into mine. They’ve brightened, and she’s starting to look hopeful. Shit.

  I should’ve told her yes. Yes, she was just one of many, but I can’t. For some reason unbeknown to me, I can’t seem to be able to lie to her. Wait, no. I’ve gotta get my shit together. Of course she was just one of many. Of course she was. You know what’s confusing me? The fact that I need to keep reminding myself that it didn’t mean anything.

  “Not exactly,” I hesitate, and think back to who I am now, and who I was then. I used to have women. Different women whenever the hell I chose, but then I had Holly. And, that’s when everything changed. I break out from my thoughts before she notices I’ve spaced out on her. “I didn’t do things with the other women that I did with you, Alexis. But I do … I mean … I don’t do the relationship thing.” Well, I didn’t exactly lie.

  “So, last night was?” she looks confused. “A onetime thing?”

  “Yeah, basically. I don’t have time for anything else.” My stomach’s churning, twisting tighter, and my eyes land back on her soft, delicious lips. I don’t like that I’m not gonna have them on mine again. A pain rips through my chest when Holly’s face flashes into my mind. I can’t do this to Holl’s. I can’t. You need to stop this. She isn’t Holly.

  “Wow, and to think that I was going to tell you I had a really good time with you last night.”

  If only you knew how much I enjoyed it, Cinders.

  I take a deep breath, stand, and rake my hand through my hair before pacing the sidewalk. She’s watching me, her eyes sad. I hate that I made her feel and look like this. I hate myself for hating myself for making her sad.

  I stop right in front of her, kneel down, and rest my hands on the bench on either side of her legs, “Alexis. What we did last night together, it was amazing, but, it can’t happen again.” I search her eyes. I need her to understand. Don’t ask me why, but I just do.

  I close my eyes and lower my head, pushing myself away from the bench as I stand back up again. I need to get myself together. I can’t do this. I’ve already betrayed her once. I place my hands over my face and take deep breaths. My life isn’t how it used to be, and I need to remember that.

  “Why? When we were outside together you seemed as though you enjoyed every freaking second!”

  “I did, and that’s the fucking problem!” Does she really think that she needs to remind me how I felt when I was with her last night? I ball my fists and try to keep my voice calm. Does she really think that I don’t remember what it was like to hear her soft moans from the way I touched her? What it was like to see her lips curl upward from desire when I slipped my fingers insi— fuck. “Listen, I have a lot to deal with right now, and I don’t have the time for dating or feelings or—”

  “I got it.” No. Don’t you dare look at me with those puppy dog eyes. I watch her stand and she turns to walk away. “Just so you know, I never do the things we did last night with just anybody. You seemed different, but I guess I was wrong.”

  I slump down on the bench and stare at the ground. I didn’t think for one second that this would be just as hard for me as it seems to be for her.

  A few moments pass by, and then a pair of boots enter my vision. I lift my gaze when I notice she came back. I need to try and explain, explain in a way she’ll be sure to understand, “You see, that’s where you’re wrong. I used to be that guy. I used to be the same guy you met last night. But … things just … I’m not that guy anymore.” I stand and stuff my hands in my pants pockets again, because if I don’t do this, I’ll be too tempted to run my fingers over her lips, or my hands through her hair, over her body, across her brea—fuck.

  “I don’t believe you didn’t feel the same things that I felt.” Damn. She’s sexy as hell when she whispers like that. No. No beautiful, don’t do this. Don’t get any closer. Don’t … She just d
id.

  The way her lips feel as she presses them lightly against my cheek is making my breathing go weird, and then my mind starts racing from that same smell of vanilla. I need her to stop. I can’t have her this close to me, “Alexis, please don’t,” I’m practically pleading now. I need her to stop before I lose all of my self-control again. I don’t think I’ll be able to get through another night like last night if I allow for this to happen. “You don’t understand.”

  She moves her lips closer until they’re hovering over mine. Damn. Shit. Fuck.

  Just one kiss … Just. One. Kiss …

  I almost cave and kiss her back, but my gut twists again, stopping me. I open my eyes wide and stare at her. She needs to understand that I can’t give her what she wants. What she needs. She needs to leave this the hell alone.

