Everything I Want

by Natalie Barnes

  Using his hand to rub his chin while he takes a moment to think about the words I just threw at him, I just stand there looking up at him and waiting for him to respond. But he doesn’t. Instead, he just cackles to himself.

  Finally, Frankie shows up, interrupting this awkward conversation Tristan and I were just having. “Sorry, girl. There was a fucking long wait for the toilets. By the time I was done, I couldn’t even powder my nose. I didn’t want to leave my girl out here for so long.” He squeezes through Tristan, not even realizing that some awkward conversation had just taken placed.

  I look up annoyingly at Tristan, wondering when he was just going to leave; but he just stands there, looking at me. With this smirk on his face, I couldn’t help it but I still wanted to know why he dedicated harlot to me. “Oh, girl, I will be right back. I have to say hi to someone I know real quick.”

  So now it’s back to just Tristan and I. Well, I might as well finish what I started with this harlot business. I’m drunk and I can’t let it go. I take a step closer to him, bending my neck back as I look up at him. He follows my moves, but he still has this cool demeanor going on. Tristan leans in, his face is now right in front of mine with just an inch separating us. I can smell the liquor coming off his hot breath, and I feel just that much more intoxicated now.

  “Tell me something, Sophia. Why do you think I did that?” “I don’t know why. That’s why I’m asking you, dumbass.” Holy shit! I can’t believe I just said that. I guess all this pent up anger towards him just finally spilled out of my mouth. But it did feel really good letting it out. His eyes dance at my insult, and then a glare takes over his eyes, hardening them. He leans in so close now that I actually take a step back, ending up bumping into the counter behind me. In a deep growl, Tristan says, “Because, Sophia. Because that’s exactly what you are. And if not?” He reaches his arms around on each side of me and places his hands on the bar top. I’m caged into him. I cannot move. The only thing I can do to escape him is look down, but I don’t want him to know that he intimidates me. So I stand my ground and stare back at him into his eyes. Once he knows he has my full attention, he continues. “Then you’re nothing but a fucking cocktease.”

  What! My eyebrows raise so high that I can feel the skin on my forehead stretch. What a dick! “You son of a bitch!” I spit out at him. You can feel the air around us getting dense. Frankie pushes his way back through to me. “Excuse me, Grizzly Adams!” I’m stuck staring into Tristan’s eyes. While I’m glaring at him, his eyes begin to crinkle at the corners; and his lips go up slightly in a smirk. He steps back and takes a drink of his scotch, never taking his eyes off me. When Frankie’s back is turned while he takes his drink, I mouth “Fuck you” to Tristan. I spin around quickly so I don’t have to see his reaction.

  Another hour passes and I’m still up at the bar with Frankie. Roger comes barreling over to me and hangs off my shoulders and asks, “Rea-dy?” He is so wasted right now. I grab a hold of him, steadying him from swaying. “Yeah, let’s go.” I look around and I see Jared. I give him a nod, letting him know that it’s time to go.

  Heading over to the elevator with Roger, Jared yells to me over the noise of the other partiers. “I’ll catch the next one!” He’s with Cory and Matt, and since there’s only one elevator in the VIP lounge, he will have to wait. As Roger and I stumble our way into the elevator, Tristan makes his way in, too. Great!

  The elevator is filling up with random drunk bodies with everyone pushing and crowding each other. Tristan moves his way right behind me. Trying to act unbothered by his proximity, I remain as still as I can be with my eyes straight forward, trying to focus on the elevator doors. Some drunk-tards crash their way around the tiny space we’re all standing in. I can feel that I’m losing my footing when they crashed into me, sending me falling back against Tristan. Before I can fall to the ground, Tristan wraps his arms around me and steadies me on my feet. Rubbing my backside against his front, I feel him tense up. I can feel his hot breath breathing down on my scalp. My legs start to tremble and my core ignites. Fucking alcohol! I think to myself, I’m so not thinking clearly right now.

  When we start to descend down the few short floors, I start to feel Tristan’s growing erection on my back. Holy shit! I feel dizzy and hot as if I was in a sauna for too long. My heart starts racing, and my center starts to grow a slow ache. As soon as I notice the doors opening, I’m out of there like a bat out of hell, leaving Roger behind.

