Witch Bane and the Croaking Game

by Cat Larson

  “You did get home pretty late. Or should I say early. That sounds like a good place to start.”

  “If you’re implying anything, you can stop now. It was hardly a fun night.” At least not all of it. “My place was practically razed to the ground.”

  “Oh, Samm.” She wrapped her arms around me. “I am so, so sorry. Who—”

  Knock knock.

  “Can you check that, please?” I asked Sage. “Whoever it is, just send them away.”

  “Even if it’s Griffin,” she said, looking out the window.

  “No, of course not.”

  She opened the door. “Hey, Sage.” He poked his head in. “Samm. How’re you feeling?”

  I waved him in. “Still a little out of it, but much better. Thanks.”

  “I meant to stop by sooner, but I wanted to give you enough rest.” He held up a paper bag. “I come bearing supplies.”

  “Supplies?”

  He pulled out a bag of ground coffee and a package of filters, and my face must’ve looked like someone stuck a dozen fireflies in my mouth. “Griffin! How sweet of you!”

  I took the stuff and brought it to the counter. It was even an extra-dark roast. “Stay and have some with us? Rather, me?” Sage didn’t drink coffee.

  “Oh no. Thanks anyway. I’ll leave you two to your visit.”

  “You should stay,” Sage said.

  “No, my laptop’s ready to pick up anyway. I’m on a deadline, lots of work to catch up on.”

  He glanced at me and I nodded, giving him a knowing look. I couldn’t stop the rush of… appreciation?... satisfaction?... whatever it was, it felt good that he’d trusted me enough to divulge so much hours earlier.

  “Okay, I understand,” I said. “Thanks again. It’s very thoughtful of you to support my coffee habit.”

  “Anytime.”

  After he left, I was a little glad he hadn’t stayed, only because I wished to speak with Sage alone about certain topics I wasn’t ready to share in front of him.

  “Looks like things are going pretty well between the two of you.”

  “Sage…”

  She held up her hands. “Don’t worry. I’m not implying anything.”

  I started a pot of coffee. My senses were already perking up at the thought of having a fresh cup, or five, in my system.

  “I don’t recall even getting home this morning. Griffin said I crashed really hard on the drive.”

  “Yeah, he carried you inside.”

  I flicked her a glance. “Who put me to bed?”

  “What are you hoping I’ll say?”

  “Sage!”

  “Oh, settle down. I’m only teasing. I’m the one who tucked both you and Fernando in.”

  “Thank you.” I didn’t remember that. At all. “I was sleeping, but yet I told you to go home?”

  She nodded. “You woke up briefly. Griffin assured me he’d stay on the couch until you were fully awake.”

  “He didn’t have to—”

  Bang bang.

  “I’ll check,” Sage said.

  I doubted it was Griffin again since the pounding was much louder this time. She’d just cracked open the shade when the voice boomed through the door.

  “Open up, Samm!”

  I hung my head. Ugh. The coffee wasn’t even done yet.

  “It probably wouldn’t be too smart to get rid of him, huh?”

  I sighed. “No.”

  She opened the door with a smile. “Officer Kane. What a pleasure.” Damon ignored her, looking straight past to me.

  “Where’s the frog?”

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Frog?”

  “You really want to play it this way?”

  Officer Mike was right on his heels. “Hi, Samm,” he said, all peaches and cream.

  I briefly raised my lips in response, feeling much more storm cloud than sunny. I glanced between the two officers. “What’s going on, boys?”

  He had me panic-stricken at “frog.” Damon nodded at Boy Wonder, which apparently was his cue to invade my privacy.

  “What do you think you’re doing?”

  “Just browsing.” Mike played it down, grinning from ear to ear. Grr.

  “Damon, kindly explain what’s happening here, or I can escort you both out.”

  “We can do this the hard way or the easy way. Which do you prefer?”

  “No worries, Samm,” Mike said. “We’ll only be but a minute, and then you and Sage can get back to your girl talk.”

  I clenched my fists. I was stuck in a lousy episode of good cop/bad cop.

  “We need the frog,” Damon said.

