Pain exploded in Christina’s lungs. She held back a sob.
“Because that’s all you had before we got together. And it’s all you’ll have again without me—your awful memories of parents so horrible I could strangle them with my bare hands. You want to wallow in that the rest of your life, Christina? Is that what you want?”
That wasn’t fair. “If I did, I wouldn’t have ever let you take me out.”
“But now you want to return to it? To your bruised life, alone?”
“I … no.”
Ben raised his hands. “Then what are we talkin’ about?”
Christina pushed to her feet. Some of the anger she couldn’t find a minute ago now trickled through her. Why did he have to make this so hard?
“I don’t fit with your family! I don’t have any idea how to be in a close, big group like them. It’s so far from my childhood, you can’t even imagine.”
“I know.” Ben’s expression softened. He leaned forward to reach for her, but she stepped back.
His hands fell to his lap, his eyes glazing with tears. “Don’t pull away from me. Please.”
Her own eyes filled again. “We can’t be together, Ben. It just won’t work. I’ll never measure up. So we might as well stop now.”
“Of course you measure up. You’re more than I ever dreamed of.”
Her tears fell. But she shook her head. “Take me home. Please.”
A mask of pain pulled over Ben’s face. He stood. “I’m not takin’ you.” His chin quivered, even as he spit out the words. “I’m gonna let you sit right here, in this room. You want to stay here all tonight and tomorrow and pout about what a sorry person you are, be my guest. We want you out there with us, part of us, me especially. But I can’t force you. Nobody can do this but you.”
Christina’s eyes locked with Ben’s, unable to tear away. She swallowed, and it hurt her throat.
“Here’s what it comes down to, Christina. Are you gonna let your awful past ruin the rest of your life? Or are you willin’ to do the work to climb out of it? Build a new future? Because that future belongs with me.” He poked himself in the chest. “Nobody else is gonna love you like I do. No other family will love you like this one—if you’ll just let ’em. If you’ll quit pushin’ everyone away.” He swung away from her, then reeled back. “You keep talkin’ about how you’re not good enough. Truth is, you act like you’re too good. That you’re beyond my love, my family’s acceptance. That’s an arrogance all its own. You wanna spend the rest of your life with that kind of attitude, go right ahead. But you’ll be miserable. And you’ll deserve it!”
Ben pushed past her and flung open the door. Strode through it and closed it hard without looking back. Christina heard his heavy footsteps fade down the hall.
She stared at the door, stunned.
The hurt inside her burst open, and her legs went weak. Christina threw herself on the bed and cried.
CHAPTER 23
Ruth stood in an assembly line at the kitchen counter with Maddy and Sarah, putting together ham sandwiches for a late lunch. She already had potato salad made, and they’d pulled out a large bag of chips from the pantry. Lunch at Dearing reunions tended to be chaotic, folks eating whenever they had the chance. But now that the men had come home early, the family would end up eating together around the dining room table.
Except maybe Ben and Christina. And Jess and Tamel.
She threw a glance across the family room, ever on the watch for any of those four to appear.
Somewhere far down the east wing a door slammed. Ruth stilled.
Hard footsteps stomped up the hall. Had to be Ben.
Slices of ham still in her hand, Ruth hurried through the family room and toward the front hall. Her son was near the top of the stairs.
“Ben!”
He turned, his face taut with anger.
“What happened?”
“I can’t talk right now.” He swiveled and disappeared on the second floor.
Air rushed from Ruth’s lungs.
Heavy-hearted, she made her way back to the kitchen. Maddy and Sarah raised their eyebrows in silent questions. Ruth shook her head. “Looks like now they’re fightin’.”
“Oh, boy.” Sarah looked at the line-up of sandwiches. “Guess we’d better make two less.”
“What about Jess?” Maddy held a knife and a jar of mayonnaise. “And should we make one for Tamel?”
“Tamel always wants to eat.” Sarah laid cheese on a slice of bread.
“Yeah, but Jess might not want him to stay.”
“Jess doesn’t know what she wants. That’s the problem.”
