She stands up and I see her reaching for the bowl. Oh, hell no! I quickly stand because I’m starting to get the feeling that she’s gonna …. Yep. She just tipped the whole contents of the glass bowl right over me. A large smile forms over my mouth when I hear her starting to laugh out loud, “Not cool, Alexis.” I shake some of the popcorn off of me, and then move forward and grab her by the waist, pressing her down until she’s laying on the couch. Sweet, it seems that she’s also a little ticklish. I climb on top of her, running my fingers first under her ribs, and then down to her waist as she thrashes her whole body from side to side while she tries, but miserably fails, to escape from my hold.
Some stray pieces of popcorn fall out from my hair, and I notice them fall onto her chest, which only makes her laugh even harder. It’s good to see her like this. It’s the first time I’ve actually seen her look happy. Her smile is wide, and when my eyes land on her lips, it’s now that I realize I’m lying right on top of her. My dick is starting to swell, and I wanna lean down and taste her on me again, but her laughter subsides and her smile falters. Shit. I need to do something.
I need to break the gaze. Stop this before I show any sign of weakness. A stray piece of popcorn is resting by her neck, and I slowly lean forward, taking it in-between me teeth, my lips stroking over her soft skin. Do I wanna kiss her? Yeah. Am I enjoying being this close to her while wanting to brush my lips over every single inch of her body? Most definitely. Will I? I think you and I both know the answer to that.
“Tastes good,” I murmur against her skin before lifting myself away. And, no. I didn’t mean the piece of popcorn, but she doesn’t need to know that. Her face falls some, and I figure she didn’t find my cheap shot at trying to mask this uncomfortable situation so amusing. She looks like she’s begging for me to give her something; to give her more. I lift myself away and sit myself back against the couch, keeping a watch on her as she hastily reaches for her glass of wine. She takes a sip, and then twists away until she’s fully facing the widescreen again. Yeah, trust me, I wanted me to kiss you too, beautiful.
“Alexis, come here,” I say softly, and offer my arm out to her. “Come and rest your head on me.” She shuffles over, and rests her head on my chest, bringing her legs up until she’s curled up beside me. I wrap my arm around her, and place my hand by her waist, softly stroking my fingers along her lower back while resting my chin in her hair. Deep breaths. Friends can do shit like this. If I can’t kiss her then I need to at least have her close to me.
When the credits roll up the screen, I wait for her to move. But, she doesn’t. Her face is still nestled against my chest, and I stroke my fingers through her hair a couple of times. I glance to my watch and see that it’s almost four o’clock now.
I spend a few minutes debating on whether or not I should wake her, but she looked tired way before she even came over here. No, I’ll let her sleep. Though, this wouldn’t be such a problem if I didn’t need to use the goddamn bathroom. I move to the side, and scoop her up in my arms before carrying her through to my room, the small noise that leaves her lips when she makes herself more comfortable against me starts to do strange things to my insides.
I lay her down on my bed, pill one of the blankets over her, and then watch her for a couple of minutes. Shit. She’s even beautiful when she’s asleep. I shake my head and sit beside her, but when my eyes land on the picture frame beside my bed, agonizing pain threatens to take over me again. I let out a heavy sigh, reach forward, and whisper ‘I’m sorry’ before taking a hold of the photograph of me and Holls, and placing it inside the top drawer of my nightstand. She really doesn’t need to be seeing this.
Once I’ve headed back through to the living area and cleaned up the mess we made earlier, I smile when I remember the look of mischief that flitted into her eyes before she dumped the popcorn over my head. It’s only just four-thirty as I make my way back through to my room again. When I kneel down beside the bed, I notice that Alexis’ hair is covering most of her face, and I thread my fingers through it, lifting it out of the way, “Sleep well, beautiful.” I whisper, lean closer, and place a feather light kiss on her right cheek before grabbing the spare blanket and pillow from beside her.
Where am I going? Well, the floor of course. Why not my bed? Well, I don’t think it would really be all that appropriate or one of the greatest of ideas if she were to wake up and see me lying beside her somehow.