  “This is complete nonsense. I know my rights.” I hoped that hadn’t come out as erratically as my world felt.

  “You’re just making it harder on yourself. If you knew your rights, you’d also know there are exceptions. One of them being imminent danger to the public.”

  “Come again?”

  “Hey, Samm,” Mike said, holding up the “history” book. “I didn’t know you were into ancient civilizations! We’re kindred spirits, you and I.” He beamed, looking positively giddy. “I have a study group every other Monday night. You should come.”

  “What?”

  Damon entered the bedroom, and my anxiety shot through the roof. I glanced at Sage and silently screamed, Why do they want Fernando?!

  She gave me the slightest head shake, gesturing her eyes toward the built-in shelves. Huh?

  “Open this box for me,” Damon called out.

  “This is an abominable invasion of privacy. If Violet knew—”

  “Open. The. Box.” He stood in the doorway with it gripped in his hands. “Or I will bust it open.”

  Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have brought up Violet since it was the touchiest of subjects around him, but come on… who did he think he was? Besides a cop, that is.

  “Might as well give the men what they want,” Sage said. “That way they can get out of our hair faster, and we can get back to our girl talk.” She smiled wide.

  What the heck?

  It was then I noticed how she’d moved even closer to the shelves, and my eyes were drawn to a spot between two herb jars.

  “Uh, yeah. Okay.” I went over to the box and punched in 1031. “You’re wasting your time, though. It’s empty.”

  The lid popped open, and it was, indeed, empty. Damon thrust the box into my hands and stomped back into the bedroom.

  “Fairies? Yeah, right,” I heard him mumble, commenting on the bowl of water I kept on the floor, even though Fernando never so much as acknowledged it. I’d once told Damon that Violet had left it out for the fairies because, you know, Violet. Enough said.

  “Luck o’ the Irish to ya, Samm.”

  “What?” I gaped at Mike. If he was attempting to mimic the McGuinnesses’ accent, he’d failed horribly. He held up my pot of gold rainbow brooch that I’d received from the Gnome Coalition with an exuberant expression. Anyway, moving on…

  “I’m still not sure why you’re asking for a frog,” I said to Damon. “Why not a hedgehog or a fruit bat or a werewolf, for that matter? They’re friends with the fairies, after all.” Nasty little creatures, those winged things. If you didn’t give them what they wanted, they’d turn on you in a hot second. I bet Regina kept a whole hoard of them as pets.

  “They’re not friends,” Sage exclaimed. “In fact, fairies and werewolves are—”

  “Enough!” Damon came out with “The Look.” He palmed the counter and stared me down. “Did you ever notice that whenever there’s a problem lately, you’re there?”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means I need the frog. And your phone.”

  “Wait—what?”

  “Now. Before I get angry.”

  “Before you get angry?”

  “Best do what he says, Samm,” Mike said, the gleam of his tooth hitting me square in the eye.

  “Why do you hate me so much?” I asked Damon.

  “I don�
�t hate you.”

  “Yes, you do. You hate me, and you hate me spending time with Griffin.”

  “While I’m less than pleased about your reinvolvement with my brother—”

  “Reinvolvement?”

  “That has absolutely nothing to do with this investigation.”

  “But obviously I do have something to do with it, and don’t I deserve to know why?” I was starting to get worked up again, even though my nerves had calmed somewhat regarding Fernando.

  “We received an anonymous tip,” Mike revealed.

  “I got this,” Damon said. “Truth is, we have it on good authority that a certain poisonous species of frog was spotted on the premises. We need to confiscate it for your safety, as well as for others.”

  “Poisonous frog? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?”

  “Not very, considering both Penelope Green and Jonny Bellman had traces of a rare toxin found in their oral mucous membranes. A rare toxin found only in poisonous dart frogs.”

  “What?” I couldn’t tell you if I’d whispered that or shouted it.

  Mike held his hand up to his mouth and muttered, “He means the lining inside the mouth.”

  “That’s not what I’m talking about!” I most definitely yelled that.