  Without looking behind me, I climb into one of the SUVs parked outside that I knew were one of ours. Fumbling with my seatbelt, my heart races like I just ran a marathon. I peek out the tinted window to see if any of the guys are coming yet. I notice Tristan strolling over to the second SUV. His eyes were in my direction. For a moment, I duck down thinking he could see me. I slowly rise in my seat and look back out the window. Standing there, his eyes are angry and cold. His mouth set into a tight line, causing his jaw to clench.

  I lean back into the cool leather seat. My head feels incredibly heavy and very dizzy. Rubbing my hands on my face, I try to comprehend what the fuck just happened in the elevator with Tristan’s . . . uh . . . thing. This is going to be one hard tour. I just know it!

  Chapter Ten

  I wake up with a pounding headache. Damn! How much did I drink last night? I roll over to my left side, and I grab my phone on the pillow beside me to check the time. It says that it’s 9:30 a.m. That means all I had was five and a half hours of sleep. Shit! We have to be at the airport by noon. That doesn’t really give me any time to just lounge around like what my body wants me to do. Our next show is tomorrow night in St. Louis.

  I figure it’s time to start moving around a little. I can always sleep on the plane, and I’m definitely not going out tonight no matter what the boys will try to do. I know the guys will probably want to, but they have way more of a tolerance built up than I do.

  Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I stretch my limbs a little before rising to my feet. Damn it, my head is killing me right now! I stumble to my feet, walking over to the table, by the window that’s looking over the Vegas strip. Grabbing my bag, I start digging around for some Tylenol. Taking two pills in my hand, I walk over to the mini fridge that I know is stocked with water. When I bend down to grab a water, I cringe at seeing the mini shots that are in the fridge as well. Hurrying up, I place the two pills on my tongue and gulp most of my water down.

  Standing there and waiting for my stomach to relax, I start reminiscing about last night. I had so much fun with the guys and Frankie. I laughed quietly to myself at the thought of how excited Frankie and I got when “Good Vibrations” came on. Yes, that was lots of fun. Okay, I think I’m good to move now.

  62 Walking slowly on wobbly legs, I head for the bathroom. I should’ve shut the curtains last night because the sun shining through is not a welcoming sight right now.

  As I make my way through the bathroom door, I close the door softly behind me, resting my back against the cool wood; then all of a sudden, it hits me. Tristan! Tristan in the elevator, to be exact. My head falls back and bangs on the door. Closing my eyes tightly, I try to remember through the fog that clouded my memories. Tristan leaning against the wall of the elevator, looking so delicious with his piercing dark eyes, messy hair, and masculine arms crossed against his strong chest . . . Feeling his hard body against my back and how his arms wrapped tight around me when I almost fell . . . And the other part of him that was hard and how his whole body went rigid . . . I can still feel and smell his hot breath, breathing down on me. And my skin tingles at the memory. I hate that he turns me on so much. I also remember the look on his face as he stared in my direction at the parked vehicles. I remember his angry and cold expression that he had on his face like I pissed him off or something. For what? Turning him on? Um . . . I don’t think it’s my fault for getting shoved into him in the elevator and it being so packed that I was practically on him. But, hey, Tristan’s pissed at me. What’s new? He’s
already been pissed off at me for doing absolutely nothing to him before, so let’s add a new imaginary problem, shall we?

  Shaking my head and trying to get rid of the thoughts of Tristan, I bend over to turn the water on. I just need to relax a little and maybe get something in my stomach; then maybe I will be able to start fighting off this hangover. And I don’t need to keep thinking about how I may have turned on Tristan either.

  The small bathroom instantly starts filling with thick steam. Peeling off my Pantera shirt and black lace boy shorts, I climb slowly into the shower and let the hot water pour down on me. It feels so good. It’s massaging away my dull muscle aches that I have from the night before. Turning my back to the spray, I just stand there for what seems like five minutes. Slowly, I turn myself toward the spray again and bend over to grab my body wash and loofah. The aroma of passion fruit, Shari-la peony, and vanilla orchid begin to take me over. Letting my head fall back, I take the aroma in. I wash myself in front of the spray before turning around to start washing my hair.

