Give Me Four Reasons

by Lizzie Wilcock

  I blink, stunned. ‘Um … no, she’s all right. She … um … just told me I’m on her radar and to watch my step. Um … then I tripped over her garbage bin on my way out.’

  ‘You didn’t?’ says the taller one. She sounds impressed.

  ‘You’ve got guts, Paige Winfrey,’ says her friend.

  They think I tripped over the bin on purpose, to be rude to Mrs McKenna! I’m about to explain it was an accident, when the first girl asks, ‘Hey, do you want to come and sit with us?’

  ‘I … well …’I glance towards the cockroach hole.

  The girls, Mia and Holly, hook their arms through mine on either side and lead me off to the quadrangle. Kids stare at us, and I wonder if Mia and Holly have starred in TV adverts, too. But then I realise they are looking at me. I am the ‘Read It and Weep’ girl.

  We see Sidney, Miff, Mandi and Brooke sitting in their normal spot by the tree. Nick and the other boys are sitting close by again. I think they all have a crush on Sidney.

  ‘Hey, Paige!’ Sidney calls. ‘How’d you go?’

  We walk over and I tell the story again. This time I make it sound like I tripped over the bin on purpose.

  Sidney and the others crack up laughing.

  ‘You’re going to drive Mrs McKenna nuts all year,’ Sidney says. Then she turns to Mia and Holly. ‘We’ve played netball against you two, haven’t we?’ she says. ‘Saturdays at Empire Park?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Holly says. ‘We’re in the Purple Dredds.’

  ‘I was wondering who your friends were, Read It and Weep,’ Miff says.

  I look at the two girls I just met five minutes ago. ‘This is Mia, and this is Holly,’ I say. I hope I’ve got it right.

  ‘Are you keeping the same team this year?’ Sidney asks.

  ‘No,’ Mia says. ‘We lost our Shooter and our Centre. Boarding school. So the team’s folded.’

  ‘Well, we’re looking for some players for the school comp that’s starting soon,’ Sidney says. ‘Defence?’

  ‘Mia and I share Goal Defence and Goal Keeper,’ Holly says.

  ‘Perfect,’ Miff says. ‘What about you, Paige? You’re probably not tall enough for a Shooter, but you look like you’d make a mean Wing like Mandi here.’

  Me, play netball? To do that, I’d have to be able to run and throw and catch a ball properly. I’d have to know the rules of the game. I’ve only ever played netball in school PE lessons, and I was always stuck playing Wing Defence, where I didn’t have to do very much except stand there and daydream.

  But these girls want me to play. They want me to be on their team. I look at their pretty, eager faces, smiling at me and I so want to be on their team, too.

  ‘Yeah, I play Wing,’ I say.

  ‘Great,’ Sidney says. She wraps her left arm around me and her right arm around Miff. I put my left arm across Holly’s shoulder, and Holly grabs Mia with her free hand. Mia joins with Mandi who joins with Brooke. Brooke completes the circle with Miff. Seven of us. ‘Girls,’ Sidney declares. ‘It looks like we’ve got ourselves a team! Read It and Weep!’

  I suddenly feel like I’m being watched. I look up at the cockroach hole. Elfi, Rochelle and Jed are looking down. I smile and lift my hand from Sidney’s shoulder to wave. Elfi crosses her arms. Rochelle does, too. Jed attempts a wave before his arm is nearly ripped off by Rochelle.

  The circle breaks up and I have the chance to leave, to go up and see my best friends. But I hesitate. My best friends who don’t notice when I miss my turn in the Give Me Four Reasons game? My best friends whom I haven’t seen all summer and who were too busy to talk to me on the phone last night? My best friends who didn’t listen long enough to hear my news about my dad? I don’t want to be ignored and invisible any more.

  So I stay sitting down with Sidney and Miff and the other girls, with my back to the cockroach hole. They don’t think I’m boring and invisible.They asked me about my holiday and listened to my answers, even if those answers were not quite the truth.

  I smile at these new girls and promise myself that everything I tell them from now on will be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

  16

  Rochelle and Elfi are not waiting for me after school. But Jed is sitting on the fence next to the entrance gate, swinging his feet and banging his heels into the steel mesh.

  ‘How was your day?’ I ask him.

  ‘It was okay,’ he says. ‘Some guys I used to hang with at my old grammar school are in my class.’