Ruth laid the ham slices on a plate and rinsed her hands. Her thoughts still snagged on Ben and Christina. “How can you two be talkin’ about the food at a time like this?”
Sarah put cheese on another sandwich. “Don’t worry, Mama, if it’s meant to be, they’ll work it out.”
What if it wasn’t meant to be? Ben would be devastated.
“As for Jess, she’s so stubborn,” Sarah said. “If she doesn’t see the light during this visit, it’ll be a while before she gets back here. She could lose Tamel altogether. Then she’ll be sorry.”
“Yeah,” Maddy said, “cute as he is, other women’ll flock to him like geese to honey.”
Sarah snickered. “Bees to honey.”
“What?”
“Bees, Maddy.”
Maddy screwed up her face. “Bees don’t flock.”
“But they—” Sarah raised both hands. “Oh, never mind.”
Voices sounded in the front hallway. Jess! Ruth’s heart wavered. “Here they come,” she whispered. “Now, don’t you two say anything.”
Sarah put on an innocent face. “Who, us?”
All three heads swung toward the family room doorway. Ruth could feel the questions vibrating off Maddy and Sarah.
Jess came through the entrance, followed by Tamel.
“Hi, you two.” Ruth searched Jess’s face. Her daughter held her head high, as if trying to appear nonchalant, even as three pairs of eyes looked her over. All the same, Jess’s expression seemed … softer. “You hungry? We’re makin’ sandwiches. Tamel?”
“Sure, thanks, Mama Ruth.”
Jess gave a tight smile. “Yeah, me too.”
Ruth nodded. Jess looked different beside Tamel. That simmering hurt masked by anger was gone. “You stayin’ for supper, Tamel?”
“No, ma’am, I’d love to, but I need to feed my dad. I’ll be over after supper, though. Jess and I are goin’ out for a while.”
Jess threw dagger gazes at Sarah, then Maddy. Daring either of them to say one word.
“Okay.” Ruth kept her voice light. “Maybe you can have some dessert with us before y’all go.”
“That would be great.”
Ruth shot up a silent prayer of thanks. She turned back to the sandwich-making. From the corner of her eye she glanced at Sarah, unable to keep her lips from curving. Sarah smiled back.
“Where’s Christina and Ben?” Jess asked.
“In their rooms.” Ruth sighed. “Things don’t look good.”
“Oh.” Jess studied the counter. “Wonder if I should try to go and apologize again. Although that didn’t work so well the first time.”
“Maybe you ought to just leave her alone.” Sarah put cheese on the last sandwich. “Whatever’s goin’ on, she and Ben have to work it out.”
“She doesn’t want to work it out, that’s just it. That girl has issues.”
“Shh.” Ruth shot a look toward the hall. “Keep your voice down.”
Jess walked over and laid a hand on her mama’s shoulder. “You’d better prepare yourself. I don’t think this is gonna work. And in the end Ben will be better off without her.”
Ruth would not dwell on that thought. Her son would be crushed. “We just need to give her extra space. She’s had a hard life.”
“I get that, Mama. But she doesn’t seem willin’ to let us give her extra
space. She’s just decided that for whatever reason, she can’t blend into this family.”
“Well.” Ruth started putting sandwiches on plates. “We’ll see.”
Everyone assembled for lunch—except Ben and Christina. Sy, Jake, and Don were showered and smelling fresh as a flower patch. After lunch Sy planned to haul the lobster corpses down to the dumpster behind Piggly Wiggly. They wouldn’t sit there long before the bin was emptied. Lady Penelope trotted into the dining room as if she’d never encountered the “family’s eating” rule in her life. Sy pointed toward the kitchen and told her to get into her bed. She marched out, nose in the air.
“Where’s Christina, I want to sit by her.” Lacey looked around.
“In her room, restin’.” Sarah patted the place beside her. “Sit here.”
“I’ll go get her.”
“No.”
“But—”
“Sit.”
Lacey sat.
“I don’t care if she’s not here.” Alex picked up a potato chip. “She got my clothes dirty.”
