Everything I Want

by Natalie Barnes

  I’m now just a little surprised from hearing what Frankie just told me. And I kind of hate to admit it, but I like the fact that Tristan was watching me with interest. But the look I just got from him today seemed to say otherwise.

  It’s finally seven, and I have successfully hid from everybody all day. Suddenly, I hear Matt knocking on my door. “Be there in a few. Just finishing up.” I yell to him. Staring at myself in the large glass mirror, I’m wearing what I call my “mad hatter” outfit. It’s a skintight bodiced cami made up of aqua blue nylon and black silk lining each of its sides, with black nylon patches on the bust, too. A black garter belt holds up my sheer, soft black stockings. Frankie did my hair and makeup the same as last time, but now I have a tiny aqua blue mad hatter hat pinned on the top side of my head. Now I’m just sliding on my thigh-length black boots that have little folds down at the top.

  I make my way onto the stage, passing by Caleb and Ryan, who stop dead in their tracks when they see me. I take their looks as a sign that Frankie did well. Approaching Lux, I nod to him and smile. Instantly being up here and getting ready to go on, I don’t feel embarrassed or hungover anymore. All that I feel is excitement, and my adrenaline is shooting through the roof. This is what I love, and I cannot wait to go out there.

  Roger comes up beside me and pats my shoulder. “Ready?”

  He’s smiling and I return the same and answer, “Fuck yeah!”

  After our set is over, we all wave to the audience, who are roaring and cheering so loudly. Roger tosses one of his drumsticks off the stage, and Cory shows off by doing a wicked little solo. This is the most amazing thing that could possibly ever happen to me and my band. The rush we get from performing, and the high we feel is insane. And we never want to come down.

  When the lights turned out, I start making my way off stage. The roadies instantly begin their work preparing for Undead Society to come on next. They start setting up weathered pillars and working on the fog equipment. The rest of my band decided to wait offstage and catch the next performance, but I was just not into it. The last time I waited around, I was humiliated by Tristan in front of thousands of people. And I’m not going to lie to myself. My behavior last night surely doesn’t help my mood today. I just feel too fucking good right now from just finishing my set that I don’t want my mood to be tainted by any negativity.

  Gripping the railing tight, I begin to make my way slowly down the steep stairs. I really should have a decent pair of shoes waiting for me when I get offstage because walking down a few flights of stairs in six-inch heels is freaking me out! A couple steps down, I hear his voice. “Good job tonight, Sophia.” I stop and look over my shoulder and see Tristan standing there on the top landing, looking down at me with one hand holding onto the railing. He looks just like the rocker he is: black jeans on with a white graphic, sleeveless shirt showing off his amazing muscles and tattoos. The way he spoke to me sent chills down my spine. “Thanks.” I do a quick smile at him and turn around, continuing my way down the stairs. I didn’t want to keep standing there for fear that he will see straight through me. Or maybe that he’ll open his fucking mouth up again and ruin the compliment. When I reached the bottom,I hear Undead Society starting. Tristan’s voice rumbles through the arena like thunder once again, sending chills down my spine.

  It’s already been five days since our show in St. Louis. We traveled by bus to Tampa Bay then to Memphis. And I’m totally pumped about our next stop, Detroit. I feel like Dollar Settlement will be on home turf there.

  Since St. Louis, I pretty much stayed in while the guys went out. We’ve been doing a lot of driving these past few days, but that didn’t stop them from having a good time. They just kept at it after every show. I’m starting to feel a little bad for their poor livers. Roger was always bugging me to let loose again, too, but I would always go back and hide out in the only bedroom in the bus and lock myself in. I don’t want them thinking I’m a loner or anything; it’s just that it annoys the shit out of me when they keep bugging. It’s just better that I keep to myself just for a few more days.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I wake up from the full-size bed I have been sleeping on and pull open the blinds. Looking out at the familiar highway I-75, we approach our exit. I know this part of the highway all too well. And it’s great to see a little bit of home again. All the time I was in LA, I was too busy working on the album getting covered and starting the tour that I really didn’t have any time to think about home. But being back here, I realize that I miss it.