  ‘So where’re Elfi and Rochelle?’

  ‘Er … something came up. Dance practice, I think.’

  I look sharply at Jed. ‘Elfi and Rochelle don’t take dance classes.’

  Jed jumps down from the fence and we walk in silence towards the park beside the school. When we get there, we sit on a splintery wooden bench and stare out over the dry grass of the cricket oval. I can’t believe that only two days have passed since I was standing with Shelly on the hilltop overlooking Bloodstone Beach. It seems like ages ago.

  ‘So what’s going on?’ Jed begins.

  I turn to look at him. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I mean the short skirt. The tan. The hair?’

  ‘Did Rochelle and Elfi give you a list?’

  Jed grins. ‘Yep. You know I don’t really notice stuff like that.’

  I shake my hair. ‘You didn’t notice that my ponytail is gone and that I’ve now got a fringe?’

  ‘Well, yeah,’ Jed says, staring at me. ‘Why?’

  ‘I felt like doing something different for a change. A new look.’

  ‘A new look or new friends?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Why’d you diss us today?’

  ‘I didn’t. I just got caught up with stuff.’

  ‘With other people, you mean?’

  ‘Yeah, just like you did with your old friends from grammar school.’

  ‘So tomorrow everything will be cool again?’

  ‘Of course,’ I say.

  Jed sighs, relieved. ‘Good. Because I started to see a whole new side of Elfi and Rochelle. They weren’t being very nice. It’s like the three of you have all morphed into different people or something.’

  ‘Morphing’s not allowed,’ I say. ‘Remember our motto?’ I thrust my arm out, palm down.

  Jed slaps his hand onto mine. We twinkle our fingers up in the air, then he slams his hand back down onto mine again. ‘Track three!’ we say.

  But I have already broken the pact. Something has changed over the summer. I got healthy, I got a tan, and I lost my dad to a new girlfriend. Not only that, since I got back, I got a taste of what it’s like to be noticed and to hang with the in-crowd.

  And I like it.

  I want more.

  But I decide not to mention any of this to Jed for now. I reckon I can be popular and keep my old friends.

  My father comes over to see us that night. We have just finished dinner and I am loading the dishwasher.

  ‘Dad!’I run into his arms, forgetting for a moment that he has a new girlfriend, forgetting for a moment it was my fault he left us. I have missed him so much.

  He hugs me tight, and we walk into the lounge room. Then he holds me at arm’s length and stares at me. ‘What happened to you? Hasn’t your mother been feeding you?’

  ‘Of course I’ve been feeding her,’ Mum snaps. She is folding the washing and organising it in piles across the lounge. She angrily shakes out each t-shirt and towel.

  ‘I think she looks great,’ Felicity says. She has come out of her bedroom, where she’d retreated to do her homework, and is now leaning against the hallway wall with her arms folded.

  I stare at her, shocked.

  ‘Merry Christmas, girls.’ Dad hands each of us an envelope. Inside is a gift card from the mall for two hundred dollars.

  Felicity whoops and throws her arms around him.

  ‘Thanks, Dad,’ I whisper.

  ‘You can buy anything you want,’ Dad says.

/>   Mum snorts.

  ‘Great.’ I try to keep the tremor I’m feeling inside from sounding in my voice. ‘So where have you been staying, Dad?’

  ‘I’m renting a place in Juniper West,’ Dad says. ‘I know you don’t know that area, but it’s quite similar to here, really.’

  ‘Are you by yourself?’ I am afraid to ask, but I have to.

  ‘Not exactly,’ Dad says.

  I don’t want to hear any more. I go over and help Mum with the washing. We flap and shake each item until it almost snaps in half. The TV is on and I can only hear snatches of Dad’s conversation with Felicity, but I can see his face glow as he talks.

  ‘Chloe … always wanted … loves the beach … good company … happy …’

  Felicity doesn’t seem too upset by the news of Dad’s girlfriend. She is soon telling Dad all about Jack. I guess falling in love with a new person just like that is okay with her.

  Dad walks across the lounge room and comes to stand next to me. ‘So how was your first day of high school, Paige?’ he asks.

  ‘It was okay,’ I mumble.

  ‘Big change?’

  I nod.

  ‘Changes are good, Poss. I told you that.’ Dad smiles.