“You did that yourself.” Lacey’s eyes flashed. “You’re the one who spilled your pie.”
“She gave it to me.”
“You wanted it!”
“Girls.” Jake frowned at both of them. “Hush.”
“Alex, I don’t want to hear you say one more word about Christina.” Maddy pointed at her daughter.
“But she—”
“You want to go to your room?” Don gave her a hard look.
Alex pouted and shook her head.
“Then be quiet.”
The rest of the meal passed with less than animated conversation between bouts of silence—a first for the Dearings. Ben’s seat looked so empty. Ruth could almost feel the concern for him rolling off each person. She exchanged a long, knowing look with Sy down the length of the table. For the first time she let herself wonder if Christina’s presence in the family would cause more scenes like this. How would they handle it? And Ben’s life could become such a roller coaster.
What if he was better off without her?
Ruth could hardly taste her sandwich. There was only so much a mother could do to fix things for her children. When they were little it was much easier. She could kiss the scrapes and bandage the cuts. Nurse them when they were sick. But to stand by and watch an adult child be deeply hurt cut her to the core.
After lunch Tamel left to be with his father. He insisted on dumping the now dead lobsters at Piggly Wiggly for Sy. “No big deal.” He shrugged. “I drive a hearse.” Maddy and Sarah shooed their kids outside to play in the backyard awhile. Sy and Don said they’d toss them the Frisbee.
Sarah and Jake took off to scour the town for the perfect place to shoot the family summer photo. They happened to walk out the door the same time as Tamel, who was lugging the tied plastic bag of lobsters. They stopped for a minute on the sidewalk and talked. Ruth spotted Jess watching them through the front window, Maddy beside her. She joined them.
“Now what do you suppose they’re yakkin’ about?” Jess narrowed her eyes at the threesome.
Maddy lifted a shoulder. “Maybe he’s givin’ them ideas for the picture.”
“He’d better not be.”
Maddy laughed. “You’re just worried they’ll beat your pink bathtubs.”
“Nobody’ll beat my tubs.”
“Uh-huh. Or maybe they’re talkin’ about what happened between you and Tamel.”
Uh-oh.
Jess drew herself up and gave her sister an imperious look. “Nothin’ happened between me and Tamel.”
“Well, you certainly seem to be gettin’ along all of a sudden.”
Jess pulled her mouth in and turned away. Which was all that needed to be said.
Ruth and Maddy exchanged a glance. Maddy gave a thumbs up. Ruth nodded.
Thank you, Lord.
Ben eventually came downstairs. Ruth fed him a late lunch. Christina didn’t so much as poke her head out of her room. Ben ate despondently, then moped around the house. He sought consolation in Ruth and his two sisters, moving from teary-eyed to angry and defensive as he related what had happened. Bottom line, he’d done all he could do. Now it was up to Christina.
The afternoon inched by. Ben kept watching the clock and shooting glances toward the hall. Ruth could not stop thinking about Christina locked in her room. Wasn’t she hungry? Shouldn’t she take her some lunch?
Ben said no. “She wants to be left alone, and that’s what we’re gonna do.”
“But maybe she’s waitin’ for us to make the first move.”
“I did make the first move, Mama. I went to her. And she turned me away.” The hurt in Ben’s voice pierced Ruth’s heart.
The kids, Sy, and Don came inside, cheeks beet red and sweating. “Whoo!” Sy rinsed his face off at the kitchen sink. “I need another shower.” The little girls were dragging. Maddy sent them both to their rooms for a nap. Lacey insisted on taking Penny with her. Penny obliged.
Around four o’clock Jake and Sarah returned, apparently victorious in their search. “What did you find?” Maddy started pestering them as soon as they came in the door.
Jake’s eyes shone. “Not tellin’.”
“Oh, come on!”
“Nope. Just prepare to be amazed.”
“Sarah, tell us.”
“Huh-uh.” She scrunched her nose at Jess and sing-songed, “We’re gonna beat you.”
“We’ll just see about that.” Jess wagged her head.