  We arrive at our hotel. It’s beautiful. It’s overlooking the Detroit River. We have our show tonight at the Joe, then there’s an after-party Lux is throwing for us back here in one of the ballrooms. That’s cool that we’re not just jumping on another bus even though they are very nice and not what I expected them to be. It’s just that I miss a real bed with my own bathroom, not sharing one with four other dirty dudes. Walking through the lobby, I first notice large windows overseeing the view of the Detroit River, looking on to Windsor. And of course, there is this shop right next to the front desk that sells Detroit Red Wings memorabilia.

  Lux met up with us, handing our room keys, then goes to talk to a man in a suit. We really only have enough time to drop our things off. We have to be at the arena to set up for tonight. Tristan’s band must already be there because I didn’t notice any of them around when we walked in.

  Once I arrived on the twelfth floor, I start searching for my room. I find my room at the end of the hall. I slid my card in and push the door open. I throw my bag on the bed and rest my suitcase against the wall. I pull the curtains open and stare out at metro Detroit. We are right next to the Joe. I walk over to the mirror that’s resting on the

  88 wall, behind the dresser. Once again, I look like shit. Being on the bus for eight hours after performing the night before really did one on me today. My hair is a little wavy and frizzy. Dark circles form around my blue eyes, and my light blue T-shirt is wrinkled from sleeping in it. I know I have to leave soon, but I have to shower first. All I did today was brush my teeth, but that just isn’t good enough. I grab a quick shower and towel myself off quickly. As I’m putting on jeans and a dark tank, my phone starts ringing. I step out of the bathroom trying to get to it before it stops. Shit! It’s probably the guys waiting on me.

  “I’m leaving right now.” I answer before whoever it was could say anything. To my surprise, it was Frankie.

  “Hey. girl! I have the most fabulous surprise for you tonight before the party. Do you have a few?”

  “Uh, no. Not really right now, Frankie. I have to get going. Sorry.” He starts pouting on the phone.

  “It’s really important, and I just can’t keep it a surprise no more.”

  A surprise?

  “Okay, fine. But hurry up, okay I just don’t want to get chewed out for showing up late.”

  “Don’t worry, my princess. I’m a few doors down. Be there in a few.”

  When I hang up with Frankie, I brush my teeth again. I hear a knock at the door. I set my toothbrush down and walk over to answer it. Frankie is standing in the hallway, holding a very expensive-looking garment bag in one hand and a black shoebox in the other. He is smiling so huge; and his long, blonde bangs are falling in his face and covering his eyes.

  I push open the door, letting him in. He kisses me on my check and walks past me, putting the box on my bed and very carefully hanging the garment bag on my bathroom door.

  “I was planning on keeping this little gem from you ‘til your last show in New York, but . . . I just can’t wait anymore. And besides, you’re in your home state! And I know you’re really pumped for tonight, and Lux is throwing a fabulous party. Fabulous, I know, because I got to help plan it.” His grin widens. Frankie is so excited right now, and it’s very cute.

  He turns back around and slowly starts to unzip the bag. I can only see a glimpse of gray. Once he is done unzipping, he gently pushes the bag back off and pulls the fabric
off the hanger and shows me. “Tadaa!” he says so proudly. And I must say. The dress is stunning. It’s dark gray and looks like it’s made out of some pretty damn expensive silk. It’s short with very thin straps and has a cowl neckline. My eyes grow wide at the beautiful dress. I reach out to trace my fingers on it, and it feels like heaven. It’s absolutely soft and smooth. I usually don’t get too excited about clothes, but this . . . This is so different. My face hurts from smiling so much.

  “Frankie, I . . . I—”

  He interrupts me and raises his pointer finger. “Shh. I have this friend back in LA. And right before the tour started, he had this amazing, one-of-a-kind dress he designed. And when I laid eyes on it, I just knew it had to be for you. I gave him your measurements to make sure it would fit absolutely perfectly.”