  Mum tuts loudly.

  Dad ignores her. ‘So you girls can come over to my place on Saturday,’ he says. ‘I’ll pick you up at one. You can meet Chloe. You’ll love her.’

  I nod and smile and allow myself to be hugged. But, as soon as my father has said goodbye and let himself out the front door, I run into my bedroom and burrow down amongst the bears on my bed.

  A while later, I calm down and get up from the bed. I catch sight of myself in the mirror. My face looks puffy and blotchy from crying. I head into the bathroom, go to the tap, and dab water on my face.

  As I reach for a towel, I notice one of Felicity’s magazines on the side of the bath. It is open and folded back at an article entitled ‘How to Make a Splash This Summer’.

  I pick up the magazine, hoping to take my mind off Dad. It is full of make-up tips and hair-straightening tricks. I read about the latest ‘must-have’ mobile phones and ringtones, and about how to glide as I walk.

  I perch on the edge of the bath and flick through the pages, looking for something that’s actually interesting to read. At the back of the magazine is a section called ‘How Embarrassing’, where readers send in their stories. There is one about a girl who takes a shortcut through a caravan park with all her friends and they have to climb over a high fence. She slips as she climbs and is left dangling upside down by her skirt, flashing her undies to all her friends and the people at the caravan park. I laugh, though I’d die of shame if it happened to me.

  ‘Paige!’ Felicity calls, banging so hard on the door that it shudders. ‘Get out! I need to brush my teeth.’

  ‘Okay, keep your undies on,’ I reply. I close the magazine and place it at the end of the bath. It is only then that I notice its name: Cindy.

  Didn’t Claire, the Queen of Clairvoyance, say I should follow the advice of someone called Cindy?

  17

  I get up early the next morning and dress for school. I put on the same skirt as yesterday, but a fresh blouse. I want to go over to Elfi’s house before school, so I gobble my choco pops as quickly as possible and then lift the bowl to my mouth to drink the chocolate milk left in the bottom of the bowl. In my haste I tip the bowl up too far and the milk spills down my blouse and into my lap. I am a mess.

  I run into my bedroom to change. Hanging on my doorknob is my new skirt from Farram’s Uniforms that Mum spent hours taking in last night. As I hold it against me, the longer length seems weird. So I take another old one of Felicity’s from her chest of drawers. I put on a new blouse and then I brush my teeth. I grab my bag and leave the house.

  Ping! Ping! Ping! I throw three dried-up seed pods at Elfi’s window. I am about to search under the trees for more when the window slides open. Elfi is brushing her teeth. She points and gurgles for me to move out of the way so she can spit the frothy glob of toothpaste onto the clivia leaves. I jump back as a foaming white ball splashes onto my shoe.

  ‘Sorry,’ she says. ‘That toothpaste really burns if you leave it in too long.’

  ‘Can I come in?’ I ask.

  ‘I’m not sure,’ she says. ‘I heard you spent a month in gaol.’

  ‘All I said was “juvie”,’ I correct her.

  ‘Did you?’ she says. ‘I know I didn’t see you all summer …’

  ‘No, of course not!’

  ‘Then why are you telling everyone you did?’

  I bend down and wipe the toothpaste off my shoe with my fingers. Then I wipe my fingers on the grass. ‘I … I … Look, it just came out. Juvie is what Felicity nicknamed the caravan park.’

  ‘But now everyone thinks you’re a real rebel!’

  ‘Really? Who?’

  ‘Everyone.’ Elfi brushes her hair back and slips on a black headband. ‘All the kids were talking about Paige Winfrey.’

  That’s a sentence I have never heard before. I try not to smile, but Elfi catches the smirk anyway.

  ‘Do you think it’s funny, Paige? Is that how you want to be known at high school?’

  ‘No. No. It was kind of a joke, I guess, and most people know that now.’

  ‘Your new friends?’ Elfi’s eyes are cold.

  ‘They’re just the girls in my class. We were getting to know each other. One of them is the Starshine Girl.’

  ‘The what?’

  ‘The Starshine Girl. You know, off that toothpaste advert.’

  Just then, a voice from inside the house calls, ‘Elfi!’

  Elfi swings around from the window. Her mother speaks to her in German. Elfi answers her and I hear my name mentioned several times. Elfi turns back to the window. ‘Mum wants you to get out of her flower beds and come to the front door like a normal person.’

