I Have Lived And I Have Loved: A Charity Romance Collection

by Willow Winters

  I nodded, surprised he was even talking to me again. I couldn’t keep up. We were talking; we weren’t. We were fucking; we were nothing.

  He ordered a bottle of wine, and I stole glances at him over the top of my menu. “What?” He laughed after the waiter had gone.

  I shook my head, returning my attention to the words printed on the page. “Nothing.”

  “You have to tell me now,” he said, pulling the end of my menu down so he could see my face.

  “I guess I’m wondering…is this what it’s going to be like between us from now on? Awkward and stiff. Our conversations limited to surface matters?”

  He closed his eyes briefly, his watch glinting from the table as he gripped the stem of his wineglass. “It’s not how I want it to be. Believe me.”

  I blinked a few times as I attempted to process his confession.

  “Then why are you doing this to us?” When he opened his mouth, I waved a hand through the air. “I know, I know… I’m too young, I’m an intern, I’m your best friend’s daughter.” I rolled my eyes, not even sure why I’d asked.

  He glanced around as if anxious someone would overhear then blew out a breath. “That’s definitely a huge part of it, but…” He dragged a hand through his hair. “Did you know I came to the hospital after you were born? Did you realize I was there for every important milestone in your life? I watched you grow up.”

  He chuckled, and the action seemed so out of place with his brooding demeanor only moments before. “I can remember days spent at the beach, you flinging off your swimsuit and wiggling your cute little butt around. Then you’d march down to the water’s edge buck naked.”

  My cheeks heated, and I was positive they were an unflattering shade of red. “I don’t remember that,” I said in a soft voice.

  “It was years ago. Hell, I’m sure you barely remember me.”

  “Barely remember you?” I nearly choked on my water. “How could I forget someone like you? Besides, you were always around, always part of the family.”

  He nodded, his expression serious. “So, you have to understand why this is a terrible idea. Your dad has always been like a brother to me. He’s family, and I can’t lose him. Even if you are fucking incredible.”

  I dipped my head, my hair curtaining my face from his view. I wanted to bask in his compliment, but my mind kept returning to his words about my father, about family. I didn’t know everything about Jonathan’s past, but I knew enough. He really didn’t have anyone else.

  Conversation returned to more “appropriate” matters—our meetings, the week ahead, registration, and business school. It was fine, nice even, but it wasn’t what I really wanted. If anything, it only reminded me of just how good we could be together. We had a shared past, shared interests, and a similar outlook on life.

  We were both silent on the ride back to the hotel. When we stepped inside the elevator, Jonathan’s arm brushed against me as he reached across to press the button for our floor. He smelled crisp, clean, and I wanted to inhale him. No, I wanted to taste him. That was something we hadn’t gotten to do yet. Would he taste masculine and salty or… When he cleared his throat, I realized he was staring at me expectantly.

  “We’re here.”

  “Oh.” I shook my head. “Right.” I’d been so lost in my thoughts, I hadn’t even noticed the elevator stop or the doors open.

  He waited for me to exit but didn’t place his hand on my lower back. I’d already resigned myself to the fact that I was going to bed alone and it was for the best. But that didn’t make it any easier.

  “You don’t need to walk me to my door,” I said when he didn’t turn the opposite way to go to his. “I’m not a little girl.” It was childish, but I was hurt and frustrated and not just a little horny. I understood his reasons, but that didn’t mean I had to like them.

  “No.” His voice was gravelly. “You’re not. But I’d like to all the same.”

  We walked down the hall in silence, the tension vibrating between us. When we reached the door, I held the keycard up to the reader and stepped inside. “Good night.”

  I didn’t wait for him to say anything. Didn’t want to have him reject me again. Instead, I closed the door and leaned my forehead against it. I ached for him, but Jonathan had told me it was a one-time thing. I’d always appreciated the fact that he was true to his word. And so, with a heavy sigh, I turned and headed for the bathroom to get ready for bed.