  I can’t believe he even thought of this for me. I mean, we just met. And certainly, this piece looks like what I would make in a year or even two back at home. “How much did this cost you?” I ask him nervously, hoping he didn’t break the bank too much on my behalf. His smile turns into a Cheshire grin.

  “Oh, well. You know, it probably would’ve cost me much more if I didn’t know the designer personally.” He winks at me and continues. “But you, my dear, are also going to be a little walking advertisement too.”

  I don’t even want to know any more details. All I know is that I can’t wait for tonight when I get to try this on. I’m so excited that I jumped into Frankie’s arms, not realizing that he was still holding the dress. But thankfully, Frankie’s got quick reflexes. He lifts the dress up in the air with one arm as he wraps his other one around me.

  “Thank you.”

  I kiss him on the check and pull myself away. Not only is the dress stunning, but also, the thought he had for me back in LA touched me.

  After he hangs the dress back up carefully, he grabs my hand and pulls me out of the bathroom and leads me over to the bed. He bends down and grabs the box and pulls the top off, showing me what’s inside. I peer into the box, and I see these dark gray strappy sandals with fiveinch heels. They sparkle back at me when the light from the room hits the straps. I rub my fingers along the straps to feel the sparkles, and to my surprise, they are not made out of plastic or sequins. But they feel of rocks, kind of.

  “Swarovski,” Frankie answers my unspoken question. “Wh— What?”

  “They were just fabulous heels I saw when we were in Vegas. I know they would look perfect with the dress I was planning for you, but they were missing something. So I have this friend that works with Swarovski out there and had these little pieces put on.”

  Another friend. I quirk my left brow at him and smile. He starts shaking his head at me.

  “No, no.” He starts laughing. “Not that kind of friend, sweetheart.”

  I look back at the equally beautiful shoes and the crystals that are made up of sliver and dark colored gems. Wow! Frankie so knows his shit when it comes to fashion. And I love that he’s with me now because, obviously, I have no clue.

  “Cinderella needs to have her glass slippers, right?”

  I smile at him, nod, and say, “Right.”

  After rehearsing for the rest of the afternoon, we were taking a break in the back. Roger was chain-smoking, and Cory and I were making a plate to eat. Jared and Matt were off wandering around.

  “It’s cool being able to finally play here,” Cory says to me as we take a seat at the table.

  “Oh, I know! I know it’s not the biggest place we played at, but it’s not the smallest either. It’s so cool because I remember driving up here to watch wing games back when I first started going to college.”

  Cory smiles and says, “Yeah, I know. It’s definitely crazy. But in a good way, of course.”

  We were continuing on with our conversation about the tour and really getting there when the heavy door slammed. I turn around quickly and see Tristan and Caleb walking in. Tristan walks right over and sits beside me and reaches over with his long arms and grabs a pop from the center of the table. He takes a drink and then sets it down.

  “What up, man?”

  Cory nods to him. Tristan just nods and turns to face me. I begin to feel my cheeks starting to burn. I hate it that he makes me feel like some teenager that doesn’t have her hormones in check. I’m also a little nervous, preparing myself for whatever shit might come out of his mouth. But nothing does. Like, nothing. He’s not saying anything or doing anything. Good thing Cory, Roger, and Caleb start talking and don’t notice this awkward stare-silence going on between Tristan and me.

  I slowly pick at my food now, feeling extremely uncomfortable with his stare on me. What the fuck is he doing? I look over at him, giving him this annoyed look on my face; but he doesn’t seem to crack. If anything, he pulls his chair closer and leans his body against the table. He starts chuckling a little. Okay, now I’m really getting annoyed. What? Do I have something on my face or something? I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

  “What the fuck is so funny?” I ask, trying to keep my voice down.

  He turns to me again and says, “You.”

  “Um . . . What do you mean ‘me?’”

  He starts laughing now, and I can’t believe how pissed I’m actually getting for him just being beside me laughing. But I can sense shit vibes off of it.

  “You’re just funny, okay Shit, I don’t know. But you crack me up.”