  I lift my hands, place them on her shoulders, and then gently push her away from me, not once looking into her eyes when I go to say it, “I’m sorry, Alexis. It was a mistake, and it didn’t mean anything to me.” I step back and walk away. My chest feels heavy from wanting so desperately to kiss her back, to have and feel that same connection again like we did last night.

  I walk. And, I keep walking for a while, only stopping when I reach the only place I need to be. The one and only place which will always remind me of why I’m here in the goddamn first place.

  Beck Hill.

  Chapter Three

  If I’d have stayed at the dorm any longer then I think I would’ve seriously lost my mind. Every time the main door opened up, my head automatically snapped over in that direction. I tried not to care, but I couldn’t help it.

  You see, when my last class was over, I went back to my dorm and waited for Rach to arrive, just like we’d arranged over the phone on Saturday. She was pretty upset when she showed up, and it took a little while to calm her down. She came over to Seattle to meet with a woman who’d said that she might be able to help us. Well, she couldn’t, and it seems that Rach had set her hopes a little too high on this.

  This isn’t what’s been making me pissed, though. Nope. Before Rach arrived, I went to grab a quick shower and when I stepped out from the bathroom, Alexis was standing in the living area. I’ll admit, I initially thought that she’d stopped by to see me, but just as I was about to go over and talk with her, so I could try and make her understand a few things, Rach arrived before I had the chance.

  Alexis told me on Saturday night that she doesn’t do the same kinda things with other guys like she did with me, and I believed her. Notice that I said the word believed, and not believe. After I told Rach to go and wait for me in my room, without making it obvious that I wanted to have a couple of minutes alone with Alexis, James walked out from his and it soon became apparent that she’s not the only one who seemed different when we were together. You’ve guessed it. She was there to see James. She was there to see him, they were going out together, and that’s why I kept watching the door. I was waiting for them to come back. I was gonna ask him if he and Alexis are a thing. Yeah, how great would that be? No. No, it wouldn’t be great at all. He’s my roommate, and I’m damn sure there’s some kinda student law in place somewhere that clearly states that you don’t fool around with your roomies chick. Ever.

  Why would this bother me even if they are you ask? Well, I’m still trying to work that shit out for myself.

  Today was my first day in college, and when we finished our last class of the day, Rye invited me over to his place to spend some time with him and Neil. But, because I had Rach coming over, I told him that I’d already made plans. While I was sitting on my own after Rach headed back over to Olympia, knowing that James was out with Alexis, I couldn’t stand to be on my own any longer and needed a distraction. So, here I am.

  “Hey, bro!” Rye opens up the door, and gestures for me to step inside. “I knew you’d come to your senses!” He says with a smile, and then walks over toward the couch.

  I step inside, shrug out of my jacket and when I follow Rye over, I see Neil sitting on the couch, “Hey, man.” I say, and see him pointing over to the couch opposite to him. I go to take a seat while Rye takes the lid off of the cooler. They have a beer cooler placed right by the TV? Sweet.

  “Alright, should I go for the red? Or, the pink?” I immediately lift my head when I recognize the voice, and that’s when I see the blonde chick who was sitting with us in the bar on Saturday night walking out from one of the doors over on the other side of the room. “Oh, hey, Brandon!” She skips over, and takes a seat beside Neil, resting her bare feet up on the coffee table.

  “Red. It’s sexy as hell,” Rye answers while handing me a bottle of beer. “So, did you get everything done that you needed?” I twist in my seat to face him as he asks, notice that his mouth is starting to turn up at the sides, and he’s raising his eyebrows at something beside him. “Hey, Alyssa? Are you not wearing any panties?” What the hell did he just ask her?

  Choking on my beer when I hear Rye and Neil starting to howl, I glance over and see her pick up the cushion that’s beside her before throwing it right at him, “Yes of course I’m wearing panties! Ryan you’re such a douche!”

  When I rest against the back of the couch again, it’s then when I see him starting to wave something around in the air, “You sure about that, Alyssa?”

