It All Comes Down to This

by Karen English

  “What’s going on, Nathan?” Lily asked.

  Nathan shook his head again. “I don’t know.” In the rearview mirror his face looked tense.

  We soon heard the siren of another police car as it pulled up behind the first. A patrolman jumped out as if he’d arrived at a fire. He walked briskly to the first car and leaned in the window, talking to the patrolman. They conferred for a long time.

  Finally, they both approached Nathan’s car. The second officer leaned in the window with both arms resting on the door. They were covered in a forest of blond hairs. “Could you step out of the car, please?” he said. He glanced at Lily and me, then back at Lily, where his eyes seemed to rest for a moment before he turned his attention to Nathan.

  “Excuse me?” Nathan said.

  “We don’t want any trouble. Just step out of the car.”

  Nathan opened the door and climbed out. He stood by it with his hands at his sides. The patrolman then grabbed Nathan by the elbow and marched him to the back of the car. He had him lean on it with his arms out and his legs spread. I had a good view out the back window. Lily turned all the way around in her seat to watch. The first policeman squatted and patted down Nathan’s legs inside and out. He stood and ran his big sausage fingers around Nathan’s waist. He patted all around his raised arms. Then he brought Nathan’s arm behind him and put a handcuff on his wrist. He pulled Nathan’s other arm behind him and handcuffed his wrists together.

  Lily’s mouth dropped open. She started to get out of the car, but the first patrolman hurried to her door, rapped on the window, and told her, “Stay inside the car, please.”

  “What’s going on? Why are you doing that to him?” She was trying to keep her voice even, but it was on the edge of anger.

  “Just stay in the car, please.”

  The other cop marched Nathan to the curb and sat him down. Then they both went back to the first cop’s car and held another conference. Finally, the second cop came over to Lily in the passenger seat and motioned for her to roll the window down. She did so and waited.

  The officer turned his head away and spat. Then he looked back at Lily and frowned. “Let me ask you something,” he said. “Just what are you doing with that nigger?”

  Lily flinched and my eyes got as big as saucers. I gasped.

  “Who is this?” he asked, indicating me.

  “My sister,” Lily said.

  He pushed his hat back, squinted at me, then shrugged. “Like I said—​your father know you going around with this nigger?”

  Lily’s mouth dropped open. “What?”

  “I think I’m speaking English.”

  “Can’t you see? Do you have eyes? I’m not white. And he’s not a nigger. What are you, from the Ku Klux Klan?” Though I could see only her profile as she glared at the patrolman, I noticed her lips trembling. She wiped away a tear.

  The patrolman studied her for a moment, then glanced back at me. Maybe he was trying to see the nigger in her, too. And maybe the nigger in me.

  This is what they did. The two patrolmen chatted and chatted while Nathan sat handcuffed on the curb. They went back to the first patrol car and talked some more on the radio, and after all that, one of them went over to Nathan and helped him stand up. He removed the handcuffs and said a few words, then they both got in their patrol cars and drove off.

  I caught an old woman looking out her living room window at the whole spectacle. Nathan returned to the car, climbed in, and sat there for a few moments, staring straight ahead. Lily seemed to know not to say anything just yet. He started up the car and we drove home in silence.

  “By the way,” he said, startling us as his voice broke the quiet, “they thought you were a white girl.” He looked at her as if he was accusing her of something. She put her hand on his arm, but he pulled away.

  I didn’t like the way he dropped us off, staying behind the wheel with the motor running while we lugged our stuff out of the car. Then driving off as Lily just stood there watching until he turned down Olympiad. I carried the picnic basket into the kitchen with no help, resting my script and notepad on top.

  Lily stomped past me into our room and slammed the door. Which meant it was off-limits to me, at least for the time being. I went into the kitchen to get a glass of water and came upon Mrs. Baylor, peeling potatoes. She looked over her shoulder at me. “Wash your hands before you go in the refrigerator.” She stepped aside so I could use the sink. I wondered if I should tell her what had happened, then decided not to. It might upset her. And anyway, it was Nathan’s business to tell.

  I hung out in the front yard tossing a tennis ball at Oscar for him to slobber all over as he brought it back to me in his wet doggy mouth, waiting until I felt it might be safe to go to my own room. Suddenly Jennifer was coming out of her house burdened with a rolled sleeping bag and duffle that looked stuffed and heavy. She waved. “Bye, Sophie! See you in a couple weeks!” Her father, who’d come out of the house behind her, smiled and waved. He opened the door of the station wagon and helped Jennifer dump her stuff in the back seat. They both got in the car and drove away. I watched them until their car turned down Olympiad. She’d be gone for almost two weeks. I hadn’t even had a chance to tell her what happened.

  I went back inside and opened the door to our room. Lily was just sitting there on her bed with the phone on her lap. “I can’t reach him,” she said. “He’s not there. Or he’s not answering.”

  CHAPTER 18

  Something That Happens

  * * *

  THAT’S HOW IT went for the next three days. Even when Aunt Rose called to see how we were doing, I could hardly talk to her without Lily pacing and mouthing, Sophie, get off!