The picture-taking would take place Sunday afternoon. In the morning they’d go to church. Would Christina be with them for any of it? Certainly by tomorrow morning she’d come out of her room. She had to eat.
No matter what Ben said, Ruth wasn’t about to let a guest starve.
CHAPTER 24
After Ben stormed out of her room, Christina had cried herself to sleep. When she awoke, her face felt hot and her eyelashes glued together. She pried her lids open and stood up to check herself in the dresser mirror. Drew back her head in horror. She looked absolutely awful. Red eyes and chapped lips. No moisture left in her system.
She desperately needed water. At the bathroom sink she guzzled down two glasses.
After that she couldn’t seem to keep still. She paced the room, going ’round and ’round until her legs grew tired and her stomach rumbled. When she sighed herself onto the bench the little gold clock on the dresser read three forty-five.
Christina stared at the carpet, her mind numb. She needed Ben but would never make him happy. Longed for a bright future but didn’t know how to let go of her dark past. Wanted to be loved yet was too scared to freely love in return.
Ben’s words echoed in her head. “Are you gonna let your awful past ruin the rest of your life? Or are you willin’ to do the work to climb out of it?” Of course she wanted to climb out of it. But she didn’t know how. That was just it.
She never should have come. Never have let Ben take her on that first date. She just wanted to die.
Christina knew she should pray. She’d been going to church with Ben and felt peace in God’s presence. She’d thanked God many times for sending him to her. Had promised to treat Ben right in return. Now look at her. Why should God listen anyway? Why should he want a thing to do with her?
A little tap came through her bedroom door. Christina didn’t answer. Maybe the person would think she was asleep. The knock came again.
She sighed. “Who is it?”
“Lacey.”
Christina barely heard the quiet voice.
She pushed herself to her feet and opened the door. Lacey gazed up at her with a solemn face, Penny in her arms. The Yorkie gave Christina the once-over.
Oh, great. The dog that didn’t like her.
“Can I come in?” Lacey whispered.
Christina opened the door wider and stepped back.
“Close it quick.” Lacey came in and slipped out of sight from the doorway.
Christina shut it. Tilt
ed her head at Lacey. The little girl lifted both shoulders and let them drop. “I’m supposed to be takin’ a nap.”
“Oh.”
“But I already took a little one.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Sort of.”
They looked at each other. Christina wanted Lacey to leave but couldn’t bring herself to reject her like that. “Want to sit down?”
Lacey nodded and plopped on the bed. Penny settled beside her.
Christina hesitated, then sat down on the other side of the dog, some distance away.
Lacey jiggled on the mattress. “Why are you in here?”
“I was sleeping too.”
“Oh. But you’re awake now.”
“Uh-huh.”
“You gonna go out there with Ben?”
“Not yet. I’ll stay and talk to you.”
Lacey grinned. She pushed her lips together and petted Lady Penelope. Christina merely watched. “Guess what we’re havin’ for supper,” Lacey said.
Christina flinched. That was not a subject she cared to discuss. “What?”
“Hamburgers!” Lacey bounced on the bed.
“You like hamburgers?”
“They’re my favorite! Alex’s and Pogey’s too. We’re so glad everyone’s gonna eat ’em. So we don’t have to see those scary fish things on the plates.”
“You mean the lobsters?”
Lacey shuddered. “I think if I saw Daddy eat one, I’d throw up. Or Mama either.”
Well. At least Christina had pleased someone in the family.
Lacey watched her own fingers move through Penny’s fur. “You can pet her too.”
“I don’t think so. She doesn’t like me anymore.”
“Yeah she does.”
Christina closed her eyes. Lacey sounded just like Ben. Why wouldn’t anyone listen to her?
“Why do you think she doesn’t like you?”
“I laughed at her when she was howling. She got mad.”
“Ohhh.” Lacey moved her chin up and down. “And then she went to the corner and pouted?”
“Yes.”
Lacey made a face. “She can pout just like Alex.”
That was certainly true.
“Anyway, it doesn’t mean anything. She gets mad for a while, then she forgets.”
That Dog Won't Hunt (Dearing Family Series) Page 14