  After I’m done with my hair, I stand under the spray for a few more minutes before turning the water off. Climbing out of the shower, I feel lightheaded. It must be from a mixture of my hangover, lack of sleep, and the intensity of the heat from the shower. Maybe my empty stomach doesn’t help; I feel like I’m on some fucking carnival ride.

  I grab one of the fluffy towels from the wall and begin to dry myself off with it, carefully moving the towel on my skin. Any quick movements right now may cause me to throw up. After I’m done drying myself off, I wrap the towel around me and step in front of the mirror. I wipe off the steam that has collected on the glass with my hand and stare at my reflection. My tan skin looks pale, and I have dark circles under my eyes. It’s probably from the lack of sleep last night. My blue eyes seem glazed over and droopy. I look like total shit right now. Grabbing my lotion, I squeeze a small amount onto my palm and rub my hands together, pressing softly on my face. Next, I reach for my toothbrush and begin brushing my teeth. It’s amazing how much better you start to feel when your mouth is clean. The cool, minty foam takes away all of the leftover alcohol from last night, and awakens my senses.

  When I’m done using the bathroom, I go back into the hotel room. The Undead Society guys get the top floor suites with all the perks, but since my band is just starting out, we get the average rooms. I don’t mind at all though. I have already gotten used to these kinds of rooms from living the past month in LA. Getting my bag, I pull out my black slightly flared yoga pants. I don’t fucking care at all today about looks. Only comfort. Next, I find my gray sweatshirt that’s ripped on the top, off the shoulders. I remember doing that on purpose because of that movie Flashdance. I thought that chick in the movie, with her wearing one just like it, was awesome. I pull out my white strapless bra and cotton thong. I really wanted to wear panties, but it would show too much through the thin material of the pants. And besides, the thong was cotton so it was more comfortable than the lace one.

  Dressing quickly, I reach for my phone on the bed. It’s time to wake the guys up. It’s already after ten, and they have to start moving. Maybe breakfast downstairs, I think? Knowing not to call Roger yet, I call Matt. Roger needs to be kicked awake right now to get him up, not some little phone call. Pressing on Matt’s number, the phone rings four times before he picks up.

  “Good morning!” Oh wow, he sounds peppy after a night of partying.

  “Hey,” I say back so low so that my head doesn’t explode. “Wanna grab something to eat downstairs before we head to the airport?” Matt laughs a little into the phone, probably from knowing that I feel like shit.

  “Yeah that sounds good. Jared’s in the shower right now so . . . Do you want to wait for him or just head down now?” Ugh . . . I know Jared. He’s known for sitting in the shower ’til the water runs cold. I really didn’t want to wait any longer than I had to, to put something in my stomach. Call me selfish.

  “Let him know to meet us down there. And Cory and Roger too.” I added.

  “Well, Cory left and hour ago so . . . And Roger is still sleeping.” Suddenly I hear Matt cackling in the background. “I could punch him in the face though? That would sure as hell wake him up.” He starts laughing harder. Where’s Cory? I wonder. I will have to text him. I hope everything is okay. Just then, pulling me away from my thoughts about Cory, I hear through the line Roger saying “Fuck off!” Matt is still laughing at whatever he just did to Roger.

  “Meet you down there in ten okay?” I asked Matt. He was quick to reply.

  “Sure.”

  I hang up and walk over to the dresser. I brush my hair in record speed, practically ripping through it. When I’m done, I put on some sunglasses hoping it will shield me so others won’t be so drawn to my hangover appearance. Stepping into my thong flip flops, I grab the room key off the dresser.

  Waiting for the elevator, I don’t see Matt. I hope he’s already down there waiting for me. When the doors to the elevator open, I look up and see Tristan and Caleb standing there, waiting for me to get in. Oh, no! Not him again. Caleb has the hugest grin on his face, and Tristan just looks down at me before looking straight forward again. You can’t even tell that these guys were up most of the night partying. Caleb looks like he also just stepped out of the shower. His shaved head is shinning from the moisture of the shower, and he is wearing fresh-looking jeans and a red T-shirt. Tristan is wearing really faded jeans with a bunch of rips going down the front. They reminded me of this book I read a couple of years ago that’s all the rage in a movie now. Red Room of Pain jeans! They look hot as hell on his muscular thighs. He also has on a navy colored hoodie that has been torn open at the neck. His hair is wavy and soft-looking. I realize now that I look like shit. Shit! Now I wish I would’ve taken a little more time on my appearance.