I make myself as comfortable as I possibly can on the hard floor that’s beneath me, and rest my head on the pillow before lifting my hands up behind my neck.
I don’t know why, but it feels pretty serene in here. I feel peaceful. I’m even starting to shut my eyes, but what’s different this time is that I don’t see Holly as soon as my lids fully close. Instead, I see Alexis’ face, and a wide smile beaming widely across those lips. A smile forms over my mouth, and I inhale a deep breath, feeling happy that I might actually manage to catch a couple of hours after all. God only knows that it’s been a while.
My eyes snap open, and my hearts thrashing against my chest. What the fuck is that? I bolt upright and my breaths are heavy. The room is much lighter, and I have no idea how long I’ve been asleep, but then I hear it again. The loud noise that obviously woke me up. It wasn’t night terrors that caused me to wake from my surprising, but welcome, sleep this time. Nope. It was that sound. The one I’m hearing right now. I glance over in the direction it’s coming from, and my eyes widen up some more. Oh. Wow.
I kick the blanket away from my legs, and crawl slowly over to the side of the bed. Cocking my head to the side, I study her. Huh. How can someone sleep through that noise? No, wait. Let me rephrase that. How is it possible for somebody so small, peaceful looking, to make that god-awful sound? Yep. You’ve guessed it. She’s snoring. But, before you cast this aside as a guy thing, let me explain. It’s not normal. If you could hear what I’m hearing then you’d fully agree with me. I lean in closer and observe her some more, but it only gets louder and I rest back on my heels. I check the time, and it’s a little before six. My class doesn’t start until ten today, but there’s no way in hell I’m gonna be able to get back to sleep now. Her dodgy nasal passage has made damn sure of that.
I decided to go and grab a shower, setting the coffee machine up on my way through to the bathroom before going to wake her up. She’s got her audition for the show first thing, and the likelihood that she’s gonna need to head home and change first is pretty high.
I crouch down beside the bed, and then take a moment to watch her. Well, at least the snoring has subsided, “Alexis …” I whisper. Nothing. I lean in a little closer and find myself to swallow, hard. “Alexis.” I whisper a little louder this time, but still, nothing. I run my fingers through her hair, and then rest my hand on her shoulder, shaking her softly.
“Mmm …” Okay, well that seems to have worked a little better.
“It’s almost daylight,” I say a louder this time. Her eyes start to flicker open, and then I find myself to be staring directly into her deep, brown eyes. She looks confused, but I’ve gotta do it. There’s no way I can avoid not saying anything at all because I’ve never seen or heard anything like it. “You snore.” I smirk, and watch her sit up, her eyes scanning around the room. Yep. You’re in my room.
“What? Um …Why didn’t you stop me from falling asleep?” Her voice is hoarse, and she clears her throat.
“You looked like you needed to rest,” I say, and press my hands on the side of the bed as I go to stand on my feet. “It’s almost six.” I reach over and grab the coffee I made for her from off of the nightstand, and pass it over to her, noticing that her eyes have instantly brightened. Note to self: caffeine addict. I throw her a smile, and then head back out of my room to give her a little time to wake up and climb out of my bed. When I hear her footsteps across the floor, I head back inside, and she instantly turns to face me.
“Where did you sleep?” I clear my throat when she asks me this, and then take
a moment to think about how to answer her question. We’re not there yet. What I mean by this is that we’re not comfortable around each other enough to be able to joke about things. If I were to tell her that I hardly slept because of the growling noises she made when she was asleep, then it’s likely I’m gonna offend her, and that’s not something I wanna be doing.
“I slept … I slept on the floor,” I see her nod once at me, and then I decide to tell her something. I want her to know that I’m happy she came over. “I really enjoyed spending time with you, Alexis.”
When she doesn’t respond right away, I’m thinking she’s not so sure she enjoyed spending time with me. But, then she finally speaks, “It was the popcorn that swayed my decision,” she says before heading over to my bedroom door. Man, I love when she says shit like that. She can’t just admit that she enjoyed spending time with me, can she? Nope. She’s gotta pretend that things don’t affect her. I wish she’d pretend that I don’t have any effect on her. It would make this whole thing a little easier to deal with. I laugh from hearing her smart answer, and follow her through to the living area. “Thanks, though. I enjoyed it, too.” See? That wasn’t so hard to admit, was it? I knew she did.