  He was just a friend? I didn’t think so. Lily was going around as if she’d been socked in the gut. Sometimes she looked like she was about to tear up and it took all her willpower not to cry.

  On Wednesday, my mother returned. She just walked through the door with her suitcase and a box of See’s Candies, headed straight to her room, and closed the door behind her. Eventually she came out and called Lily and me into the living room.

  When we were seated and giving her our undivided attention, she dove in with “Your father and I have been talking and trying to work things out.” My heart started to beat fast with anticipation. Daddy had been gone since early morning. Now I was picturing him walking through the door and sitting down next to my mother to help explain things. I didn’t know what to expect from her as she sat there examining her manicure. It looked fresh to me. Her Audrey Hepburn upsweep looked recently done, as well. And she had a new fringe of bangs.

  “We think some time apart might be in order.” Lily and I looked at each other. “He’s staying in a nearby motel right now, but he’s going to get a small place of his own. Of course, you’ll still see him.” She turned to me. “I’ve arranged for you to be with him every other weekend, Sophia. Once he has his own place. And Lily,” she said, turning to her, “I suppose it won’t be such a change for you, since you’ll be leaving for Atlanta in a few weeks.”

  Lily glanced at me again and something about that look gave me an odd feeling. She was going to Georgia, wasn’t she? My mother was sitting there in her blue silk blouse and slim white linen skirt, wearing her pearl earrings and red lipstick and matching nail polish, and she didn’t have a clue there was the possibility that my sister wouldn’t be doing exactly what she’d planned. After all, she’d had these plans for Lily since she was born.

  To all of this, Lily only said, “Can I borrow your car, Mom?”

  My mother frowned. “What?”

  “I thought I’d take Sophie to a movie—​to cheer her up.”

  They both looked at me and for a second I didn’t know if I should put a really sad look on my face or a happy one or what. Lily seemed to give me a silent signal to appear despondent. I did my best.

  My mother snorted. “I hope you don’t think that we’re not going to discuss you attending Sophie’s recital
with Mrs. Baylor’s son.”

  When Lily had finally come home late that night of the recital, I’d broken the news to her that our mother had been there and had seen her and Nathan. All Lily had done was shrug. Now she folded her arms and dropped her chin.

  “What do you think you were doing?”

  “We’re friends. That’s all. Sophie and I needed a ride to the recital. He offered to take us.” She rolled her eyes.

  “Where was your father?”

  Lily hesitated, and I knew she was trying to decide whether she should tell our mother that he hadn’t been home. “He wasn’t available.”

  My mother stared at her.

  “He wasn’t home,” Lily said.

  “A friend,” my mother said, and continued to stare at Lily. “That most assuredly had better be the case.”

  “Why?” Lily challenged.

  “He’s not”—​she paused—​“suitable.”

  “Why? Why is he not suitable? He’s the smartest person I know. He’s smarter than Daddy, who knows nothing compared to Nathan. Nothing. Just law. He doesn’t know history, he doesn’t know the political circumstances of black people. Daddy doesn’t even think about the stuff that Nathan thinks about.”

  “Of what people?”

  “Black people,” Lily repeated evenly.

  “And where did you get that term from?”

  “That’s what we are. Why should we just bow down to labels created for us by others? Why? Where is that written?”

  My mother was watching Lily with narrowed eyes and then a faint smile crept over her lips. “Seems you’ve been getting quite an education from this boy.”

  “He’s not a boy.”

  “Oh, he’s a boy.”

  “Not to me.”

  They glared at each other with their chests heaving slightly. Tears had sprung into Lily’s eyes. I realized then that I’d never seen Lily show that kind of emotion about anything or anyone before.

  She took in a deep breath and said, “I didn’t want Sophie to have to miss her recital. And there was no other way to get there. He happened to come by for some tool or something he left and I asked him to take us.”

  I was amazed at the effortless way Lily lied, but she hadn’t thought of everything.

  “In a suit.”

  “He was on his way to some event or something.”

  “Your father was supposed to take her.”

  “We didn’t know that. Daddy never said anything.”

  My mother dismissed that and got back to the subject at hand. “That boy looked like he was more than a friend. You had your heads together like two thieves.”

  “He wanted to stay. I couldn’t tell him no, could I, after he was being so nice? Anyway we only had one program between us, so we had to share it.”

  “With your arms looped.”

  “I was just being friendly . . . gracious.”

  Amazing.

  “I hope I don’t find out that the truth is something other than this version,” my mother said. “I can always send you down to Atlanta early. One of Dovie’s sorority sisters happens to live not far from the campus. I’m sure she would welcome you in a heartbeat and be happy to show you around before your freshman year starts. In fact, now that I think about it, it probably would be better for you to spend a couple of days with one of Dovie’s sorority sisters. Yes. I might just arrange that as soon as possible.”

  I watched my sister grow still. I recognized that pose. She said nothing, but I felt a cool stubbornness. My mother would not be putting Lily on a plane and sending her anywhere early.

  “Can I take Sophie to see Cat Ballou?” she asked, ignoring our mother’s threat. “Just to get her mind off things?”