  Just this once, couldn’t he…

  There was a knock at the door, and my heart stumbled over itself. I fluffed my hair and pulled my dress a little lower. A swarm of bees buzzed within me, and I tried to calm myself as I headed toward the door. I was afraid to get my hopes up, but I couldn’t help it.

  I peered through the peephole, my breath catching when I saw him standing there. I swung open the door. His arms braced the doorway as if he were holding himself back. His breathing was ragged, and I could feel the energy bouncing off him.

  He slowly lifted his head, eyes dark and tortured. “All we have is this week.”

  His words were an echo of mine from this morning, and I wondered what had changed his mind. Whatever it was, I wasn’t going to question it.

  “Then we should make the most of it.”

  He gripped the back of my neck, crashing his lips to mine as he backed me into the room and shut the door behind us. Our bodies collided. And I knew that no matter how hard we tried to fight this—we were inevitable.

  Chapter 2

  Jonathan

  “Here we are,” I said as I pulled up to the curb of a house in Los Feliz. The yard was more weeds than grass, and one of the windows was boarded up. I glanced to Sumner, trying to gauge her expression.

  I’d behaved since returning from New York last week, and surprisingly, so had she. I still didn’t trust myself to be alone with her, and I’d successfully avoided it for the most part. That didn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about her. Fuck… I slid my hands down my thighs, wishing my hands were on her body instead. It felt as if I could think of nothing but her.

  Sleeping with her had been a mistake for obvious reasons—I was her boss, her dad’s best friend, the list went on and on. But the true reason was something I could never tell her. Now that I’d had her, I couldn’t get her out of my head. I thought maybe I’d scratch the itch and be done, but it was like a rash. The more you scratched, the worse the itch, until it was all you could think about.

  “Are you buying a new house?” she asked.

  I shook my head, unbuckling my seat belt as Alexis pulled up behind us. “I’ve been flipping houses the past few years. It’s a passion project of mine. Come on.” I grinned. “Let me introduce you to Alexis.”

  I should’ve dropped Sumner back at the office after we’d checked out the commercial properties. I’d told myself I’d invited her out of convenience, but I knew that wasn’t true. Because for some reason, I wanted to show her this. I wanted her to know this side of me. To see me.

  I climbed out of the truck and greeted Alexis with a hug. “Hey.”

  “Hey.”

  “Alexis—” I glanced over my shoulder at Sumner, her smile like a punch to the gut. She’d always been pretty as a little girl—raven hair, jade eyes that appeared gray in certain lights, kindhearted. But the woman before me was fucking stunning. She was also my best friend’s daughter and my intern. And I’d slept with her. God, could I be more of a cliché?

  I cleared my throat and turned back to Alexis. “This is Sumner. She’s been working as an associate at the Wolfe Group this summer, and I’m showing her the ropes.”

  Alexis extended her hand to shake. “Nice to meet you. Are you interested in residential development?”

  “I’m here to learn.” She glanced at me with a devilish grin.

  “Wolfe’s the best. Even if he can be a pain in the ass sometimes.” Alexis nudged me with her elbow, grinning as she said it.

  I wrapped my arm around Alexis’s shoulder. “You know I’
m your favorite client.”

  “Come on.” She shook her head with a laugh, and I released her. “Let me show you the house.”

  The inside of the house wasn’t as awful as I’d feared. But it wasn’t much better either. Alexis showed us around until her phone rang.

  “I’ll just be outside.” She slid open the back door and stepped out to the backyard, which was basically a concrete pit. Algae rested on the surface of the pool, trash and debris littering the yard.

  “What do you think?” I asked Sumner.

  I was relieved that we’d lapsed so easily back into our friendship. There had been no awkwardness or barely concealed hostility. It was almost as if that week in New York had never happened—not that I could ever forget it. But I was grateful that Sumner had been mature and professional despite what had transpired between us.

  “Honestly?” She scrunched up her nose, and it made me want to kiss her. “It’s kind of a dump.”