“Good luck with your audition,” I say when she heads through the main door, and I rest the right side of my body against the doorway while placing my hands in my pants pockets. “I guess I’ll see you later.” Man, I’m really hoping I will.
“Sure.” She answers with a slight smile, before turning away and heading down the hallway. I walk slowly back to my room, and my eyes land on the empty space over on the nightstand, where the photograph of me and Holly should be. Shaking my head while letting out a sigh, I reach over and open up the draw, taking it out and holding it against my chest as I lay back on the bed. I can do this, Holls. I don’t need anybody else. We’re just gonna be friends. I’m always gonna keep my promise to you. Always.
Chapter Seven
The guys are playing their first gig over at The Lounge tonight.
When Layla first told Neil and Rye that they could have a slot, I offered to help them move their equipment before my shift. Now, though, I really wish I hadn’t. Not because the van they hired just broke down on us. That’s not it. It’s because now they wanna head back to their place and ask Alexis if they can use her car. Why is this a problem you ask? Well, I’ll tell you.
Something happened yesterday. Something that I swore would never happen again. I was feeling really fucking proud of myself for having Alexis spend the night with me back at my dorm. I thought that we could be friends and it not be an issue. But, it’s what happened later in the day that changed everything back to how it was before. Actually, it all changed within four hours.
While I was in class, I saw Alexis sitting outside the music building. She had her head in her hands and didn’t look so happy. I made my excuses by telling the professor that I needed to use the bathroom before I headed straight over to check on her. I was right. She was upset. In fact, she was so upset that she was crying. As it turned out, she didn’t have anybody to partner her and unless she found somebody to fill James’ spot, she wouldn’t get a chance to even try and see if she’d get to star in the college show.
What did I do? Well, I offered to help. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time, but looking back now, it wasn’t the right thing to do at all. I knew. In the back of my mind, I was completely aware what scenes she’d been rehearsing, but I kept hoping that the first scene would’ve been enough to convince the judges that she had enough talent so they wouldn’t ask her to perform the second one for them. No such luck. I kissed her. It was hard to do, but I kept telling myself while I was standing up there on the stage that it’d be okay, because it was only acting. When I froze on the spot just before the kiss, she got close. She got too fucking close, and I did it. I kissed her. I couldn’t resist. Her lips were so close to mine that I had to taste them again. The problem there, though, were the feelings I experienced. They were the same ones that I felt when I kissed her last Friday.
And, now? Well, now I’ve gone and made things a hundred fucking times harder to deal with. What did I do after the kiss? I walked away. Actually, no. I practically ran out of the staging area, not once looking back.
She called me, she messaged me, but I couldn’t reply or speak to her. I was supposed to be working last night, but I wanted to be alone. No. No, I wanted to be with Holly. She doesn’t deserve any of this, and I made a promise. A promise I swore I’d never break. I headed straight over to the cemetery and sat with her for pretty much the rest of the day and night. I bought her the biggest bouquet of flowers I could find, and I kept repeating the same words, over and over and over again; ‘I’m sorry.’
I called Layla as soon as the bar opened up this morning, and apologized for not going in last night. She didn’t sound overly impressed that I didn’t show, and she told me to make sure that I’d be in on time tonight. She also mentioned that if I took her in something nice, then she may, just may, forgive me and forget that it ever happened. I can’t lose this job. I need the cash almost as much as I need the air in my lungs. What I earn at the bar is the cash I use to pay the guys who get me the information I need. I wanna know who messed up my life. This is the only reason why I’m in Seattle in the first place, and I’ve really gotta keep reminding myself of that.
“Once we’ve picked up the keys from Alexis, we’ll grab the rest of the equipment from my room and then unload everything from out of the van,” Neil says as we head up to the fourth floor of his building. “What time do you start your shift?” He asks over his shoulder as we head out of the elevator, and make our way down the hallway.