  “Well, I must have done something to be so funny.” I use my fingers to make air quotes.

  “Never mind, Sophia. Just forget about it. I forget there for a minute that you’re a bitch.”

  What! I was never rude to him in the first place, and he was laughing at me for no reason. And he has the nerve to call me a bitch? I don’t think so!

  ‘“I’m not a bitch, Tristan,” I say to him, setting my sandwich down and standing. “I think you forget to realize that you have been nothing but a total douchebag to me since I fucking started!”

  He is just looking at me. Not really looking up because he’s so tall. His face is totally blank, and I can’t tell what he’s thinking or feeling. And it’s so frustrating! I shake my head in disapproval at him and walk away. I don’t want to start raising my voice to him and to have him get the better of me, nor do I want some of the guys to hear us.

  I find my way to my dressing room, and there is Frankie standing with his back turned to me and pulling items out of a bag. He must’ve changed his clothes since the hotel, too, because now he is wearing skintight dark blue jeans and a very tight long-sleeved shirt. So tight, in fact, that you can literally see his pecks and his um . . . his nipple piercings. His long, blonde hair is pulled back into a half pony.

  “Hey! You ready now?” I must have a pissed-off look still on my face because Frankie’s smile fades. “What’s wrong, girl?” He steps closer, holding out his hand.

  “Nothing. I’m okay.” I make my way over to his bag of tricks, but he grabs my arm gently and stops me.

  “Something is bothering you.” He stares at me with these puppy dog eyes now. “Tell me,” he softly demanded. I roll my eyes and shake my head.

  “It’s nothing, really. Just easily annoyed right now, that’s all. I’m fine.”

  And, instantly, Frankie lets go of my arm and replies with a “uhhum” and walks with me over to his bag.

  Looking over his shoulder I ask, “So what look are we achieving tonight?”

  My wardrobe has all been fun, sexy, and edgy. I love what he’s been planning so far. He leads me over to the table and points.

  “Tonight, we’re covering more. But . . . It’s also going to be one of the sexiest yet. And it also gives you that badass chick look, too. After all, we are in Detroit.” He laughs a little. I look on the table and nod in approval to him.

  “It looks pretty sweet actually, Frankie. Let’s get to it.” And with that, he tosses the outfit at me and begins to prep his station.

  We are about to go on in ten minutes. I decided to crack open a beer to relax me.
For some reason, I’m more nervous now than I have been since Vegas. Checking myself out, I’m totally feeling it. I’m wearing very low leather pants with a chunky belt that hangs loose on the right side of my hip. It’s so low in fact that if I bend over, people will definitely be seeing back cleavage. The pants flare a little at the bottom, and underneath the leather bottoms, I’m wearing a sexy version of biker boots. My top is very short too. It stops just below my breast. It’s a leather vest and unbuttoned to reveal my black bra. My breasts are pushed up even more than usual with this bra Frankie picked out. I’m already well-endowed in that department, but wearing a top like this is almost dangerous. But I love it! My hair is sleek and smooth and hangs to the middle of my back with slight waves in it. Not the usual full hair that I was rocking in previous shows. I also have on pale lips and dark gray smoky eyes with my fake eyelash pieces on the corners of my eyes. I slide a couple of metal bracelets onto my right wrist and a chunky silver ring on my left middle finger. My nails are freshly painted black, and I feel like I belong on that one show. What’s it called? Oh, yeah! Sons of Anarchy. I feel like that. Exiting the dressing room, Frankie tells me he will be in my hotel room when I’m done to prep me for the after-party. I give him a quick hug and go find my boys.

  “Holy shit!” Caleb walks up behind me. “Damn girl! Looking good!”

  I blush and quickly look down and reply, “Haha! Thanks, Caleb.”

  “Do you just use the music to give yourself an excuse to pounce around half-naked all the time?”

  Tristan walks up holding a beer, staring at me with his dark eyes again and his jaw clenching a little. He starts walking by me, but instead of getting upset, I decided to tease.