  “Yes! They’re not mine!” she shakes her head, and twists the lid off of her nail gloss. “They must be Alexis’. She was folding her laundry right there this morning.” Alexis’? Wait, she lives here? Well, if I thought for one moment that this couldn’t get any more awkward then I was clearly mistaken. Not only does she hang out with the same friends as I do, she lives with them. Awesome. Just fucking awesome. My mouth goes dry, and I sit a little straighter, though the timing couldn’t have been any less perfect if I’d have tried.

  Yep. The black panties he was waving around in the air a second ago have just hit me right on the side of my face, and are currently resting on my lap, “Whoops!” Rye laughs harder. I hook them onto the neck of my bottle of beer, and try not to pay too much attention to the fact that I have her underwear right in front of me. They’re small, actually there’s hardly any fabric to them at all … and now I’m staring. I clear my throat, and try not to think about how she would look wearing them, while leaning forward to place them down on the coffee table.

  “So, both you and Alexis live here?” I ask when she reaches over to grab the lace panties up from where I’d placed them. And, breathe. “Is she home?”

  “No, she called a little while ago and said she was going out for dinner with someone from her class,” she says, and glances to her watch. “She should be home any time now.” She smiles, and lifts her leg a little higher as she goes to apply her nail stuff, and it’s then when I notice Rye tilting his head lower and to the side while smirking into his beer.

  “Ryan, will you stop trying to look up my skirt? I already told you. I’m wearing some.” She rolls her eyes, and I shake my head. She’s asking him to stop, but I notice that her words aren’t quite matching the expression that’s crossing over her face. I glance between the two of them, and see her watching him while a smile creeps over her mouth. Her cheeks are turning pink as he continues to wiggle his eyebrows at her. Huh. I thought she was with Seth, the guy I work with. but maybe I was wrong.

  “I’m just making sure I wasn’t missing out on any of the good stuff ...” He shrugs his shoulders, and rests his head back against the couch.

  For the past hour, we’ve been sinking shots while playing a few tunes on Neil’s guitar. They’ve been telling me about the band they put together when they first started studying here back in September, and asked if I could help them out by writing a few new songs and lyrics. Of course I said yes. I haven’t written any new material since I was in The Vultures, and I guess that it’ll help me take my mind off of things.

  When I’m halfway through playing an acoustic version of ‘Radioactive’ by ‘Imagine Dragons’, the front door opens, and I see
Neil jumping straight up and heading over to the door, “Alex! You will not believe this!”

  I don’t turn in their direction, and continue to strum the strings, keeping my focus on my hands. The last thing I want is for her to see that I’m pissed she went out with James. I should be thrilled that she listened to me when I walked her home on Saturday night. Am I pleased? Well, do I sound happy that she went out with some other guy? No. Not particularly. Yeah, this is starting to bother me, too.

  “What? You managed to cook dinner all by yourself?” I snicker when I hear her answer him. I hadn’t realized she had such a smart mouth.

  “Nope, not even close!” Neil answers, and I watch them both head over to join us. Glancing up, I see that Neil’s wrapping his arm around her shoulders, and notice that she’s not paying any attention to who’s in here. She has no idea that I’m here. This ought to be fun.

  “Ryan you’ve gotten good at—” When she brings her eyes toward us, I see her face immediately fall into a frown. “Oh.”

  “Hi,” Yeah, I know I was the last person you were expecting to see sitting here. “Did you and James have a good time?” I try to sound casual, and I keep watching her as her obvious discomfort etches over her face.

  Completely avoiding my question, I see her turn around to face Neil again, “What were you going to tell me?” She asks, and I think it’s safe to assume that she’s already figured out that I know she lied to me. Yeah, that’s what it is. I get why this has been bothering me now. It’s because she lied, and made me feel bad for making her feel bad. And, you know what? I’m glad she’s starting to fidget and feel uneasy around me. I’ve tried so many fucking times to push her out of my mind this past weekend so I don’t have to feel the gut-wrenching guilt every time I think back to when she was laying underneath me, and the way she moaned when I touched her. I wonder how many guys have had the pleasure of witnessing that very same thing. Probably a lot.