  Sage cleared her throat. “Do you mean this frog, Officer?” She plucked the “wooden” frog off the shelf and showed it to Damon. I had to move in closer to see for myself. Un-froggin’-believable. It was Fernando, all right, but he appeared as lifeless as a knick-knack. Were there no limits to his disguise skills?

  “No, Sage. I’m here for a real frog, not one carved out of wood.”

  “Well, it just so happens this is what I was holding and admiring—excellent craftsmanship, wouldn’t you say?—when Clarisse Jones illegally entered the shop. And let me guess—she said the frog was yellow and black, resembling a bumblebee? A highly questionable ‘good authority’ if you ask me.”

  “I never said it was Clarisse Jones.”

  “You didn’t have to. We all know she was your anonymous tip. Did she also happen to mention I was wearing a yellow-and-black striped shirt that day? I can take you to my closet right now and prove that I own one.”

  “That won’t be necessary.”

  “As is also well known, Clarisse gets severe migraines, which can cause visual disturbances. She saw the wooden frog in my hand, and her distorted vision must have confused that with the color and pattern of my shirt. That is the most likely, scientific explanation. If you need more reasons, I could also get into the fact that she’s nuts, stuck-up, morally bankrupt—”

  “You’ve made your point.”

  Wow. Go, Sage. If I hadn’t known she was fabricating, I would have believed her interpretation, no question. Although, maybe she should’ve left out that last bit about her personal feelings, as much as I wholeheartedly agreed with her. If Fernando were poisonous, I’d make Clarisse lick him.

  “And don’t you think if there were a live frog on the premises,” Sage continued, “there’d be evidence to support that? An aquarium? Proper lighting? Frog food—”

  I made a subtle throat-slash gesture. I didn’t want Damon’s memory triggered at “frog food” since he’d questioned me just a couple weeks before why I’d purchased insects. This was prior to discovering that Fernando would only eat blueberries.

  “And… you can’t just let a frog run around loose like a dog, you know, or it wouldn’t stay alive very long.”

  “I said you’ve made your point.” He turned to Mike. “Did you find anything?”

  “Not yet. No peep of a frog anywhere.” He elbowed me gently. “Or should I say croak?”

  Damon inspected the wooden Fernando closely, and I prayed he wouldn’t suddenly spring to life. I had no idea how long he could hold this form. He’d never played Pinocchio before.

  Damon’s phone rang then, startling us all. Good thing I wasn’t holding Fernando or else he’d be stuck in the ceiling.

  “Officer Kane.” He raked his hand through his hair. “What can I do for you, Mrs. Zweifler?... I told you before, I really don’t think anyone wants to steal your grass. Why would they want yours when there are plenty of perfectly manicured lawns all over town?”

  Mike chuckled and whispered, “That, Mrs. Zweifler. Quite the character. She keeps thinking people are sneaking into her yard and digging up patches of grass. We keep telling her it’s likely an animal, but…” He circled his finger around his ear and whistled.

  “What?” Damon said. “You saw them this time?... Are you positive about that?... Can you describe… Yes, Mrs. Zweifler. I’ll stop by so you can make an official report.” He shook his head, slipping the phone back into his pocket.

  “What’s this about grass?” I asked. Something about that had seriously caught my attention.

  Of course, he ignored me. “I’m heading out there to get this over with,” he told Mike. “See you back at the station.” He gestured to me. “Get her phone.”

  “Phone?” I called out after him as he left. “I thought we were over that?”

  “Just covering our bases, Samm. I’m sure you understand.”

  “No, I don’t.”

  He held out his hand. “Can I have it, please?”

  “But… why? Sage already explained there’s no real frog, much less a poisonous one. What in the world would I be doing with such a thing anyway?”

  He scratched his jaw. “Yeah, it does sound kooky when you think about it. We’re still waiting on the full toxicology reports, but the initial findings detected the specific toxin in their mouths. It’s absorbed through the membranes, you know, paralyzes the heart muscle, among other things. Once the poison enters the bloodstream, it all happens pretty quickly, you know.”

  “No, I do not know. Because I don’t have one!”