  “I know.” Excitement churned through my bones, brimming with potential. “It’s a diamond in the rough.”

  “Or it’s just…rough.”

  “Maybe I like it rough.” I shouldn’t have said that.

  “Mm.” She hummed with satisfaction, and I gnashed my teeth at the reminder of our time together. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, about her. But it couldn’t happen again. It shouldn’t have happened in the first place. And if Ian ever found out…

  I cleared my throat. “This house has so much potential.”

  Ian was my oldest friend, and I’d slept with his daughter. I’d betrayed him.

  “If you say so…”

  I went on to lay out my plan, leading her through each and every room. I loved how she listened with her whole body, as if she were a sponge soaking up my every word. She was passionate, smart, and attentive. She was…perfect.

  “How do you make this an economical investment? Because everything you described sounds expensive,” she finally said when we returned to the living room where we’d started.

  “I do a lot of the work myself.”

  She gawked at me. “You? The man who wears $5,000 suits and owns one of the most successful commercial real estate firms in Los Angeles?”

  “Seven, but who’s counting?”

  She tilted her head to the side. “Seven?”

  “The suit. And commercial real estate has become…tedious. Ian says this is a phase, a midlife crisis or whatever, but I need to do something with my hands. I need to make something. Leave a tangible legacy.”

  “By building other people’s homes?”

  I straightened and stared ahead. I shouldn’t have brought her here. For all her maturity, she didn’t get it. Didn’t get me. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

  She placed her hand on my forearm. “I do understand. I was just surprised since you never mentioned it before.”

  “No one knows, apart from Ian,” I said, unable to bring myself to call him “your dad” now that I’d slept with her. “Alexis, and now you.”

  She peered up at me. “Why…”

  The back door slid open, and Alexis returned. Sumner removed her hand, and I mourned the loss of her touch.

  “Everything okay?” I asked Alexis.

  “Oh yeah.” She ran a hand through her hair. “It’s our anniversary, and the sitter canceled at the last minute. But Lauren and Hunter offered to take care of the girls.”

  “Congratulations,” I said, and Sumner echoed the sentiment. “Wait.” I frowned. “I thought you got married in the fall?”

  “We, um—wow, you have a good memory,” she said, and I smirked. “This is a, um, different anniversary.” She dipped her head, cheeks flushing.

  Interesting. Alexis was always composed, in control, a badass. So, to see her ruffled… I laughed to myself but didn’t inquire further.

  “Anyway, what do you think of the house?” she asked.

  I rubbed a hand over my jaw. “The price needs to come down, but I’m game if you are.”

  “I wouldn’t have shown it to you if I weren’t.” She grinned. “And I’ll see what I can negotiate.”

  She locked up and we said goodbye, and then I helped Sumner into the truck before climbing in myself. The radio played softly in the background, some country song about hot days and warm nights. Her scent surrounded me, and I moved my free hand to the steering wheel to stop myself from reaching out to hold her hand.

  She shifted, her skirt riding higher up her thighs. I gripped the steering wheel, struggling to push away thoughts of them wrapped around my head. Her taste on my tongue. My name on her lips.

  “You and Alexis seem close,” she finally said. “Are you business partners? Friends?”

  “A bit of both. She owns a very successful residential brokerage, and she wanted to get into development. Sometimes, we collaborate. I’m her silent investor, and I do some of the work.”

  She nodded, though I could tell she still had questions. “Why did you decide to share this with me?”

  “Because…” I blew out a breath, twisting the steering wheel beneath my hands. Sumner was heading to business school soon, and I wanted to make sure it was because she wanted to, not because she thought it was what was expected. “You might think you know what you want out of life, but it will change over time. It will evolve. And I think you should be open to the possibilities. You should create the life of your choosing. Not the one everyone else expects for you.”

  “I wish you could follow your own advice when it comes to us.” The words were said so softly, I’d almost missed them.

  I glanced over at Sumner briefly before returning my attention to the road. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her shake her head. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I knew what I was agreeing to. And I know you’re right.”