  Stepping into the elevator, I feel awkward at what happened last night. When the doors close, Caleb begins to talk. “Did you have a good night last night?” Glancing over my left shoulder at him, I nod. “Yeah it was fun,” I say calmly, giving him a shy smile before turning my gaze back in front of me. Feeling the familiar heated gaze on the back of my neck, I start to squirm. I know its Tristan staring down at me. Being this close to him again and smelling his cologne take effect on me. I hate that he affects me this way. “You were pretty wasted when I saw you stumble around last night, Sophia. It’s cool to see you cut loose. I was starting to think that maybe you were a little uptight.” Tristan starts to cackle. Spinning around, I glare at both of them. Showing Tristan my fuck-you eyes. I don’t know why since I’m wearing sunglasses, but I still thought that they might tell. “What do you mean ‘uptight’?” Crossing my arms in front of me, I ask Caleb; but I make sure to put on a playful smile because I like him. “Oh, it’s nothing, Sophia.” He raises his hands up defensively, shaking his head. Laughing, he says, “I meant that I never see you out. Even when you guys were in LA for a month. It’s cool to see you let loose every once in a while. You deserve it.”

  Landing on the ground floor, I nod to Caleb but making sure I don’t look over to Tristan. I start walking out.

  As I was walking down the hall, I head straight for the restaurant. Caleb and Tristan are just a few steps behind me as we all go down the hall. Thinking that maybe yoga pants weren’t probably the best thing to wear, I feel self-conscious when I start to hear Tristan and Caleb mumble something. It was probably Tristan calling me a cock tease again or some shit like that. Caleb clears his throat and he asks, “Are you eating alone today, Sophia?” I look over my shoulder at him, shaking my head no. “No. Matt and Jared are meeting me.” Shit! I just remembered. I was supposed to text Cory this morning. I’ll have to do that once I’m in the restaurant. I wonder where he is.

  Walking through the entrance of the small restaurant, I can see Matt sitting at a table in the center of the room, strumming his long fingers on it.

  “Hey, you,” I say to him as I pull out my chair.

  “Hey.” H
e smiles back. Taking my seat, I pull out my phone to text Cory.

  where r u? grabbing something to eat downstairs right now. After I press send on the text, I look back up to Matt. He’s grinning at me, so I decided to ask what’s up.

  “What?” Matt leans forward on the table with his arms crossed on it, his blue eyes just glistening with humor.

  “I like the sunglasses.”

  Rolling my eyes, I say, “Well, I feel like shit. And I know I must look like it too so . . . ”

  “You don’t look like shit, Sophie.” Matt starts smiling again. Leaning back, he nods for me to move closer. I lean in on the table now, waiting for what he has to say next.

  “You look good still, even hungover. Those guys over there were checking you out hardcore when you came in here. If that’s any indicator.” He raises his eyebrows in amusement.

  “What guys?” My eyes widen. Matt answers my question.

  “Tristan and Caleb.” He nods in their direction. Glancing over my right shoulder, I notice Caleb is up at the buffet; but Tristan is sitting at the table, stirring his coffee. He looks up briefly at me through a hooded stare. Closing my stunned mouth, I hurry to look forward again. Matt starts laughing.

  “You big jerk!” I swing up and playfully smack his arm.

  After we place our orders, I get a text back from Cory. Thank god! I was beginning to worry.

  I’ll be down in 5 Looking back up, I see Roger and Jared coming into the restaurant. Jared is looking all nice and cleaned up: styled hair, dark blue jeans, and white T-shirt. Roger, on the other hand, looks groggy and messy. His curly hair is pulled back into a half fast pony tail. He’s wearing a blue bandanna on his head with sunglasses on like me. He has on this faded black sleeveless shirt that looks kind of wrinkly.