  He chuckled at my little outburst, probably thinking it was cute. “Well, just between you and me, I can see how such a misunderstanding arose. Of course, what kind of officer of the law would we be if we didn’t continue investigating?” He smacked his forehead. “Right. Phone, please.” He held out his hand again.

  “Fine. You want my phone. Take it.” They wouldn’t find whatever they were hoping to find anyway. I hoped it ended up cursing them right back, put a big ole hairy green wart on the tip of their nose.

  I marched over to my purse and unzipped it. My face scrunched up when I peered inside. I stuck my hand in, then turned it upside down and shook. A couple of blueberry-stained scarves and a napkin tumbled to the ground.

  “Um, it’s not here.” When was the last time I saw it? Oh no. Did I leave it in the restaurant? I could’ve sworn Griffin had given it back to me after his mini-reading with Madame Zora. I tucked the napkin that Griffin had written on in my pocket. Or maybe the phone had fallen out in his car? I frowned. “I might have left it in Chicago.”

  “Now, Samm. You wouldn’t be pulling my leg, would you?”

  “No, Mike,” I said through clenched teeth. “Do you think on top of everything else, I want to lie about a phone?”

  “Okay, okay. Didn’t mean to upset you there. I’ll pass along the info to Damon.”

  “Yeah, it’ll be yet another strike against me, but whatever. It’s not like there’s anything I can do about it. He’s gonna think what he’s gonna think.”

  “Ah, don’t worry about him. He’s been a little edgy these past few weeks. Worrying about your sister, you know.”

  I nodded. “Not to be rude, but are you done here? I didn’t sleep so well last night, and I’d really like to take a nap.” A little white lie but I was sure I’d be taking a nap, eventually.

  “Sure, sure. You get some good rest now. And just let me know when you want to come to the book study group. We’ll make a spot for you, no worries there.”

  “I will, Mike.” I nearly pushed him out the door then made sure it was locked before collapsing against it.

  “Holy crud, Sage! Now what?”

  Fernando was already back
to his lively self, nestled in her joined hands. I took a closer look. He was freaking Minnie Frog, camouflaged against her shirt again. If there was a red polka-dotted poison dart frog out there, just shoot me now.

  “Fernando’s being framed!” I cried out. “Why would Clarisse do this? Does she hate me that much for declining her stupid party invitation?”

  I threw up my hands then rushed around the shop with no idea what I was doing. “Did you know I saw Clarisse and Tommy talking just a short while ago? Something rotten’s going on. Tommy was friends with Jonny, and Gavin was in love with Penelope’s sister, and Penelope was super close with Regina, and somehow, someway they’re all tied together, and did you also know that I saw Penelope after she died—twice?” I shook my head. “Or maybe I didn’t, who knows?” Sage opened her mouth, but I kept going. “And now there’s this deadly toxin that supposedly killed Penelope and Jonny because it sure as heck wasn’t Fernando!”

  I took a deep breath, and Sage came up and grabbed my arms, attempting to still the mad unmerry-go-round I was strapped to. Fernando leaped onto her shoulder. “Samm, calm down.”

  “Oh, Sage… what am I going to do? I can’t let anyone take him away.”

  “I know.”

  “That would be a disaster.”

  “I know.”

  “He’s my fiancé,” I whispered.

  “Samm. I. know,” she said slowly.

  “But it’s so crazy. How can you even believe me?”

  “You think I haven’t heard crazier than that, and I still believed?”

  “I’ll never get him changed back if they take him, even if I do end up finding Violet. Who knows what they’ll do to him if he’s confiscated?” I shuddered at the thought.

  Here I assumed that if I just ignored everything and didn’t speak of it, it’d eventually go away, but all it did was get worse. Much worse.

  “Let’s start at the beginning and try to figure something out, okay?” I nodded. “Violet did this to Fernando, right? She changed him?”

  “Yes,” I said, then chomped down on my bottom lip.

  “I’d suspected that, but…”

  “H-how?” Oh crud. “Never mind.” There was way more to worry about than looking unstable in front of my best friend, and something told me I wouldn’t anyway. “Yes, Violet is responsible for turning my previously human-male fiancé into a frog—the very frog you have on your shoulder.”