  I trudge around to the front of the house. Mrs Guttenheim unlocks the door.

  ‘Guten Tag, Mrs Guttenheim,’ I say.

  She stares down at my legs and frowns. I wipe my feet on the mat. She is still frowning. ‘Where is rest of skirt?’ she says.

  Elfi rescues me. ‘Bye, Mum.’ She kisses her mother on the cheek and ushers me down the path. Mrs Guttenheim mutters something in German. I can tell by the tone that it is not something nice. Elfi’s face goes red. She turns back and glares at her mother.

  ‘What did she say?’ I ask.

  ‘You don’t want to know,’ Elfi answers.

  Rochelle meets us by the park next to the school. ‘I didn’t know whether we’d be seeing you today,’ she says.

  ‘Why wouldn’t you?’ I put my arm around her waist, which for me is like hugging a giraffe. I do the same with Elfi. ‘We’re best buddies.’

  ‘You look different from the buddy I had last year,’ Rochelle says.

  ‘But I’m still the same old me.’

  ‘Good,’ Rochelle says. ‘I like the old you.’

  ‘So do I,’ Elfi says.

  Well, that makes three of you, I think, including Jed. But, when you count, three people liking the old me isn’t enough, especially if I’m not one of them. Then I feel guilty for thinking like that, because our motto is not to change.

  The old me would have told Elfi and Rochelle all about Dad leaving by now. It feels weird keeping it a secret, but I would have told them if they had ever really asked me how I was since the holidays.

  As we near the school gate, Sidney and Miff jump off a bus on the other side of the road. I drop my arms from around Elfi and Rochelle and lag behind. I start rummaging through my bag, pretending to be looking for something. It feels wrong, but it’s the only thing I can think of to do. My old friends are so different to my new ones, and I need time to work out how to introduce them properly.

  Sidney and Miff are busy chatting and laughing as they cross the road and walk towards us to the open gate.

  ‘Hey, Paige!’ Sidney calls. ‘So did you do that
boring English homework for smelly Mr Reyne yet?’

  I remember my promise to start telling the truth to these girls from now on. ‘Of course,’ I say. ‘It’s not like I’m a rebel or anything like that.’

  ‘No, of course not!’ Miff says sarcastically. She and Sidney smile at each other.

  Rochelle and Elfi stop just inside the gate and wait for me. Sidney and Miff look at them, then back at me. Their eyebrows are raised. So much for my plan to wait and introduce my two groups of friends later.

  ‘Sidney and Miff, this is Rochelle and Elfi,’ I say. ‘They went to my old school.’

  ‘Hi,’ Rochelle and Elfi chorus.

  ‘So has Paige always been crazy?’ Sidney asks them.

  Rochelle and Elfi glance at each other. Now it’s their turn to raise their eyebrows.

  I jump in front of Elfi and Rochelle and start babbling. ‘Did you guys buy all the things we had to get for Art? Mum and I went to the art supply shop in town before the holidays and got all the books, and folders and drawing tools that were on the list.’ I open my bag and reveal its contents.

  ‘I’ll get mine on the weekend,’ Sidney says.

  ‘Me too,’ says Miff.

  ‘They’ve got all that stuff at the factory outlet centre, too,’ Rochelle says.

  ‘That’s where I got mine. It’s much cheaper,’ Elfi adds.

  Miff looks at Rochelle and Elfi as though they are lice. ‘Who shops at the factory outlet centre?’ Then she looks down at their bags and their shoes. ‘Oh, I guess you do.’

  I see and feel the humiliation on the faces of my two best friends. Rochelle clenches her teeth. Elfi steps over to stand beside me, staking her claim. She pushes her glasses up her nose and turns to me. ‘Let’s go,’ she says.

  ‘Um … I’ll catch you up in a minute,’ I tell her. ‘I just need a bit of help with my homework from these guys.’

  Rochelle stares at me. Her eyes are cold. ‘Don’t bother, Paige.’ She grabs Elfi’s arm and they walk off together.

  My stomach bubbles with a strange mixture of feelings. Wait for me! I want to cry out. That’s not fair. I didn’t say anything! But when they don’t stop and don’t even turn around to see if I’m coming, I huff. Well, that’s a nice way to treat your friends!