“Five,” I answer him. “She hasn’t even agreed to loan us her car yet.” He seems pretty confident that we’re gonna be leaving his place with a set of car keys in our possession.
He lets out a laugh, “You obviously don’t remember how persistent Ryan can be.” Yeah, now that he mentions it, he can be pretty persuasive when he sets his mind on something.
We step through the already open doorway, and I still my steps for a second. Well, she’s home alright. Alyssa is just making her way over to her room, and I see Rye kneeling on the floor behind the same couch Alexis is sitting on. I can feel her eyes on me as I start to follow Neil to his room, but I don’t look her way. I can’t. This wasn’t any of her fault; it was mine. It’ll be for the best if we just keep away from each other from here on out. The temptation to be with her is too great, and I can’t deal with being just friends with her either, even though pursuing her isn’t an option for me. No, I’ll have to just keep pushing her away. Keep her at a distance, just like I’d originally planned when I saw her the night after the ball.
“I’ll give Corey a call and make sure he’s still good to meet us over there in an hour.” Neil tells me, taking a seat on the end of his bed while pulling his cell phone out from his shirt pocket.
Rye sticks his head around the door, a beaming wide grin covering his face, “Alex said yes!”
“Buddy, can you give me a hand with this thing?” Neil asks when he puts his cell phone back away. Well, I’m guessing Corey isn’t outta bed yet. He struggles to grab a firm hold of the sound system that’s over by his closet, and just as I’m about to go and help him, Rye takes a hold of the other side. “Did you get the keys?”
“No, she’s gone to grab them from her purse I think. You wanna get them from her while we get this taken downstairs?” Rye aims his question over at me, but before I even have a chance to protest, they’ve already headed through the door. Awesome. Just fucking awesome.
I walk through to the living area and glance around the room. She’s not in here, so I head over to the main door and lean against the wall while I wait for her to come back out with the keys. I’m really hoping she’s not gonna say anything about what happened yesterday, but what are the chances that she doesn’t bring it up? Yeah, the odds are slim.
When she walks through her
bedroom door, my shoulders automatically tense. Her face falls when she sees me standing here, but she doesn’t say anything and turns toward Rye’s room, “Neil and Ryan just went downstairs.” I call out to her, and watch as she slowly turns around.
She takes a few hesitant steps toward me, and I can feel my shoulders tense more, if that’s even possible, “You ignored me yesterday. What did I do wrong?” You made me feel something that I never wanted or expected to feel again. I reach out and push the door closed before making my way over to her. I don’t want her to blame herself for something I didn’t have any control over. But, before I have a chance to get my words out and speak, Alyssa’s bedroom door opens up, and I see her take a step inside the room. From the way she’s glancing between the two of us, I’d take a guess that Alexis has already told her about what happened yesterday.
She doesn’t say anything, and seems to realize that we need some privacy. She turns around and heads straight back into her room again. Good. I think. I see the keys in Alexis’ left hand, and reach out, placing mine over hers to take them from her, trying my hardest to smile, “You didn’t do anything wrong.” I squeeze her hand and then take a step away. I need to get outta here because she’s looking at me with sadness in her eyes, and I hate that I’m the one who caused for her to look and feel this way.
“I thought we were going to try and be friends?” I hear her ask as I turn away from her, and she walks around until she’s standing right ahead of me again. “You walked away yesterday, and you ignored my calls and messages. I don’t understand.”
Do I tell her that I was ignoring her calls on purpose? No. No, I can’t because then she’ll wanna know why, and I don’t want her to know anything. I don’t want her to take pity on me because of my past, and I don’t want her to feel sorry for me because I don’t need her to. Alright, maybe I don’t wanna tell her about Holly in case she does understand. Honestly, I know this makes sense even if you don’t. No, I have to lie, “I must’ve left my cell somewhere.” I take my gaze away from hers, and from the corner of my eye, I see her starting to slowly shake her head.
Misguided Truths: Part Two (Misjudged #4) Page 10