  My mother didn’t answer right away. Then she said, “Don’t think I’m kidding.” She held Lily’s eyes for a few seconds. Then she added, “Straight to the movies and then straight home. I’m exhausted. I’m going to go lie down.”

  Lily wasn’t taking me to a movie—​at least, not then. I suspected she was going to prowl around looking for Nathan.

  She glanced at me in the passenger’s seat. “We’re going to drive around a bit first,” she said as she started up our mother’s Grand Prix. Her eyes seemed wild and determined. She looked over her shoulder and backed out of the driveway.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Just driving around here and there.”

  We got onto Vernon Boulevard and headed east.

  “What street are we looking for?”

  “Let’s see where Mrs. Baylor lives,” she said, ignoring my question. “Aren’t you curious?”

  “No.” But I was curious about where Nathan lived.

  Eventually we were passing barbershops and barbecue joints and wig shops. Trash-strewn lots and littered sidewalks. “You know how to get there?” I asked.

  “You just go east. You keep going east until you get to Avalon. She lives near a hundred and fourteenth.”

  “How do you know all that?”

  “I think she mentioned it once.”

  That seemed unlikely. “You’re not going to stop when you get there, right?”

  There was a moment of hesitation, then, “Right.”

  She was lying.

  I looked out the window as Vernon transformed into the ghetto. We passed more liquor stores, storefront churches, and mom-and-pop stores.

  “When are you telling Mom? That you might not be going to Spelman?”

  She didn’t answer right away. Then, “What gives you that impression?”

  “I just have a feeling.”

  “Well, you can quit nagging,” she said, checking street signs. She turned to me. “When did you get to be such a nag?”

  I noticed she didn’t deny it.

  “This is Avalon,” I said as she was about to go past. She made a right and began checking the numbers.

  “We’re in the forties,” I noted.

  She turned on the radio. Commercials. I watched the house numbers until we got to the hundreds.

  “Start looking for Nathan’s car on your side,” she said. “I just want to make sure he’s okay, that’s all. After what happened.”

  “Because you’re his friend.”

  “Right.”

  The streets were lined with small clapboard houses. Some had chainlink fences around weeded-over front yards with toys strewn about. One had a car up on blocks right on the front lawn.

  “I don’t see it,” Lily said under her breath. “Where is it?”

  “Maybe he’s out of town.”

  She turned to look at me with eyes narrowed and accusing. “Why are you being so ridiculous, Sophie? Of course he’s not out of town!”

  She spoke with an air of desperation. I didn’t realize I was being ridiculous. It seemed like a good explanation.

  She huffed. “Maybe I’ll just park and get out of the car, go up to one of those doors.” She nodded at a random house. “Ring the doorbell, and ask whoever answers the door if they know a Nathan Baylor. Or a Nigel Baylor.”

  “Why are you doing this, Lily?”

  “Doing what?” She’d slowed down to a crawl and her eyes were darting from one side of the street to the other.

  “Searching for Nathan.”

  She didn’t answer. She just kept her eyes on the passing driveways. Then suddenly she stopped by a house where an older woman stood in front, watering her lawn. Lily got out of the car with a big disarming smile on her face.

  The lady aimed the hose out of Lily’s path and toward some rosebushes growing along the edge of the lawn as she approached. I couldn’t hear them, but I knew Lily was asking her if she knew where Mrs. Baylor lived. My sister was in luck because the woman immediately pointed to the house directly across the street. Lily looked like she wanted to give her a hug.

  She hurried across the street, went up to the front door, and rang the bell. She put her head to the door, to listen for approaching footsteps probably. She rang the doorbell again. She waited. Fin
ally, she turned away and came back to the car.

  “You got any paper?”

  I pulled out the pad I usually carried in my canvas bag. I tore off a sheet, then dug around until I found my pencil.

  My sister could be so dramatic. She scribbled a note, folded it, and got out of the car. She crossed the street again and tucked the note in the screen door. She looked back once to make sure it was still there as she returned.

  Then she sat behind the wheel, drumming it and thinking.

  “Maybe he’s at Thirty-One Flavors,” I said, trying to be helpful. She seemed to ignore this, until she said, “If you’re going to make suggestions, please let them make sense.”

  Then something happened. Something startling. Right there in my mother’s car—​in the passenger seat. This thing that happens only to girls. It happened to Jennifer last month. She called me the day after. I knew it was something huge, but she wouldn’t tell me what. She just told me to get over there, quick. I put away my green binder and went over there fast. I’d still been writing that stupid Fleur and Lizeth book and having the main characters vacation in London. It didn’t feel natural. I’d looked up information in the library and in our Encyclopedia Britannica, but I still felt I didn’t know London well enough. So I was happy to slip the binder under the bed and hurry to Jennifer’s.

  She met me at the door and gestured for me to follow her up the stairs to her bedroom on the second floor. Jennifer’s staircase always made me wish I lived in a two-story house instead of a split-level.

  As soon as we crossed the threshold of her bedroom, Jennifer pointed to several items on her bed. There was a sanitary belt, a box of Kotex, and a little pamphlet entitled When Your Body Changes. All that was lacking was Jennifer taking a bow.