  “What am I right about?” I asked, pulling into the parking garage for the Wolfe Group and putting the truck in park. This time of night, the garage was mostly empty.

  “You, me, my dad. All of it. It may not seem like it, but I’d never want to come between the two of you. And…” She let out a breath. “I’ve done a lot of thinking this past week, and I’m sorry if I pushed you into something you didn’t want.”

  I chuckled. “Something I didn’t want?” I placed my hand beneath her chin, guiding her gaze to mine. She was so goddamn beautiful it stole my breath. Black hair that hung in waves, those jade eyes that captivated me. “First of all, I wanted you.” Want you.

  I released her chin, placing my hands on the console. “Don’t ever think I didn’t. And push me into something?” I chuckled again. “Sumner, no one pushes me into anything.”

  “I know and thank you. That means…a lot.” She placed her hand on mine, and I didn’t know how it was possible to feel both tenser and more relaxed at the same time. Perhaps because my body and head were at war. If it were up to my body, we’d already be undressed in the back seat.

  “Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” I blurted.

  She sucked in a jagged breath and removed her hand. “You’re not making this easy, and I-I’m really trying to respect your wishes here.”

  I was trying to remember what those were. Because at the moment, all I wished for, all I wanted, was her in my arms.

  She leaned across the console to place the softest of kisses on my cheek. “Good night, Jonathan.”

  I gripped her shoulders, holding her in place. “I want you.”

  I’d done some thinking as well this week. We’d already slept together; what was one more time? Besides, hadn’t she proved that she could be mature about the situation—discreet and level-headed?

  Her eyes searched mine, and I nodded. She pressed a hesitant kiss on my cheekbone. Another on my temple. With each kiss, she gained more confidence, and I’d never felt so worshiped or adored.

  “Sumner,” I groaned when she kissed my forehead, giving me a straight shot down her blouse. “We should—”

  She pressed her finger to my lips, her own pouty and begging for my
kiss. “Shh.”

  She slid her finger down my lips, and they parted as if in invitation. I swallowed, the cab filling with tension ready to explode. She reached down and palmed me through my slacks, and I squeezed my eyes shut. Fuck. Yes. More.

  I glanced around, but we were alone. My belt was released, my zipper drawn, and my cock freed. God, it felt amazing to have her hands on me again. The past week had been torture, plain and simple.

  “Sumner—” I reached out with every intention of stopping her. Of telling her we should go back to my place, a hotel, anywhere but the office parking garage. Christ. But my willpower crumbled the moment she wrapped her lips around my cock, swallowing me down.

  Her head bobbed in my lap as she worked me into a frenzy. “Fuck, baby. Fuck,” I hissed, gripping the door with one hand for support while I threaded the other through her hair. The curtain of black silk fell over my fingers, and I knew I was done for.

  I pushed my feet against the floorboard, muscles tensing. Her mouth was warm and wet…and then she hummed, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to be inside her.

  “Back seat. Now,” I growled.

  I proceeded to take her in the back of my truck like a horny teenager unable to control himself. And despite my age and supposed wisdom, I knew it wouldn’t be the last time I took her that way. She made me feel young, powerful, wanted in a way no other women in the past had. It was why I couldn’t stay away. Hard as I’d tried, I couldn’t fight this anymore.

  Just for the summer, I told myself. I could have her until the internship ended. We could keep this a secret, and then she’d go to grad school and we’d pretend this had never happened.

  My plan sounded simple enough, but I soon realized it was easier said than done. The more time we spent together, the more I got to know Sumner as this version of her—the adult version—the harder I fell. And the longer it went on, the easier it became to convince myself she was mine.

  I continued living in that delusion, sneaking kisses in my office between meetings, cuddling with her on the couch, eating dinner together until the last day of her internship arrived. I was physically pained at the thought of breaking things off with her. But I was just as racked with guilt every time she mentioned Ian or I ignored his calls, which I’d done a lot lately.